Are You Interested?

By Brett Pulley

With the rise of the Internet, people began looking for love on websites such as Match.com and EHarmony.com. With the growing popularity of social networks, they’re turning to services like AreYouInterested.com.

The dating application, available on Facebook and Apple Inc.’s iPhone, lets users see beyond the personal details of potential mates to their social circles, including friends and family. AreYouInterested.com is adding more than 50,000 users a day, according to New York-based parent SNAP Interactive Inc., compared with the 20,000 new daily users Match.com reports.

AreYouInterested.com is now the largest Facebook dating application, with more than 13 million average monthly users, according to research firm AppData.com. Its popularity may cut into the growth of Match.com, part of IAC/InterActiveCorp, and EHarmony.com Inc., whose Facebook programs have 72,712 and 8,607 average monthly users respectively.

“Those traditional online dating companies don’t have a large app presence like us,” Snap Chief Executive Officer Cliff Lerner said in an interview. “Our growth, as well as the growth of a couple competitors, has come out of nowhere.”

Match.com has greater appeal for serious daters and a stronger long-term business, though it may not be signing up as many new users, said Gregory R. Blatt, CEO of IAC. Founded in 1995, the dating site collects pages of data from users to help them find appropriate mates, with a large engineering team to refine its site and algorithms.

“AreYouInterested is a flirty, fun little app,” Blatt said in an interview. “They have a few people working in a garage. We’ve got hundreds of engineers maximizing our business. You need huge degrees of sophistication, huge amounts of data behind it, and a huge community.”

AreYouInterested vs. Match.com

IAC’s Match business, which includes other dating websites such as Chemistry.com and SeniorPeopleMeet.com, had revenue of $292.4 million in the first nine months of the year, up 13 percent from a year earlier. Blatt ran the business until he took over the CEO role this month from Barry Diller, the billionaire who built and controls New York-based IAC.

Snap, traded over-the-counter, had $3.9 million in revenue in the first nine months, up 65 percent. Lerner and his brother, natives of Long Island, New York, founded the company with $750,000 from friends and family. Cliff, 32, had worked as an equities analyst at Lehman Brothers Inc; Darrell, 36, ran a fantasy-sports company. Snap has 17 employees and, for the record, operates from an office building in Midtown Manhattan.

Digital Teddy Bears

Snap Interactive rose 30 cents, or 150 percent, to 50 cents at 3:59 p.m. New York time in over-the-counter trading. The shares have increased 233 percent this year. IAC fell 26 cents to $29.71 in Nasdaq Stock Market trading and has gained 45 percent this year.

The brothers first started a dating website called IamFreeTonight.com in 2006, and shifted their focus after the initial success of their social-networking products.

AreYouInterested.com is a software application, or app, that users can load onto their Facebook page or iPhone with a half-dozen mouse clicks. It lets you click through photos of potential matches, and exchange messages or virtual gifts of digital roses or teddy bears.

One reason dating apps on Facebook are popular is that they give romance-seekers insight into potential partners through the social-networking site’s existing information, according to Darrell Lerner, Snap’s co-founder. People who meet on AreYouInterested.com can become Facebook friends and learn about each other before they ever agree to an actual date, he said. They typically can see another person’s Facebook posts and photos or videos of them and their friends.

‘More Comfortable’

“A lot of people on dating websites don’t put up legitimate information,” Darrell Lerner said in an interview. “Because we’re an app on Facebook, every user is legitimate. Before people go out with someone, they look them up on Facebook, they add them as a friend, and they see who their friends are. They get a better representation of the person, and it makes them more comfortable.”

IAC’s dating sites have 1.8 million subscribers, who pay $24.95 a month or $99 for a year. The websites had 6.5 million unique visitors in November, up from 60 percent from a year earlier, according to the market-research firm ComScore Inc. Operating profit for the group rose 25 percent over the first nine months to $77.3 million.

“Never has Match experienced the kind of growth it’s experienced in 2010,” Blatt said.

The company is working to introduce new Facebook apps that will compete with AreYouInterested.com, he said.

More Mobile

On Facebook, other competitors also exceed Match.com in number of users. Zoosk.com, backed by Canaan Partners, Bessemer Venture Partners, and ATA Ventures, has 6.1 million average monthly users for its Facebook app, according to AppData.com.

Snap plans to expand the AreYouInterested.com brand beyond Facebook, particularly on mobile devices, Cliff Lerner said.

“We believe there are big growth opportunities around mobile as web usage continues to increase rapidly and there are exciting opportunities around location-based features for dating apps,” he said.

One online dater, a 26-year-old event planner in Manhattan, said she had joined a couple dating websites before she recently registered for AreYouInterested.com through the Facebook application.

“For people in their 20s and 30s on Facebook, dating is a big aspect of our lives, and a lot of people use Facebook as a dating thing anyway,” said Adi, who declined to give her last name for privacy reasons. “There’s something to be said for a dating website that’s linked in with the most popular social network. It makes it feel more real.”

How Facebook Changed Dating As We Know It

Since its arrival years ago – at a time when most of the Carroll student body was in high school – Facebook has managed to ingrain itself into our daily existence, and change the ways we look at both our friendships and romantic relationships. It’s hard to imagine a time where we didn’t hear the words “poke”, “creep”, or “Facebook official” in everyday conversation. And like it or not, the popular social network site is here to stay.

Mashable.com, one of the internet’s leading news sources for all things social media, examined the ways Facebook has changed dating and came up with some key points that college students can likely agree on. The first, it gives the user a chance to obsess – more than usual – about their significant other (or potential significant other). Did they write on my wall? Will he or she poke me back? They didn’t put me in their profile picture, what gives? These anxieties can lead to Facebook stalking (better known as “creeping”), and a blow to the confidence level of the user.

Another downside Facebook has made to the dating world is the ability to constantly see what your ex-partner is up to – whether you like it or not. It’s hard enough to get back on your feet after a breakup, but having to look at posts in your NewsFeed seeing that he or she is so happy to be single again, or with their latest main squeeze, can be rough. The easiest way to bypass this is simply to defriend your ex, but if you can’t bring yourself to do that, another option is blocking their posts from showing up in your NewsFeed.

Keep in mind that when something is “Facebook official”, everyone can see that. And that includes when you break up. Breaking up on the social networking site is awkward and uncomfortable – having all your friends and classmates see that you are suddenly single – and running the risk of someone “liking” your newly-single ex’s changed relationship status – can be slightly overwhelming. The best thing to do in this situation is to stay classy – avoid any depressing statuses or digs at your ex. Keep the drama to a minimum and you can keep the peanut gallery from chiming in.

Finally – remember to utilize those privacy settings and use common sense while on the site. Just because Facebook has become such a commonplace thing in our lives shouldn’t mean you let your guard down. Practice safe behavior on Facebook – and all social network sites – so you won’t have anything to haunt you later.

Why Do The Fireworks Fade?

Why do some couples keep on having sex, but stop kissing and canoodling? It’s a funny phenomenon, the disappearing kiss, but not uncommon. Kissing shouldn’t be underestimated. Next to the genitalia, it has more nerve endings than any other part of the body. It is incredibly sensitive to touch and that is part of the appeal of kissing, along with all the passionate connotations we have with it. There are many different types of kisses, from the ‘nana-peck’ to nibbles to French to flirty. There are even books devoted to the art of kissing and the different kinds of kisses we can engage in. So with all that variety and pleasure, it’s rather sad when the kiss fades out of a relationship. It doesn’t always happen – many couples who have been together for decades upon decades still kiss as a symbol and experience of affection, as well as an initiation for sex, and a part of foreplay. But still many others lose kissing as part of their sexual encounters together and as a result, lose a lot of the passion they once shared together.

The kind of mechanical sex like “scratching an itch” that often befalls many couples over time, is essentially what I describe as maintenance sex” in a relationship. Long term relationships often survive with a heavy dose of maintenance sex and a lesser amount of “mind-blowing sex”, which is more often reserved for special occasions, or when you both have time to indulge in more passionate, time consuming, ‘gourmet of delights’ sex … and between work, stresses, and children, it’s not realistic for most couples to be running through the Kama Sutra every month. Maintenance sex doesn’t have to be all mechanical and no passion, however. It can feel very nice, orgasmic, pleasurable, be fun and romantic, certainly connect the two of you, but probably not knock your socks off. Birds probably won’t sing and the earth won’t move. But still, very pleasurable and certainly does the job.

However, once you have years of only maintenance sex without ever indulging in at least some mind-blowing special sex, then yes, the chances are high that your quality of even your maintenance sex will go down. And that’s when you find yourselves in a relationship that’s loving, but not hot. And in which really the only kissing you share is outside of a sexual or romantic context, such as saying goodbye at the front door, or at an airport. And soon enough, you’re scratching your head about how to re-introduce the passionate kiss with the one you love.

If this is you, don’t feel badly – it’s not that uncommon. And in fact there is often a lot of pressure, more so even, on couples who have been together the longest, because the assumption is you’ve been together so long that intimacy should be your second language between you, and you should be so fluent that you don’t have to, or need to, talk about, bedroom problems and you certainly shouldn’t feel shy about kissing – after so many years together! But it’s precisely this pressure which makes that gulf wider between you, and the attempt to initiate something which has disappeared from your relationship so long ago, that much more awkward and difficult.

