How to Pick Up an Australian Man

By Krystin Arneson

One of the best parts of traveling by yourself is the people you meet. I met Nate at the hostel (poor college grad here) I was staying at in Granada, an old city in southern Spain with gorgeous Islamic-influenced architecture and flamenco dancing in the gypsy caves that surround the center. We started chatting on a tour of the city and then made plans the next day to get up early to go see the Alhambra, a Moorish palace complex that draws most of the tourists to the city. Nate found out I hadn’t yet had Granada tapas, and we were starving after a morning spent hiking in 104-degree heat, so he took me and two others from the hostel that had joined us on a tour of the city’s tapas offerings, food which happens to be free when you order a drink (of any sort).

Full disclaimer: Everything was totally platonic, so no juicy stories today. But Nate, like literally every single other Australian guy I met, was so much fun. And I always meet Australians—like, so many I actually looked up some numbers, which is really hard to do for a writer first thing in the morning. But seriously, it’s shocking: Last year, there were 7.8 million vacations taken out of Australia, and 32 percent of them were to places other than the South Pacific, China, New Zealand or the States. And because the third and fourth-highest group of travellers fall into the 25- to 34-year-old range, if you go abroad, it’s decently likely you’re going to meet one of these lovely men.

If you do (you lucky girl!) or if you’re on the scout for one, there are a few things you should be aware of:

- They are so, so, so, so, so nice. The guys are some of the friendliest I’ve ever met, and they’re incredibly social. Making plans with them is easy, even if you’ve only been chatting with them for a while — they’re always up for something!

- The way to an Australian man’s heart is through sports. I mean, not all of us wake up on Sunday mornings and watch a recap of the latest Cronulla Sharks rugby game, but bringing up the r-word will get any guy talking. Also, cheeky hint: They have a version of American football, aptly called Australian football, so that just opens up all sorts of conversational possibilities.

- It can be hard to tell if they’re into you or not. They’re kind of American in that way (in fact, in a lot of ways), so you’re not going to be able to tell as easily. On the flip side though, if you have a totally platonic relationship with one, it’s going to be really genuine and strong.

- Outback Steakhouse is not Australia. Most Australians watch Outback Steakhouse commercials with a deep and potent loathing.

- Drinks are terribly expensive in Australia (I’ve been told $19 is the going rate for a cocktail), so when in Europe or the States, those who do like a cold beer generally don’t mind taking advantage of the lower prices.

- That being said, don’t order him a Fosters.

- Also, don’t ask if he wants to head over to your vacation rental later for “shrimp on the barbie.”

- Nearby sidenote: Guys from New Zealand tend to be pretty outdoorsy. I mean, if I lived on a beautiful island covered in mountains and forests and beautiful rivers, I’d probably never be inside. So if camping and watersports and the occasional adrenaline rush are your thing, you’re in luck!

Dating in the District

Street noise fills the background as Sam Yagan speaks quickly into his cellphone. He has a knack for efficiency. He is a dating catalyst, a self-proclaimed “geeky math guy.” And last February, his dating website — OKCupid — logged 1.3 million unique visitors.

So when it came time to find out how to meet people, his name topped the list of people to call.

Most Washingtonians tend to be workaholics, transplants or some combination of the two. With a general population such as that, single people are put at a disadvantage when it comes to meeting a potential mate.

“D.C. is — by far — the most active [on OKCupid] on a per capita basis,” Yagan says. “Other cities don’t even come close.”

More than 10 percent of D.C.’s population are active users on the site, according to Yagan’s data, and 75 percent of those users are younger than 35.

Whether you want to take the tech route, or a more traditional avenue, there is one basic tenet to remember: “You can’t take it too seriously,” Yagan asserts. “People get so wound up about it.”

Rather than fearing rejection, accept that volume is key: The odds that the first person you meet is going to be the one for you is low, says Yagan, who earned a degree in mathematics and economics from Harvard, and later went on to receive an MBA from Stanford business school. “Half the battle is forcing yourself to go out and meet people.”

So, where are the best places to find other love-seekers in the District?

