Sometimes, Distance In Dating Is For The Best

By Cheryl Rogers

Today, I share my best dating tip for someone who is newly divorced. Consider the advantages of a long-distance relationship.

I believe people who say they came through a divorce unscathed are fooling themselves. Divorce is difficult, and it ought to be. You’re giving up on something you vowed would last until death. If you take marriage seriously, then ending one should give you pause.

Sometimes divorce is the best decision. While nothing revives beaten self-esteem like meeting someone new who thinks you’re wonderful, it’s good to go slow. A friend of mine, a family therapist, advised, “Take your time until you’re sure you’re ready. Then wait a little longer. Then proceed with caution.”

Hence, my endorsement of a long-distance relationship. Getting to know people via e-mail, instant messaging, phone or text takes time. While you’re getting to know them, they’re not under foot. You have the much-needed time and space to settle into your new life, to find your own way.

The distance prevents you from repeating past mistakes before you have a chance to learn from them.

After my divorce, I had no intention of messing up my life with a guy again. Then I impulsively went to a high school class reunion — and met someone. Years before, we’d graduated in the same class with 450 other students. We weren’t even on each other’s radar back then. At the reunion, we swapped e-mail addresses. Then I returned to Michigan, and he returned to Kyrgyzstan.

Kyrgyzstan is a country in central Asia, bordering Kazakhstan and Uzbekistan. Contrary to what you learned of the area from Borat, it does have Internet access. We got to know each other through e-mail, navigating a 10-hour time difference. A slow process, certainly. Yet a sensible pace for me at that time.

That was more than two years ago. Since then, Mike’s moved to Afghanistan, where he works for a defense contractor on a NATO base in Kabul. We can now instant-message, but base technology doesn’t lend itself well to Skype or webcam use.

Dating isn’t typical. No normal Saturday dinner and a movie for us. In two years, we’ve had only five dates. Still, they were really good dates. I needed my passport for three of them.

There was a time my single friends and I would negatively describe a potential date as GUD — Geographically Undesirable. Sure, a long-distance relationship won’t work forever. If someone is willing to change his life — for example, move out of a war zone — it has potential.

However, after a toxic one, relationship speed bumps aren’t necessarily bad.

Thank you to Janet Carr, director of religious education for Community Unitarian Universalist Church in Brighton. Carr told me that this today, at the 10:30 a.m. service, congregation members will donate mittens to a mitten tree, then they’ll be given to us at the Livingston County Daily Press & Argus.

We will pass them on to needy Livingston County children whose families are assisted through the Empty Stocking Fund.

We are still accepting donations to this worthy cause. The Empty Stocking Fund uses your contributions to purchase gift cards for needy local families, who will use the gift cards as they wish.

Don’t worry that your donation may be small. Every dollar adds up to make a difference. There are no administrative expenses associated with the fund; this newspaper covers them.

Send your contribution to the Empty Stocking Fund at the Daily Press & Argus, 323 E. Grand River Ave., Howell, MI 48843.

We will run a thank-you ad in our newspaper during the holidays, so please let us know how you would like your name to appear.

Thank you for your consideration.

Investigate Before You Date

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — Kimberly Bain has no problems with the single life. When she isn’t hosting a dating dinner party, she’s pursuing one of many hobbies that makes it easy to meet someone new.

“Particularly in this town,” said Bain of West Palm Beach, “everybody knows somebody. So you can meet someone and ask around or, ’Do you know this person and what’s their story?’ And that helps.”

Still she has had her share of bad dates.

“He put down his knife and fork and looked at me and was like, You’re messed up,” said Bain. “And he just went off on this diatribe about how I’m the first woman that didn’t burn for him and want him. So that was that,” she laughed.

Then there was her pungent partner. “It wasn’t like he didn’t shower. I just think he didn’t choose to wear deodorant. So as we spent the day together and as the date progressed he got stinkier and stinkier,” said Bain.

So how does one find out more before the first date?

West Palm Beach private investigator Brad Robinson knows. His Millennium Group is often hired to check out spouses. But sometimes they do some digging before the “I dos.”

A Robinson favorite is Spokeo.com. Here he found a fiance on his way to a not so nuptial-friendly night out.

“Here’s an example of something he probably wouldn’t want his girlfriend to see,” said Robinson of a video he found on the Web site.

For a small monthly fee, Spokeo.com searches dozens of social websites for blogs, pictures and video.

“The primary interest tends to be whether there’s another significant other in the picture,” said Robinson, who said investigating a date isn’t too tricky. “People have access to information on the internet that they wouldn’t have had just a few years ago and people are making use of that.”

Investigating, whether it be of dates, elderly caregivers or nannies, Is something Palm Beach County Clerk and Comptroller Sharon Bock actually recommends.

“One can get a pretty good gauge of whether or not they’re being told the truth by the person they’re dating,” Bock said. She points out that a free and easy way to get information is by searching the public records.

At MyPalmBeachClerk.com, the court’s official, civil, traffic and criminal records can be searched. There you can find out if someone is married, pays child support, is in foreclosure, has traffic tickets, misdemeanors and even felonies.

“I ended up finding out that this girl was wanted,” said Michael Curran of a girlfriend who got him fired.

Bock said MyFloridaClerks.com can help someone check all 67 Florida counties.

“By doing this extra step, I think, that for both sexes,” said Bock, “I think that you’re really just not only protecting yourself but maybe even building a more trusting relationship. If they tell you that they own a house in Palm Beach County and you see that they own the house that they’re living in, keep dating them.”

This intense digging is not for everybody. Kimberly Bain has given up those internet matchmaking sites. And while she’s not a cyber sleuth, she will do a little checking.

“I hate to admit it. Boy, this is embarrassing,” Bain said. “But you’ll check up and make sure you’re not seeing a wife’s name associated with his name.”

Yet, she still finds some intrigue in letting Cupid’s fickle arrow fall where it may.

“Here we are inundated with all this technology and all this opportunity but quite frankly, nothing beats that face to face, immediate chemistry and just reaction with the person,” said Bain.

An Interview With Christan Marashio

By John Hawkins

Christan Marashio runs a popular dating advice blog called “......And THAT’S Why You’re Single.” After reading her blog, I’ve found her writing to be superb and her advice to be generally spot-on. So, I managed to run down Christan for an interview. What follows is an edited transcript of our conversation:

...What misconceptions do you think that men and women have about each other in dating? What do the men think the women are thinking that they’re not and what do the women think the men are thinking that they’re not?

I think that men assume that when women say we’re looking for somebody financially stable, that we mean, I’m looking for somebody who’s going to keep me in the lifestyle to which I have been accustomed.

And what we mean by financially stable and settled is, we’re talking emotionally — we’re talking secure — we’re talking together. It’s not so much about how much you make, but are you in a place where you pay your bills, take care of yourself, and your life isn’t in constant upheaval?

That’s more what women mean when we say we want somebody financially stable, settled, and secure. Men hear that and they think “gold digger” and that’s not the case.

What about the reverse? What do you think women are misperceiving that men say?

You know, I’m going to have to go for the age, one. ...Women assume that because they think they look younger, that means that they should be just as attractive as a woman who actually is younger. I have a lot of women who write in and say, “I’m forty, but all my friends tell me I look thirty,” and I always say, “Well, that is doable, but your vagina is still forty.”

At the end of the day, I don’t want to say men only care about a vagina — they don’t obviously. But, men are looking to reproduce...I think men, when they consider youth, they don’t just consider beauty, they consider less baggage, you know, it’s not going to be as difficult, and there’s not going to be as many hoops to jump through. Women assume that men choose younger women or are attracted to younger women because they’re sexist or ageist in some way. But, it’s not just a reproductive thing.

Again, it goes back to wanting a woman who makes them feel good about themselves — and it’s not just because she’s younger. That’s not what makes him feel good about himself. He doesn’t think that he’s some prize because he was able to get some young woman. It’s more like the younger woman comes to the table with less baggage and less prejudices. So the relationship in the guy’s mind is going to be a little bit easier.

You’re very kind to the fellows here, I have to tell you, because I would have gone pretty much with the general interpretation there. So you’re actually nicer than I am and I am a guy.

What do you mean?

Well, I mean, I would have said the men who like younger women like them because they’re younger and they feel better about themselves because they’re dating a younger woman. I mean, what does an 18 year old have to offer a 35 year old except for the fact that she’s 18? Then he can tell all his friends, “Hey look, I’m dating an 18 year old.”

Yes, but conversely, what does a 40 year old woman provide a 25 year old guy, other than the experience of saying, “I’m dating an older woman?”

Well, that’s true.

...There are a lot of guys like that out there, but I choose not to consider them quote, unquote, typical, or the norm.