Re-introduce the passionate kiss as you would share a first kiss with someone new, or when you were with your partner for the first time. Slowly. Romance together first. Prioritise the relationship between you and decide you’re going to spend time together as a couple. Work on touching more, cuddling, being affectionate, increase the number of little pecks you give each other, or at least you give her. Work your way up to kissing again and the next time you have sex together that isn’t rushed because one of you has to leave for work, or you’re tired and want to sleep, or you’re trying to squeeze a quickie in before the kids wake up and might hear, lay a deep kiss on your lovee! And keep on smooching, and tell them how much you love it. Positive praise will be met with more positive reception and soon enough kissing will be in your love life again – this time to stay.

Relationship Building Tips For Internet Dating

Internet Dating is usually a wonderful way to meet someone if you’ve been out of your dating scene for a while. It’s also the best way to meet someone if you’re only starting dating. It gives a person enable you to contact people without needing to commit to an actual in person date. The good thing about this is that it doesn’t discriminate about age, gender, race, physical condition, visual attractiveness etc., because all the Internet Dating sites allow for all these multiple categories. All you want do is fill in the appropriate detail and the search will only search for the parameters entered.

Of course, every Internet Dating site features its own special characteristics that separate them from the rest. The final selection process is totally your decision.

• Prior to signing up for a particular Internet Dating site make sure you visit a few personal forum areas on the net to chat with like-minded individuals. Or, check out a few of the social websites to acquire a feel for what others are saying too. It’s not to move you into doing the same things others are doing, it is to offer a greater understanding of what challenges other people are having. If you believe your particular situation is unique, you will soon find out that nothing could be more mistaken.
• Most some people that have been reluctant to use Internet Dating as a technique to recover from their self-induced shell are operating out of fear. Don’t do this…it will only hurt you in the end.
• We are seeing more divorce than ever before, and in addition there are a lot more those divorces which have children involved. Therefore, one of many fears is that no-one would want to date someone with children. This is another misconception. The reality is there are categories in most Internet Dating sites specially setup for the single parent in mind.
• In case you are not sure prefer a relationship, but still want for companionship, Internet Dating marvelous way to achieve your goal. In case you are crystal clear in your personal profile that you will be only looking for friendship through dating, and not a lasting commitment you will attract like thinking individuals.
• Many of us are human and humans have certain needs. The sooner it becomes clear that it’s OK to date to fulfill some of the people needs the happier you’ll be. Remember, there are plenty of folks going using it. Process you are currently going through. The key is you understand it is just something your situation is and will eventually come out the other side a happier more fulfilled person.

Life is supposed to be enjoyed, so step up to the challenges of having some fear and let that fear give you strength to push forward. However, don’t make the mistake of thinking lust is a replacement for love. Lust is the driving force from ego, while love is the driving force from an open heart.

If you are ready (and only you will be aware you are) you will eventually move into the next thing of Internet Dating – to actually seeking a relationship. Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself and enjoy Internet Dating and the benefits it offers you for the satisfaction of human pleasures.

Five Styles of Flirting Identified

An assistant professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas, Jeffrey Hall, has identified five styles of flirting.

Hall, who recently completed study into styles of flirting among dating adults, surveyed more than 5,100 people regarding their methods of communicating romantic interest.

Five styles of flirting identified are: physical, traditional, polite, sincere and playful.

Physical flirting involves the expression of sexual interest in a potential partner. People who scored high in this form of flirting often develop relationships quickly, have more sexual chemistry and have a greater emotional connection to their partners.

Traditional flirts think men should make the first move and women should not pursue men. Because they adopt a more passive role in dating, women with this style are likely to report trouble getting men’s attention and are less likely to flirt or be flattered by flirting. Traditional men often know a potential partner for a longer time before approaching them. Both genders tend to be introverted and prefer a more intimate dating scene.

The polite style of flirting focuses on proper manners and nonsexual communication. Although they are less likely to approach a potential partner and do not find flirting flattering, they do tend to have meaningful relationships.

Sincere flirting is based on creating emotional connections and communicating sincere interest. Although women tend to score higher in this style, it is advocated by both genders. Relationships involve strong emotional connections and sexual chemistry and are typically meaningful.

People with playful flirting styles often flirt with little interest in a long-term romance. However, they find flirting fun and enhancing to their self-esteem. They are less likely to have important and meaningful relationships.

Hall said that for the most part, there was little difference between genders within each flirting style.

Dating Tips For Men From Marty McFly

Make sure your wardrobe is timeless

By now Marty McFly’s puffy red vest, typically blue dungarees, Calvin Klein underwear, and rad Nike sneakers have become as embedded in our cultural fabric as the DeLorean itself. It’s an iconic outfit that is quintessential Americana; a true classic that made as much sense in 1955 as it did in 1985.

We can relate to a guy in blue jeans and sneakers, an outfit that can go from hunky to boy-next-door depending on the occasion. Remember, your sartorial choices say a lot about who you are; if you’re hopping from one trend to the next in an effort to impress women, it suggests that you’re unsure of yourself, fleeting and generally a poseur. So, for our dating tips for men from Marty McFly, we suggest that when you’re selecting an outfit, keep it simple, classic and timeless.

You only get one chance to make a first impression

More than just a part of our dating tips for men from Marty McFly, we can’t stress the importance of making a good first impression. It’s a rule that applies to all aspects of life — from job interviews to first dates, a first impression has the ability to color the way someone perceives you for the rest of your life. We’re certain there have been times that things didn’t always go as planned (i.e., your girlfriend’s parents didn’t like your “I’m banging your daughter T-shirt” and your new boss didn’t like your “I’m banging your daughter T-shirt,” etc.), but you’re not Marty McFly, whose ability to travel through time allowed him, and would theoretically allow you, to make multiple first impressions if you screw the first one up. This isn’t the movies and one shot is all you have, so make it count — unless, of course, you have a flux capacitor, which in that case go nuts.

Always stand up for yourself

Nobody calls Marty McFly chicken and gets away with it. Though some may perceive his refusal to back down from a challenge as a character flaw, we think it’s what makes Marty one of cinema’s all-time greatest heroes. The ladies love it too. When Marty stood up to Biff to defend his mother’s honor, she fell for him. Ditto goes for Marty’s dad, George. This is one of those dating tips for men that are as old as time. There’s nothing a woman likes more than a man who’s confident, self-assured and willing to stand up for himself. You may not always have to go to the same extremes that Marty did (if someone challenges you to a game of chicken, politely decline), but the next time there’s a hair in you chilled cucumber soup, don’t be afraid to return it. She’ll respect you for it — trust us.

Get a nice set of wheels

What do you call a man who thinks that women don’t like nice cars? A cyclist. What do you call a woman that says she doesn’t like nice cars? A liar. And yes, we made those up. Marty McFly understood the importance of a nice set of wheels, and they don’t get much nicer than the DeLorean, which was unlike anything the auto world had ever seen when it was released in the early ’80s. Though that’s the car that gets all the attention, the true apple of Marty’s eye was the Toyota 4x4 truck that he finally gets his hands on when he returns to 1985. Marty would be the first to tell you that there’s nothing like rolling up to a girl’s house in a shiny vehicle to boost your confidence, and your chances. Remember: When shopping for a car, a spacious backseat is crucial — for carrying your golf clubs, of course.

Develop a talent

When Marty McFly stepped on stage at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance, picked up a guitar, and tore through his version of “Johnny B. Goode” (including that unforgettable audience-silencing solo), he displayed a near prodigious skill level with the ax, usually associated with rock ’n’ roll’s all-time greats. Sure, his own band, The Pinheads, couldn’t even crack their high school’s Battle of The Bands competition, but Marty’s talent as a musician made him irresistible to his girlfriend, Jennifer. Looks, money and a sense of humor will get you far, but nothing gets the ladies going like a guy with talent. Take a girl for an expensive dinner, and you’re good. Bust out a ukulele after dessert and sing a Beatles song in Portuguese, and you’re golden.

Think about the future

If we were offered an opportunity to peer into our future, we’re not quite certain we’d accept. What if we had become a balding, noxious host of a right-wing chat show? Or even worse, fat? Would we be shocked into action or too depressed to go on? When Jennifer saw a 47-year-old Marty McFly mired in a dead-end job, a crumbling marriage and a victim of low self-esteem, she warned him and helped change their future together for the better. We will never have this opportunity (unless Google’s time travel division finally takes off), so it’s important to make wise decisions in the present. Nowhere is this more critical than in matters of the heart — so when picking a partner make sure you can envision yourself buying a house, having children and growing old with them. Unless you just want to have fun, and in that case make sure you wrap it up.

Be assertive

In one of the film’s most memorable scenes, Marty is giving his own father advice on how to pick up his mother to ensure that he is one day born. It sounds like a lot to wrap your head around, but it’s this kind of storytelling ingenuity that makes Back to the Future a modern classic. Marty tells George to just approach Lorraine and ask her out, say the first thing that comes to his mind — you know, tell her she’s beautiful (girls love that stuff). It’s simple, but good advice. Women like a man that’s assertive and goes after what he wants, not someone that sits idly watching opportunities pass him by. It’s also logical: If you don’t ask her out, you won’t go out with her. See how that works?

Werkloze Duitsers Go Speed Dating voor werkgelegenheid

Speed Dating for Geeks

By Brian Heater

“You know Ke$ha, right?” asks the woman with the plastic Freddie Krueger glove.

