After Marriage, Dating Still Important

“Couples who stop dating after getting married miss opportunities to nurture – and strengthen – their relationship, ” said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

Manhattan, KS - infoZine - While it ’s true that relationships can suffer before marriage, as couples get wrapped up in wedding planning and fail to take time to relax and enjoy each other's company, the challenges of everyday life ahead of them often can be best met when a couple makes time to nurture their relationship along the way, Olsen said.

Settling into a newly married routine, adjusting to a job change or move, anticipating the birth of a child, raising a family through various stages while coping with work, school and community schedules, and/or the needs of extended family can strain the very relationship that has been the basis for the family's life together, she said.

“Make time for your relationship, ” said Olsen, who recently paired with Peg Condray, a K-State family and consumer sciences agent in the Central Kansas Extension District, to discuss dating and nurturing relationships.

“Scheduling time to be together is essential, ” echoes Condray, who, in her role as an Extension agent helping singles, couples and families, has become increasingly aware of the everyday stresses that can test – and damage – relationships. Together, the two family advisers offer the following tips for making a successful date:

Set a time and date for couple time, and protect it.

Mix it up -- try not to do the same thing (like dinner and a movie) for every date.

Allow quiet time to talk, but leave conversation about children, family issues, home repairs, politics and money at home.

Practice listening intently. Try not to rush to finish a sentence or cut off a thought or idea.

Build on a common interest – or explore a new one.

Don't let cost be an obstacle. Consider trading childcare responsibilities with friends or neighbors to allow each couple time off.

Be creative. A date need not be costly. Packing a picnic lunch and walking or biking to a park or other pleasant setting to enjoy lunch – without interruption – can be a great date.

Be yourself, but keep the other person in mind. Think back to early dates, when you were just getting to know each other: What attracted you? What have you enjoyed together? And, how can you build on it?

Make it fun; walking the dog together, with or without a stop for coffee or a soft drink, can give a couple enough time to make a connection.

Celebrate everyday blessings, and build on gratitude. A positive attitude can be catching.

“A couple ’s relationship sets the tone for the family, ” said Olsen, who noted that children can pick up on parents ’ stress or tensions.

Golden Rules For Successful Online Dating

Today, we're releasing ten Golden Rules to online dating. This list was compiled over several months that consisted of reviewing and responding to thousands of profiles and customer service emails. We started off with a laundry list of rules and narrowed it down to the rules that we classified as "The Fundamentals" for successful online dating. If you follow these rules, your online dating experience will be a fun, quick and easy process. Each of the following rules will be discussed in more detail in future blogs, but for now, here's a quick summary of the 10 golden rules to successful online dating.

1. Be like-able: This is a lot easier than you think and the key lies in keeping your profile simple and summarized. Your profile paints a picture of who you are and what you're about. Paint a broad picture (I am an outgoing person who enjoys the outdoors. I spend my free time snowboarding, backpacking, hiking, swimming, bike riding etc..). Dwelling on one or two subjects may lead people to believe that there's not much other activity going on in your life (I am an engineer and it's my responsibility to develop a program that interacts with widgets, it's producers and it's advertisers to populate daily analysis reports). The more activities that you can add on your profile, the more incentive you'll give others to want to contact you.

2. Be enthusiastic: Your profile is your first impression. Keeping the tone of your profile upbeat and positive will rub off on others and will lead to higher success rates. Compare the two examples: I like the beach vs. I love the beach and find the time to be there as much as I possibly can. You're saying the same thing, except that one is more colorful and descriptive than the other.

3. Add a picture: We cannot stress this enough: If you don't share a picture, online dating will probably not work for you. Add at least one picture and pick a good one. Profiles without pictures are rarely reviewed by others and rarely get responses. Would you spend time sending messages or responding to messages that didnt share a picture? A majority of registered members upload their pictures because they're serious about finding someone.

4. Be honest: Fluffing a profile may seem like a great way to better your chances of meeting singles, but that's only if you're looking for very short term results. Truth is, if dishonesty is discovered, it will likely shatter any trust and credibility that has been established. Be yourself, be honest and let people like you for who you are.

5. Stand out: Sending a one line message may seem like a quick and easy way to gauge a singles interest, but according to surveys, polls, and feedback – members hate one liners. If you're interested in connecting with someone, take the time to send a message that lets the person on the other end know that you're genuinely interested in them. The best way to get results is to stand out.

6. Interact: Don't shy away from sending messages. You're here to meet people. Be proactive in initiating contact and remember to be yourself. Try not to send messages that read like resumes, lack in content, or are cheesy in nature. Initiate contact often.