Can you describe the worst date you’ve ever personally been on?

...You know, I had one online date probably about a year ago, where the picture was clearly a good ten to fifteen years old, but looked very recent. I just sat at my table stirring my margarita the whole time because I’m looking at the face and thinking this isn’t my date, this is his dad.

Did you ever bring it up to him? Did you say anything?

No, I left. I just said...here’s money for my drink, it was nice to meet you, and I left. There’s no point in bringing it up. What is he going to say? I mean really, there’s just no point and you don’t want to shame anybody...

What’s the worst piece of conventional wisdom about dating that’s floating around out there?

I don’t like when people tell women they have to...make a guy earn it. Because I think a lot of women take that to mean he’s got to either spend a considerable amount of money on me or I need to make him jump through hoops to earn my affection or attention. What men and women both need to understand is it’s not just the man or the woman in the relationship that’s the “catch.” You’re both the “catch.”

...There was an article in the New York Post where they were talking to singles. They had a single guy and a single girl and the man very freely admitted...“I really want to meet somebody. I need somebody to kind of keep me in line, and I really want somebody in my life”... whereas the woman was saying, “Oh, I’m enjoying my freedom, and I love being single in this city.” I put this out there to my audience and said, “Is it possible that women have been telling themselves for so long, ’I don’t need a man to complete me, and oh, I love being single’, that’s it has almost become sort of a coping mechanism?”

...As we grow older, once you hit 35, 36, 37, you do get rejected a lot more often. Men aren’t as receptive to women over 35 or 36. They don’t tend to pay us the attention that they did when we were 28. So I wonder, if you think we’re telling...ourselves that as a coping mechanism...so that we don’t feel the sting of rejection. ...Have we been saying that to our detriment? Because when we do find somebody that we like, we’ve been telling ourselves that we’re so happy being single, that we struggle to incorporate somebody else into our life.

I think that’s something that goes on with both men and women. I think men and women both thought, “Oh, I love being single and this is my playground and it’s like a kid in a candy store.” Then guys get to a certain age and they want to settle down.

We just had this call the other day. He was 41 years old and said, you know, “I’m hoping to have, you know, 3 to 4 kids, and I don’t think I’m going to have any problems with getting a woman in her 20s” and you could tell by what he expected that this guy just had not factored in anything about the woman.

I think when you get to be single for so long and thinking of just yourself for so long, I think when it becomes time to let someone in, it becomes a real struggle. I think there are a lot of hurdles come up that they have to overcome.

There’s a common perception with a lot of men that nice guys finish last with women. What do you think about that? True? False?

I think that, it depends on what you mean by “nice.” Do I think women aren’t attracted to nice men? No, I don’t think that. I think that’s preposterous. I think they love nice guys.

I know personally I love a man who holds the door for me, calls when he says he’s going to, and who doesn’t play games. Do I think that we like somebody who is more of a challenge? I think men and women both do.

I think more so when we’re younger, we dismiss the quote unquote nice guys because we’re chasing after guys that maybe are out of our league or aren’t good for us. But I think as we grow older, we learn to appreciate the nice guy. I just don’t agree with this idea that women are, “Oh, who wants a nice guy? I want a bad guy. I want a guy who’s not nice.” That’s ridiculous...

Now, last question. There’s a How to Attract and Understand Men e-guide at your website. I assume you wrote that, is that correct?

Yes.

One of the things it says it can tell you is “how to determine his true intentions.” So how do you do that?

Two things: you listen to what he says and you listen to your gut. Our instinct is the most important tool that we have. At the base of it all, we are animals. I can watch my cat, when he hears a noise outside, sees a bird, or even hears a bird flutter — and he reacts. There are no filters. It’s not clouded, his instincts.

When a guy is on a date with you, or even in his online dating profile and says things like, “I work a lot and I travel a lot, and I’d really like to have someone to hang out with.” What’s he’s basically saying is, “I’m not going to be around, I’m looking for something casual.” If you say to him, “Do me a favor — try to give me like 48 hours notice because I have other plans,” or whatever, and he doesn’t do it, he’s not listening to your needs. He’s not even trying to meet your needs.

Even when you email somebody at an online dating site and you say, “Here’s my number, why don’t we talk on the phone?” and he emails you back, almost as if you didn’t even say, “Let’s talk on the phone,” he’s not listening to you. That’s a bad sign.

So, that’s how you can tell what his intentions are. Those little signs, those little statements, but more than anything, when you’re on that date and something doesn’t seem right, it’s probably because it’s not.

Christan, outstanding. Thank you for your time.

Michelle Obama’s Dating Tips

By George Stephanopoulos

Michelle Obama appears on the cover of Glamour magazine next month— yes, right along with “39 Cutest Holiday Outfits” and “7 Reasons Guys Love You Just the Way You Are” — and she offers Glamour’s readers advice on how to pick a guy. Her bottom line? Don’t settle for cute.

“Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul...When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good,” the First Lady says. “You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.”

It’s the first time in the magazine’s 70 year history that a first lady has appeared on the cover. Mrs. Obama was selected for special recognition for her commitment to mentoring the next generation as part of Glamour’s annual “Women of the Year” awards.

In her interview, Mrs. Obama talks about the importance of mentoring and finding your own mentors: “When I was a young lawyer, there were other women and men in the firm who took me under their wing. Look for those mentors, because sometimes mentors don’t find you--sometimes you seek them out. Oftentimes, they’re flattered and glad to lend a hand.”

She adds that she has learned some valuable lessons her male mentors, as well as the female ones. “I have always tried to put my kids first, and then...put myself a really close second, as opposed to fifth or seventh. One thing that I’ve learned from male role models is that they don’t hesitate to invest in themselves.”

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Stupid Criteria Women Use to Choose a Boyfriend

By Deborrah Cooper

“I would rather be dogged out by a fine man than an ugly one, because at least that way people can always say ‘he dogged her, but the mofo sho’ was fine!”

Believe it or not, those words were written in a response to a recent article. The reader attempted to justify her ridiculous choices in men which she based on physical attractiveness. Sadly, too many women exhibit signs of being less than intelligent about who they let into their lives, beds and hearts.

If you can identify with the writer above, you probably have a case of Pretty Boy Disease yourself. You prefer to choose men that look good... so good that all the other women want him as much or more than you do, and he knows it.

You think you have a prize. You don’t consider the fact that there is nothing there to sustain a satisfying relationship. Never mind that you feel hungry for intimacy, are upset with him most of the time about what he DOESN’T do, and wonder why he spends so much time “hanging out” at clubs (never with you) or with his friends. Never mind that YOU are the one that has to make all the adjustments and compromises and withstand all the drama just to keep him around.

The key reason women catch Pretty Boy Disease is that they foolishly believe they must have a man that other people admire and find attractive or they are nothing themselves. These women sadly are happy to pay the price. When your choice of men for a “relationship” is based upon sex and/or bragging rights you will then pick a guy based on his financial resources or ownership of material goods; pick a guy based upon his status (athlete, musician, drug dealer); or pick a guy based upon his looks.

Using those superficial, materialistic criteria is where you make your fatal mistake and set yourself up for a game tournament!

My goal is to go over some of the common games run by Pretty Boys so you ladies can recognize when game is being thrown your way. Of course I can’t include each and every trick game, but I’ll cover the most frequently played.

Game-playing generally revolves around these three key points:

The game-player is playing on your body and sexual services;

The game-player is playing on your money — financial or other material resources;

The game-player is a collector and out for quantity — to get as many women as he can that will all (in varying combined amounts) meet his needs for sex, money, discounts on bus fare, free admission to nightclubs or the movies for him and his “boys,” cook home cooked meals, clean up his apartment, whatever.

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After Marriage, Dating Still Important

“Couples who stop dating after getting married miss opportunities to nurture – and strengthen – their relationship, ” said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

Manhattan, KS - infoZine - While it ’s true that relationships can suffer before marriage, as couples get wrapped up in wedding planning and fail to take time to relax and enjoy each other's company, the challenges of everyday life ahead of them often can be best met when a couple makes time to nurture their relationship along the way, Olsen said.

Settling into a newly married routine, adjusting to a job change or move, anticipating the birth of a child, raising a family through various stages while coping with work, school and community schedules, and/or the needs of extended family can strain the very relationship that has been the basis for the family's life together, she said.

“Make time for your relationship, ” said Olsen, who recently paired with Peg Condray, a K-State family and consumer sciences agent in the Central Kansas Extension District, to discuss dating and nurturing relationships.

“Scheduling time to be together is essential, ” echoes Condray, who, in her role as an Extension agent helping singles, couples and families, has become increasingly aware of the everyday stresses that can test – and damage – relationships. Together, the two family advisers offer the following tips for making a successful date:

Set a time and date for couple time, and protect it.