“Sure,” I answer, a bit baffled. Given the unlimited conversational topics presented by the jam-packed convention happening above our heads, I would never have guessed we’d broach the work of the “Tik Tok” singer so soon.

“There’s a song,” the woman explains, “Take It Off.” She recites the chorus, There’s a place downtown, Where the freaks all come around. It’s a hole in the wall. It’s a dirty free for all

The parallels between New York Comic-Con and that song are obvious, she says. First, the convention is downtown. (Actually, the Jacob K. Javits Center is not downtown, but I don’t correct her. No one likes a know-it-all.) The freaks part, she says, is inherent—the geeks, the dorks, the nerds (my words), all decked out in costumes and paraphernalia.

The “hole in the wall” part remains unclear. I’ve got a few theories, but given the fairly limited duration of our date, I keep them to myself.

Ultimately, it all adds up to that final line. New York Comic-Con, it seems, is a dirty free for all.

Of course, there’s nothing particularly “dirty” going on in room 1A20. The room is sterile and well-lit, with 40 folding chairs neatly organized. Once every three minutes, the men are instructed to stand up, take a step to their right, and start anew with the next available woman.

Emcee and self-styled geek standup Ryan Glitch runs a fairly well-oiled machine in a conference room so steeped in sexual awkwardness one could cut it with a light-saber replica. “They call me ‘Giganakin,’” Glitch announces before the session kicks off, “because I’m overweight, and my costume is Anakin.”

The statement isn’t entirely accurate. He’s a big guy, certainly—a self-proclaimed stereotypical showgoer (heavy, white, nerdy)—but there’s no Jedi paraphernalia on his large frame. We are first introduced to him outside, as he separates us into lines of male and female, forbidding pre-show inter-gender conversations, muttering the phrase “sausage-fest” several times, and generally lamenting the dearth of X chromosomes.

It is a concern, no doubt, shared by both lines, and Glitch and his scantily clad girlfriend begin the process of flagging down women.

Glitch announces reassuringly to the line of guys that he met his “lovely assistant” at a past event—C5, he tells me later, short for Celebration, a semi-annual Star Wars convention, the fifth of which was held this summer in Orlando. It was the first time Glitch’s one-man company, Lightning Fast Speed Dating, had taken part in such a show, and it was a rousing success, by most accounts.

When we first spot him downstairs at the Javits Center, however, he has traded his Jedi robes for sunglasses and a black T-shirt. It’s only after an assistant hands him a black leather jacket and fake plastic shotgun with a bright orange tip that he’s more than just a speed-dating host; he’s a cyborg sent from the future to facilitate nerd love, offer water bottles in exchange for Star Gate trivia, and crack jokes of questionable taste in mixed company.

Ours is the second of three such sessions held over the course of New York Comic-Con’s three days, and something about speed dating during the convention seems to have captured the imagination of the show’s attendees. The lines are long, and Glitch will ultimately turn people (mostly men) away before opening the doors. He counts off the women and an equal number of men, cutting off the line just before me.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” I ask.

“Am I in trouble?” the Terminator responds.

I tell him that I’m with the press. That I’m here to report on the event, undercover.

“Are you single?” he responds. I nod.

“Are you here just to report, or are you hoping to find somebody?”

“Well,” I answer, “you never know.”

It’s a good enough answer to get me through the door, to where a DJ is playing the Star Wars Cantina theme on the other side of the room. I grab a seat on a folding chair. The men are all instructed to grab a nametag, numbered one through 15. “No names, no locations,” Glitch instructs us. For the next hour, women refer to me as “Number 15.”

Now it’s the women’s turn to enter. “Girls, up against the wall,” Glitch says into the microphone, adding, for laughs, “and spread ’em.” A man with a bit of a gut, dressed as Snake Eyes from the G.I. Joe movie, stands next to them silently. He’s there for security reasons, we’re told.

Only now, with the women lined up against the wall facing us, is the contrast made painfully obvious. Not one of the 15 men seated is in costume. Nearly all of the women, however, are decked out, or, at the very least, have an accessory: a pair of goggles, a bright purple wig, the aforementioned pair of Freddie Krueger claws.

An odd contrast, to be sure, but one I’m thankful for when the timer sounds and a chorus of “hi”s echoes through the room. Starting a conversation from scratch 15 times in an hour is hard, even for the most social among us. But what could be a better icebreaker than a woman’s decision to don a prop from a 25-year-old horror movie, in an attempt to find love?

She just really, really likes Freddie Krueger, it turns out. Fair enough. We talk for a second about horror movies, once the topic of Ke$ha has been fully exhausted. They don’t scare her, she tells me, except for ones about elevators. “You know there’s a new one out about elevators?” I ask. She answers in the affirmative, though that one, she insists, didn’t scare her.

And like that, the three minutes are up. It’s time to move on.

The absurdity of the whole scenario is a frequent topic of conversation. “I’ve had some dates that I wished lasted three minutes,” I tell one of the women. It’s not a great joke, sure, but under the circumstances, it’ll do.

I fall back on my reporting background almost immediately, conducting these sessions like interviews. “So,” I ask one woman, uncertain where to start, “do you have any pets?” Eventually, I find myself falling into that inevitable first date trap, imagining what it might be like to spin a conversation into a relationship with one of these people.

All the standard dating factors play a role, of course—intelligence, wit, attractiveness—but now there’s a new, equally important category in play: subcultural compatibility. “What kind of geek are you?” a woman asks me early on. I hesitate for a moment and respond noncommittally, “Comics, I guess.” It’s not as popular an answer as I expected. On the female side, at least, anime fans have a healthy lead over fans of American comics. I mention Love & Rockets to one woman and am met with a blank stare.

Just ahead of me in the rotation is a writer from a popular comics blog, asking interview-style questions of each of the women, with two cameras trained on him at all times. His Batman questions seem to go over much better.

I discuss the merits of store-bought versus homemade with the woman in the Star Trek redshirt costume (she doesn’t seem to appreciate my joke about her dying off before the end of the Con). I choose my favorite New Mutants character for the lady in the Nightcrawler T-shirt (Warlock, for the record). With the woman dressed like an anime character I don’t recognize, it’s a frank discussion about the fan response to M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender adaptation (frankly, she’s shocked the director would even show his face at this convention).

The topic of Buffy comes up at least once. I respond, unwisely, by talking about The Wire. I discuss the works of Haruki Murakami with one woman and Hayao Miyazaki with another. One woman seems genuinely impressed by the fact that I’ve attended San Diego Comic-Con. Only once does the topic of what I do for a living come up.

And when it’s all over and the DJ has stopped spinning Lady Gaga, I still can’t see myself walking down the aisle to the Star Wars theme in the near future. I do, however, walk away with seven email addresses. So much for the dirty free for all.

M�nd er lykkeligere end kvinder, Forskning Shows

New Dating Site Offers $60K for Groupon Babies

Deal-hunting baby-makers, listen up! The wacky and incrementally expanding discount site Groupon has just launched a new dating service called Grouspawn, with an insane marketing ploy. If you can prove that you used a Groupon coupon on your first date, and that said date eventually resulted in a child, you could get a $60,000 grant for the little one’s college tuition.

Groupon CEO Andrew Mason announced the site and the grant opportunity at TechCrunch Disrupt yesterday. Grouspawn is intended to help singles (or, we guess, philanderers) find mates with whom to use their Groupon deals. Couples will be required to prove that they used a Groupon deal on their first date with evidence including “a photo taken with a newspaper with a date on it, testimonials, credit-card statements, blogs, etc.,” according to the site.

But what if people try to pass off an old baby as a Grouspawn? “Our crack team of nosy researchers will investigate if you have, in fact, gestated a true Grouspawn. This may include talking to friends and family, delving into your personal life, and taking samples of fluids you didn’t even know you had. By the time your spawn turns 18, college will cost a million dollars a second and will be located inside the moon, so it’s worth it.” We totally agree with that last part.

Grouspawn acknowledges that some sleazoids might try to have a child just for the cash, noting on the site that the money “is for your baby, and even though we probably won’t be able to tell if you use it for something else, it would be wrong” to bang for bucks. Still, under one current Grouspawn member’s profile (who may be 100-percent fake), a “perfect match” would include “somebody who will have a pretend baby with me so we can split the 60k prize.”

5 Jersey Shore Dating Tips

By Stephanie Castillo

Last Thursday, we and 5.3 million others welcomed back our favorite fist-pumpers—only this time they’re GTL’ing on the shores of Miami. If the premiere was but a slice of the upcoming guido cake, we’re bound to love this season even more than the last. There’s just something about the abnormally tan cast that keeps winning us over time and time again.

Rolling Stone recently sat down with the cast in a tell-all, bare-all interview that got us thinking: Can we take away some of their seemingly outlandish charm and make it work for us? Below, our favorites quotes from the cast that underscore why we fell for “Italy’s finest,” jam-packed full of insight that just might score us a date or two.

1. Send out good vibes like The Situation.

“I had so much confidence because of all the steps that I had done and where I’d come from. Maybe some of the other people were unsure about what was going on, but when they’d go to me, I was like, whoooooosh, and that was it.”

The only thing Mike “The Situation” wears better than aviators and muscle tees is confidence. And you know what? It’s so sexy. Having confidence let’s the people around you know you’re secure with yourself and comfortable in your own skin. It helps to attract the right kind of people—no grenades. When you love yourself, the better the chance someone else will, too. How To Date With Confidence

2. Snooki doesn’t get heated, and neither should you.

“I really don’t care what people have to say about me. As long as they’re talking about me... that’s a good thing.”

