If you listen to a group of attractive, single women talking alone over dinner or drinks, the topic will always turn to MEN.
And in most cases, it will eventually turn into a RANT session about how hard it is to find good men to date...
Which will lead to a FULL-ON RAG SESSION about men in general...
...And wind up with a detailed list of all the traits guys have that are ANNOYING AS HELL.
The reality is that single women have an entire laundry list of traits, qualities, and characteristics that they HATE in single guys.
Did you know this?
I didn't think so.
Well, the truth is that up until a few years ago, I didn't know this either.
So take heart in the idea that you're about to learn something that most men on this planet will DIE not knowing.
My hope is that what I'm about to share with you will change how you interact with women FOREVER... and help you meet and date more of the kinds of women you're interested in.
Onward.
FRIENDSHIPS AND ROMANCE
For women, friendships and romantic relationships are two separate things. They are NOT the same.
One can lead to another, but it's RARE when it happens.
Remember that.
One CAN lead to another, but it's RARE.
"Romantic" relationships are very different from "friend" relationships.
While most men would sleep with most of their female "friends" if the woman "came on" to them, most women would NOT sleep with most men that they consider "just friends".
But why is this?
How do women differentiate between "just friends" and "I'll be intimate with you"?
And why is it so hard to become "more than friends" with a woman you've been "just friends" with for a long time?
The answer to this riddle is very interesting to me.
I believe that the answer comes down to understanding HOW women "know" when they want to "be intimate" with a man... and, even MORE
importantly, understanding how women "know" when they DON'T want to "be intimate" with a man...
The thing that tells a woman whether the guy she's with is "friend" material or "lover" material is how she FEELS.
It's a combination of EMOTIONAL feelings and PHYSICAL feelings.
It is NOT logic.
She might USE logic to "rationalize" her decision... or she might USE logic to SOUND like she has a good reason for either "being with" or
"not being with" a particular guy.
But don't let that distract you.
Logic isn't important AT ALL in this context.
So let me say this another way.
A woman FEELS something emotionally and/or physically, then she uses those FEELINGS as the basis for her "decisions" and actions with a
particular guy.
If she feels that "Ewwww Yuck!" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably not be that she wants to date the guy in question.
If she feels that "It's Gettin' Hot In Here" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably be that this guy is interesting and attractive, and a good "choice" to date. At this point she'll take ACTION on her feelings and thoughts...
It goes like this:
FEEL--->THINK--->ACT
First the FEELING, then the THOUGHT... and THEN the action.
Now, with this in mind, let me ask you an important question:
How do most guys behave around women that they're "romantically" interested in?
And another:
What do they do to get the woman that's the object of their desires to be with them?
Take a few minutes to think about this. Make a list if you have paper and pen handy.
I'm serious. I'll wait.
Come back when you're finished.
Now take a look at your list.
I'll bet that almost every single thing on your list was something "external".
In other words, your list probably contains things like "Take her to dinner" and "Give her compliments" and "Buy her flowers" and "Call
her often".
These are all things that demonstrate that he's INTERESTED.
They are NOT things that trigger those emotional and physical feelings inside of a woman that tell her that THIS IS THE GUY.
In other words, men try to use "props" to LET A WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED...
...HOPING that when the woman sees these displays she'll be interested in him.
Almost NONE of the things men do to court women make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to "Attraction" and "Arousal".
Of course, you know this.
You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that I'm interested... only to have her NOT RESPOND in a "romantic" way.
The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it makes TWO HUGE MISTAKES at once.
First, it's just the plain-old wrong way to go. Telling or showing a woman that you "like her" has no effect on how she feels about YOU.
In the moment it sure seems to make sense... "If I show her how I feel, she'll return the feelings".
Duh.
Like I said, it seems like the right thing to do in the moment (when your inner little girl has a big fat crush). But it's not... it will have NO effect on her feelings for you.
And second, it communicates clearly that YOU DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that you're not hip to what's going... and it
kills your chances with her.
Say what?
You mean that doing nice things for women, and trying to show how you feel can actually HURT your chances with a woman?
Yea, it can.
Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively for six months, and her birthday comes... it's OK to buy her a gift and tell her that you like spending time with her.
YOU'RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.
But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.
Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that
you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).
Remember what I'm about to tell you.
Burn it into your mind.
Write it on a sticky-note and put it on your computer monitor...
SINGLE, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WATCH MEN TRY TO WIN THEM OVER ALL DAY LONG. THEY KNOW WHEN A GUY DOESN'T "GET IT"... AND
THEY'RE ANNOYED WHEN A GUY WHO DOESN'T "GET IT" JUST KEEPS TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING.