Mix it up -- try not to do the same thing (like dinner and a movie) for every date.

Allow quiet time to talk, but leave conversation about children, family issues, home repairs, politics and money at home.

Practice listening intently. Try not to rush to finish a sentence or cut off a thought or idea.

Build on a common interest – or explore a new one.

Don't let cost be an obstacle. Consider trading childcare responsibilities with friends or neighbors to allow each couple time off.

Be creative. A date need not be costly. Packing a picnic lunch and walking or biking to a park or other pleasant setting to enjoy lunch – without interruption – can be a great date.

Be yourself, but keep the other person in mind. Think back to early dates, when you were just getting to know each other: What attracted you? What have you enjoyed together? And, how can you build on it?

Make it fun; walking the dog together, with or without a stop for coffee or a soft drink, can give a couple enough time to make a connection.

Celebrate everyday blessings, and build on gratitude. A positive attitude can be catching.

“A couple ’s relationship sets the tone for the family, ” said Olsen, who noted that children can pick up on parents ’ stress or tensions.

Golden Rules For Successful Online Dating

Today, we're releasing ten Golden Rules to online dating. This list was compiled over several months that consisted of reviewing and responding to thousands of profiles and customer service emails. We started off with a laundry list of rules and narrowed it down to the rules that we classified as "The Fundamentals" for successful online dating. If you follow these rules, your online dating experience will be a fun, quick and easy process. Each of the following rules will be discussed in more detail in future blogs, but for now, here's a quick summary of the 10 golden rules to successful online dating.

1. Be like-able: This is a lot easier than you think and the key lies in keeping your profile simple and summarized. Your profile paints a picture of who you are and what you're about. Paint a broad picture (I am an outgoing person who enjoys the outdoors. I spend my free time snowboarding, backpacking, hiking, swimming, bike riding etc..). Dwelling on one or two subjects may lead people to believe that there's not much other activity going on in your life (I am an engineer and it's my responsibility to develop a program that interacts with widgets, it's producers and it's advertisers to populate daily analysis reports). The more activities that you can add on your profile, the more incentive you'll give others to want to contact you.

2. Be enthusiastic: Your profile is your first impression. Keeping the tone of your profile upbeat and positive will rub off on others and will lead to higher success rates. Compare the two examples: I like the beach vs. I love the beach and find the time to be there as much as I possibly can. You're saying the same thing, except that one is more colorful and descriptive than the other.

3. Add a picture: We cannot stress this enough: If you don't share a picture, online dating will probably not work for you. Add at least one picture and pick a good one. Profiles without pictures are rarely reviewed by others and rarely get responses. Would you spend time sending messages or responding to messages that didnt share a picture? A majority of registered members upload their pictures because they're serious about finding someone.

4. Be honest: Fluffing a profile may seem like a great way to better your chances of meeting singles, but that's only if you're looking for very short term results. Truth is, if dishonesty is discovered, it will likely shatter any trust and credibility that has been established. Be yourself, be honest and let people like you for who you are.

5. Stand out: Sending a one line message may seem like a quick and easy way to gauge a singles interest, but according to surveys, polls, and feedback – members hate one liners. If you're interested in connecting with someone, take the time to send a message that lets the person on the other end know that you're genuinely interested in them. The best way to get results is to stand out.

6. Interact: Don't shy away from sending messages. You're here to meet people. Be proactive in initiating contact and remember to be yourself. Try not to send messages that read like resumes, lack in content, or are cheesy in nature. Initiate contact often.

7. Be open-minded: Online dating is all about getting to know and meeting new people. Having extremely tight filters may hurt your chances of finding true success. If you receive a message that catches your attention, reply. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

8. Use your best judgment: Online dating is designed to be a safe environment, but there are people that try to game the system. Use your best judgment when it comes to sharing personal information. Don't be afraid to ask the tough questions and take as much time as you need to feel comfortable. If someone is really interested in you, they'll understand.

9. Meet people: Exchanging messages is a great way to break the ice, but chemistry is determined in real life scenarios. Trust your instincts! If you feel a connection, don't hesitate to meet them face to face. When you decide to meet with a potential match, remember to meet in a public setting.

10. Be patient: Online dating takes time. So long as you follow the tips above, you'll be sure to find yourself a match that's was well worth the wait.

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Online Dating Looks For Love On Social Media

In the online dating business where new sites close as quickly as they open and only a handful have mastered the art of matchmaking, a new generation of services is courting the billion-dollar industry by leveraging all that personal information on social networks.

Their hope: that matchmaking based on social media such as Facebook or Twitter, which some argue provide a more accurate snapshot of users’ lives, can lead to better connections.

“It’s hard to fake a Twitter stream or Flickr photos. That authenticity is what makes good and safer dates,” said Steve Odom, founder of Gelato, an online dating service in Texas that launched in September. “I’m surprised that no one had built it before me because it makes total sense.“

Gelato is a service that lets users create their profiles based on information from services like Twitter, Facebook, Hulu, Netflix and Last.fm. That way, other users can see in real time the last post someone made or the movies someone else recently saw.

Another ongoing concern with online dating is safety, but some companies try to mitigate that by basing their services on users’ existing connections.

Thread, a San Francisco site that opened in September, takes a jab at the awkwardness of navigating the Internet to meet strangers by helping Facebook users connect with the friends of their friends. Thread users can browse their friends’ contacts, ask for introductions or play matchmaker by suggesting dates to other people.

These new startups could be appealing among those in their 20s who are more comfortable with sharing personal information publicly and more interested in casual dating and expanding their networks.

For instance, almost two-thirds of the 30 million users on Zoosk, an online dating site in San Francisco, are younger than 30.

Social dating

The Web site claims to be the first site in a new category: social dating, a combination of social networks and online dating. The pitch is, make your dating profile available to Zoosk users using the same social networks — Facebook, Hi5, MySpace, Friendster, etc. — and let your friends write a good word for you in the form of testimonials.

Co-founder Shayan Zadeh said that the site’s platform is the digital equivalent of going out to a bar with friends and meeting new people.

The appeal, Zadeh said, is that meeting people through social networks takes the pressure off of going on the hunt solely for a meaningful relationship.

“In real life you’re not in a mission to find your soul mate,” he said. “Real life is about meeting new people and if it happens that I find someone I have a connection with, great. But otherwise, I’m not a loser if I don’t find a date in six months.“

BlackBox Republic is another newcomer that wants to turn online dating into a more lasting and meaningful experience.

On the one hand, the company offers a closed-door networking environment — people must pay a $25 registration to participate — for people who relate to the sex-positive community, which basically means being open to making friends with diverse sexual orientations and all kinds of relationship preferences.

On the other hand, the company, which also describes itself as a social dating site, aims to provide an environment where people can create networks they can retain even after finding new love interests. In a way, its goal is to challenge the shop-and-go spirit of the classifieds system, BlackBox Republic CEO Sam Lawrence said.

Growing old together

“Right now, none of the (online dating) sites grow with you,” he said. “Sites are no longer helpful when you date someone, and it becomes a piece of yourself that can’t stay with you. We built this from the ground up to really marry the social space and the dating space and making it about your personal life.“

Big online dating players like Match.com have flirted with ways of leveraging social networks, but in general, they are confident in their methods and mostly focus their efforts on improving them.

OnlineDatingPost.com editor Dave Evans said it is difficult to break into a market dominated by 30 or so players as acquisition costs — the cost of attracting one new user — have skyrocketed to the point where only the big players can afford the price.

But social networks have opened a window of opportunity for startups, since it’s significantly more affordable to advertise through them. Moreover, young companies have a good shot at building their own customer bases since the top online dating companies’ clients are usually more mature and in the hunt for long-term relationships.

“What’s going to be the next paradigm of online dating?” Evans said. “You’re always going to have these dominant players, but the interesting stuff is with the edge cases. These guys have created a sexier proposition.“

First Contact

So you've decided it's time to try out a few online dating sites or services. You've signed up to one or more, and you've filled out your profile in full. Now it's time to start looking for that one love you've always dreamed of, right?

Or at the very least, you'd like to start meeting people that could be the one. So the first step is to use the profile search tools your online dating service provides. On some dating sites you can simply browse using basic criteria such as age and gender. Most sites will give you some form of advanced search ability though, so you can give it very specific search criteria.

Depending on how specific your search criteria is, you may find yourself with just a few profiles which match. In other cases you might have hundreds to browse through. But browsing is what you must do to get to the next step: Making contact with someone you're interested in.