This goes hand-in-hand with being confident. No matter where you go, you’re bound to run in to someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are. But who cares? The only opinion that matters is your own. When you’re focused on other people, you’re not focused on yourself, and guys don’t want to have to constantly build you up. Then again, if a close friend of yours has something to say, like, “Lay off the jello shots before you get arrested for disorderly conduct,” or other seemingly good advice, then perhaps you should listen. It doesn’t have to inhibit you, but it’s worth listening to if the words come from someone who cares about you. 5 Ways To Stop Being A Needy Girlfriend

3. Find a beat like DJ Pauly D and stick to it.

“For me, I take DJ-ing very seriously, and I don’t ever want to cheapen that brand. I will not do a club appearance, I will not do a wing-eating contest, I will not do anything but DJ.”

Nicely said, Pauly D. When you find something you’re passionate about, don’t let it go. Pursue it wholeheartedly, and in its true nature, because that passion represents a piece of yourself. We all want someone with interests and goals. We also want someone we can depend on, and sticking to your guns is a sure-fire way to communicate you’re dependable.

4. Dress like Jenni and make the boys say “woww.”

“I always had the look. I probably had the look more back then than now. I’d just destroy my clothes: rip them and re-sew them and add accessories, go to Hot Topic and buy all my jewelry and stuff.”

Fashion at the Jersey Shore played its role in catching our hearts, too. Style, in general, does that—especially when you dress in a way that allows others to get a feel for who you are. Taking something and making it your own is bold. But regardless of whether you buy it or make it, there’s one thing we know guys love: and that’s seeing a women who obviously has put some thought into her outfit. Of course they like a little cleavage and tighter fitting jeans, but nothing says sexy more than a woman who knows how to dress to impress.

5. Embrace your blowout (or what have you) like Vinny.

“They asked me at the first interview, ’So, are you proud to be guido?’ and I’m like, ’What’s your definition of guido?’ Are you thinking about spiky hair, big steroids, orange skin all year ’round? If that’s your definition of a guido, then I’m not one. But I’m like, ’If you’re looking for someone at the shore who’s 100 percent Italian, someone who has good family morals, someone who likes to party, then I’m your guido.”

Guido. Goth. Hipster. Prep. It doesn’t matter what you are, only that you’re proud to be it. Everyone has something to bring to the table, so don’t fear standing apart from the crowd. When you’re marching to the beat of your own drum, the right man will fall in line and march along with you.

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make

Online Dating Grows

By Wailin Wong

Jay and Christina Lorance first met in an MSN chat room in May 1996, when the Internet, or even the idea of communicating electronically with a stranger, was an unfamiliar concept to many Americans.

Their online interaction led to four months of telephone calls and snail-mail letters, culminating in a face-to-face meeting in Colorado. Jay showed up with a ring. One year and four months later, they were married.

“We shocked a lot of people,” said Christina Lorance, 41. “I’m from New York and he’s from Oklahoma, so the first question everyone had was, ’How did you meet?’ ... When we said the Internet, their eyes would bug out. They didn’t even think it was true.”

Digital culture has changed drastically since the Lorances’ first virtual meeting. Online dating is now an accepted and commonplace way to meet someone, having largely shed its stigma as an option for only socially stunted nerds. Match.com, one of the leading Web sites, celebrated its 15th anniversary in April.

While advanced technology can’t guarantee in-person chemistry, that hasn’t stopped dozens of new offerings from touting their matchmaking algorithms or catering to a demographic niche.

Michelle Teplitz, a 29-year-old Connecticut native, was drawn to Jdate, a site geared toward Jewish singles, because she wanted to meet someone with similar values.

“It weeds out the people you wouldn’t want to talk to in a bar,” said Teplitz, who met her husband of three years on JDate. “You know when you’re on this site, (you’re meeting) people who, for the most part, are interested in meeting someone they want to spend their life with.”

Online dating has grown into big business. Match.com is part of IAC/Interactive Corp. and recently became the exclusive dating service on Yahoo, while eHarmony has acquired other Web properties related to weddings and parenting, including Weddingbee and JustMommies. Web-based dating also is taking on new forms, such as mobile applications and services within Facebook.

Another twist on the model was launched this year through WinkVid, the brainchild of Jordan Fulghum and Jake Lumetta. Their Chicago-based company offers online speed dating through webcams, with each date lasting four minutes.

“This stigma that’s been around for the last decade is really starting to be erased because people’s lives are moving online, and they’re seeing the real benefits of social networks and of these technologies that enable you to meet people,” Fulghum said.

A video chat may help bridge that difficult gap between online compatibility and in-person chemistry. Still, there’s no predicting how a romantic relationship will develop offline. Although some dating sites brag about their ability to match up life partners, other services acknowledge their limitations.

“I really think of our responsibility as ’no bad first dates,’ which seems like a low bar, but the reason is we can’t promise you a soul mate,” said Sam Yagan, co-founder of OKCupid. “That’s ridiculous. That’s chemistry and what happens when you see each other.”

The simplest reason for online dating’s emergence into the mainstream is that more Americans are digitally literate. The age-old practice of meeting and courting a romantic partner has moved online as consumers conduct more of their lives on the Web.

A 2006 study by the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project reported that nearly 7 million American adults have gone out with someone they met online. That number surely has gone up since, said Andrew Fiore, a doctoral candidate at the University of California at Berkeley who has studied online dating since 2003.

“As soon as you talk about 7 million people going on dates, they can’t possibly all be computer geeks,” Fiore said. “If you look at the demographics, people using online dating look a lot like people who are on the Internet in general.”

These typical users include Chicagoans Casey Zgutowicz, 32, and Micaela De Alba, 30, a recently engaged couple who met on eHarmony.

Online dating “is good in the sense you’re peeling back the onion,” Zgutowicz said. He said completing eHarmony’s intricate personality questionnaire was a “grueling process” but helpful, because “you know you have a similar foundation” before meeting in person.

Zgutowicz and De Alba, who are planning a June 2011 wedding in Mexico, said they no longer think their “how we met” story is novel.

“We’ve moved beyond it,” De Alba said.

Positive word of mouth also has helped boost the credibility of online dating sites. According to the 2006 Pew survey, 30 million adults reported knowing someone who’s been in a long-term relationship or married someone he or she met online.

“Once you have a friend who’s in a relationship that started online, you’re at a crossroads,” Yagan said. “Either your friend is weird and you’re friends with weirdos, or it’s not weird.”

Still, the stigma exists for some people. Holly Brunner, a 32-year-old pathology assistant in Washington, D.C., said she met a man via eHarmony who told his friends they met in the emergency room, where she was summoned to perform a biopsy on a liver tumor discovered after a motorcycle accident landed him in the hospital.

Aside from that odd hiccup, Brunner said she’s pleased with her eHarmony experience and is in a relationship with someone she met via the site in 2008.

“I can’t imagine any other way of dating,” she said.

Sometimes, the spark simply isn’t there. Samuel DiMatteo, 76, used Yahoo Personals for several years but is going to let his subscription lapse because he didn’t find “that click” with the handful of women he met.

“Probably, if I were younger, it would be better,” said DiMatteo, a River Grove resident who practices his computer skills at a cafe run by Evanston-based nonprofit Mather LifeWays. “When you’re 76, most (people) are set in their ways.”

On the other end of the age spectrum, members of the Web generation say they’re fluent in how to read cues from someone whose body language is hidden behind a computer screen.

“When I see how people type, I can immediately read their personalities: their grammar, lingo, the Net-speak they use,” said Iris Febres, 22, who met her boyfriend of more than one year on OKCupid.

Febres and her boyfriend live across the country from one another, so they use Skype to keep in touch.

This constant contact is crucial in a relationship, no matter how a couple meets. Just ask the Lorances, who have three sons and will celebrate their 13th wedding anniversary in December.

“Communication is what helped us get this far in life,” Christina Lorance said. “To this day, we could stay up all night on a Saturday, just me and him talking.”

Rules For Dating An Older Man

By Contessa Schexnayder, The Frisky

Yes, there will always be something slightly appealing about young, wide-eyed struggling artists and beer pong-loving frat boys with hearts of gold.

But sometimes you want someone a little more settled and refined — someone who prefers a suit to a backwards hat and The New York Times to Maxim.

Whether you have already snagged yourself a silver fox, or you are on the hunt for one, there are a couple of things you’ll need to take into consideration. Like all relationships, this could be long or short-term, but it is always nice to know how to act or behave when dealing with the majestic creature known as the older man.

Beware of pop culture references

Yes, you may be tempted to tell your older man the story of how when “Annie” came out, you were 5 and wore a red wig for an entire year. Only, when “Annie” came out, he was graduating from college. See the problem? Referencing movies, TV shows, and fads of yore only highlights your age difference.

So focus on things in the here and now, which you are both experiencing as adults.

Do not take on the role of the kid

He may be older, but this man is not your father — it is not his job to take care of you. He should not be a substitute for any male adult figure that you are lacking in your life. If you are craving or missing that bond, make a session with a therapist. There is a good chance that your older man might have kids already, so don’t be more needy than his 10-year-old.