7. Be open-minded: Online dating is all about getting to know and meeting new people. Having extremely tight filters may hurt your chances of finding true success. If you receive a message that catches your attention, reply. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

8. Use your best judgment: Online dating is designed to be a safe environment, but there are people that try to game the system. Use your best judgment when it comes to sharing personal information. Don't be afraid to ask the tough questions and take as much time as you need to feel comfortable. If someone is really interested in you, they'll understand.

9. Meet people: Exchanging messages is a great way to break the ice, but chemistry is determined in real life scenarios. Trust your instincts! If you feel a connection, don't hesitate to meet them face to face. When you decide to meet with a potential match, remember to meet in a public setting.

10. Be patient: Online dating takes time. So long as you follow the tips above, you'll be sure to find yourself a match that's was well worth the wait.

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Online Dating Looks For Love On Social Media

In the online dating business where new sites close as quickly as they open and only a handful have mastered the art of matchmaking, a new generation of services is courting the billion-dollar industry by leveraging all that personal information on social networks.

Their hope: that matchmaking based on social media such as Facebook or Twitter, which some argue provide a more accurate snapshot of users’ lives, can lead to better connections.

“It’s hard to fake a Twitter stream or Flickr photos. That authenticity is what makes good and safer dates,” said Steve Odom, founder of Gelato, an online dating service in Texas that launched in September. “I’m surprised that no one had built it before me because it makes total sense.“

Gelato is a service that lets users create their profiles based on information from services like Twitter, Facebook, Hulu, Netflix and Last.fm. That way, other users can see in real time the last post someone made or the movies someone else recently saw.

Another ongoing concern with online dating is safety, but some companies try to mitigate that by basing their services on users’ existing connections.

Thread, a San Francisco site that opened in September, takes a jab at the awkwardness of navigating the Internet to meet strangers by helping Facebook users connect with the friends of their friends. Thread users can browse their friends’ contacts, ask for introductions or play matchmaker by suggesting dates to other people.

These new startups could be appealing among those in their 20s who are more comfortable with sharing personal information publicly and more interested in casual dating and expanding their networks.

For instance, almost two-thirds of the 30 million users on Zoosk, an online dating site in San Francisco, are younger than 30.

Social dating

The Web site claims to be the first site in a new category: social dating, a combination of social networks and online dating. The pitch is, make your dating profile available to Zoosk users using the same social networks — Facebook, Hi5, MySpace, Friendster, etc. — and let your friends write a good word for you in the form of testimonials.

Co-founder Shayan Zadeh said that the site’s platform is the digital equivalent of going out to a bar with friends and meeting new people.

The appeal, Zadeh said, is that meeting people through social networks takes the pressure off of going on the hunt solely for a meaningful relationship.

“In real life you’re not in a mission to find your soul mate,” he said. “Real life is about meeting new people and if it happens that I find someone I have a connection with, great. But otherwise, I’m not a loser if I don’t find a date in six months.“

BlackBox Republic is another newcomer that wants to turn online dating into a more lasting and meaningful experience.

On the one hand, the company offers a closed-door networking environment — people must pay a $25 registration to participate — for people who relate to the sex-positive community, which basically means being open to making friends with diverse sexual orientations and all kinds of relationship preferences.

On the other hand, the company, which also describes itself as a social dating site, aims to provide an environment where people can create networks they can retain even after finding new love interests. In a way, its goal is to challenge the shop-and-go spirit of the classifieds system, BlackBox Republic CEO Sam Lawrence said.

Growing old together

“Right now, none of the (online dating) sites grow with you,” he said. “Sites are no longer helpful when you date someone, and it becomes a piece of yourself that can’t stay with you. We built this from the ground up to really marry the social space and the dating space and making it about your personal life.“

Big online dating players like Match.com have flirted with ways of leveraging social networks, but in general, they are confident in their methods and mostly focus their efforts on improving them.

OnlineDatingPost.com editor Dave Evans said it is difficult to break into a market dominated by 30 or so players as acquisition costs — the cost of attracting one new user — have skyrocketed to the point where only the big players can afford the price.

But social networks have opened a window of opportunity for startups, since it’s significantly more affordable to advertise through them. Moreover, young companies have a good shot at building their own customer bases since the top online dating companies’ clients are usually more mature and in the hunt for long-term relationships.

“What’s going to be the next paradigm of online dating?” Evans said. “You’re always going to have these dominant players, but the interesting stuff is with the edge cases. These guys have created a sexier proposition.“