Three Ways Women Fail at Dating

On a recent episode of the weekly dating advice show Planet Love Match Radio, author and love stylist Tristan Coopersmith examined three of the most common mistakes single women make in their love lives. Coopersmith explained that the dating traps women fall into are: being unrealistic, sharing too much information too soon, and “fast-forward” dating.

Setting lofty, unrealistic goals has some single women feeling dating frustration. "I think the biggest mistake that women do in dating… and I blame Walt Disney for this, is looking for the fairytale, looking for Prince Charming," Coopersmith says. She adds that having a list of wants and needs is great; however, projecting a future that plays like a movie puts added pressure on a relationship that hasn’t even started yet. “Looking for perfection, it’s just not going to happen. Be realistic,” she states.

Employing her many years of experience, Coopersmith has found a distinctive approach to love. Working as a “love stylist” she is neither a matchmaker nor wing girl; more of a teacher and guide. She focuses on her clients’ own strengths, concentrating on getting them to let go of the baggage and learn positive dating techniques that will allow them to find happiness and love. Her overall approach is helping confused singles see their relationships through clear eyes. She runs a successful blog and has added author to her credentials with her book, “Menu Dating: Taste Test Your Way to the Main Course.”

“Fast-forward” dating can be another mistake for some singles. "For example, a woman will be on a first date with a guy and it’s the second course… and she’s already calculating ’Could he be an awesome dad?’ ’I wonder if he’ll want to go to my cousin’s wedding next year?’ While all that the man is thinking is, ‘Has she drank enough to come home with me?’ I believe that the guy is much more realistic at that moment, because you don’t even know each other,” she states.

Coopersmith further contends that the projection of this “fast-forward” fantasy can lead to dating disillusionment. “Fast-forwarding is why I believe women get so disappointed – they’ve already married the guy,” she concludes.

Sharing an excessive amount of personal details is another error Coopersmith feels single women are making. While she believes that it is important for a love interest to get to know the real you over time, sharing too much at the beginning of a relationship can sabotage its initial growth.

“Women can come off as crazy," she explains. "You don’t want to share that you go to a therapist every week. Therapy is great, I’m studying it, it’s awesome, but you don’t need to put that out there on the first date."

She suggests that daters should talk about the movies, music, or places they might like to travel – things that everyone can relate to. “You always want to come off as nice and light, no one wants a second date with someone with lots of baggage," she finishes.

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Dating Site for Married Couples

NEW YORK — Can two thirtysomething guys who have never been married rescue the institution of marriage?

Well, this is New York, so they might as well try.

Meet Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout, creators of the online dating site HowAboutWe, which until lately targeted an obvious demographic: singles.

Since 2010, the site has invited them to pitch date ideas online and respond to dates they like. Some recent ideas: riding motorcycles around and watching Star Trek (Texas); eating steak and cuddling in the rain (Akwa Ibom, Nigeria); and showing up blindfolded at a cafe and letting “our voices & fantasies decide about a 2nd date” (Bonn, Germany).

The site has been a success, attracting more than 700,000 date ideas. But its founders quickly discovered the commercial paradox of the dating site: The better you are at finding love for a client, the faster she signs off and ceases to pay you.

“If you succeed,” Mr. Schildkrout says, “you lose.”

And so the guys asked themselves: What if a dating site didn’t stop at finding you love? What if it also helped you “date” your life partner, and, through the surprise and renewal of that dating, to stay in love?

Later this year, Mr. Schechter and Mr. Schildkrout will release their answer to these questions: a new dating portal focused on committed couples. It will seek to get them out of their routines, off their feet and on the town for frequent dates.

Even for two unlikely businessmen who began their careers as schoolteachers, the business logic is plain: There is money to be made arranging dates for 50 years instead of the six to 12 months that HowAboutWe’s single clients tend to last.

But the two men, who have been best friends since kindergarten, will tell anyone who listens that their mission is deeper. They believe that dates — surprising, sexy, rejuvenating dates — are what marriage needs to survive in an era when it is becoming a choice more than a necessity for so many.

“We want to build a product that helps people find and then sustain love — and I think that the sustaining love part is harder,” Mr. Schechter said over coffee at the W hotel in Times Square.

A singles site, he said, is straightforward enough. He speaks of his new cause in far loftier terms. The goal is “figuring out how to make it so that the divorce rate goes down and that it becomes the norm for people to feel like their relationship actually satisfies their existential hope.”