The same goes for him — if he is trying to keep you in some creepy child-like state, ditch him. You’ve come so far as a woman, do you really want to be bossed and controlled like a toddler?

Make sure what he’s looking for lines up with what you want

Some older men date younger on occasion, when they meet a woman they find irresistible. Some do it all the time. If he’s 45 and only dates girls under 25, that should be a red flag if you want something long term. After all, why hang around if he is only going to turn you in for a newer model?

And conversely, what if he’s ready for kids now and you don’t see that happening until years down the road?

Find out what he wants from the beginning. Is he looking for wedding bells or arm candy? It never hurts to ask — that way you can make the decision to stick around.

Be yourself

Yes, this is a tired and cliche phrase, but it’s also true. It goes for all relationships, but especially with an older man. See, older fellows are far less prone to playing games than their younger counterparts. They usually know who they are and what they want. They want to see the same in you. Know that you are beautiful, smart and amazing. Stand up tall and be the woman that made him take a second glance.

Be yourself, just a slightly more mature version.

Hopefully, acting like you involves some sort of grown-up behavior. You shouldn’t expect him to do shots with you on a Wednesday until 2 a.m. — you have other friends on call for that. Here is where things get complicated. Some of the life experiences that you want, he has already had. Be understanding and considerate and he should do the same.

Getting To Know The Good Guys

The Ritual of the First Date

THERE are nearly four million single people in New York City. A number of them are not as original as they think.

New data from a Web site suggests that not only do many people plan similar dates, but like lemmings, they also collectively migrate from one theme to the next.

In March, scores of New Yorkers opted to have their first dates over tacos: fish tacos, dried cricket tacos, taco tours of Brooklyn, even post-surfing tacos at Rockaway Beach in Queens.

But by month’s end, tacos went out of vogue, and fondue became the fare of choice for first dates. In mid-April, singles relinquished their cheese forks and embraced bring-your-own-beer dates instead. A few weeks later, outings for lobster rolls were all the rage. By mid-May daters cooled on lobster rolls and were eating oysters.

“It was with taco dates that we first started noting that certain types of dates came in waves,” said Brian Schechter, a founder of HowAboutWe.com, a nascent dating Web site that began fostering love connections in the spring. Mr. Schechter created the site with his best friend since kindergarten, Aaron Schildkrout.

The entrepreneurs, both 31, are former charter-school teachers who practiced meditation in India and taught at meditation retreats in the United States. They did not set out to track the dating habits of New Yorkers, let alone suggest that there could be a collective dating unconscious. They simply wanted to create a new kind of dating site where members could demonstrate who they are, not with personal essays and awkward messages, but by proposing dates that begin with the words: “How about we. ...”

Yet since HowAboutWe logs thousands of dates from some 7,000 young New Yorkers — the average age on the site is 29 — it has opened a window onto dating in the city and turned Mr. Schildkrout and Mr. Schechter into accidental anthropologists.

At a reporter’s request, they sifted through thousands of dates to identify where singles rendezvous. It was hardly scientific, though their 10,000-date sample size was larger than the ones used in many sociological studies.

Tucked into a sunny booth in V Bar in the West Village, Mr. Schechter pushed aside a panini and flipped open a laptop, revealing a spreadsheet of dates proposed and accepted by the site’s members: “How about we attend a swing class and wine tasting?,” “How about we grab a beer and play a game of ping-pong at SPiN?,” “How about we check out Ninja New York, a Japanese restaurant with ninjas for waiters in the meatpacking district?”

“You can tell so much about somebody based on the date they propose,” Mr. Schildkrout said.

Both he and Mr. Schechter have profiles on HowAboutWe. Mr. Schechter’s page says he possesses obscure knowledge about chakras. His latest date proposal? “How about we learn how to read tarot cards (after buying a set somewhere in Manhattan) and practice at the 169 Bar?”

Scanning the site’s database, he observed, “There are trends and hot spots.”

Indeed, Coye Cheshire, an assistant professor at the School of Information at the University of California, Berkeley, said strangers have been shown to gravitate to the same things at the same time as preferences are diffused among groups through word of mouth or social networks. “It’s not surprising to see these trends ebbing and flowing,” he said.

Samuel D. Gosling, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, said that the cuisine trends could occur because members of the Web site value doing the latest thing — until it becomes widespread. (After all, they were early adopters of the site itself.)

“It might be that you only want to do it if 1 percent of other people are doing it,” he said. “You don’t want to miss the trend, but you don’t want to be behind the edge. That sort of decision strategy would result in that pattern.”

That New Yorkers on a dating site would be drawn to similar activities can be explained in part by a sociological principle known as homophily. “It’s the idea that similar people tend to value the same things as other people like them,” Professor Cheshire said.

He and colleagues at Berkeley have studied countless online dating profiles and observed that while people think their tastes are distinct, most everyone’s profile says they like fine dining, movies and long walks on the beach.

“What’s interesting about it is the way that we try to show that we’re special and unique is that we like to do things just like everybody else,” Professor Cheshire said with a chuckle.

Proposing a date can also be a form of social signaling. “You’re trying to signal that you’re somebody who’s at the cutting edge,” said Eli J. Finkel, an associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University.

Catherine Bartolomeo, 22, a member of HowAboutWe who has suggested hunting for the best cup of coffee or going to Film Forum, likened date proposals to advertising.

“You try to portray your personality in a few short words,” she said. “ ‘Let’s go for drinks!’— that’s boring. You don’t want to be on a date with a brick.”

Mike Chang, 31, a technology consultant who has proposed “bar Olympics” dates in which Skee-Ball is a sport, said humor is crucial.

“If someone says something like ‘Let’s go walk the High Line and look for people with mullets,’ you think, ‘I’ll have a better chance of having fun with this person doing this activity than the person who just says ‘Let’s go walk the High Line.’ ”

Often, there are more men than women on dating sites. HowAboutWe has a 60-40 female-male split, and Mr. Schildkrout said he thought “the girls’ dates are a little more specific and creative.”

Alyssa Frazier, 26, who works in marketing and is a member of the site, agreed. “One guy wants to recreate ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,’ ” she said, “but I definitely think girls come up with the more creative things to do.” She proposes dates for things she would rather not do alone, like attending food and wine pairing classes and standing in line at Shake Shack.

After analyzing thousands of dates, Mr. Schildkrout and Mr. Schechter identified the most popular categories, including foodie, dance, games, make-believe and prankster dates.

“Make believe” dates include things like “How about we pretend to be a couple and take a tour of the French Culinary Institute as ‘prospective students?’ ” The “prankster” category includes gems like “How about we go to a free marriage counseling session with a priest knowing nothing other than each others names?” and “How about we go to a library or bookstore and leave notes inside books?”

Such proposals, Mr. Schechter said, serve as a mating call for quirky singles. “These are, ‘I’m a weird person and if you’re weird too, we could get along.’ ” (Site members said they happily attempt the unconventional dates. The most bizarre ideas, however, are understood as displays of drollness.)

There is the “artistic” date: attending a pottery class or collaborating on a sidewalk chalk drawing. And there is the “cool hunting” date, where the structure of the outing is “let’s go find the best margarita.”

Obviously dating trends also undulate around the seasons as well as major New York happenings, like concerts.

HowAboutWe members fill out profiles consisting of photographs and factoids under headings like “One thing my mother would want you to know about me,” but they primarily interact around the dates they propose.

The site is free, though to send unlimited messages to potential paramours there is a fee (the best deal is $48 for six months). Upon joining, you are asked to rate a series of date ideas, which helps the site’s algorithm determine your matches. Next, you are shown a list of members and their date suggestions. You can then send a member a message or conduct a search. For instance, you can search for women 25 to 35 who want to attend the Hester Street Fair. (There are three.)

And if glazing pottery or ascending the Empire State Building sounds as if you would spend an inordinate amount of time with someone you might never care to see again — it may be.

“I’ve had some disaster dates,” Ms. Bartolomeo confessed.

But she is undeterred. “You’re still doing something you want to do,” she said. “Even if it’s not someone you want to do it with.”

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Divorce Marketplace Draws Recent Singles Who Want To Rejoin The Hunt

By Jennifer Latson

It’s a far cry from the towering cakes and cascading gowns on display at Houston’s bridal shows. At the Divorce Marketplace, the main attraction is meeting other recent singles.

On Sunday afternoon, in a carpeted conference room at the Crowne Plaza hotel near Sharpstown, a small group of divorcees navigated between booths advertising dating services, gym memberships, outing groups and even pet adoption.

Gena McClatchy’s phone buzzed as she toured the room with her friend, Michelle Kerbow, both from Cypress. It was a text message from another mutual friend.

“Have y’all met a man yet?” it read. The crowd was largely female, however.

McClatchy, who has been divorced for 10 years, just recently re-entered the dating pool.

“I felt like I needed to find my own way through life first,” she explained. “Now I’ve done that and I’m ready to find a partner.”

The crowd came in varying stages of recovery from the shock of splitting up.

John McGee, 45, was married for 22 years before his divorce became final in May. The father of three is still sorting through a jumble of feelings, and he knows he’s far from ready to date again.

“I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy,” he explained to a saleswoman at one of the booths, who commiserated. She’s recently divorced, too.

McGee stopped at the expo on his way home from church — mostly out of curiosity, he said. He found little of interest among the vendors offering microdermabrasion and scented candles. A chiropractor offered adjustments that he said would help alleviate some of the emotional effects — depression and anxiety, for example — that accompany the grief of separation. That seemed, to McGee, like an oversimplification of his distress.

