Why You Should Touch Her

The common view of kino (note: kino = touching) is that you're giving the woman pleasure and that this arouses her and makes her attached to you.

That is certainly true, and we're lucky we live in a time when doing kino with a woman is considered acceptable as soon as you start getting to know her. In older times, guys like Casanova had to be extraordinarily seductive with their *words* just so they could get to the point where they could begin to use kino.

But the key thing to understand about kino is that when you initiate it with a chick whom you're just getting to know, is that it isn't merely an arousing stimulus, it also challenges the barriers between you.

The presence of those invisible barriers which you both maintain in your minds is really the key difference between being lovers and strangers.

Typical "nice guy" behavior is to respect those barriers too much and to never challenge them. That by definition maintains the barriers, leaving them in place.

Doesn't matter how well he gets to know the chick, if he leaves those barriers in place he will never be her lover -- THAT is why he ends up in the friend category. Because he actually reinforced the barriers instead of destroying them.

Anyway, the next level up from AFC is to realize that you have to crumble those barriers, so you work on them, but you're still leery about causing any anxiety, and still a bit nervous about challenging the barriers. So you look for excuses to touch, or you reach out and caress her but it has a slightly rushed quality because you're trying to mask some underlying nervousness.

Ultimately, where you want to get to is the point where you recognize that for a woman, the experience of having you challenging the barriers is not ONLY a source of anxiety for her, but is also a source of EXCITEMENT.

And the idea is to shift the balance so that she experiences more excitement than anxiety.

Ever see a baby fall down? Notice how they don't know whether to laugh it off or cry so they look to their parents to see the parents face? If the parent frowns with concern then the baby starts crying. If the parent smiles, the baby starts laughing.

Same with women. When you are entering new territory with a woman by challenging the "touch barriers" between you and her, then you have to do it calmly and confidently and that CAUSES her to experience it as exciting. If you do it nervously she'll experience it as something that isn't right and that makes her uncomfortable.

One of the best ways to show confidence is to do it slowly, instead of rushing it. Nervous people rush things to mask their nervousness.

Nervous people also look away, so you calmly make eye contact. And nervous people look serious, so be sure to smile a lot.

Nervous people also make their voice tense, so you make yours relaxed, and make your posture very open and relaxed rather than being closed and tense.

All these things will convey confidence causing her mind to interpret your touch as a source of excitement, rather than a source of anxiety.

The more you understand (and vicariously feel) the way your touch EXCITES her, the more you will naturally become confident about doing it.

Besides conveying confidence, the other thing you need to do with kino is to strike a balance so it is neither too challenging, nor too tame.

As you start slowly caressing her -- her hand or her arm or her waist or back, or maybe feeling her cheek or her hair with your hand -- the ideal to strive for is that you want to keep her gently balanced on the very edge of being too excited, so it is never too much for her to handle, nor so mild that it becomes tame.

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How to Be More Attractive

Okay, here's the deal: a girl will know if she would be willing to be with you or not within a minute or two of meeting you.

If that's the case, does it make more sense to work on your attraction ability, or on your seduction skills? I would have to say the former.

But what is being attractive? I used to think that an attractive person is someone who looked good. In fact, I always thought that I was an 8 or so looks wise, because I've had many girls tell me that I'm good looking, and many of my sister's friends tell her that she has a cute brother.

So you can imagine my surprise when I posted my picture on hotornot, and I got rated at a 4.3. I figured maybe the pic was not so good, so I tried a different picture. That one got a 7. I figured another picture is in order. That one got a 5. I tried half a dozen pictures, and I averaged in the 5 zone, which put me below average in looks.

It wasn't until a girl made a comment that I finally understood. A chick told me that I was very attractive. I thanked her and asked her what about me that made me very handsome. She replied that she did not say that I was handsome, but attractive. I just gave her a dumb look and asked her what is the difference.

A photograph if you will. Some handsome guys are attractive, and some are not. Being attractive on the other hand is part looks, part how you carry yourself, how you move through the world, your energy. In other words, charisma.

So here's the truth: a girl will decide if she wants you or not VERY quickly, and that is determined by how attractive you are. But being attractive has less to do with your looks than it does with your whole personality, your energy, your charisma. The bad news is that we can't do much with our physical looks. The good news is that we don't have to. We need only work on making ourselves more attractive, which is something we all have the ability to do.

Oh yeah, so if the girl puts you in the category of un-doable, does that mean there's no way to turn around the situation. There is, but it's a lot less work to be attractive right off the bat. And that way is not as simple as using a neg-hit, throwing around a few cocky and funny lines, telling her a cool story, or hypnotizing her with a pattern.

You basically have to give her such a system shock that she has to completely reevaluate who you are.

Someone else whom I can't remember gave a very good analogy. I don't remember who he was, otherwise I would have given him credit, but think about this:

If you have a dog, and all of a sudden he learned how to sit on command, by himself, then you would be impressed, but you would still perceive him as a dog.

On the other hand, if you go outside your front door, and you see him smoking a cigar, talking on the cell phone, and surrounded by the entire Dallas Cowboy cheerleading squad, then you would have to completely reevaluate what you're seeing before you. He is no longer a dog.

Same thing with a chick. If she wasn't initially attracted to you, then the way to change her behavior is to completely shake up her. She proceeded to teach me that handsome is strictly physical looks, a photograph if you will. Some handsome guys are attractive, and some are not. Being attractive on the other hand is part looks, part how you carry yourself, how you move through the world, your energy. In other words, charisma.

So here's the truth: a girl will decide if she wants you or not VERY quickly, and that is determined by how attractive you are. But being attractive has less to do with your looks than it does with your whole personality, your energy, your charisma. The bad news is that we can't do much with our physical looks. The good news is that we don't have to. We need only work on making ourselves more attractive, which is something we all have the ability to do.

Oh yeah, so if the girl puts you in the category of un-doable, does that mean there's no way to turn around the situation. There is, but it's a lot less work to be attractive right off the bat. And that way is not as simple as using a neg-hit, throwing around a few cocky and funny lines, telling her a cool story, or hypnotizing her with a pattern.

You basically have to give her such a system shock that she has to completely reevaluate who you are.

Someone else whom I can't remember gave a very good analogy. I don't remember who he was, otherwise I would have given him credit, but think about this:

If you have a dog, and all of a sudden he learned how to sit on command, by himself, then you would be impressed, but you would still perceive him as a dog.

On the other hand, if you go outside your front door, and you see him smoking a cigar, talking on the cell phone, and surrounded by the entire Dallas Cowboy cheerleading squad, then you would have to completely reevaluate what you're seeing before you. He is no longer a dog.

Definition of who you are.

BOLDNESS IS MAGICAL!

My "system" is pretty simple.

1) Make the chicks feel good about themselves.

2) Be playful.

3) BE BOLD.

Boldness is truly magical. Having the guts to ask for what you want is immensely attractive, and you'll be surprised at how often you'll get it.

I remember hanging around with a large group of seduction students. I had gotten a chick to give me a kiss, and they were trying to figure out how I did it, asking me if I ran this pattern or set up an anchor, or blah blah blah. My answer? I asked her to give me a kiss.

They were dumbfounded that it was so simple.

The truth is that things are really that simple. We just overcomplicate them. Ask for what you want, expecting to get it, and not really caring if you don't. If you don't get it, be playfully persistent, and you oftentimes will.

And the really cool thing is that the bolder you are, the more comfortable the chick will be. You're basically showing her that you are a leader, and she can comfortably follow your lead. Don't doubt yourself, and tell (or show her) what you want... you'll often get it.

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