Mr. Schechter and Mr. Schildkrout are hardly the first people concerned about the state of marriage and divorce in the Western world. But that concern tends to be voiced more often by religious leaders and archconservatives than by two never-married men who studied meditation in India and have offices among the artists, writers, D.I.Y. types and organic-wine-swilling hipsters of Brooklyn.

Because neither has ever married, Mr. Schechter and Mr. Schildkrout felt they needed to investigate the institution before seeking to reform it. They commissioned a study based on interviews with committed couples about their dating lives.

What they found was that the enthusiasm displayed on their singles site — people boldly proposing taco-hopping dates and prankster dates and blindfolded dates; people grasping constantly for the new — faded swiftly for the committed. Mortgages and children and budgets sapped energy. Couples changed. They began to want what was safe, not fresh.

Some excerpts from their interviews: “Very price conscious and needs to feel like she’s getting a deal.” “Is not a romantic and doesn’t plan much in advance.” “Novelty wears off.” “You’re more used to each other and are trying less.” “The usual issues with babysitters.” One subject’s last memorable date involved “going out to special German restaurant around a specific errand they had planned at Ikea.”

Outside the start-up galaxy, people might hear these interviews and say, “Well, that’s life. People age. Things change.” But if digital people have a defining conceit, it is that humans are plastic, and that there is a hack for just about everything.

Each blockage HowAboutWe found among the committed couples they studied has a corresponding feature on the new site. To overcome the inertia it detected, the site will offer fully packaged date ideas. To address logistical woes, HowAboutWe is working to make the packages available with a single click that will book your taxi, theater tickets and corner table at the Italian trattoria.

For Mr. Schechter and Mr. Schildkrout, each idea leads to another. They could arrange babysitters for couples. They could help slouchy husbands send, with one click, fancy date invitations that suggest a labor of many clicks. They could allow couples to follow the dates of other couples they admire — a digital way to keep up with the Joneses.

It is difficult in speaking to Mr. Schechter and Mr. Schildkrout to avoid the feeling that there is something personal in this quest. They built their singles site back when they were single and seeking dates. They have since each found a steady romantic partnership, and perhaps they want to improve marriage before taking its solemn vows for themselves.

“There is inertia that makes love hard to sustain, just like there is inertia that makes health hard to sustain over time,” Mr. Schildkrout said. “But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a truly noble goal — and something people want and will pay for — to try to fight that inertia, to create an upward love curve. We want an exponential love curve when we measure love against time.”

Women Take the Lead in Dating

With changing times, dating rules are also being re-written. Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for a woman to ask a guy out. It also seems that when it comes to dating, women just love it. A British study has found women to be taking the lead when it comes to finding love, with one-fourth of them dating three or more men at the same time.

Research shows that the average single female is regularly seeing at least two prospective partners at one time, and they date five men a year, the Daily Express reported. Also, women are willing to spend money on paying the bills too.

According to the study, carried out by the restaurant chain TGI Friday, it’s only 18% of women that thought the man should pay during the date. Half of the male respondents agreed to that, saying that woman should either contribute or go halves.

Nearly a third of females said that traditional dating rules hardly apply anymore, with a quarter having asked a man out rather than waiting for the guy to make a move.

Also, one in four in a relationship would consider proposing, with nine in 10 men wanting their girlfriend to do so, according to the study. “With a growing number of economically independent woman who take their own decision, dating rules will change further in terms of equality,” says psychiatrist Dr Avdesh Sharma.

Online Dating Worked for These Two Math Teachers!

DESOTO, Kan. – A numbers guy, Winnetonka High School math teacher Kaleb Stoppel, is strict when it comes to planning.

“My parents and my brother were probably a little tired of me reminding them of what they needed to do,” Kaleb joked.

He’s been going through every detail of Valentine’s Day for the last month or so, and the big moment’s coming up. Kaleb’s starting to sweat a little bit.

The choir’s in place and so is his girlfriend, Allison Blanchard, a math teacher at Mill Valley High School.

He pops the question.

“You’re my one true love. You’re my best friend, and I’d be honored to spend the rest of my life with you. Would you marry me?” Stoppel asked, hopeful he already knew the answer.

“Yes I’ll marry you,” Allison said tearfully.

Given only a minute to adjust to the happy news,Blanchard said it’s about time!