“This is all kind of fresh, kind of new, and it’s painful,” he said.

The goal of the expo was to empower the newly single — maybe just not the QUITE-so-newly single, organizers said.

Patricia Navarro, a Richmond boutique owner who showcased glittering jewelry and brightly sequined belts, recognized that rhinestones can’t cure heartbreak. But they can help, she said.

“I have a lot of divorced clients,” she said. “When they try on my blingy stuff, they look pretty, they feel pretty; some of them even cry. They’ve got a new lease on life.”

A guidebook

Two sales representatives for a company called Slumber Parties — the adult novelty version of Tupperware parties — said that while they’ve set up booths at bridal shows before, this was their first divorce expo. But they thought their products could resonate with this market, too.

“These women need to take time to make themselves happy, as well,” said Sheila Rosario.

Other booths were more directly focused on the challenges facing the recently divorced.

Jayna Haney, who offered a guidebook on single parenting, said she urged the newly single to find the silver lining of leaving a marriage that wasn’t working.

“People who get divorced have a lot of conflicting emotions. They feel sad, isolated, frustrated. But they may also feel relieved, happy — that this a fresh start for them,” she said. “I think the Divorce Marketplace makes it less about what happened to you, and more about what you’re going to do with it.”

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Dating Online Having a Virtual Relationship

Over the past 20 years the face of dating has gone through some noticeable changes. A lot has changed since the days of matchmaking and escorted evenings out. As more people flock online, there are companies ever more eager to jump on the dating bandwagon.

If you are joining a dating site, take the time to say something about yourself, your lifestyle, your interests and the type of person you’re hoping to meet. Men and women have moved their search for love to the internet simply because it is the most convenient in terms of time and money. In the world of online dating. be as safe as possible but above all, have fun!

The online dating sites are pretty simple to interact with. There are some online dating sites that do compatibility testing and personality profiling. A recent survey indicated that over 40 million singles have used or are currently using online dating services.

People can often contact you for free, but many online dating sites charge if you want to contact others although this depends on the site. Online dating can be a great confidence builder. It is possible to remain anonymous while you search for new partners or dates on the web.

Everyone wants to know if Internet Dating actually works. Easy access to the web has led to an explosion in the number of online dating services. Many of the better dating sites include some advanced personality matching. There are many opinions about the effectiveness of online dating.

Humor is a real ice-breaker. Try to be a fun person. A couple of years ago online dating still had a stigma attached to it. In the world of online dating. be as safe as possible but above all, have fun!

If you meet a few people online in your area, you can arrange a get together for you all rather than meeting on a one-to-one basis. Online dating is as safe, and in some ways safer than meeting people offline. Most sites have online dating sites have help should you have any questions or need assistance.

Take your time with the process. Don’t let anyone rush you. You are not committed to meeting anyone. The online Singles/Dating business is very popular and competitive. Dating agencies are not a new idea, they have been around a very long time. The internet has simply served as a new medium for bringing people together in a tried and tested way that agencies have used for years.

Some dating websites require a fee to enjoy certain benefits, such as the ability to post a picture or short video. Whether you have been dating for years, getting back in the game, or just starting out, you could always use a bit of dating advice. Now that dating on-line is an acceptable way to meet your match, women often are making the initial contact. There are many online dating sites that have very short sign-up processes and others that require you to answer lots of questions.

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Stars Have Offered Up Their Best Dating Advice

Stars including Madonna, Demi Moore and Cameron Diaz have offered up their best dating advice for a new book designed to help men find girlfriends and keep them happy.

The relationship manual, titled That’s What SHE Said: Women Reveal What Men Really Need to Know, has been compiled by Punk’d producer T.J. Jefferson and features a foreword from the prank TV show’s star Ashton Kutcher.

Kutcher’s wife, Demi Moore, has contributed and doles out her own tips, urging men not to be selfish in bed or in matters of love.

Moore writes, “If you want to get our clothes off focus on what you’re giving, not on what you can get! You may be able to score once — but we can smell the stink of selfish desires a mile away and are not interested. Women are caretakers by nature, don’t take it for granted. The romance we are looking for comes from being appreciated.”

Madonna wants men to let their woman take charge — and advises them to dole out plenty of compliments.

She explains, “Women are here to smash man’s ego, plain and simple. Accept this and life will be better. Also women like it when men tell them they look nice. If you want more than that you will have to pay for it.”

The book also includes notes from Diaz, who admits she enjoys “losing herself in wonder of love, beauty and sexiness”, Lake Bell who urges men not to be too “pushy” and Soleil Moon Frye who claims “We like it dirty just like you...”

The book’s author Jefferson tells Fox News, “It’s a fun read, but you can find something in there that can really help your relationship and stop you from sleeping on the couch that night. You’ve got people like Madonna giving advice in the book, but then you’ve got housewives in the Midwest and teachers and nurses. It might be hard for someone to relate to what Madonna is saying, but most of us can relate to everyday people, people that aren’t famous and aren’t in the spotlight — they need to be heard as well.”

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9 Things Happy Couples Talk About

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, great minds talk about ideas; small minds talk about people. What do you and your significant other talk about? If you constantly hit the heavy stuff, you’re probably happier than if you spend time gossiping about your neighbors or coworkers.

A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather and discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 percent of their talking time in the shallow end.

Among the scores of substantive topics people discuss, we’ve come up with nine that we believe couples should relish during heart-to-hearts:

1. Embarrassing moments. If you can’t share the awkward, “American Pie”-worthy moments that occurred throughout high school with your partner, who can you tell them to? Don’t be afraid to broach the subject, if you haven’t already. We wouldn’t be surprised if their stories are more horrifying than yours.

2. Political viewpoints. How do you feel about the new healthcare bill? You don’t have to agree with each other, but you do need to keep an open mind. A good relationship allows both parties to discuss their own philosophies without taking the opposition personally.

3. Fears and insecurities. By fears, we don’t mean your phobia of earthworms. We’re talking about things that make you wake up with gray hairs. What worries you? What do you want to improve in yourself? What skeletons are in your closet? In being vulnerable, you risk judgment, but more importantly, you chance being understood.

4. Childhood. Ask your partner what he or she was like as a kid. Did she make friends easily? What kind of games did he like to play? Did he have trouble in school? Childhood memories make for fun conversations, but they can also lend insight into how your main squeeze became the person he or she is today.

5. Past relationships. This is a touchy one because no one wants to hear the person they’re with spouting sonnets about an ex. There is, of course, a difference between longing for (or being bitter over) the past and simply acknowledging what happened. With enough practice, seasoned, happy couples learn how to address why past relationships ended without inadvertently comparing their current partner to an old flame.

6. Family life. Knowing a person’s upbringing and relationship with his or her parents is paramount to understanding his current attitude toward family. If you’re even slightly contemplating a future with this person, it might help to ask how well they get along with their parents. Why does she resent her mother? Why is he closer to his sisters than to his brothers? How does she handle family gatherings?

7. Current events. Thanks to the overflow of information, it’s nearly impossible to stay up-to-date on everything going on around us. Here’s where teamwork comes into play: Ask your partner about his interests, be they economics or regional politics, and see if you can’t learn a thing or two. Who knows, maybe you’ll help him develop an interest in international affairs or science news.

8. TV and movies. Compared to politics and personal fears, entertainment might seem pretty shallow, but discussions about movies can fall into the “deep” category if you focus on character motivations and plots rather than on, say, the cute leading actors.

9. The future. Talking about the future can be nerve-wracking. While we’re not saying you should pressure your partner into talking about plans for marriage and children, we do believe that you should know their dreams, goals, and aspirations. What is he working toward? What drives her to succeed? Where does he see himself in five years? Someone who desires growth and is not afraid of the unknown is surely dynamic enough to deserve you.

Deciding Factors In Speed Dating

(CNN) — Forget high-paying jobs, kindness or a sense of humor. When people go looking for love at big speed-dating events, they have so many choices that they narrow their criteria down to height and weight, a new study finds.

Previous studies found consumers to be overwhelmed if they faced too many choices at grocery stores. So two British scientists wondered if the human brain also became overwhelmed by too many potential partners in the dating marketplace.

University of Edinburgh psychological scientist Alison Lenton and University of Essex economist Marco Francesconi analyzed 84 speed-dating events. The results of their study are published in the journal Psychological Science.

The men and women at the events would meet with a series of potential dates for about three minutes each. And at the end of the evening, they would turn in their yes and no choices.

The preferences at all the events tended to be people who were taller, younger and well-educated. Women also rejected men who were too skinny, while men tended to reject overweight women.

But the study found that at smaller events with fewer decisions to be made, the choosers had time to consider a potential partner’s level of education, employment and whether they smoked -- all attributes that require some conversation.

But at events with 24 or more potential dates, choosers narrowed their decisions with parameters that could be determined in a quick glance: height and weight.

The scientists concluded that the dating environment can have a big effect on someone’s romantic future.

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Marriage-Minded Do Better Online Than At Bars

In the marketplace for romance, megapixels are now officially more effective than bar-side flirtations.

More than twice as many couples who married last year met through online dating services than at a club or social event, according to a new survey commissioned by Match.com.

