Dating Doggy Style

By Kelley Whitis

I’ve always found the whole dating scenario to be a bit pretentious. We all put on our mask and present our best image on the proverbial first date. After a few more dates, calls, texts and maybe some intimacy, the person behind the mask emerges, and in the blink of any eye, the romance dies. This person suddenly is nowhere near the person we first met.

What if instead of pretending to be someone we’re not, we not only take these masks off, we throw them away, take a lesson from our trusty friend Fido and just date doggy style? Don’t get too excited here, I’m not talking bedroom positions.

At least not yet.

I’m writing this as I watch my two dogs run around and play in my friend’s backyard, making friends with all the neighborhood pups. It’s a Doggy Disneyland here, and they are eager to run around and make new friends, checking each other out, sniffing butts. If they like what they see and smell they’ll romp around the yard together -- running, jumping, snorting, yelping, nipping, slobber-swapping, rejoicing and cavorting. Just being who they truly are and having an honest, real connection with another animal.

So if that’s the whole point of dating and relationships -- to be yourself, find someone you want to romp around in a field with, have a connection to and just have fun -- here are five tips we can take from Fido:

1. The Butt Sniff Test

I’m not suggesting we go around sniffing butts here. Simply put, just be yourself. No pretending. No masks. No projected images. Just. Be. You. You’ll be amazed who comes into your life once you begin to show your authentic self.

2. Game Playing

Games are good. Dog games, not people games. The difference between dogs and humans is that dogs don’t let their ego rule their actions. We get caught up in the fear, the wondering and the jealousy and let our ego play out little games to get a desired action. Not good games to play. Dogs like to run, chase squirrels, catch balls and jump over hurdles. These are good games. Remember the difference and engage in good game playing only.

3. Bark What You Mean and Mean What You Bark

As humans, we often say things we think the other person wants to hear. This is probably one of the simplest tips, yet one of the easiest to stray from. Dogs will growl if they don’t like something, whine if they’re hurt and bark if they’re happy, hungry or need to go potty. They are very explicit and impeccable with their communication. Once we learn to do the same, we’ll find there is less confusion and miscommunication in all of our relationships.

4. Live in the Moment

Without realizing it, we can eagerly look towards the future, or we can let our past determine our present by staying stuck with old behaviors or mistakes. Dogs do neither. They live for right now. In the moment. Giving it everything they’ve got. Full-steam ahead. When we put our full attention on what is happening right at this very moment, we’ll find we have better relationships, we work better, rest easier and play harder.

5. Take the Leash Off

Dogs spend so much of their time being on leash -- acting the way we want them to act. Once off leash, the dog’s personality really comes to life. We see so many rules for dating -- do this, don’t do that, wait for this -- the bottom line is we are individuals and there is no generic rule book that will ever give us all the answers. So take your leash off. Stop acting like everyone says you are supposed to act, don’t expect to get desired results after reading dating how-to books and listen instead to your inner voice and see what resonates with you. When all else fails, refer to tip #1.

Clarifying Questions for Dating Singles

After the divorce, when the time feels right to start dating again, there are a few things to keep in mind.

What is going on with another person is not always obvious on the surface. Imagine if you could gather information and therefore pay more attention to the depth of another person with some well-placed and well-intentioned questions as you get to know them.

It’s better to ask these questions silently at first -- and to just be observant. Watch your date’s meta-communication behaviors and body-language responses carefully, taking into account respiration, eye-contact and speech pattern. Try to hear and accept their words but verify with actions.

The first and third questions below are the biggies and contain a treasure trove of information in deciding if this is a relationship to pursue. The middle question is informational and more about potential compatibility in terms of daily routines.

The order in which these questions roll out is up to you. All three can be in play simultaneously. Are there too many red flags with any of these questions? If so, bow out as gracefully as possible while you can.

1.Foundational Questions: What is your relationship like with your mother, father and siblings? Chances are the answer is some mixture of a bittersweet work in progress. Even the best relationships require work. You need to hear what’s good as well as what’s getting better. What’s good and not so good in a person’s family of origin is likely to be mirrored in your dating relationship.

If you progress in dating, you will likely get to know the people in the answers to the question. That’s when you will be tested. What’s working out with one’s parents is only the start. There are also in-laws, and half- and step-children with whom you’ll have adult relationships.