Whether it’s grabbing a post-work libation at Off the Record bar in the Hay Adams hotel, or plugging in your laptop at Tryst in Adams Morgan, places where solo people-watching is common lifts the burden of vulnerability and makes meeting people feel less forced.

At Tryst, a hodgepodge of couches, chairs and tables are scattered for maximum comfort. Free Wi-Fi lets you work (or surf on Facebook) while you enjoy a coffee, tea, snack or alcoholic beverage. Located on the often-hectic 18th Street in Adams Morgan, Tryst is an oasis.

Tia Scagliarnini, the front-of-the-house manager, wants the bar and cafe to be a relaxing place for people that is neither home, nor work, she said.

“We aim to foster a community, and make it a place where people are approachable.”

The clientele is diverse, she added: Students writing PhDs or master’s theses, book clubs, journalists, artists and businesspeople of all stripes. Tryst also has a happy hour seven days a week and live jazz on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday evenings.

“[Tryst] can be whatever you want it to be, really,” she said. “We’re always full of people, so you never have to feel alone or shady.”

But if you crave something a little more presidential, head down the rabbit hole to the basement of the Hay Adams hotel.

Within throwing distance of the White House, caricatures of Washington’s political culture can be seen in the din. A throwback to a D.C. of yesteryear, this classic bar is a place to be “seen and not heard,” said Andrew Welch, the food and beverage director of the Hay Adams hotel.

What does that mean, exactly?

“The name of the bar speaks for itself,” Welch said. Essentially, what happens at Off the Record stays off the record.

The downtown proximity to political, business and law offices brings in some big names, and Welch aims to maintain the quality experience for which the bar is known. The environment fosters relaxing conversation — the room is equipped with a fireplace — and a great specialty cocktail list is the cherry on top.

What happens once you set your sights on a hangout?

“You have to expand your search criteria,” explains OKCupid’s Yagan, whose site uses mathematical equations to determine matches, rather than psychology — which is the basis of other dating sites.

“We changed the way dating works,” he adds. Most people, he says, limit themselves to only seeking out individuals who fit in their predetermined notion of a perfect mate: one political affiliation, age range or other trait.

“People say things like, ‘Oh, I would never date someone four years younger than me.’ Really? Probably you would.”

At places that have an ambiance and culture all their own, striking up a conversation and asking for someone’s Twitter handle is easy. And you never know what might come of it.

Scagliarnini, the manager at Tryst, said she recently set up a reservation for a man on a Saturday night — which is always a no-no, because of how busy the cafe can be. But this was a special occasion: He had met his current girlfriend at random on a particular couch — and he wanted to propose on that same piece of thrift furniture on the same night two years later.

She said yes.

El Dos y no hacer de Envío por correo electrónico en línea de citas Partidos

Dating After Divorce and Other Lessons Learned

By Susan Orlins

After my separation at age 52, I thought I’d simply revert to the lively dating life I’d had in my twenties. It didn’t work that way. Most men my age seemed to have an eye only for women whose necks were long and smooth like a Chardonnay bottle.

I thought cosmetic surgery would help. Then I looked around and, though I saw some women who’d benefitted, I decided the possibility of looking worse was too real. And who wants to have their head stapled anyway?

I threw my self a divorce party, which was a great way to meet people. Plus it gave me a celebratory Auntie Mame aura.

At every opportunity, I cultivated new friendships with interesting men to go to dinner with. I never hesitated to call a guy to join me for an outing.

Everyone said you have to lie about your age. But lying about my age on my online dating profile backfired. If you decide to lie about your age, I suggest preserving the deception. Thinking I was being up front, I’d fess up right away and that was the end before there was even a beginning.

One friend told me he was fixed up with a woman he liked, but he thought she was too young, 48 to his 56. He wanted to age together with someone. Then he learned she had lied about her age, but he never asked her out again.

Avoid using the C-word or references to accelerating a relationship too soon. Some men are terrified of commitment, which everyone knows, but after divorce that kind of memory can dim.

On the other hand, men seem to get scooped up within months of becoming divorced or widowed, so timing is tricky.

I spent several years with Mr. Wrong and it was a wonderful time. I learned to give up notions I had when I was younger of how someone needed to look or act for me to be attracted. I learned to broaden the narrow universe of available men.