Keep in mind that single, attractive women watch guys do this stuff 24/7. They shake their pretty heads and say "He doesn't get it... He doesn't get it... He doesn't get it" over and over and over.
The point is that if you DON'T GET IT, then nothing you do is going to work for you.
The problem is bigger than you can imagine, and you're going to need to take a totally different road to get where you're going...
WHAT ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HATE MOST ABOUT SINGLE GUYS...
Let's return to where we started.
There are a few particular things that REALLY annoy single, attractive women.
One of the reasons that these things annoy women is because they're DEAL KILLERS.
A woman can like everything about you, but if you do these things (or even ONE of these things), it can DESTROY your chances of success with a particular woman.
Here are a few of the BIG things that single women hate:
1) Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For Her Attention And Approval
If I had to describe the one single thing that both annoys women and DESTROYS a guy's chances, it would be this.
It has taken me a long time to see this particular pattern, but it's EVERYWHERE.
Men, in effect, say "Hi, I want your approval and attention. I'm willing to let YOU be the one who's in control... and let YOU call the shots... and do anything to please YOU... if you'll give me your attention and
approval".
But the problem is that women DON'T WANT you to give up your status and "manliness".
Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who act weak and tentative.
Women secretly HATE IT when a guy does something to demonstrate that he'll give away his power in return for approval.
THEY HATE IT!
I could literally write an entire book on this one single concept.
Take a few minutes to think this one over, and maybe write down the ways that you make this mistake with women.
More importantly, think about how you're going to STOP DOING IT IMMEDIATELY.
2) Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure
When one person "clings" to another person "psychologically", the person who is being "clinged to" RESENTS and REJECTS the needy,
clingy emotional parasite...
This is WUSS behavior at its worst.
If a guy is on the phone with a girl he just met, and she says "Hey, I have to go", he might say "Aw, well... um... OK. Um, will you call me when you get home?".
Or let's say a guy and a girl are out on their first date, and they're walking around in a large department store.
Most guys will follow the woman everywhere, and not leave her side for a minute.
If she wanders away, he'll come find her IMMEDIATELY.
He'll stay physically close to her, as if he's afraid she'll leave without him.
And an even worse example is a guy who is so emotionally insecure that he actually ASKS a woman to tell him that he's nice, fun, interesting, etc.
"Do you think I'm interesting?"
"Do you think we could ever have a relationship?"
"Am I your type?"
Women HATE this stuff. It makes them shiver with the heebie-jeebies. It makes them want to RUN AWAY.
3) Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get Her To Lead
Women have WUSS-DAR.
One of the things that triggers a woman's WUSS-DAR is a man who FOLLOWS.
The REAL problem is that most women won't try to LEAD naturally.
So you've got a situation where a man is trying to FOLLOW a woman who isn't LEADING.
He's looking for little cues so he knows where to go and what to do... but he isn't getting them.
So what does he do?
He ASKS for them!
He says "So, I was thinking of maybe taking you to Olive Garden for dinner... how does that sound?".
Everything about the way he asks says to the woman "I'm trying to figure out what you want me to do... please help me know how you want me to act, where you want me to take you, and what you want me to say".
This is ATTRACTION DEATH!
men who don't lead, and even worse, try to get a woman to lead, ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF SINGLE WOMEN.
They HATE IT!
4) Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low-Status Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language
There's a term that single, attractive, in-demand women use to describe men who use weak, approval-seeking posture, gestures,
comments, and mannerisms...
The term is "NICE".
"He's nice... but... there's no chemistry."
This is one of those areas that's not easy to talk about.
Since SO DAMN MANY GUYS do this stuff, it's almost impossible to explain.
It's like trying to tell a fish that they're not going to get anywhere in life
if they stay wet.
The fish doesn't even KNOW it's wet in the first place.
But let me try.
This is important.
Go spend a day observing couples.
Go places where couples that have just met spend time together.
Bars, clubs, coffee shops, whatever.
Now watch the GUYS.
Watch how they lean towards the women.
Watch how they raise their eyebrows in exaggerated response to women's comments.
Watch how they slump over, let their shoulders fall forward, and smile fake-ly at whatever the women say.
If you're close enough, listen to how men ask questions and make comments with a voice tone that says "I'm insecure and I'm trying
to be extra nice to compensate for it".
You'll see it EVERYWHERE.
In fact, you'll see it so much that you'll probably write me back to tell me that I'm the one who's crazy, and that since it happens so much, it must be "the right way".
Well, it's not.
If there's one thing that triggers an attractive single woman's WUSS-DAR, it's a man's posture, gestures, eye contact, voice tone, etc.
It all happens in an INSTANT.
Women read this stuff and interpret it as instantly and accurately as you read and interpret the cover of Playboy.
NO ANALYSIS NECESSARY.
