Dating Doggy Style

By Kelley Whitis

I’ve always found the whole dating scenario to be a bit pretentious. We all put on our mask and present our best image on the proverbial first date. After a few more dates, calls, texts and maybe some intimacy, the person behind the mask emerges, and in the blink of any eye, the romance dies. This person suddenly is nowhere near the person we first met.

What if instead of pretending to be someone we’re not, we not only take these masks off, we throw them away, take a lesson from our trusty friend Fido and just date doggy style? Don’t get too excited here, I’m not talking bedroom positions.

At least not yet.

I’m writing this as I watch my two dogs run around and play in my friend’s backyard, making friends with all the neighborhood pups. It’s a Doggy Disneyland here, and they are eager to run around and make new friends, checking each other out, sniffing butts. If they like what they see and smell they’ll romp around the yard together -- running, jumping, snorting, yelping, nipping, slobber-swapping, rejoicing and cavorting. Just being who they truly are and having an honest, real connection with another animal.

So if that’s the whole point of dating and relationships -- to be yourself, find someone you want to romp around in a field with, have a connection to and just have fun -- here are five tips we can take from Fido:

1. The Butt Sniff Test

I’m not suggesting we go around sniffing butts here. Simply put, just be yourself. No pretending. No masks. No projected images. Just. Be. You. You’ll be amazed who comes into your life once you begin to show your authentic self.

2. Game Playing

Games are good. Dog games, not people games. The difference between dogs and humans is that dogs don’t let their ego rule their actions. We get caught up in the fear, the wondering and the jealousy and let our ego play out little games to get a desired action. Not good games to play. Dogs like to run, chase squirrels, catch balls and jump over hurdles. These are good games. Remember the difference and engage in good game playing only.

3. Bark What You Mean and Mean What You Bark

As humans, we often say things we think the other person wants to hear. This is probably one of the simplest tips, yet one of the easiest to stray from. Dogs will growl if they don’t like something, whine if they’re hurt and bark if they’re happy, hungry or need to go potty. They are very explicit and impeccable with their communication. Once we learn to do the same, we’ll find there is less confusion and miscommunication in all of our relationships.

4. Live in the Moment

Without realizing it, we can eagerly look towards the future, or we can let our past determine our present by staying stuck with old behaviors or mistakes. Dogs do neither. They live for right now. In the moment. Giving it everything they’ve got. Full-steam ahead. When we put our full attention on what is happening right at this very moment, we’ll find we have better relationships, we work better, rest easier and play harder.

5. Take the Leash Off

Dogs spend so much of their time being on leash -- acting the way we want them to act. Once off leash, the dog’s personality really comes to life. We see so many rules for dating -- do this, don’t do that, wait for this -- the bottom line is we are individuals and there is no generic rule book that will ever give us all the answers. So take your leash off. Stop acting like everyone says you are supposed to act, don’t expect to get desired results after reading dating how-to books and listen instead to your inner voice and see what resonates with you. When all else fails, refer to tip #1.

5 Mistakes Women Make When Dating after Divorce

By Terri Sloane

You just nibbled through an entire bar of dark chocolate. Your divorce papers are finally signed. You are 55, single and thinking about dating. The last time you had a first date, you wore jackets with shoulder pads and permed your hair. You are “out there” again, and the dating world has changed a lot since the eighties.

I’m divorced too and can empathize. Put down the chocolate; it really isn’t so bad out there. According to a recent article on Match.com, single boomers over fifty years old are enjoying the benefits of their new status. Seventy-five percent of women and 81 percent of men say that they are experiencing dating success. My advice is to get out there, but avoid these common mistakes I see women make after divorce.

Dating too soon after the divorce: I learned this lesson early. I only dated because my ex had a girlfriend, and it was my way to personally retaliate. Who did it hurt? Me! I was a dating disaster since I wasn’t truly ready. Starting to date again can be an overwhelming experience. My self-esteem was damaged and I felt stuck. I needed to work through my personal issues before I could be successful in dating. Fortunately, I had the help of a wonderful professional counselor who helped me move forward. Many women go straight to their girlfriends for advice on dating and relationships when a professional source is needed. An unbiased professional -- someone who sees issues objectively -- is a better choice. A coach will tell you the truth about your readiness to date. A well-meaning friend may not be so honest. My advice is, before you join the dating boomers, seek out professional help from a trained counselor or coach like myself. In this case, you need a coach more than you need to eat another chocolate bar with a girlfriend!