When you find a profile that catches your attention and interest, you should contact the person directly. In most cases, the online dating service will provide you with a private and secure contact method. This could be a site based email inbox, or it could involve sending email to a site controlled email address. With these contact types, the dating site acts as an intermediary for you. Anything sent through that address will be delivered to the person you want it delivered to, yet they won't be able to see your actual email address and you won't be able to see theirs.

Keep in mind that on some online dating sites, you will not be able to actually send full messages if you're using the free trial option. You usually need to be a paying member at some level first. Since online dating services cost less each month than going out clubbing does, this is a good investment if you're serious about finding dates.

It's best to introduce yourself by email instead of chat or instant messages too, because this gives you time to think about what you're writing or absorb what the other person has said. It also makes the other person more comfortable, because they don't feel as if they're "on the spot" when someone new contacts them out of the blue.

You need to realize first impressions really do count. A lot. When you first make contact with someone who's profile interested you, introduce yourself. Don't write your entire life's story of course, but also don't send just a brief sentence or two. Write a few intelligent paragraphs that summarize you.

Also let them know what it was about their profile that caught your interest. This lets them know you actually took the time to look over their information, and you're serious about getting to know them better.

Keep things light, upbeat and friendly in your email. If you fill your email with depressing commentary, complaints, or intimate details of problems in your life you will not likely get a response. Likewise, don't be overly flirtatious or sexual in your first contact email, because this can also turn people off, so you won't likely get any response.

Be sure to ask questions about them too. This will prompt them to respond to you and help keep conversations going.

Use your real first name but don't divulge other personal details such as full name, address and phone number - particularly with first contact.

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Dating At Work Can Be Good - Or Not

PORTLAND, Ore. – A lot of people seem less interested in the alleged extortion attempt against David Letterman and more focused on whether he should have been in a relationship with a woman at work.

There are a lot of different opinions when it comes to dipping into the company love pool.

“Well, I can tell you right now from experience, dating people you work with is a bad idea,” said one patron of several who were interviewed at Henry's Tavern in the Pearl District.

For some, however, things turned out all right.

“The first woman I dated at work became my fiancée, but we never got married. And the second girl I dated at work is now my wife,” said Peter Davidson.

David Griggs is an employment attorney and said most companies don't completely prohibit office connections anymore, but dating the boss or the other way around is still a faux pas.

Occasionally, that lands people in his office for sexual harassment lawsuits.

“It's a situation where there's a natural power relationship and when people take advantage of those relationships, the law often steps in and does something about,” he said.

“Typically, if it's completely consensual and voluntary, it's really nobody's business.”

Trouble can also come if other employees think the love interest is getting special treatment.

“It does get tricky,” said Pam Done. “There's a lot of gossip that goes on in a job, lots of rumors.”

Amanda Rhine, who has dated at work, said it can become a distraction.

“It just makes it really messy when you're trying to work and you can't really focus on work,” she said.

One survey found nearly half of boss-employee relationships end in marriage because the couple gets to know each other and they have common interests.

A new trend for companies is to require dating employees to sign “love contracts”, which protects companies from lawsuits.

Speed Dating for Farmers

You’ve heard of speed dating, right? That’s where people get a quick date with someone and then the singles move on to a next potential match.

Well, at Windsor’s Juniper Hill Inn there was a twist on that concept.

Representatives from about 60 different farms, chatted with potential food buyers for ten minutes, and then continued to the next. The event gave local farmers a chance to explore options for selling their foods, to larger buyers, through one-on-one conversations.

“The big idea behind it is to make as many opportunities available to our farmers as possible to sell their foods locally. So, here they are meeting with what we call business to business sales people so we are talking about distributors, retailers, coops, restaurants, healthcare providers. Anyone that is in that indirect marketplace,” said Helen Labun Jordan of the Vermont Agency of Agriculture.

This is the second time the event has been held. And it sold out. About 130 attended.

Five Reasons Men Should Try Online Dating

Men if you haven't already put your hand in at least one or two online dating sites then today is the day that it needs to happen. Online dating offers many advantages over other dating alternatives. Here is a list of just some of those benefits.

1. Inexpensive Cost per Opportunity... A membership to one of the more popular online dating sites runs around the same price as going out to the movies and dinner all by yourself or a night at the club buying two or three drinks.

2. Baggage is revealed early... At a bar you can meet a chick talk to her for the entire night and never find out about her kids, psycho ex, and any other baggage that she is carrying around with herself. Amazingly online lots of them reveal it right away which allows you to eliminate all those chicks that have unwanted baggage and more.

3. Your Options Just Increased... In the real world you are limited to the girls that are around you. No matter how tight your game or how much you travel in order to meet she must be in the same venue as you. Online, however, she need only have signed up for the site that you are on and you can join multiple sites as well. Wouldn't it be nice to go away on a business trip and already have a date set up or that girl who lives on the west side 10 miles away yet you go out on the south side? Meeting her in any of your normal spots wouldn't happen because you are always on the other side of town even though you live so close. Online all of that doesn't mater.

4. Chance to show off your strengths... At a bar a girl only sees the outer you or the drunk you depending on the hour of the night with her "Bitch Shield" up not to mention her friends. Online she gets to look you over and if you have created yourself a quality profile, build you up based on all your strengths and then get to know the real you.

5. Time to choose... At a bar if you walk in and see two girls that you like you have a 3 seconds to choose which one you want to talk to first and sometimes that second one leaves or is occupied for the rest of the night, never allowing you a chance to talk to her. Online aint nobody going anywhere and if two girls email you at once you can answer both at your own pace.

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Online Dating Tips

Passion, lasting relationships, someone to share days with are what most men and women of the new millennium desire. Mankind is a social animal and solitary life is not what he is on earth for. The sizzles on celluloid, love at first sight, idyllic sun sets with handsome men and women holding hands is not always what life offers. In everyday life "love and romance" are vastly different. It blossoms based on trust, friendship, and respect.

The bonds grow with common interests and enjoyment of one another's company. Get rid of the notion that miss ideal or mister lover boy will materialize out of the fog. Quit waiting around and create a strategy to find your ideal. If you are fed up with the "regular route" try online dating. People who register on dating sites are not all demons or ogres. Most are everyday men and women. Statistics reveal that a large number are educated and professionals. So take a decision and visit online dating sites. Find out how they work. Be sure to check out their credentials. You can make a success of online dating by:

1. Creating an online profile that is the real you. For quick results submit a nice flattering natural photograph. Find out from friends what your positive traits are and include them. Write a profile that projects in words the real you.

2. Prepare a detailed list of what you want in a partner. What you like and what you dislike. If you fill in your requirements correctly then the site will be able to send you matches that are not random selections but close to your requirements. Know the commonly used search options like profession, age, location, height, physical characteristics, horoscope/birth signs, and hobbies.

3. Learn how to recognize a possible date and to weed out bad ones. Make sure you observe all the "secure dating" rules.

4. Once you have short-listed a few possible dates and corresponded by email, you should chat with a few dates using the chat rooms.

5. Be open and communicative. The key to success is to convey thoughts as well as feelings clearly and in an interesting way. But avoid being obsessive about past relationships or children. When you decide to date make a conscious effort to put the past behind.

6. Thousands of people submit profiles. So, learn how to make yours interesting and different. If you want possible dates to get in touch you must create interesting and refreshing headlines, submit photos that are not run of the mill, and write a profile that is not boring—it must convey or tell a story!

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Desire Leads To Skills 1

"Desire is a manifestation of power", writes Wallace Wattles in 'The Science of Getting Rich', "Where there is no power either developed or undeveloped, to do a thing, there is never any desire to do that thing; & where there is a strong desire to do a thing, it is certain proof that the power to do it is strong."

Many people have very low self-esteem when it comes to dating and relationships. Often a person begins to feel that they don't deserve to be with anyone...that they don't deserve a lover. However, this is just self-pity brought about by self-imposed limitations.

If you desire good dating and relationship experiences then the very fact that you have that desire means that you CAN attain it as well.

Just like a kid who wants to play football or a sport of some sort. The desire to succeed will be accompanied by an ability to do so.

This can just be a raw ability. This means that often an ability needs to be developed with self education, practice and experience.

How To Give Gifts

Sometimes men can go a little overboard with the gifts, giving too much too so. Or not giving any gifts at all which can make a woman wonder if he really cares. Todays video podcast focuses on tips on best times to give gifts for a man...

Dating After A Break

After a significant relationship ends, or if you’ve been through a divorce, the idea of jumping back into the dating world can be overwhelming and intimidating. This is especially true if you are a single parent, or if you have been out of the dating game for a long time. Fortunately, there are many ways you can simplify your return to courtship and make a success out of your newfound singledom. These are the four things you need to know.