I'd say that probably 90% of all men alive today INSTANTLY disqualify themselves with women because of this problem.
Their voice tone, gestures, posture, etc. TELEGRAPH the message that they're a WUSS.
They do a thousand weird little things to let a woman know that they're uncomfortable and "not being themselves".
And you guessed it...
Single women HATE IT!
5) Not Understanding That She's A Woman And You're A Man
I'm about to get philosophical on your ass, so be cool.
When it comes down to it, most men don't understand women.
But the REAL kicker is that most men don't understand MEN, either!
Most guys don't know what it's like to get in touch with their MALE NATURE.
Combine these two issues, and you get a guy who behaves in ways that DO NOT trigger ATTRACTION in women.
Women have a "nature". A female nature.
Men also have a "nature". You guessed it, it's a MALE nature.
Women are coy. They like to play hard to get. They like to enjoy the chase. They love anticipation. They love to "let a guy catch them"...
Men are competitive. Men are dominant. Men like to play rough games, win things, and rule their territory.
Well guess what?
Most men don't BEHAVE like men when they're in the presence of a woman that they "like".
And since most men don't understand female human nature, they don't demonstrate that they "get it" when they're with women that they "like".
Women like men. Men like women. There are POWERFUL causes at play here.
When you're around a woman you like, don't act like a GIRLY-MAN. It's not sexy, and it's not attractive...
And single women HATE IT!
6) Not Being Interesting To Be Around
Underneath most behavior that I see most guys acting out is a "core belief" that goes like this:
"I don't believe that an attractive woman would want to be around me just because she enjoys my presence... so I make up for it by saying and doing certain things that I hope she'll enjoy... and if she enjoys those
other things enough, then maybe she'll want to spend more time with me."
Heavy, man.
Well guess what? Most attractive single women KNOW that if a guy isn't interesting to be around, they she's eventually going to go CRAZY being around him.
In other words, no amount of material gifts, compliments, dinners, and other "displays" will EVER compensate for a lack of BEING INTERESTING.
Here's a profound thought:
I and several other guys I know have many women who call us often... just because they enjoy being around us.
These women would be happy just to be in the same room with us... and enjoy our company.
And yes, these women CALL US.
Often.
Material gifts, food, flowers, and other "displays" have ZERO lasting value to a woman when it comes to how she FEELS about you...
An attractive single woman wants a guy who LIGHTS HER UP. She wants to FEEL GOOD.
She wants mystery... she wants to laugh... she wants a challenge... she wants sexual tension...
If you're using compliments, gifts, food, and other "displays" to get a woman's attention... you need to ask yourself a tough question:
Is it because you don't believe that a woman would want to be around you just to be around you?
Because if you don't know how to be INTERESTING to a woman, then no amount of compensation is going to fix the problem.
If you're boring, predictable, and uninteresting, then you're never going to have women calling YOU to hang out.
Oh, and women HATE IT.
7) Not Understanding Attraction
This is a BIGGIE.
You hear me talking about it all the time, right?
Maybe now that you've read this newsletter you'll have a better context to understand what I'm about to tell you...
If you "get it" with women, it's SUPER INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE to them.
Women can INSTANTLY FEEL IT when they're with a guy who "gets it".
Women know very quickly if they're talking to a guy who understands himself and women... and who enjoys creating and building sexual tension.
Women know if a guy speaks the SECRET LANGUAGE of "Sexual Communication".
If he doesn't, then she stops all communication on that level.
If he does, then it continues.
ATTRACTION Isn't A Choice.
Attraction is an emotional and physical RESPONSE... and you can't "convince" a woman to feel it with logic, gifts, and NICENESS.
Attraction is the result of a woman meeting a man who understands how attraction works... and who knows what to do in each specific
situation to progress to the next level.
The PROBLEM with ATTRACTION, and with success with women in general is that the things you need to DO to be successful are NOT
OBVIOUS.
They're "counter intuitive", in many cases.
In other words, they're the OPPOSITE of what you'd THINK would make sense.
You have to do things like CREATE TENSION... stop doing something that she likes... give her time to miss you... etc.
And if you don't understand ATTRACTION, a woman is going to KNOW IT.
And guess what?
Single women HATE IT when a man doesn't understand ATTRACTION and how to communicate on this "other level".
Now that I've shared the mistakes, you need the next piece of the puzzle. You need to get an education on how attraction works for women... and the RIGHT things to do up front to give her those emotional/physical feelings inside.
Right now you're probably feeling that excited "Ah Ha!" feeling.
That's because you understand something at a different level... you've used your mind to understand something complex... and you feel good about bettering yourself.
Well this is just the TIP of the iceberg.
As educational as this has been, this is only the beginning.
David DeAngelo
Conscious Dating: Finding The Love of Your Life in Today's World
