By Cheryl Rogers
Today, I share my best dating tip for someone who is newly divorced. Consider the advantages of a long-distance relationship.
I believe people who say they came through a divorce unscathed are fooling themselves. Divorce is difficult, and it ought to be. You’re giving up on something you vowed would last until death. If you take marriage seriously, then ending one should give you pause.
Sometimes divorce is the best decision. While nothing revives beaten self-esteem like meeting someone new who thinks you’re wonderful, it’s good to go slow. A friend of mine, a family therapist, advised, “Take your time until you’re sure you’re ready. Then wait a little longer. Then proceed with caution.”
Hence, my endorsement of a long-distance relationship. Getting to know people via e-mail, instant messaging, phone or text takes time. While you’re getting to know them, they’re not under foot. You have the much-needed time and space to settle into your new life, to find your own way.
The distance prevents you from repeating past mistakes before you have a chance to learn from them.
After my divorce, I had no intention of messing up my life with a guy again. Then I impulsively went to a high school class reunion — and met someone. Years before, we’d graduated in the same class with 450 other students. We weren’t even on each other’s radar back then. At the reunion, we swapped e-mail addresses. Then I returned to Michigan, and he returned to Kyrgyzstan.
Kyrgyzstan is a country in central Asia, bordering Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan. Contrary to what you learned of the area from Borat, it does have Internet access. We got to know each other through e-mail, navigating a 10-hour time difference. A slow process, certainly. Yet a sensible pace for me at that time.
That was more than two years ago. Since then, Mike’s moved to Afghanistan, where he works for a defense contractor on a NATO base in Kabul. We can now instant-message, but base technology doesn’t lend itself well to Skype or webcam use.
Dating isn’t typical. No normal Saturday dinner and a movie for us. In two years, we’ve had only five dates. Still, they were really good dates. I needed my passport for three of them.
There was a time my single friends and I would negatively describe a potential date as GUD — Geographically Undesirable. Sure, a long-distance relationship won’t work forever. If someone is willing to change his life — for example, move out of a war zone — it has potential.
However, after a toxic one, relationship speed bumps aren’t necessarily bad.
Thank you to Janet Carr, director of religious education for Community Unitarian Universalist Church in Brighton. Carr told me that this today, at the 10:30 a.m. service, congregation members will donate mittens to a mitten tree, then they’ll be given to us at the Livingston County Daily Press & Argus.
We will pass them on to needy Livingston County children whose families are assisted through the Empty Stocking Fund.
We are still accepting donations to this worthy cause. The Empty Stocking Fund uses your contributions to purchase gift cards for needy local families, who will use the gift cards as they wish.
Don’t worry that your donation may be small. Every dollar adds up to make a difference. There are no administrative expenses associated with the fund; this newspaper covers them.
Send your contribution to the Empty Stocking Fund at the Daily Press & Argus, 323 E. Grand River Ave., Howell, MI 48843.
We will run a thank-you ad in our newspaper during the holidays, so please let us know how you would like your name to appear.
Thank you for your consideration.