Take time to heal. Make sure that you are mentally and emotionally prepared to date again. This is one of the most important parts of dating after a split. The end of a marriage or long-term relationship can be quite traumatic, especially if children are involved and you were together for many years. You can get through this difficult time by talking to a therapist, relying on friends and family for support and taking each day as it comes. When you are ready to date again, you will know it!

Find your confidence. Divorce can do a number on a person’s self-esteem. You might blame yourself for a break-up, think that you are a failure, or obsessively wonder what you did wrong. Stop! Your heart is still reeling, and only time will help heal the happiness and confidence that you lost. Until then, fake it ’til you make it. Try a new haircut, get a facial, start working out again, or update your wardrobe. It might sound simple, but sometimes a little self-esteem boost can do wonders!

Get out there. You are not going to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right if you never leave the comfort and safety of your own living room. Make an effort to meet new people, and commit to dating at least twice per month. Ask your friends or family members if they know of any great single guys or gals, or try your hand at online dating. The more dates you go on, the more chances you will have to meet someone special. And even if the romantic connection isn’t there, you can still network, meet new friends, and just have fun!

Prepare the kids. If you are dating and you have kids, try to keep any prospective partners away from the house until you are certain he or she is a keeper. Have sleepovers at their house, or if they have kids too, rent a hotel room or save sleepovers for nights when the kids are away. You don’t want to confuse or hurt your children if the relationship doesn’t pan out. Once you both feel comfortable that the relationship is serious then you can bring your new mate around to meet the kids. Try to make it a fun activity, such as a picnic lunch at the park, or an afternoon at an amusement park.

Remember, love and romance are important parts of everyone’s life. Commit to making dating part of your life again, and enjoy the adventure and fun that comes along for the ride.

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How Does an Online Dating Site Work?

Signing up

Online dating services depend upon its customers. In order for it to exist, they need people who want to meet other people for dating. To that end, they provide a service that makes connecting with strangers easier and safer than other "real life" ways such as blind dates or meeting in bars.

Signing up with an online dating service is pretty straightforward whether it's a free service or one with a subscriber fee. You will create a user name and provide information such as your email address and in some cases a credit card number to pay your monthly fee. Your email address is vital as this is how you will know if people want to contact you or if the site has information to share with you, so be sure you input the information correctly.

The user name you select is also important as this is how the site will identify you in your dating ad, so be sure it reflects something interesting about yourself and your passions.

Writing Your Profile

This is the most important step in the online dating site experience. Each person needs to complete a basic biography including information on your marital status, birth date and location. You'll also provide information on your hobbies and interests but will be expected to complete an essay that describes yourself and who you are looking for as well.

The dating site provides an easy template for you to complete and drop down menus for you to select common hobbies and pastimes.

A catchy headline and photo are also recommended to help you get traffic to your profile and get the daters clamoring for your attention.

The online dating site will post your ad and put your photo and information in its search areas so that people can see you. This helps you to meet people who share your interests and would be good matches for you.

Meeting New People

The final step in the process is meeting people. You will be notified via your dating account that daters want to meet you, or they email you through the site directly. The dating site automatically forwards "winks" and other greetings to your account so that you can decide if you want to connect with other people. You'll get a chance to reply to other people's emails and begin a conversation. The online dating service provides an anonymous way for you to make a love connection. Let it work for you.

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What Motivates a Woman to Snoop and How Can She Stop Snooping?

“Can you tell me what makes people snoop…if there are any certain personality factors or something? I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I can’t stop snooping through my boyfriends stuff! I figured out his password and looked at his MySpace and Facebook pages, and even checked his email and voicemail. I’m sure my snooping stems from some type of insecurity, but I can’t help wondering if it is something else.

He likes to look at porn a lot, but our sex life is good so I don’t know why it would bother me so bad. (Yeah, I’m a little jealous cuz those girls all look so pretty and sexy, but I don’t think I’m jealous enough to justify all this snooping, if it can be justified.)

Anyway, I don’t understand why I do it. I check constantly to see what he’s been looking at and when. I don’t think he’s cheating on me. It’s more like I just WANT to know, like I HAVE to know. And I’m positive this cannot be working to strengthen our relationship.

I drive myself crazy obsessing about it, but as soon as I look and find out what he’s been looking at and when, then I’m fine… a little upset at first, but at least the obsession will stop, at least temporarily and I can feel normal again for awhile. I know it’s not fair to snoop through what he does in his private time, but it seems like I just can’t help it.”

Signed,
Snooping Myself Into a Frenzy

I hate it when people tell me what they “can’t ” do. What they mean is they don’t want to stop, start, change — cheating, dealing with abusive relationships, loving someone that doesn’t love them back, enabling an addiction or a bum, or snooping. All it means is that you like things the way they are, no matter how sick or twisted they may be. Repeatedly saying what you “can’t ” do is merely an attempt to absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions,

Doesn’t fly here Missy!

You snoop because you want to. You snoop because there is a payoff. You snoop because it’s exciting and you get a rush of adrenalin from sneaking around doing something you know you shouldn’t be doing. You snoop to justify feeling bad about your relationship. You snoop because you enjoy torturing yourself and feeling pain. You snoop looking for trouble and soon enough, you are gonna find it.

Instead of snooping and making yourself insecure about your man’s porn habits and your fear that he is cheating, why not just get a new boyfriend?

Snooping indicates that you are struggling with deep seated feelings of insecurity, jealousy and self-doubt, as well as respect for privacy and boundaries of others. There is the possibility that your “spidey senses” are tingling for a reason you haven’t disclosed here, and that your suspicions are actually grounded in reality. Of course we have to consider that your paranoid snooping behaviors may be nothing but carryover baggage from a previous relationship where cheating was involved.

The other issue snooping women need to consider is what are you going to do if you actually find something that confirms your suspicions or causes you concern? You sure can’t tell him that you found the information you discovered by snooping through his things! Even though he knows he is guilty as charged, most men will turn the subsequent fight around and make it about you snooping instead of the dirt you discovered. And if he finds evidence you snooped, even though he didn’t do anything and you admit to having snooped, he’ll feel violated and know you don’t trust him. Most guys would also think you are some weird stalker psycho chick and probably dump you on the spot.

Why do you believe you need to put up with all this nonsense just to have this guy in your life? Who is he and what makes him so special? I mean dang, he is a porn freak, and porn freaks are NEVER truly available for the kind of intimacy and attention that women seek when they enter relationships.

Pornography addiction has NOTHING to do with you as an individual, or with the two of you enjoying a satisfying sex life. Internet porn addiction is a very serious issue destroying thousands of relationships and women’s concept of themselves as attractive and sexy right along with it. [Though I don’t understand WHY women internalize this crap and themselves as not being good enough; I would instead think that this guy is a weirdo pervert and dump him immediately, but that’s just me.]

The bottom line for you is this: if you don’t trust your man — for any reason — why are you with him?

Sit down and reflect back on the relationship you dreamed of having when you were a young girl. Does this relationship meet those standards? Do you truly feel the way you imagined you wanted to feel about your man? Come to grips with why you feel the need to snoop, and what it is motivating your fearful searching for “proof ” of wrongdoing by a man you claim to love and say that loves you.

Life is too short to be miserable and unhappy young lady. There are many single men out here looking for a great woman to love. There is no reason for you to settle for any guy that doesn’t provide you with 100% of the love, security and emotional intimacy you deserve to have.

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Israeli Drive to Prevent Jewish Girls Dating Arabs

By Jonathan Cook

A local authority in Israel has announced that it is establishing a special team of youth counsellors and psychologists whose job it will be to identify young Jewish women who are dating Arab men and "rescue" them.

The move by the municipality of Petah Tikva, a city close to Tel Aviv, is the latest in a series of separate – and little discussed – initiatives from official bodies, rabbis, private organizations and groups of Israeli residents to try to prevent interracial dating and marriage.

In a related development, the Israeli media reported this month that residents of Pisgat Zeev, a large Jewish settlement in the midst of Palestinian neighborhoods in East Jerusalem, had formed a vigilante-style patrol to stop Arab men from mixing with local Jewish girls.

Hostility to intimate relationships developing across Israel's ethnic divide is shared by many Israeli Jews, who regard such behavior as a threat to the state's Jewishness. One of the few polls on the subject, in 2007, found that more than half of Israeli Jews believed intermarriage should be equated with "national treason".

Since the state's founding in 1948, analysts have noted, a series of legal and administrative measures have been taken by Israel to limit the possibilities of close links developing between Jewish and Arab citizens, the latter comprising a fifth of the population.

Largely segregated communities and separate education systems mean that there are few opportunities for young Arabs and Jews to become familiarized with each other. Even in the handful of "mixed cities", Arab residents are usually confined to separate neighborhoods.