“I’ve been giving him a little bit of a hard time about it, but no, I had no idea it was going to happen here or this way,” she said.

“I’m really shocked that you all are here. That part I snuck- I snuck in.”

The two have been together for five months, but they say that’s long enough.

“When you know, you know,” he said.

“Yes. No doubt in my mind about that. I love him more than anything,” she said.

Allison wasn’t always so sure. The two met on Match.com, and after he showed interest, Allison made Kaleb wait weeks to respond to his message.

“He’s a little younger than me, and I didn’t want a college frat boy,” she said.

After the third date Allison says she knew she wanted to marry Kaleb. The couple’s already set a date for sometime this summer. They say they’re about 90 percent finished with the plans.

Soul mate? I think not!

Call me crazy, but if it seems that her kids hate you, she lies and cheats, and you can’t get along, then she’s not your soul mate. But I digress.

Mark met Mary Catherine online. At the time, he was divorced for four years after 21 years of marriage and had just ended a relationship.

“To say I enjoyed dating would be an understatement. I liked meeting different women and would date two or three at the same time.”

But that all changed with Mary Catherine, “She was so refreshing, genuine and full of life. It was contagious.”

But after five weeks of dating, she broke up with him. Then, a few weeks later, her dog passed away and she called him.

“I came right over and we buried her dog in the garden and planted some flowers over him. That was the beginning of the most fantastic 18 months of my life. I had met my soul mate. I thought I knew what love was, but I was so off. Not to sound too corny, but she completed me. I laughed at that line in ‘Jerry Maguire,’ but with Mary Catherine, it made sense.”

After those “fantastic” 18 months, with the relationship at the point where they were talking about living together and maybe getting married, they had a fight.

“It was one of those fights that start out small over something stupid — it was my fault — then escalate. We should have been one of those old couples who walk down the street holding hands, instead we broke up.”

The fight started at a wedding. They’d both been drinking. They were on the dance floor. Mary Catherine told Mark to stay there with his friends while she went back to the bar.

“I took it as her telling me what to do. It simmered until we got back to our room, and then all hell broke loose. Everything she had been keeping inside came pouring out in not in a nice way. We left early the next morning and didn’t talk for the two hour ride home. I came back later that day to apologize, but the damage had been done.

“We went to dinner later that week to talk and it was very emotional. One of our big problems was my relationship, or lack thereof, with her children. She has four grown kids. Their father left them when the youngest was just a year, so they’re very close. Her two other marriages both ended in less than two years.

“Her kids hated both of those men, too. They’ve told her point blank that they’ll never be happy with her dating anyone. Even though they said they’d never seen her happier or better taken care of, they never warmed up to me.”

That dinner started a period of breaking up and getting back together. Mark started seeing a counselor. He lost 40 pounds and was an emotional wreck. He told Mary Catherine he loved her and wanted to be with her. She said she felt the same, then he found out she was back on a dating web site.

“We broke up again. I took her back again. This happened a few more times. I still love and miss her very much.”

Divorcees Find Love, Recommend Online Dating

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love, get married and live happily ever after.

In today’s world, the realities of your typical fairy-tale romance tend to be a bit more complex.

It can be hard to find Prince Charming, especially for someone who has other responsibilities like work, school and children, and for someone who doesn’t have the social structure to meet new people easily.

Sarah Clark, of Creve Coeur, Ill., knows this firsthand. The 42-year-old is twice divorced and the mother of two small children, 8-year-old Joshua and 6-year-old Lydia.

The bar scene isn’t really her thing, and she said meeting people at church can sometimes be like meeting people at work — if it doesn’t work out, you still have to interact with that person regularly, so it might be a better idea to avoid the situation to begin with.

But where does that leave today’s singles? Apparently, with technology.

More and more single men and women are turning to the Internet to help them find true love. In today’s world, it’s possible to trade the awkward pick-me-up lines for an in-depth survey that lets the computer decide who is compatible.

That’s how Clark met her fiance, 47-year-old Mark Parshall, using the matchmaking website eHarmony. Smiling and settling in to tell their story, the couple laughs about who will go first.

“He tells it so much better,” Clark said.

“They had a free online communication weekend with eHarmony,” said Parshall, who is also twice divorced and the father of two children, 17-year-old Coy and 15-year-old Sara.

“Sarah (Clark) put a thing on there that she wanted to communicate, so I responded back to her,” Parshall said.