The survey found that 17 percent of those who married in the past three years met online, making it the third-most-frequent method of introduction, behind meeting through a mutual acquaintance or at work or school.

“Online dating is by now a preferred way for singles to find dates,” says Joe Tracy, publisher of Online Dating Magazine. “I think the stigma that has been attached to online dating -- and there’s still some of that today -- has greatly decreased. Everybody knows someone who has done online dating, so people are less fearful to talk about it.”

The study, conducted by the research firm Chadwick Martin Bailey, shows how quickly online dating -- in existence for less than two decades -- has revolutionized the way people find and pursue potential mates.

“It does seem to have displaced all other forms of dating,” says Susan Frohlick, a cultural anthropologist at the University of Manitoba who has studied online dating. “I would say that it’s been in the last five years that it’s become hyper-mainstream.”

The survey also found that one out of five singles has dated someone they met through an online dating site and that one out of every five new relationships owes its origins to the Internet. It also claims that among recently married couples who met online, 30 percent initially made contact through Match.com. The site has about 3 million active users at any given time, according to the company.

Online dating statistics have always been hazy and are frequently contradictory. The Match.com-sponsored survey, for instance, found that 17 percent of couples who married in 2007 met through online dating sites, but a Harris Interactive poll sponsored by eHarmony found that only 9 percent of couples married that year were introduced through such services. (The Harris study claims that 2 percent of recently married American couples met through eHarmony.)

Regardless of discrepancies, the findings point to the increasingly prominent role the Web is playing in helping singles find someone with whom they want to walk down the aisle. Online Dating Magazine estimates that 120,000 U.S. couples who marry each year met online.

“It’s pretty seismic, if you think about it,” says Greg Blatt, chief executive of Dallas-based Match.com. “You’ve got this new thing out of nowhere that has really jumped in and taken on a significant piece of this basic human interaction, which is meeting people.”

Blatt attributes the industry’s growth to the rise of technology and changes in society that have made it more difficult to meet people through traditional methods. People marry later, work longer hours and live farther from family members who might introduce them to a neighbor’s handsome, eligible nephew. Laptops and modems stepped in to fill the void.

“This is just meeting,” Blatt says. “It’s no different meeting on Match than it is meeting at a party, or at a restaurant or on a subway. . . . Once you’ve met, it’s real life; you either fall for each other or you don’t. You either have a great romance or you don’t.

“It’s not like computers are taking the place of romance,” he says. “It’s just another way to put yourself in a position to meet somebody that then gives you a chance for romance.”

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Dating Younger Men Knocks Years Off Cougar’s Age

LONDON (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – Dating a younger guy can have age - reversing effects on an ol’ cougar.

According to a study by ToyBoy.com, having a younger man knocks a whopping four years off a woman’s age.

That’s because women who date cubs consider themselves much younger at heart than those who are married to older men.

Cougars with younger boyfriends have a tendency to enjoy more outdoor activities and 27 percent say they venture out to more bars and nightclubs.

Three in 10 even wear clothes that make them feel younger when they’re dating a younger guy and 25 percent get into hobbies that they otherwise would’ve never tried.

Research shows that the greater the age gap, the happier a woman is likely to be.

The cougar movement seems to be unstoppable, especially since the rise of the hit TV series Cougar Town and successful high-profile romances like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

Dating Study Says Singles With Options Go For Hotties

Scientists already know people’s brains can be overwhelmed by choice, say when shopping for electronics, detergent -- even chocolate. Too many options can lead to much confusion, often followed by indecision or snap judgments.

Psychologist Alison Lenton wanted to find out if the same psychological state of being overwhelmed happens when we’re choosing people -- like someone to date. Lenton, who studies experimental social psychology at the University of Edinburgh, and economist Marco Francesconi of the University of Essex, decided to study this by looking at speed dating.

Initially, the scientists supposed that choosing a potential partner might be different from picking out soap or chocolate, in part because people often think they know what they want in a mate. But they found -- just like the psychology of making purchases in a store -- the number of choices matters.

Lenton and Francesconi analyzed records from 84 different speed dating events held in bars and clubs across the United Kingdom. In all, the events included 1,868 women and 1,879 men. In speed dating, of course, choice abounds. That’s the point: lots of choices, lots of potential. During the events, these single adults had about three to five minutes to talk to each potential mate and decide whether they wanted to see them again.

Making Snap Judgments

Typically, participants meet anywhere between 15 and 35 people in a night. And the scientists found that when there were more people to choose from, it was more likely that men and women would make judgments about whether to see that person again based on appearance. At bigger speed dating events, with 24 or more potential matches, both male and female choosers were more likely to decide based on “attributes that could be judged quickly, such as their dates’ height, and whether they were underweight, normal weight or overweight,” says Lenton.

At smaller speed dating events, where participants choose between 15 and 23 partners, Lenton says, both men and women were more willing to make the effort to find out more about the person. And there was more focus on attributes they learned about through conversation, like occupation, level of education and whether the individual smoked cigarettes.

Lenton says the findings show the importance of the environment in which people meet. But speed dating isn’t the only place where judgments are made quickly, and often superficially. Lenton says the tendency to make choices based on appearance alone is exacerbated by online dating, where people can literally sift through thousands of photos and profiles.

Finding A Real Connection

People need to have real experiences with each other if they want to make any kind of real connection, says psychologist Sheena Iyengar, a professor at Columbia Business School who’s just written a book about choice called The Art of Choosing.

“We’re constantly moving jobs, working much longer hours, so we’re not having time to really develop friends. So what I’m suggesting here is that the moment in our life when we do have time to develop friends, which is mainly in college and at the early stages of our career, it’s really important to make those good friends and hang on to them.”

Maintaining friends, says Iyengar, can often lead to people making connections with others because they meet them through their old friends and relatives.

But for those who like speed dating, New York psychiatrist Philip Muskin says there can be significant meaning in just three minutes. He points out that pretty much everyone has, at one time or another, been at a party or meeting or even on a subway platform and seen someone. “Your eyes lock for an instant, and you want to talk to that person,” he says.

And typically, he says, that’s due to a variety of unconscious reasons. Perhaps the person is reminiscent of important people in our past, reminiscent of a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a former relationship. According to Muskin, such a moment of meeting may be so profound that it transforms into the beginning of a really true connection.

Dating Goes High-Tech

Male-to-Female Dating Dictionary

By Mark C. Miller

Much of the reason dates often turn out so disastrously, especially first dates, is, in a word, communication. Yes, communication - or, as we men refer to it, Kryptonite.

I’ll admit it - men stink at it. We either can’t or won’t communicate. And when we do, we invariably do it poorly.

Reasons? Take your pick:

• Men are raised to be stoic and not reveal our true feelings and emotions.
• We fear that being honest and open will be perceived as a sign of weakness.
• In school, they never taught us how to communicate with another human being.
• Our primary communicating experience is talking and/or bragging to other guys about sports and women.
• Space aliens have zapped that portion of our brain required for being real.

So, because we’re so lousy at relating to females, we invariably torpedo a relationship before it even has a fighting chance. Sad, isn’t it? And all we have to make up for it and console ourselves is big cars, Haagen-Dazs, serial dating, starting wars in Third World nations, and impressing women in the gym.

Yes, it’s a pathetic, tragic, empty life, simply because we lack the skills of being open, honest, and vulnerable with, for want of a better word, women.

But, as you know, another outstanding feature of men, besides our inability to communicate, is our urge to - and feeling that we can and must - fix everything.

Therefore, I decided to take a portion of all the free time I have as a result of not using it to communicate openly and honestly with females - and put it to work coming up with a fix for this pesky communications problem. And lo and behold, I’ve found it! And it’s beautiful in its simplicity, if I do say so myself.

I call it, simply, the “Male-to-Female Dating Dictionary.” This is a book of words and phrases uttered by dating males, translated into language clearly understandable to dating females. What a guy says - translated into what a guy means. I’ll pause briefly here while a choir of dating angels sing hosannas to my public service accomplishment.

Okay, that’s enough.

This is a book, obviously, that every dating woman needs, for it will instantly translate Martian men’s conversation into Venutian women-speak. For example:

MAN SAYS: “Oh, um, sure, I like to dance.”

MAN MEANS: “I once gave myself a hernia in a swing dance class, and now, on my list of things I enjoy, “dancing” comes right after “cleaning up after a large dog with severe digestive problems.”

MAN SAYS: “What I really want is a long-term, serious relationship with someone.”

MAN MEANS: “And you could be that person if you consider long-term to be three months, and serious to include vodka, a wardrobe from Victoria’s Secret, and, of course, wrist restraints.”

MAN SAYS: “I have a great relationship with my dad.”

MAN MEANS: “Our monthly phone conversation consists of each of us asking the other how things are going, me saying ’Pretty good, how ’bout yourself?’ and him saying, ’Not bad... well, talk to you soon. Here’s your mother.’”

MAN SAYS: “My last girlfriend and I just grew apart.”

MAN MEANS: “You would not believe the bitchy attitude she gave me every time I had to borrow rent money from her!”

MAN SAYS: “I’m feeling some good chemistry here between us.”

MAN MEANS: “The sight of your cleavage is giving me thoughts of activities that I’m fairly certain are illegal in at least twelve states.”