2. Aggregate Questions: What are your rituals? What was the name of and last time that you read a book? How many hours a week do you work, watch sports or business news on television? What’s your faith practice? How about playing video or computer games and hanging out on the Internet? Do you watch or participate in porn? What are your hobbies? Where do you like to vacation?

3. Kicker Questions: Is there anyone else who thinks you are their significant other? A dear friend alerted me to this one. You would think that a person is on the market only if they are truly free, but this isn’t always the case in this age of ambivalence. The person who appears free may be in fact in an ambivalent relationship. Chances are they can’t tell you, but will show you and maybe tell you if you ask the right way.

With all of these questions, listen hard and watch closely for what is revealed and hidden. What is the other willing to tell you, if you can catch it?

Diversify your Dating portfolio

When you are out there dating, it’s easy to get caught in a rut and to continue to date the same kind of person again and again because it feels familiar and comfortable. However, sometimes playing it safe does not produce the results that you really want, results that will yield you the best person, the person with whom you can spend your life.

Similarly, when you are investing in your stock portfolio, you may choose to play it safe and stay in the same stocks for a long time, even if they aren’t performing that well because you know those stocks and they feel safe. Or you might have such a diversified portfolio that you never take the time to know very much about any one stock in particular. In investing just as in dating, a lot of people are not comfortable with the idea of changing their portfolio because the unknown is risky, even though it might produce stronger results in the long term.

So, how do you know if you should stick with what you know or take a risk and diversify? And if you do diversify, how should you go about doing it? Let me give you some advice on how to make that decision…

- Evaluate your current dating situation just like you would evaluate your current stock portfolio. If your portfolio has one stock in it, your significant other, you need to decide if it’s time to make a commitment, just to him or her or if it’s time to play the field, invest in some other stocks and see if those stocks yield better results for you.

- Think about your long term goals when it comes to having a relationship in the same way as you would when you are deciding how to invest. Are you looking for marriage or a long-term hold? Or are you looking to date a lot of people until you find the right person much like you would invest in a lot of stocks and see which one pops? Either approach is fine, but you need to be clear as to what you are actually looking to accomplish.

- Ask someone else to help you evaluate your dating circumstances just like you would find a trained advisor to help you evaluate your stock portfolio. Find someone who has an objective eye, but at the same time, knows your personal goals. Let him or her give you his or her opinion as to why you should maintain your portfolio as it is, or get out there and try to meet someone new.

- Educate yourself on what kind of people you could potentially date just like you would educate yourself on the kind of stocks in which you could invest. If you have always focused on blue chip stocks, perhaps it’s time to think about a small cap stock now, i.e., maybe it’s time to try dating someone different from your norm. Is the type of person you always choose working for you? Perhaps if you changed your type a bit, you would find a better connection.

- Be proactive about letting people know that you are trying to meet new people just like you would let people know if you are looking to invest in new stocks. Go to people in your life like your friends, family and colleagues as trusted confidants and let them suggest some new leads.

- If you already have a diversified portfolio and you are out there playing the field, spend some time evaluating each and every person you are currently dating just like you would evaluate every stock you have in your portfolio. Are you carrying any dead weight, meaning that “stock” is not performing for you at all and perhaps you are just wasting your time? Or is there any one stock that really outshines all the rest and perhaps it’s time to focus on him or her more exclusively?

- Think about who you are dating currently and why he or she is really in your life just like you would consider why stocks are in your portfolios. Are you staying with someone because you are scared to be alone or because you are scared of the unknown or are you staying with someone because he or she is the right one for you and you are just hesitating to make a full-blown commitment.

-Find different ways to meet new people just like you would find different ways to hear about new stocks. Perhaps you can accept an invitation to an event or party where there will be a different crowd just like maybe you would read different research materials to uncover something different in which to invest.

Dating In The Fast Lane

Need Backup at the Bar? You Can Now Hire a Wingman

Ladies (and gentlemen): take heed the next time you’re approached by an interested single at a bar. The attractive, overly complimentary friend he’s with might just be hired help.

According to the Wall Street Journal, hiring a professional “wingman” or “wingwoman” is a possible future of dating, with services having popped up all over the country.