Being afraid to go solo: Solo is the way to go when you are looking to meet someone to date. Although we love being with our girlfriends, constantly traveling with a group of gal pals is a recipe for disaster. I know it takes time to feel comfortable traveling alone, so you need to practice. I suggest taking a class, going to a show, concert, movie or opera alone. Take yourself out for dinner and sit near the bar area. If you’re feeling confident, have dinner at the bar. If you spot someone of interest, catch his eye for a few seconds and smile. Perhaps he will come over and introduce himself. If he doesn’t, count it as practice. A woman alone is approachable, confident and mysterious. The more you practice going out alone, the easier it is. I tell clients, if you want to meet an interesting man, be an interesting woman. Remember, men are attracted to women who are independent and fun -- women who have interesting lives of their own.

Being someone other than your “genuine self” on a first date: Talking about work may feel safe, but it’s not a good first date conversation. If you had a bad day, stay home unless you can bring a positive, approachable attitude along. Before going out, I put on some upbeat or romantic music, dance by myself in my home and think happy thoughts. I leave my past in the past. If you don’t have time to go home prior, dress for work in something “dateable” like a wrap dress, a pencil skirt, or a fabulous sweater or satin blouse that makes you feel pretty. Focus on a positive mood, be aware of your posture and stand tall. Add your favorite perfume, freshen your makeup and hair and smile. Your smile is always your most important beauty accessory and a welcoming appearance enhancer.

Breaking plans to date: It’s a mistake to break plans with girlfriends or alter your schedule if dating conflicts occur. Men don’t change their schedules and you shouldn’t either. Do keep doing what you enjoy and incorporate new experiences into a broadening social scene. I attend movie classes alone and add new classes each year to my schedule, no matter what is going on in my life. Men are attracted to women who have a vibrant life and who take care of themselves outside and inside. They will only like you more. Always nurture your spirit and do things that give yourself pleasure.

Burning bridges if you don’t feel “sparks": Chemistry is elusive as you date. Be patient. Recently I went on a date and had a great evening, but there were no sparks. So what? I decided to accept a second date because we had fun together. Unfortunately, there is still no chemistry. My advice to my “dating self” was to make my date into my friend. The suggestion may offend some men, but take the opportunity to be good company. I know from experience that some men are happy with this idea. Men enjoy the companionship of a woman. There is no pressure; just friendship. Try it. You may be surprised with the results. What can start out as a friendship may even turn into romance. Sparks can disappear, but friendship is forever.

Remember, this is your time. Learn from the mistakes others have made and travel smoothly as you begin dating after divorce.

5 Signs of Dating Desperation

Clutch magazine’s Janelle Harris says that compulsive man seekers sacrifice a lot for the sake of having a warm body in their beds or a new beau by their sides. Here’s how she suggests you determine whether a fear of being single is getting in your way.

You’re always making excuses for him.

I’ve known women obviously getting beat down by their men on a regular basis and others who’ve been mollywhopped by rants and raves about their worthlessness. But they still find a reason to defend their man’s honor -- not only because they’re conditioned to put him on a pedestal, but because they’re so scared of him, they’d rather pardon the behavior than confront the obvious fact that he’s not worth the emotional and mental investment. Just to have a man.

You haven’t been single longer than a week in your whole adult life.

Some experts say it takes two years to bounce back fully from a previous relationship, maybe longer depending on the circumstances of the situation and the emotional condition of the folks doing the bouncing back ...

You reason, “Well, it’s better than being alone.”

He’s cheated, he’s lazy but breathing, and lays a pretty good piece of pipe, so you opt to make it work with him instead of running the risk of staying drenched in singleness like the rest of us in that 42 percent. But sweetie pie, I’ll take single over settling any time. I think we all should. Even J. Lo and Halle.

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