In addition, civil marriage is banned in Israel, meaning that in the small number of cases where Jews and Arabs want to wed, they can do so only by leaving the country for a ceremony abroad. The marriage is recognized on the couple's return.

Dr Yuval Yonay, a sociologist at Haifa University, said the number of interracial marriages was "too small to be studied". "Separation between Jews and Arabs is so ingrained in Israeli society, it is surprising that anyone manages to escape these central controls."

The team in Petah Tikva, a Jewish city of 200,000 residents, was created in direct response to news that two Jewish girls, aged 17 and 19, were accompanying a group of young Arab men when they allegedly beat a Jewish man, Leonard Karp, to death last month on a Tel Aviv beach. The older girl was from Petah Tikva.

The girls' involvement with the Arab youths has revived general concern that a once-firm taboo against interracial dating is beginning to erode among some young people.

In sentiments widely shared, Mr Hakak, a spokesman for Petah Tikva municipality, said "Russian girls", young Jewish women whose parents arrived in Israel over the past two decades, since the former Soviet Union collapsed, were particularly vulnerable to the attention of Arab men.

Dr Yonay said Russian women were less closed to the idea of relationships with Arab men because they "did not undergo the religious and Zionist education" to which more established Israeli Jews were subject.

Mr Hakak said the municipality had created a hotline that parents and friends of the Jewish women could use to inform on them.

"We can't tell the girls what to do but we can send a psychologist to their home to offer them and their parents advice," he said.

Motti Zaft, the deputy mayor, told the Ynet website that the municipality was also cracking down on city homeowners who illegally subdivide apartments to rent them cheaply to single Arab men looking for work in the Tel Aviv area. He estimated that several hundred Arab men had moved into the city as a result.

Petah Tikva's hostility to Arab men mixing with local Jewish women is shared by other communities.

In Pisgat Zeev, a settlement of 40,000 Jews, some 35 Jewish men are reported to belong to a patrol known as "Fire for Judaism" that tries to stop interracial dating.

Unusually for a settlement, Pisgat Zeev has attracted a tiny but growing population of Arab families, both from East Jerusalem and from inside Israel. Because Pisgat Zeev sits within Jerusalem's municipal borders, Arabs with Israeli residency rights can live there as long as Jewish settlers are willing to rent to them.

One member, who identified himself as Moshe to the Jerusalem Post newspaper, said: "Our goal is to be in contact with these girls and try to explain to them the dangers of what they're getting themselves into. In the last 10 years, 60 girls from Pisgat Zeev have gone into [Palestinian] villages [in the West Bank]. And most of them aren't heard from after that."

He denied that violence or threats were used against Arab men.

Last year, the municipality of Kiryat Gat, a town of 50,000 Jews in southern Israel, launched a programme in schools to warn Jewish girls of the dangers of dating local Bedouin men. The girls were shown a video titled Sleeping with the Enemy, which describes mixed couples as an "unnatural phenomenon".

Haim Shalom, head of the municipality's welfare department, is filmed saying: "The girls, in their innocence, go with the exploitative Arab."

In 2004, posters sprang up all over the northern town of Safed warning Jewish women that dating Arab men would lead to "beatings, hard drugs, prostitution and crime".

Safed's chief rabbi, Shmuel Eliyahu, told a local newspaper that the "seducing" of Jewish girls was "another form of war" by Arab men.

Both Kiryat Gat and Safed's campaigns were supported by a religious organization called Yad L'achim, which runs an anti-assimilation team publicly dedicated to "saving" Jewish women.

According to its website, the organisation receives more than 100 calls a month about Jewish women living with Arab men, both in Israel and the West Bank. It launches "military-like rescues [of the women] from hostile Arab villages" in co-ordination with the police and army.

"The Jewish soul is a precious, all-too-rare resource, and we are not prepared to give up on even a single one," says the website.

Love is a pair of really good jeans

For most women, the choice between sex and a new wardrobe is simple -- they go for the clothes.

Women on average say they would be willing to give up sex for 15 months for a closet full of new apparel, with 2 percent ready to abstain from sex for three years in exchange for new duds, according to a new survey of about 1,000 women in 10 U.S. cities.

Sixty-one percent of women polled said it would be worse to lose their favorite article of clothing than give up sex for a month.

"Some people say clothes make the man, but the right clothes can even replace him," fashion designer, stylist and TV personality Carson Kressley from the reality TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" said in a statement accompanying the poll.

The study also suggested that clothes often wear better than relationships.

The average woman between 18 and 54 years of age has hung on to her favorite article of clothing for 12 and a half years, a year longer than she's held on to her longest relationship.

Almost three-quarters of respondents, or 70 percent, also said they believed in love at first sight when it came to finding the perfect article of clothing, while only 54 percent of women were as confident in spotting the right man.

Nearly half of the women, or 48 percent, taking part in the survey by consumer products giant Unilever said their favorite article of clothing was more reliable than their man in giving them confidence and making them feel sexy.

Copyright © 2007 Reuters Limited.

Online Dating Is Not A Contest

Things Guys Love To Hear And Hate To Hear

Dating is about having fabulous, fun nights out with the hottest singles in your city... but with first date nerves you may end up sticking your foot in your mouth! Enjoy these tips and learn your lesson before it's too late!

Things guys love to hear...

1) "Then what happened?"
They are human after all – even if they are men. A man likes to be reassured that their lives are, in fact, interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known nails in the coffin, it's not always enough to just sit there, smile, and repeat a monotone, "Uh-huh," especially if that is the only thing you say throughout your date. He'll know you're genuinely interesting if you actively encourage him with comments like, "You're kidding! What happened next?" or "Go on..."

2) "That's pretty impressive."
Maybe he placed in a local triathlon. Or got a promotion at work. Or figured out how to fix his air conditioner. Whatever he's done, if he's mentioning it on a date, he's most likely proud of it—and if you feed his ego by applauding his efforts, you'll make him feel like a king.

3) "What do you do when you're not at work?"
Although a guy's work might be of primary importance, he also has other things in his life that he values. Does he juggle? (Well, maybe that's not one you're hoping to hear) Work on his car? Play an instrument? With a little probing, a woman can hit upon hidden passions—and convey that she's interested in getting a complete picture of him and not just what he does for his paycheck.

...And things men hate to hear...

1) "So how do you feel about abortion?"
This type of question is known among men as a litmus test—a touchy topic that women raise to gauge whether we're politically, morally, or spiritually on the same page as them (the death penalty, gay marriage, and the war in Iraq also fit the bill). Sure, they probably have strong opinions. But men are not interested in getting into these subjects with you, at least not yet. After all, this is a date, not debate club. Let's all have fun and save more heated back-and-forths for later.

2) "How do you feel about having a family?"
Pop this question during the first date, and most men will assume your biological clock is ticking fast and loudly—and that's not a good thing. It's not that all men don't want families, many of them actually do—it's just that men tend to like to get to know a woman first, before you start a discussion about your favourite baby names. And men like to know you like them as more than just as a potential baby-making machine. After all, where's the romance in that?

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The Dating Game

Attention eligible bachelors: Sabina Ptacin would like to meet you. She's the owner of two successful companies and is energetic and sociable.

She looks a bit like the actress Kate Winslet, with green eyes and sandy blonde hair. There's only one problem: She spends so much time working, she breaks more dates than she keeps. "I'm not going to marry either one of my jobs," admits Ptacin, who nevertheless often puts in 100-hour workweeks.

Loretta Talbot, a senior project manager at Wyeth ( WYE - news - people ), the pharmaceutical giant, wants a relationship too. She has a zest for life and enjoys photography and sailing. But it's not a sure thing that a man will call for a second date once he finds out how much real estate she owns.

Finding one's soul mate is never easy. But for women who are pursuing influential careers--women like Ptacin, Talbot, even Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor--the course of true love can be especially tricky. It's not just a matter of trying to find the time to date when you're working around the clock. Women face far more complex hurdles. Unlike their male counterparts, who generally become more desirable in the romance arena as they achieve higher career status, powerful women are often handicapped by their success.

And antiquated social mores still dictate that no matter how commanding a woman is at work, she should let her date choose the wine in a dimly lit restaurant.

"Successful men are viewed as highly desirable for women, but successful women are viewed as really scary by men," says Patricia Cook, who runs a boutique executive recruiting firm and has worked with hundreds of senior level executive men and women. "A man needs to be confident and secure in himself in order to be with a woman who earns more than he does."

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Dating Advice for Single Parents

For many single parents, dating simply does not seem like an option. There are few enough hours in the day without finding time for first dates, and what if your new lover and your kids cannot stand each other? It may seem easier just not to bother.

But if you want to find love, do not put it off until the kids are grown. We all deserve genuine happiness; if romance is what you want, follow the dating advice in this article and start your quest to find it.