The free communication weekend allows users to communicate with their computer-generated matches without paying membership fee. Both Clark and Parshall had been paying members of the site over the past few years — Parshall had just paid for a three-month membership when he met Clark.

“She already knew my age, that I lived in Chillicothe (Ill.), that I was divorced,” Parshall said. “It was Valentine’s weekend, and open communication was coming to an end, so Sarah said if you want to keep contacting me, here’s my email address. It wasn’t long after that we started talking on the telephone, and I would say within two weeks later we met at Red Lobster ... and then we’ve been dating for a little over a year.”

Clark also had an advantage in getting to know Parshall because of the extensive survey eHarmony users are required to fill out when they join.

“They do a really good job of screening out people that would not be a match or would not be a long-term, committed relationship,” Clark said. “The key to it is being honest with your answers.

“You have to decide between what you strongly like and need to have in a relationship versus what you dislike. Values stuff, sense of humor, communication, affectionate. To me, that is where it was at –– the fact that we were so similar in our likes and dislikes,” Clark said.

Clark had used a few other dating websites over the course of about three years and had even gone out with about six other men she met through eHarmony. Parshall had also used other sites, and he has been out with three or four other women.

“Some, you go, and they’re totally different than what they say they are,” Parhsall said. “I’d rather not even have a picture than to have somebody say they’re ‘this’ when they’re totally different. The big thing is you have to be honest with each other. If at the very beginning you can’t be honest with me, how am I ever going to trust you later?”

Both Clark and Parshall admit not everyone looking for love on the Internet has the same goal for a long-term, committed relationship.

“If you’re just looking to have fun, there are sites geared toward that. You just have to be honest,” Clark said.

They also both know people who have fallen victim to online scams. Although online dating may seem very modern, there are some parts of it that are the same as any kind of dating.

Using the communication tools on the website, couples are able to ask questions back and forth in a sort of interview process. There is also the ability to “close” the match, which — just as in dating without a computer — a person can do with or without explanation.

“It’s a human being on the other side of that coin,” Clark said. “What I’m saying is, if you want people to be considerate to you, how can you not be considerate to somebody else? I tried to be an adult about it, and if I wasn’t interested, I told them I wasn’t interested.”

“When we first met, I just wanted friendship because of my schooling,” Clark said of Parshall. “There was a lot of persuasion on his part.”

But Clark said she knew the relationship could go further when she realized she and Parshall share the same spiritual beliefs and he was interested in going to church with her.

The couple got engaged a year after they first met online and are planning to get married on Clark’s birthday, June 23, 2012.

Without the Internet, they both say they would be “just still looking” for true love, and they’d recommend anyone who is still looking to give online dating a try.

“I think the big thing is they have to know what they want, and they plan on being honest,” Parshall said. “If they aren’t honest, and they don’t know what they want, they might as well not even waste their time.”

One in Four Couples Meet Online

Denmark third most active online dating nation

More than one in four Danish couples that met between 1997 and 2010 found each other on the internet, reports MetroXpress newspaper.

Researchers at Oxford University have studied online dating tendencies in 18 countries. Their report shows that 26.1 percent of Danish couples who met each other within the past 14 years met through online dating. That places Denmark in third place.

According to Charlie Breindahl, who researches in online dating at the University of Copenhagen, there is much less taboo today around online dating. ”We have started accepting online dating because the internet has become such a significant part of our social lives.”

Morten Wagner, founder and owner of dating.dk, agreed: “When we started in 1998, many thought you had to be a bit geeky and desperate to do online dating. But the taboo and the prejudice is disappearing now.”

Online dating can create a solid foundation for a good relationship because it allows people to get to know each other well before they meet in person, explained Breindahl. “You get the chance to discuss some of the heavier issues that might be difficult to discuss in a bar, for instance the nature of your chronic disease or whether you want children or not.”

The real physical attraction, however, doesn’t occur until you meet in person, said Breindahl.

“You can easily fall in love online, but you can never be sure whether the love will survive when you actually meet. On a dating site you get a good opportunity to sort out the ones with no potential, leaving you with plenty of opportunity to get something positive out of it.”

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Dating Advice for Men Looking for Love

Love is the most powerful emotion in existence, yet some men just keep on making the same old relationship and dating mistakes that prevents them from finding that one true love. Learning how to avoid dating pitfalls by trying new strategies can help a man find that special woman he is looking for. These dating tips for men will help men gain a better perspective on a few dating insights that all women talk about, but rarely admit.