While dating sites are often littered with profiles featuring outdated pictures or misleading information, Susan Baxter, founder of Hire a Boston Wingwoman, told the Journal that her service allows clients to see past initial judgments by meeting women in person. (Of course, by using a hired wingwoman, the client is being a bit misleading themselves.)

A $130 fee gets clients 2 hours of time with their Boston wingwoman, during which time she helps her shy client break the ice with women, facilitating conversation, and generally making them look good. The Hire a Boston Wingwoman website notes, “Men look that much more desirable when they are seen with an attractive lady by their side,” and that by having a woman start up the conversation it “will not give the appearance of ‘hitting on’ a woman of interest.”

The concept isn’t necessarily a bad one, though—having a friend help with easing into a conversation, and perhaps picking up knowledge about what women and men do and don’t respond to are all useful and helpful experiences.

Miss Pivot, a dating service based in Indianapolis, offers workshops, as well as a wingwoman (or “pivot,” as they call them) service. On the website, they address the million-dollar question: “Is your coaching like Hitch or Pick-Up Artist stuff?”

“While a great movie, Hitch is a Hollywood fantasy,” they write, citing the unrealistic idea of pursuing and dating just the one person on which the client is fixated. The Pick-Up Artist focuses too much on “short-term goals, canned lines, and the sexual side of relationships.”

Those with a crippling shyness or no idea how to approach someone who’s caught their eye might find that a professional confidence-booster (in the form of a wingperson) may be just the help they need. However, just in case their act slips up, he or she should hope their newfound love interest has a generous sense of humor.

8 Types Of Women To Avoid When Dating

There are women that man should avoid dating. Here are symptoms to watch out for:

1). Too feminist. This type of woman, and believes it is assumed that man is the cause of all pain and suffering society. It was her strong belief that women are much smarter than men and are able to do things "right way".

Men would not want to spend some time with these types of women, everything you do will always be negative for them. They can never be happy man.

2). Material Girl. It is shortly after the money! These types of women are "high maintenance". Are not only expected, but often require that one should finance her entire life in luxury. To her, man is obliged to pay for dinners, drinks, trips, jewelry, flowers, etc., while they absolutely feel the urge to retaliate or guilt.

Simply put, she is a prostitute in disguise. She is a greedy person who has no perception of the feelings of others and its only interest is to achieve and get what he wants. Never be fooled, some seem to be the first really nice, until they know that you do something for them. He begins to ask for material things!

3). Hopeless romantic. These women live in a perfect world of romance novels, where love and relationships are perfect and her night and shining armor will always come and live happily ever after.
Always been pampered her and "princess" and the idea that what is real life. Will expect the man to take care of her constantly and that all her wishes have, if not, it may prove a bridge screaming.

4). Angry girl. Similar feminist, she really hates men. They often look at people long list of all accounts of injustice and violations of every man, that joint relationship. To her, all people are "goose bumps", "pigs". and jerks. These women are boiling mad at the man who can explode at any given time.

5). Uncertain Miss will seem very pleasant, loving and accommodation on the first treatment of the men very well. Later, when all her innermost feelings of uncertainty up to the surface, it can be uncomfortable calling a man, which dates back at least ten times a day asking where you are, or that just missed his voice.

This woman requires frequent and ongoing assurance that you love her and find her attractive because of this uncertainty, constantly worried about your hair, make-up, clothes etc. She can be clingy and needs constant attention, and urges you worrying about your thoughts that it will soon leave, if you find someone better.

6). Abstract and elusive type. She is romantic, but with a mysterious dark side. She has been hurt in past relationships and it was not over him. These bad experiences way she unconsciously stopover from or damage to her new relationship.

It will be very frustrating to deal with as the first, it will show great interest in man, but flee quickly when the cycle will be repeated again and again. Will date and flirting with a man, but will insist that the two remain friends.

7). Desperate Miss She is desperate to get married. May not even want to know, man, she just wants to trap him and bring him to the nearest altar!

8). Control type. She can be very annoying in a very subtle way, but when the opportunity will direct every phase of human life. She will always "say" what a person wears, where a man must go who should talk to a man who may have a person like my friends, what one can and can not eat, as in everything! One can not insist on its own rights or else, not sex, a lot of crying, screaming, pouting, and everything just man give in.