Where to Look

There is no denying that some people will be put off by you having children. They are not right for you, so do not waste your time trying to change their mind. You deserve someone who adores you, kids and all.

Single parents can look for love in all the usual places but if you do not have the time to go to bars or join evening classes, find a date online. Alongside the standard dating sites, several internet services now specialize in matchmaking for people with kids.

Sign your children up for some extra-curricular activities. Single parent families are increasingly common these days, so get chatting to the other moms and dads before and after the classes and you could find yourself enjoying coffee with that special, single someone.

Getting to know other single parents will be invaluable when you do start dating. Babysitters can be expensive, but new friends in a similar position will be happy to take turns giving one another a well deserved evening off.

Broaching the Subject

Your kids are a part of your life, so never try to hide them. The first time you talk to somebody new, casually drop your children into the conversation by mentioning something funny which your child said or did. You will be pleasantly surprised by how many people take this in their stride.

When it comes to dating, some parents choose to keep everything a secret from their children until the relationship is serious. Increasingly, however, parents are opting to be open with their kids. Do not introduce your children to everyone you meet, but do consider telling them you are going on dates – the more they are aware that you're meeting new people, the less threatened they will feel when you bring your partner home.

New Starts

Introduce your kids to your new partner slowly. Start with a relaxed trip to the park or an evening of watching movies together, but think carefully before asking your partner to stay the night. It may be unsettling for your kids to wake up and find a virtual stranger in their house so wait until they're more used to him or her.

Talk to your partner about your expectations. In the early days, the emphasis should be on becoming friendly with your kids, not on becoming their new parent. If you do not think it is appropriate for him or her to discipline them, say so.

Warn them to expect jealousy. Your kids are used to having you to themselves and may feel that it would be disloyal to their other parent to be too welcoming. Expect small children to become clingy and teenagers to be quite rude. With time and patience, it will improve.

Your kids are the center of your world, but you should never feel guilty about wanting a little more. Take all the dating advice you can get, keep the early days casual, but do get out and get dating again. Everyone needs affection, attention and adult conversation, so if you would like a little romance, do not let being a parent stop you.

Cybersex and the Married Man

In real life, he is a successful 35-year-old business owner and husband-to-be. However, on Second Life, the virtual fantasy world with 11 million "residents," his avatar, Lugh Dragonash, is a cyborg, or human machine, which can make it difficult to meet women, he says.

Not that he's looking. However, he could, because in Second Life, you build your perfect pretend life, down to property, skin tone and a dream spouse. Even Dragonash's fiancee, who is 29 and unemployed but works as a go-go dancer in Second Life, has a boyfriend. She engages in cyber sex with him and, before you ask, Dragonash doesn't watch. No, he adds, it doesn't bother him.

"Nothing happening here (in Second Life) has an impact on my real life," Dragonash says. "She does her thing and I do mine. Fun is a priority. If it starts to have an influence on my real life it stops immediately."

The Spillover

For some, it's starting to. Online infidelity was once limited to chat rooms and dating sites. However, there is rising concern that virtual worlds like Second Life and Kaneva and role-playing games like EverQuest can escalate the potential for and extent of infidelity. After all, avatars, or alternative identities, do it all: shop together, get married in wedding ceremonies and even buy property with virtual currency they purchase with real-world dollars. They can also commit crimes against each other, get divorced and sue one another in real-life court over in-game disputes.

It's enough to have woes with a real-world spouse. Are we ready for secondary ones?

Players of EverQuest can get so tangled in their fantasy worlds that the affairs mimic those in soap operas, where the wife and mistress are essentially at war. Here's an example from a post on EverQuest Widows, an online support group on Yahoo (Nasdaq: YHOO) Latest News about Yahoo for partners of obsessed gamers.

"A couple of months ago, my hubby told me about a lady he was engaged to in the game," writes one sad "wid." "He broke it off with her when she wanted him to leave me and come marry her in real life."
Law Catching Up

Launched in 2000, the group's posts range from tales of low self-esteem and neglected children to missed holidays and anniversaries.

Legally, cyber-affairs don't, by themselves, constitute adultery. If cyber-cheating leads to a real-life affair, however, then the actual adultery can be grounds for divorce in jurisdictions that consider fault.

Furthermore, if cyber-cheating is egregious and leads to a regular pattern of cruelty in the marriage, or causes the cyber-cheater to abandon completely his marital responsibilities, it could be considered grounds for divorce in fault and mixed-fault divorce regimes, says Melissa Murray, a family law professor at UC Berkeley's School of Law.

On a recent final exam, Murray posed a question to a class of second- and third-year students about a man who was fooling around on Second Life.

"In the future, family law and other aspects of the law will have to wrestle with the question of how to deal with conduct in these virtual spaces," Murray says.
Symptom of Real Problem

Most of the time, at least in Second Life, it doesn't go that far, says Lisa Rein of Berkeley. Rein is a frequent lecturer on social networking and virtual worlds and has held San Francisco State University classes in art galleries on Second Life. She believes that virtual worlds are just the next phase on the online relationship continuum.

"People either understand the relationship their spouse is having online or they don't," Rein says. "And if you'd rather have a conversation with someone on Second Life than your own wife, yeah, you probably have a problem. But that's not different than any other online relationship."

By 2011, up to 80 percent of Internet users -- 250 million people -- will participate in virtual worlds, according to a recent report by Gartner Research (NYSE: IT) Latest News about Gartner. So the opportunities to make new friends and relationships are going to multiply beyond our current and somewhat limited MySpace Latest News about MySpace comprehension.
Looks Can Be Deceiving

That said, Rein and others stress that it's important to remember the infinite unintentional situations in virtual worlds that can be misconstrued as flirting or cheating.

"The rules of physics don't work in the virtual world," says Jeremy Bailenson, director of Stanford's Virtual Human Interaction Lab, which was launched five years ago to study social behaviors in virtual worlds. "You can share body space, override other people's behaviors and transport to another land."

More importantly, humans are not evolved enough to have a module to respond differently to virtual things, he says, so nonverbal behavior and reaction is almost identical online to what is in the real world.

Take Rein's Second Life avatar, Haley Bailey. She is a girl-next-door type (the unadorned, default avatar in jeans and a T-shirt) who has found herself, without intending to, in questionable situations.
Nice Outfit

Once, in Second Life, Rein wandered into a gothic night club where she accepted a gift of clothing from avatars she had just met. When she tried the clothes on, she found herself wearing a provocative outfit and drinking blood from a horn.

One Second Lifer who controls an avatar with the first name of Oz tell tales of roaming dark alleys where prostitutes beckon; he didn't mean to be there. Another relays how a slight arm movement put her in a missionary position with the avatar sitting next to her at a party.

"It's the nature of the environment to try things without meaning to," Rein says. "So there are circumstances where cuddling with a stranger could be perfectly innocent. You could just stumble into a situation, literally."

If a spouse were to glance at the screen at the wrong moment, Rein says, things could look really bad.

Another time, when she was in a long distance relationship, Rein and her boyfriend at the time met up in Second Life. After wandering around, they found themselves in a fancy bedroom of a big house. On the bed was a cuddle ball. They both reached over and touched it, and the ball put them in a cuddling position.

"It was really nice," she recalls. "And very empowering. I really felt like I was with him. But if he did that intentionally with somebody else, it wouldn't be cool."
Like a Real Affair

Clinical psychologist Kimberly Young, the director of the Center for Online Addiction Recovery in Pennsylvania, has been researching Internet behavior and online addiction since 1995. She estimates that 60 percent of her private practice clients deal with online affairs.

"Like any affair, the person emotionally shuts down from his or her partner and engages in emotional and physical relationships outside the marriage," says Young, the author of "Caught in the Net: How to Recognize the Signs of Internet Addiction -- and a Winning Strategy for Recovery."

Online affairs are harder to deal with and detect because they occur on a computer in the home rather than at a bar or office, Young says. What's more, they can be carried out while a husband or wife is sitting in the next room.

"The Internet provides the opportunity for affairs to happen when they (normally) would not have," she explains. "Usually the person is not seeking an extramarital relationship but discovers one online."

The effects, however, are just as devastating to the marriage, according to an article Young published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. Young writes that partners felt betrayed, rejected, abandoned and devastated and that it was "as emotionally painful to them as live, or offline, affairs."

As eWidower, an EverQuest Widow, says of his wife's transformation:

"She was so sexual and available to several guys online while she put me on the shelf," he writes. "At one point, she had even told me that I would get more intimacy if I would stop objecting to the guys online. She had also said that if I wanted more attention from her, I should take some lessons from the online guys... It was bad."

