Dating Commandments For Dudes

By The Frisky

When it comes to dating, there are some rules that should not ever be broken. Here are 10 dating commandments—for men!—that should be etched in stone.

Thou shalt not be late or cancel more than once.

If you can’t help but be late, send a text message or call as soon as possible to alert your date of your failure to be prompt. And if you must cancel—like, say, if you have mono or Freddie Mercury comes back from the dead for a one-night only concert to which you have a ticket (in which case, invite me)—reschedule immediately. To quote myself, rainchecks are bulls**t.

Thou shalt not itemize the bill.

If you’re set on being a modern man who prefers to go dutch, so be it—we most of us are cool with that—but divide it straight down the middle. Those who itemize based on who ate what—especially if that means they owe less—should be deeply ashamed. And also castrated.

Thou shalt not expect sex in exchange for paying the bill.

If you’re more traditional and opt to pay the full bill, do not expect your generosity to buy you any sexual favors. Seriously, not even a kiss. Besides, kisses/blowjobs/sex feel so much better when they’re given with natural enthusiasm, not because $50 was forked over for a mediocre piece of salmon and some stupidly named cocktails.

Thou shalt not get completely wasted.

Drinks can (and perhaps should!) be imbibed on a date, but watch the intake and avoid shots, unless you are in college and there’s a special on tequila and cans of Tecate. Loosen up with a couple beers or a glass of wine or two, but nursing rather than guzzling will ensure you keep your embarrassing alter ego, Senor Drunky McStumble-Puke, safely at bay.

Thou shalt not talk incessantly about your ex-girlfriend.

Doesn’t matter whether you’re calling her a complete bunny boiler or singing her praises—it’s weird. It’s one thing, if it comes up, to talk about when you last were in a serious relationship or how many years/months the longest one lasted. It is another thing, however, to share the entire Wuthering Heights-esque saga of your love story, starting with when you first laid eyes on her and ending with the day she went completely mental and poured sugar in your gas tank because she found out you cheated. Relive the memories with your man journal or therapist. Or, on second thought, move on already.

Thou shalt not name drop your Ivy League university more than once.

Nor the model of sports car you drive or the high-end brand of watch strapped around your wrist. We don’t care that when you graduated from Princeton—also Princeton grads, natch—or that your parents gifted you with a vintage Rolex, which was pretty cool, but not nearly as cool as the Porsche they gave you when you graduated from Harvard Law. We care much more that your fancy education bought you something interesting to say.

Thou shalt not be rude to waiters, cab drivers, or other service people deserving of mutual respect.

Angrily sending your plate back to the kitchen because your steak is cherry blossom pink instead of Thulian pink makes you look like a pretentious douche. Giving the cab driver a crappy tip because there was traffic makes us want to go home with him instead. We’d much rather date someone who is chill and relaxed when things don’t work out completely to their specifications rather than an adult baby who throws epic tantrums.

Thou shalt not discuss money.

Super broke? Just got a fat raise? About to come into a six figure inheritance? Parents worth $20 million? Need to get a roommate because money’s super tight right now? All of the above needs to be kept to yourself. Couples talk about money. We’re not a couple yet.

Thou shalt not be dismissive of her opinions.

One of the best perks about dating is getting to learn another person’s perspective—on the world, on politics, on pop culture, whatever. Make the most of that. Listen! Nodding your head and holding back an eye roll while she explains her beliefs on universal health care, only to seize the spotlight the minute she pauses in order to say, “Yeah, well, maybe you should just move to France,” is not listening. It’s dick. The Frisky: 7 Types Of Guys To Date in 2011

Thou shalt not refuse to wear a condom.

Ohhhh, condoms make your penis feel like it’s being strangled. You don’t have any diseases, you swear. You basically got, like, a master’s degree in the pullout method, huh? You’ve never gotten a chick pregnant! Congrats. Strap one on anyway, homie.

In The Dating Game, Speaking Styles Count

American researchers have found a new way to predict the success of a relationship -- compare the speaking style of a couple.

In a study of college students they found that couples whose language was in sync were almost four times more likely to want to see each other again than those who did not use similar language.

“We are able to predict this at higher rates than the people themselves,” said Professor James Pennebaker, of the University of Texas, who headed the research team.

The researchers, who reported their findings in the journal Psychological Science, focused on function words -- which are not nouns or verbs but the words that show how those words relate. For example: a, be, anything, that, will, him.

“Function words are highly social and they require social skills to use,” Pennebaker explained. “For example, if I’m talking about the article that’s coming out, and in a few minutes I make some reference to ’the article’, you and I both know what that article means.”

As part of the experiment, about 40 pairs of college students participated in four-minute speed dates and had their conversations recorded.

“We found that function words are a powerful reflection of somebody’s psychological state,” Pennebaker said. “You can tell when people are in the same state or are on the same page.”

A second part of the study examined the everyday instant message conversations between already dating couples over a 10-day period. The conversations were analyzed by a computer for words and conversational patterns.

Pennebaker said that researchers were once again able to fairly accurately predict which couples would continue dating.

They found that the speaking and writing styles couples use during interactions are a good indicator of whether or not a relationship will be successful.

“The higher their style matching scores, the more likely they were to still be dating later on,” Pennebaker said.

About 80 percent of the couples whose conversational styles were similar were still dating three months after the experiment, compared with just 54 percent of couples whose styles were markedly different.

Pennebaker said that the results were notable because they occur during everyday conversations, even though most people don’t notice.

“None of us pay attention to these words,” Pennebaker said. “What’s wonderful about this is we don’t really make that decision; it just comes out of our mouths.”

(Reporting by Bernd Debusmann Jr., editing by Patricia Reaney)