All people, watch out!

Ślub Off Po Groom Van, posiadłości Zatopiony

Top 7 Reasons Why Dating Can Be A Challenge

By David Wygant

Dating is meant to be fun.

That is what you told yourself as you were ending the marriage and embarking on being single again.

So how do you deal with the challenges ahead?

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It’s an emotional roller coaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator. There are so many ups and downs of dating.

Here is my top 7 list of the most frustrating dating ups and downs and how to feel better about them:

1. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don’t beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. You needed some tonsil hockey and to cop a feel. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do. Plus dating is all about having fun like we did back in College. So make out cop a feel and be like a teenager all over again!

2. I texted them the next morning to say “I had a great time last night,” and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. Yes, they probably had a good time but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the “it” factor wasn’t there. It’s not about you. At least you were honest. You lobbed in an honest text. So you did all you can do.

3. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn’t. So now you’re going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You’ll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently to have a different outcome. There is nothing you can do differently after a date is over. It wasn’t the conversation about your drunken uncle that you now think made him think you’re a budding alcoholic. The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don’t call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

4. Should I have said something different in my voice mail message? You left a voicemail message, and now you’re replaying it in your head a thousand times. “Was the way I said ’Last night was fun’ not with enough enthusiasm? Is that what is making the person not call me back?” When it comes down to voice mail messages, the shorter the message the better it is. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say “Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak.” That’s it . . . it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voice mail message without knowing if you’ll ever see them again, and they don’t call you back. You start to think “Now they know that I like them ... and they don’t like me.” So what? Is it better just not to do anything? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray that they call? I always believe in being honest. If you’re the one who left the voice mail message and the other person doesn’t call back, again so what? You’ve got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself even more. This is just one person you went out with that you knew for two hours. They don’t know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn’t the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. This is just a person that you went out with, and they’re not calling you back. You’ve got toughen your skin. Rejection is what dating is all about. You just can’t take it personally. If I go out with someone and I had a great time, but they never want to see me again, I’m still a great person the next day.

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don’t call you back, this is not the last person in the world you’re going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind that if it doesn’t work out with one person (or ten people), that there are plenty of other people out there that want to meet you and hang out with a fantastic person like yourself.

The next thing you need to do is repeat seven times “There really are plenty of fish in the sea.” You just need to be willing to put your pole out there every single day until you hook the one you’re supposed to be with.

One in Four Couples Meet Online

Denmark third most active online dating nation

More than one in four Danish couples that met between 1997 and 2010 found each other on the internet, reports MetroXpress newspaper.

Researchers at Oxford University have studied online dating tendencies in 18 countries. Their report shows that 26.1 percent of Danish couples who met each other within the past 14 years met through online dating. That places Denmark in third place.

According to Charlie Breindahl, who researches in online dating at the University of Copenhagen, there is much less taboo today around online dating. ”We have started accepting online dating because the internet has become such a significant part of our social lives.”

Morten Wagner, founder and owner of dating.dk, agreed: “When we started in 1998, many thought you had to be a bit geeky and desperate to do online dating. But the taboo and the prejudice is disappearing now.”

Online dating can create a solid foundation for a good relationship because it allows people to get to know each other well before they meet in person, explained Breindahl. “You get the chance to discuss some of the heavier issues that might be difficult to discuss in a bar, for instance the nature of your chronic disease or whether you want children or not.”

The real physical attraction, however, doesn’t occur until you meet in person, said Breindahl.

“You can easily fall in love online, but you can never be sure whether the love will survive when you actually meet. On a dating site you get a good opportunity to sort out the ones with no potential, leaving you with plenty of opportunity to get something positive out of it.”

Den f�rste Dating Site For The Ugly har blitt lansert i The Uk

Matching Language, True Love?

By Kathleen Doheny HealthDay

The next time you have a first date, forget about chemistry and common interests.

What really matters, new research suggests, is whether your language styles match.

How can you boost the chances of that, you ask? Well, it’s kind of like chemistry — it’s there or it isn’t.

The kind of language style the researchers focused on was the use of such words as personal pronouns (I, his, their); articles (a, the); prepositions (in, under), and adverbs (very, rather) — the types of words most people don’t give much thought to.