Namoro 'boom' n�o � apenas para a sub-40 set

Worst Valentine Gift Ideas For Him

1. Gay Sex! The Card Game

Remember all those times he said that it was the fantasy of his lifetime to get two chics in his bed? And that you really should consider talking to your girlfriend Monica about joining you two in bed? Well, it's payback time!

2. The Vagina Monologues

Oh, this is so cruel, you almost shouldn't do it. You give him a DVD that's called The Vagina Monoloques. He thinks is a porn movie. But it's just what he hatest most - another crazy feminist bitch blaming men for her fucked up life. The coolest thing is that this DVD can't possibly fail. If he hates feminists, he's gonna hate the DVD. But if he is a dilusional feeble-minded freak that thinks that feminism may actually be 'a good progressive thing', imagine how horrible he's gonne feel about having a dick and behaving like all men do.

3. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

All men hate this book. Even gay ones! Like a said, a perfect idea for a bad Valentine's Day gift.

4. Feng Shui Mirror

Do buy him a feng shui mirror and explain how it helps for flow of positive ch'i energy. He's gonna dump you within two weeks, but that's what you want anyway, right?

5. Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding, 10-Ounce Can

Get some Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding and tell him it's the best food there is. Do insist on him opening the can and tasting it right there, but don't answer any question as two what 'spotted dick' may be.

Where to Find the Leading Online Dating Service

With rare exception everyone wants to have that special someone in their lives. People spend a lot of time dreaming about it and planning for it and they spend quite a lot of time looking for it. Perhaps you yourself are looking for that special someone and you thought that you would see if you could find them online. This is certainly possible, and it happens all the time. I myself found my husband online and we have been unbelievably happy for the past 7 years. But is it necessary to join the leading online dating service in order to find the person of your dreams? Perhaps, but here are some things for you to keep in mind.

The online dating world is full of people that are not looking for a serious relationship. There are some fantastic dating services out there that will help you to find the person of your dreams, but you need to make sure that the person you find is also dreaming of someone like you. Some of the top dating services place a lot of emphasis on picture personal ads, and there certainly isn't anything wrong with that. But a dating site that does that will tend to attract a lot of tire kickers, people that just want to look at pictures of attractive men and women and aren't really serious about finding a lifelong partner.

There are also dating services that specialize in finding someone that is compatible with you and your own personal likes and dislikes. These services are great and I personally know some people who have found each other using these dating websites and are now living happy lives with each other. So here is the needle in the haystack. There isn't really a leading online dating service, the top ones all have their own great qualities. Choosing the one that is right for you, as an individual is where you need to be. Because when you find the right online dating service you will find the perfect date.

C�mo dar regalos

Online Dating Can Help You Find Your Soul Mate

If you're single and you are sick and tired of going through life alone, why not give singles online dating a try? Singles online dating may be the perfect way to meet other like minded people. When you meet someone in real life, you usually meet them because of their physical appearance. It's the physical appearance that usually drives these types of meetings and, for that reason, many of them fizzle out quickly. Singles online dating, however, allows you to get to know the person internally, their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, their beliefs, and even what they're looking for in a mate, all before you make that choice to meet them in person. That makes singles online dating the best way to find love.

Finding A Site

When it comes to singles online dating, there are many sites you can choose from. The thing you want to keep in mind is that you will likely have to pay to use all the aspects of these sites. Your best bet would be to search the various sites to make sure you're getting your money's worth. Also make sure the site has a lot of subscribers. If there are a lot of subscribers, you know your chances are better that you'll meet someone. If there are only a handful of subscribers, on the other hand, your odds are drastically reduced.

Singles online dating typically works by subscribing to the site and then setting up your profile. Your profile is how others will view you on the site. It will usually have a photo, or photos, of you, as well as short paragraphs describing who you are and what you're about. This can be the hardest part about singles online dating, as most people freeze when it comes to describing themselves to no one in particular. This doesn't have to be difficult, however, as long as you recognize that you're selling yourself, so keep it short and simple, but definitely try to have fun with it.

Show Your Lighter Side

The best thing you can do when it comes to online singles dating is to show other potential mates your lighter side. Show your sense of humor. In your profile, as you're describing yourself, make a joke, or show some wit, anything to get people to want to know more. Your profile should read like the blurb of a book, leading someone reading it to want to get to know you more.

Most of all, in singles online dating, have fun and don't take things so seriously. Dating is supposed to be fun, not hard work, and hey, you never know, you could end up meeting your soul mate who you can spend the rest of your life with.

Dating Mistakes You Must Avoid

Using an old photo
A self-proclaimed 'Fabio' look-a-like used a 15-year old picture of himself to entice women to meet him. I guess he figured once they met the 'older' version of himself they'd be charmed enough to stay. Not!

2. Telling a lie... or two.
These come in at least three categories - age, name, and profession. I'm sure there are more but only three occurred in the 1st episode (that I saw). The musician (from mistake #1) said he was in his 30's but he was actually in his 40's. Can't you just hear the umpire? Steeee-rike 2! Or the classic line from one of the female daters on the show: "My name isn't Jennifer, it's Lisa." Which was followed by her revealing that she was a doctor - just like her now confounded date.

3. Asking yourself the wrong questions.
Cynthia, one of the daters, was a bit down after a string of rather unpleasant dates. She asked herself outloud 'Why am I single?' It had a feeling of 'what's wrong with me?' to it. A better question would have been - "How do I need to be to find the man who fits into my ideal relationship?" Or, 'What's the next best step for me in fi$nding my ideal mate?' Questions that focus on the positive of what you can do or be.

4. Breaking up by email
This is probably more of an etiquette 'violation' than a mistake. Breaking up with a date by email. While the fellow said it was a cop-out, it was still tactless.

Choosing The Right Online Dating Service

Online Dating services are available for free as well as paid and singles find it to be one of the most convenient and easiest ways of meeting a potential date, and forming relationships. This leads to the coming up of thousands of more online dating sites. Even though paid online dating sites are available and are providing better service, a free dating service has much larger member pool and offers a wide range of choices. But not all services are good, whether it is a free or paid service, it is very important for you to find the right dating site that best suits your needs and fulfills your specifications.

When looking at online dating sites you should see that whether you are comfortable with everything from the appearance of the site to how easy it is to get around. Check for the privacy, security and safety features in these services. You should also ensure the type of matching system do these dating services employ such as whether they are specific to one community or ethnicity or serve the people from different walks of life. Please also emphasize on the choices which naturally will depend on the number of members. With more number of members the more will be the choices related to religion, race, sex, interests, etc. Cost of the paid dating sites also plays an important role in finding right online dating service because different people have different budgets. Each and every online dating site differs from the other due to the different features offered by them, so it is important that you should go for the online dating site that best suits your needs.

So if you are seriously looking for a prospective date, look for a better online dating site that offers for wide ranges of choices. Also check with the online dating sites if you can get the details about your prospective date once you decide upon. Browse the internet as much as you can to gather proper information about all the available online dating site and choose one after all narrowing down the huge list of online dating sites.

Gesundheitliche Vorteile zu heiraten

Online Dating Activities

All types of everyday activities are growing in popularity online these days like sharing photos and greeting cards. In fact, both of these even go hand in hand with online dating opportunities, one of the most popular online activities for singles today.

Before actually meeting in person, many dates get acquainted online first. Here's how.

Photos - As a wonderful keepsake of your budding romance, create an online photo album for your new cyber-mate. Include digital photos of favorite outdoor scenes, pets, flowers, cars, silly moments, your computer corner or laptop, etc. Then you'll even have more to discuss during online dates via emails and chat rooms. Search for "photo albums" to find places that store your photos.

Greeting Cards- Regardless of where the person lives, you can mail a greeting card. If privacy and security is an issue, check into renting an inexpensive P.O. Box (check the Yellow Pages). You do not have to be an artist to make something homemade and special for the new friend in your life. Even making a special, personalized greeting card would be appreciated and show your date that you care enough to take the time needed to make something by hand. Search your favorite search engine for online greeting cards to send, too. They range from free to low cost and can be sent in a click.

So get online and get active! No need to risk meeting in person until you get more familiar with each other online first. So take the online plunge!

Online-Dating-Beratung - Wie man einen Treffer

Vengeful bride sues runaway groom

A filipina bride is suing her former fiance after he ran off with another woman before the wedding ceremony had even finished.

The couple had nearly finished saying their vows when a woman appeared at the back of the church and shouted that the wedding should stop, the Philippine Star newspaper reported today.

The groom - who had been about to say 'I do' - hesitated before walking to the woman and hugging her, and the pair fled in a taxi, the newspaper added.

The bride said she had suffered 'irreparable damages' and had not slept well after the incident in December.

She is reportedly seeking 549,630 pesos ($A14,729) in damages.

Top 10 Online Dating Mistakes

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