First Impressions are Important to women

Men looking for love need to make a good first impression as it is critical in gaining a woman’s interest. There will always be shallow girls who go out with guys based solely on looks and material possessions such as cars, and money. However, quality ladies are really looking for a guy with a great character, who takes care of his appearance, and has a lot to offer intellectually. However, an investment in a good haircut and a nice wardrobe should not be discounted. Girls like a guy in casual jeans just as much as they do a guy in a suit and tie. Dress appropriately for the date, and save that faded weekend shirt and old jeans for hanging out with the guys.

If a date includes having a lady over to the house or apartment, make sure the place is clean. This may seem like a no-brainer, but there are really two kinds of men – messy men, and clean men. The man who’s neat and clean lets a woman know that he cares about his home, and would potentially make a good love interest. The messy house sends the message that any potential girlfriend will eventually be doing a lot of laundry and scrubbing if she sticks around, and she’s likely to run and never look back after only one visit. If it takes hiring a maid to keep the ol’ bachelor pad neat and tidy, do it. It’s the easiest step a guy can take in making a good first impression of his home.

Physical fitness and athleticism is attractive to women. A guy doesn’t have to be a superstar athlete with a body builder physique; however, an active guy who takes care of himself is a lot more attractive to a woman than a guy who sits around eating chips and drinking soda all day. Take a few extra steps to engage in physical activity each day whether it is walking, biking, hiking, and running, doing a few crunches or working around the house. Remember, muscles are sexy!

If picking the date up, remember to provide a lady with a clean car to ride in for the date. Many women have complained about getting in to a guy’s car only to get dog hair on her clothes, or to accidentally bump into the side of the car and get dirt on her dress. For first impression’s sake, make sure the car is washed and properly vacuumed.

Finally, try to relax and be at ease while on the date. An early afternoon workout may help reduce any pre-date jitters. Remember to smile, and have fun. Humor and laughter are incredibly attractive to women, and ladies will pick up on their date’s confidence, and will probably have a great time as well.

Dating Guide for Men on Where to Meet Women

One tricky aspect of dating is finding a nice girl with a good career with the potential to be a love interest. Well, this is easier said than done, but here are a few places to meet nice women that most men overlook. Sure, the cute waitress or sexy girl at the bar might be fun, but for girlfriend material, try looking in these places:

Gym – Many women with careers visit the gym in the evenings and on Saturday mornings. Busy women tend to try to fit physical fitness into their schedule and often join co-ed gyms for the sake of exercising and possibly meeting someone nice also.

Community and Social Mixers – Active women in communities take the time to contribute to the fabric of their cities and towns they live in. They volunteer, attend, and take part in their local chamber of commerce. Wine and art festival, as as well as community spirit building events are great places to meet women.

Bank or Customer Service Jobs – Women like to work in jobs were they feel they have career mobility, and where they interact with customers. For men who do most of their banking online, perhaps going into the bank once in a while could put guys in contact with career-minded women. However, guys need to approach this method of meeting women with caution as they don’t want to seem like a creep. So guys, please keep your cool and be respectful.

Philanthropic Organizations – Socially minded women who are active in their community often volunteer for charitable organizations. Men who volunteer alongside women have opportunities to support communities and perhaps foster and build new friendships.

Online Dating – Many dating sites like Match.com or eHarmony dating are good resources in making connections with similar interests. Simply create a profile sharing some interesting facts and details, and upload a few photos. Many sites are free to join, and offer the opportunity for guys to get over the shyness of approaching new women.

Online Dating Advice for Men

There is a competitive aspect to online dating. Quality women do get multiple offers from men online, and they have the opportunity to date several men at once. So it’s best to keep online dating a casual, yet friendly experience. Try not to get too wrapped up in just talking to one lady. Date multiple girls, but limit the dates to girls who are relationship prospects instead of going out with every girl possible. Eventually, a decent guy is sure to make a meaningful connection with a nice lady. Here’s a few more tips on creating a compelling online dating profile:

Create Interest in an Online Profile – share a fun experience or hobby. Include information about your career and interests while trying to remain somewhat vague about your income level. For income level, it’s best to give a range for the sake of warding off the gold-diggers.