I weighed the odds. It took going to around 10 singles events to meet one guy I wanted to go out with. Finally I decided I’d rather spend the time going to a movie alone.

Swing dancing saved me. Just knowing I could go dancing any night of the week gave me a boost. Maybe I’d go once or twice a week. The music, the exercise, the human contact was exhilirating. People were there to dance, so not much for dating opportunities, but doing something I loved was more fun than a mediocre date!

Every summer I try to take a bike trip. Exercise always elevates the mood. Yoga adds yet another dimension. Being kind to your body helps your soul.

Going out with couples can be twice the fun.

Reframing helps. In my case, rather than feeling sorry for myself, I thought about the positives of being able to spend more time with my aging parents. Also I have some treasured friendships that divorce allowed me time to cultivate.

I compensated for the time my children spent with their dad. For example, I began getting up early so we could all have breakfast together before they went to school (which felt like the 50’s, when I was a kid).

I learned from others. One night I heard Paula Allende on C-Span talking about her daughter Paula, who had died. She referred to the remarkable ability of the human spirit to rise above adversity. Wow, if she could, then so could I. Though of course, the loss of a child is something you never recover from the way you can from a divorce.

Divorced with kids means "married for life." So if your ex is as devoted to the kids as mine is, then it improves both your and your kids’ lives to strive for harmony. We have been taking "family" vacations every summer for around 8 years now. We all look forward to that week.

Finally, I learned I don’t need a man to make me whole, in fact, my newest worry is what if I meet a guy I like? Then what?

7 Raisons Pourquoi Rencontres peut être un défi

5 Sites for Spotting Singles

By Ki Mae Heussner

Traditional dating sites may help you plan a rendezvous for the future, but newer location-oriented services can tell you where potential dates might be right now.

Some are dedicated mobile dating platforms that use GPS technology to help you find potential matches in your immediate vicinity. Others use location information to show you where you’re more likely to find members of the sex you’re interested in. All give singles a high-tech way to plot a night out on the town.

Check out five sites below:

Ratio Finder

Using data from the location-based social network Foursquare, Ratio Finder maps out local businesses based on where men and women tend to congregate.

The site calculates Foursquare check-ins by gender and then visualizes the data on a map, currently only available in New York and San Francisco.

Want to know where you have the highest odds of finding the ladies or the gents? Ratio Finder displays a map of the city with dots of different sizes indicating places of interest. Pink dots refer to female check-ins, blue dots to male check-ins. The bigger the dot, the more popular the place is among members of that particular sex.

The New York map, for example, shows a giant pink dot over the rooftop garden cafe at the Metropolitan Musuem of Art, where it says there are 91 percent more females.

MeetMoi

If you want to meet other singles while you’re on the go, MeetMoi uses your phone to update your location information in real time and send you alerts when potential matches are nearby.

The service exists as an application for iPhones and Android phones and uses GPS technology to help users meet people while they’re out and about.

Users set up a profile with the service, indicating what they’re looking for in a date. When MeetMoi finds two nearby users with matching preferences, it sends each a message, opening the door for conversation.

If they want to meet up, they have an hour to take the next step. MeetMoi is free to join, but has a premium service for a monthly subscription fee.

Skout

Another popular mobile dating site, Skout lets users see nearby singles and reach out to the ones they want to meet. The company says its community includes about one million users and helps them connect with weekly emails on new singles in their area.

Skout also says its site is very careful about keeping its users safe. It doesn’t disclose the exact street addresses of its users, so the only way others can locate them precisely is if they willingly provide their locations.

Grindr

Billing itself as the “the go-to place for gay, bi, and curious guys to meet,” Grindr uses GPS technology to help users connect with other men in their area.

Users upload a picture and complete a profile and then use the service to see who’s nearby. Accessible via Apple mobile devices and BlackBerrys, the service says its the largest all-male location social network.

PinPointsX

And for those who are really looking for nothing more than a fling, PinPointsX uses mobile technology to give users what it calls a “Passion Map.”

The adult-oriented service says it’s the leading application for hookups and can lead users to a night of fantasy and sexual fulfillment.

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