All right, I’m not so delusional as to think that my dating dictionary is going to completely resolve the big issue of male-female dating communication. But it’s a start. And if my little contribution brings just one couple together into a relationship of honest and open communication, genuine friendship, and erotic passion, then it will have all been worth it. All I ask is that they send me a thank-you — and a photo of them, especially if it happens to feature Victoria’s Secret outfits and wrist restraints. Strictly for research purposes, I swear. Hey, come on, I’m a guy.

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Top 15 Dating Mistakes Guys Make

Okay fellas, the ladies have to hand it to you — you do a lot of things to make our hearts swoon. You surprise us by taking the initiative to invite us out to dinner — where we will undoubtedly enjoy a romantic meal by candlelight, talk for hours, spoon feed each other creme brulee — wait a minute, are those your friends from college about to sit with us? And you wonder why we’re mad later. Needless to say, sometimes guys trip up their own game with the ladies without even realizing it. Here’s a list of the most common dating mistakes guys make — so you can keep your game in check.

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1. Overly possessive

Stop. Just, stop. If the girl is dating you, she obviously wants to be with you doofus — there’s no need to call her every hour, resort to extreme PDA to show the world she’s yours, or be on her back all the time about her guy friends. It’s not sweet, it’s stifling, and nobody wants to date a guy like that. Except that chick from Twilight — we guess there are a few here and there that are into that whole creepily possessive, smothering, super jealous deal.

2. Gross living space

Dorm room, apartment, house, condo, parent’s basement — wherever you live, there’s no excuse for it to be dirty. No, it doesn’t have to be —Suzy Homemaker” clean, but she’ll notice the Doritos crumbs from last night’s March Madness party, the empty beer cans, and the dreaded dirty socks littering the floor. While your lady friend shouldn’t be dating you solely based on your living space, a decently clean room shows her that you not only take care of yourself, but also put in the effort to make her feel comfortable in your home.

3. Acting like a tough guy

Oh, you have muscles and testosterone? We never noticed. No, really c’mon guys — girls know it, you know it, and other guys know it. You’re a man, grrrrrr. So why do some guys start stupid, unnecessary scuffles (—Come at my bro”)? News flash — fights just make us scared, not impressed. So just play it cool and save everyone the stress.

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4. Acting differently around your friends

The merging of the two worlds of friends and GF is a delicate task (one that most guys seem to bomb). Just as your main squeeze wouldn’t want the 411 about the hot chick your ex-frat buddy hooked up with last weekend, the same goes for your bros not wanting to hear about your latest antiquing excursion. Play it cool, keep the conversations neutral, and your friends will like your new girl as much as you do (well hopefully not as much).

5. Saying they’ll do XYZ with no follow through

Everyone has a cell phone these days. Seriously, if you haven’t jumped on the 21st century bandwagon yet then you probably aren’t reading this and are more likely holed up in the mountains catching fish with your bare hands and wrestling bears. Case in point — we’re betting you have access to a telephone. So stop making excuses and just call a girl when you say you will.

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6. Flirting with/checking out other women

Most women have a slight case of the —green eyed monster,” but it’s relatively easy to keep the beast at bay — unless given just cause. That quick glance at the waitress’ cha-chas? Being overly friendly with your knockout coworker? Talking a little too much about Megan Fox? Yep, she’ll notice. We get that you have hormones — trust us we do, too (especially when it comes to anyone whose last name is Badgley, Pitt, or Damon) — but do yourself a favor and keep them under control around us, or jealousy will rear its head. And yes, it will get ugly.

7. Baby talk in bed

Urban dictionary defines baby talk as —the cutesy gibberish spoken by 1. Babies and 2. Adults speaking to animals and babies.” It’s a bizarre phenomenon really, when grown adults turn into babbling idiots in the cute faces of their pets. That said, while it’s endearing with puppies and bunnies, girls don’t want to be spoken to like that — particularly in the bedroom.

8. Expecting her to act like your mother

Newsflash — women are nurturing creatures. Sometimes men try to abuse their goodwill and start treating them more like mothers than girlfriends — especially in a cohabitation scenario. After all, she’s not there to be a mommy replacement — to clean up after you, take in your dry cleaning, or —make you a sandwich” (thanks teenage boys everywhere for perpetuating this sexist comment). In short, man up mamma’s boy and get your act together.

9. Letting your friends dictate your life

Ladies get it — your bros, brahs, wingmen, fellas, buddies, etc. are really important to you. What women find really aggravating, however, is when you let your friends dictate your life. Ever taken a friend’s advice like —make her jealous to win her back?” Wow, good one man — she just broke up with you. See, while their intentions may be good, they’re not experts, and girls would prefer that you discuss your relationship issues with them instead.

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10. Threatened by her job

Sometimes it seems as though the best way to test a man’s commitment isn’t to gauge his reaction when his significant other is down in the dumps — after all, anybody can deliver ice cream and rented movies — but rather gauge his reaction in the face of success. If the BF is overjoyed for his GF, he is definitely a keeper. However, far too often, men are threatened by a woman’s success — two words guys — not cool.

11. Hypocritical standards

Nobody likes a hypocrite. That annoying —do as I say, not what I do” mentality loses its merit fast — especially when it translates to your relationship. Either adhere to the standards you go by for her, or run the risk of coming off as controlling.

12. Not having your own life away from her

Scientifically speaking, in the first six months of dating, dopamine and serotonin levels peak, creating a form of obsession with your significant other. Once you transition out of this phase, you feel attached to your partner deeply, but often begin pursuing interests that have fallen by the wayside. Just don’t forget the step where you start persuing those other interests. Nobody likes a needy guy.

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13. Bringing up previous relationships

Talking about an ex a lot — whether in a positive light, as in —I’m totally at peace with the situation,” or in a negative light — i.e. —I can’t believe I dated that w — —,” sends one very clear, unnerving message — he’s not over his ex. Bringing up past girlfriends to use as ammo in a fight is a terrible idea — lest you want to start WWIII. You don’t have to ignore her existence, but you also don’t need to bring up her name in every convo, either.

14. Treating others poorly

When men are first dating someone casually and trying to impress them, one major red flag is when they treat people poorly. While we sincerely hope he won’t go as far as to put a fumbling waiter in a headlock, just being rude to a taxi driver or making a scene with the cashier worries ladies that they may be dating a narcissistic psycho.

15. Inflated ego

When it comes to dating, big ego = big turn-off. No one likes a know-it-all with an inflated sense of self. When guys talk a big game or boast about past conquests, it makes girls wonder what they’re over-compensating for — and chances are that they won’t stay in the relationship long enough to find out.

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Mortality and Dating

For most of my life, I have avoided dating and relationships. In high school, this was a consequence of my inability to play the necessary games. (Although, I attributed it to hopeless romanticism, the justification of choice for most awkward teenagers.) In college, I learned to play the games — very well. However, I continued to not date. The adage, “why buy the cow if the milk is for free” applied. I enjoyed college.

Towards the end of college, I started to think differently. I wanted to form relationships of the non-causual variety. Many people I know date merely to be in a relationship. They are not necessarily wild about their partner, they just prefer not to be alone. This doesn’t interest me. In my case, I would date only if I found someone great. I think (very) highly of myself; I would have to think highly of the girl I would date as well. And that is just the beginning of the criteria. Physical attraction and emotional compatibility are not minor issues. Such girls are rare, but they have graced my path before.

As mentioned previously on my blog, I had a rare type of cancer for which there is still no cure. I was treated surgically to remove the macro-tumor, but microscopic remnants undoubtedly remain and, after enough doubling, it will reassert a claim on my health. Things are not likely to end well. Given this, I arrived at my dating conundrum. If I was to find a girl that I respected; a girl that I was attracted to; a girl whose company I enjoyed; a girl that I wanted to invest my time and emotions in…what happens when I get sick again? I initiated steps to nullify the Chordoma threat, and others subsequently (greatly) exceeded my efforts, but as of right now, I think the probability of tragedy exceeds that of happily ever after. This introduces my paradox, my Catch-22. The purpose of dating such a girl as the one sketched above is to allow myself to be swept along the currents, hoping to arrive at a place of deep love. (I wasn’t trying to be poetic; the preceding statement was as precise a summary on the progression of relationships as I could give.) If this point came — if I grew to love her deeply — I would want to protect her from harm and suffering. However, given Chordoma, her suffering would likely be a result of my sickness and death. Her suffering would be deeply emotional. Furthermore, as it is in a woman’s best interest to find a man in her youth — for obvious reasons — it would continue to weigh on her for a long time. Ergo, the best way to protect my as of yet unidentified and pursued love, is to never pursue her.

I realized this years ago but it is growing more difficult to maintain my restraint. For one, it’s easy to not pursue women romantically when you are young, dumb, and…in college. I might have justified my Dorian Gray phase as a consequence of this realization, but truthfully it wasn’t. I was enjoying myself in the way that a geek turned college man-whore would. Now, however, I am less interested in the simple pleasures (in isolation, at least.) Over the past year or so, I’ve started dating a few women, only to realize I was being selfish. I think I wanted the intimacy of a relationship, without the woman’s investment. This was stupid because it’s not a possibility.

To a small degree, I’m writing this hoping that someone will point out an obvious flaw. I’ve thought of some, but they are weak. I assume people smarter than myself have offered similar arguments; I’d like to read them. However, for the most part, I wrote it to solidify my resolve and understanding. That’s why I write most of my blog posts and accounts for my readership of about six people.

In the meantime, I’ll continue to do what I consider the rational course of action: try to fund a cure.

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