But when this language style is in synch with someone else’s, well, the sparks might just fly, said study author James Pennebaker, the chair of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. He and his colleagues evaluated the language style of 40 men and 40 women who were speed dating and found that the more it matched, the better. When speed daters picked their matches, they tended to go for those whose language style matched their own, he found.

“You are four times more likely to match and probably go on a date if your language style matching is even just above average,” he said.

In a second study, Pennebaker’s team looked at 86 couples’ instant message exchanges and found that language style matching mattered there, too. Participants were age 19, on average, many of them living in different towns as they attended school.

“These are wonderful groups to study,” Pennebaker said. “They have notoriously unstable relationships.”

They had to be dating at least six months. “What we found is if their IMs were high in language style matching they were much more likely to be together three months later,” he said.

Those with the highest matching, he said, “were 50% more likely to be dating at follow-up.”

The study was recently published online in the journal Psychological Science.

Some experts think you are attracted to a person and begin to talk like them. Others say when someone talks like you, you are attracted to them.

It may be a bit of both, Pennebaker said. And he feels that paying attention to the other person plays in, as well.

The new research may actually help reduce nervousness for first-time daters, said Jeffrey Hancock, an associate professor of communication at Cornell University. Because you can’t give someone instructions in how to have their subtle language style match another’s, he said, the only advice is “be yourself.”

And cut yourself some slack, perhaps. “If you interact the same way the other (person) interacts, you are going to be in good shape,” Hancock said. “If you don’t, it’s not your fault.”

He agrees that paying attention to the other person also counts and, like language style, comes naturally. “If I really like you, I am going to pay attention,” he said.

The new study shows that “the words we choose in everyday interactions are related to the success of our relationships, including whether the relationship progresses from a casual meeting to a romantic relationship and whether we resolve conflicts,” said Rachel Simmons, a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at New York Presbyterian Hospital.

In her own research, she has found that couples who use more “I” and “we” words solve problems better than those who use more “you” words.

She, too, thinks the language matching works both ways. “The more a person matches your speech and behavior patterns, the more you like them. The more you like them, the more you match their speech and behavior.”

Pennebaker is co-developer and owner of a text analysis program, and donates profits from sales of that program to the university.

Dating Is A Privilege Not A Right

Let me start by saying that I am talking about both women and men here. You can call it my little disclaimer if you will, but I really feel this is a principle that applies to both sexes. Not that I am perfect (trust me I will be the first to name all my flaws if you ask me), but I personally feel pretty special when a guy I like wants to date me. So in return I like to try to show that as best I can.

When you first meet someone, they are generally pretty sweet and try to impress you, which generally continues at least through the first few dates. Sometimes, however, this nice thing stops and is replaced with the person’s unwillingness to admit they like you. This generally happens because the person gets comfortable with the idea that you like them which then develops a cocky attitude. You know the whole idea that you like them so they can do no wrong.

Well, here’s a news flash for people that do this. When a person likes you and decides they want to date you, they can stop at anytime. Dating, no matter what level it is at (serious or not quite serious yet) takes work. Just because you figured out that the other person wants you doesn’t mean that you don’t have to try anymore. If you want the person to continue to like you, then you need to continue to do the things that made them like you in the first place.

Now, I am not talking about buying them tons of things or being at anyone’s beck and call. No one says you have to go broke or worship the ground a person walks on to show you like them. I am also not talking about teasing and joking around. It’s totally fine to razz the person you like a little; it’s fun and can actually be foreplay. Just as long as you remember that there is a line between pulling the braids of the girl that you like and shoving her face in the sand on the playground. Don’t ever cross it.

What I am talking about here are the little things. Like when they say something nice to you or flirt with you randomly in the middle of the day. Normally you would flirt back, but now you no longer feel compelled to do so. Clearly it doesn’t seem necessary since you already know they like you back. So you play it cool and don’t act excited about what they are saying to you. Just think about the way a 16-year-old boy acts once his friends find out he’s whipped. I think you get the idea here.

The bottom line is that you should never take it for granted when a person likes you and/or wants to date you. It doesn’t matter how awesome you may think you are, no one has to want to date you. Rather, someone chooses to date you and they can choose not to just as easily.

Online Dating Is Not A Contest