Share Details about Ideal Partner – Remember this is an ad soliciting friendship so a guy needs to appeal to the qualities in a woman that he’s looking for, but try not to be too unrealistic or demanding.

Spelling and Grammar – Check for spelling and grammar errors before the profile is published. This can be a huge turn-off for women.

Get an Opinion – It’s always good to get a sister’s or trusted friend’s opinion about the profile, and to point out a few more interesting details that can be added to the profile.

Be Honest – Try not to overexagerate in the profile. Use a recent picture, and promote your relationship status accurately. The truth will eventually come out, and women want to know a guy is who he says he is.

Relationship advice for men

The best dating advice for men is to try to create a good first impression, but to keep it real. Keep a positive outlook on the dating experience, and try to go to places that quality women would go to such as the gym, philanthropic or charitable events. Also go to community events where women are likely to attend such as wine fests and craft fairs.

Finally, turn to online dating sites such as Match.com or eHarmony to search for that special someone. One in five dating relationships begins from meeting online. Create an impressive, yet honest profile, and keep it casual. Love will happen with patience and a good attitude.

Why Do The Fireworks Fade?

Why do some couples keep on having sex, but stop kissing and canoodling? It’s a funny phenomenon, the disappearing kiss, but not uncommon. Kissing shouldn’t be underestimated. Next to the genitalia, it has more nerve endings than any other part of the body. It is incredibly sensitive to touch and that is part of the appeal of kissing, along with all the passionate connotations we have with it. There are many different types of kisses, from the ‘nana-peck’ to nibbles to French to flirty. There are even books devoted to the art of kissing and the different kinds of kisses we can engage in. So with all that variety and pleasure, it’s rather sad when the kiss fades out of a relationship. It doesn’t always happen – many couples who have been together for decades upon decades still kiss as a symbol and experience of affection, as well as an initiation for sex, and a part of foreplay. But still many others lose kissing as part of their sexual encounters together and as a result, lose a lot of the passion they once shared together.

The kind of mechanical sex like “scratching an itch” that often befalls many couples over time, is essentially what I describe as maintenance sex” in a relationship. Long term relationships often survive with a heavy dose of maintenance sex and a lesser amount of “mind-blowing sex”, which is more often reserved for special occasions, or when you both have time to indulge in more passionate, time consuming, ‘gourmet of delights’ sex … and between work, stresses, and children, it’s not realistic for most couples to be running through the Kama Sutra every month. Maintenance sex doesn’t have to be all mechanical and no passion, however. It can feel very nice, orgasmic, pleasurable, be fun and romantic, certainly connect the two of you, but probably not knock your socks off. Birds probably won’t sing and the earth won’t move. But still, very pleasurable and certainly does the job.

However, once you have years of only maintenance sex without ever indulging in at least some mind-blowing special sex, then yes, the chances are high that your quality of even your maintenance sex will go down. And that’s when you find yourselves in a relationship that’s loving, but not hot. And in which really the only kissing you share is outside of a sexual or romantic context, such as saying goodbye at the front door, or at an airport. And soon enough, you’re scratching your head about how to re-introduce the passionate kiss with the one you love.

If this is you, don’t feel badly – it’s not that uncommon. And in fact there is often a lot of pressure, more so even, on couples who have been together the longest, because the assumption is you’ve been together so long that intimacy should be your second language between you, and you should be so fluent that you don’t have to, or need to, talk about, bedroom problems and you certainly shouldn’t feel shy about kissing – after so many years together! But it’s precisely this pressure which makes that gulf wider between you, and the attempt to initiate something which has disappeared from your relationship so long ago, that much more awkward and difficult.

Re-introduce the passionate kiss as you would share a first kiss with someone new, or when you were with your partner for the first time. Slowly. Romance together first. Prioritise the relationship between you and decide you’re going to spend time together as a couple. Work on touching more, cuddling, being affectionate, increase the number of little pecks you give each other, or at least you give her. Work your way up to kissing again and the next time you have sex together that isn’t rushed because one of you has to leave for work, or you’re tired and want to sleep, or you’re trying to squeeze a quickie in before the kids wake up and might hear, lay a deep kiss on your lovee! And keep on smooching, and tell them how much you love it. Positive praise will be met with more positive reception and soon enough kissing will be in your love life again – this time to stay.

5 Jersey Shore Dating Tips

By Stephanie Castillo

Last Thursday, we and 5.3 million others welcomed back our favorite fist-pumpers—only this time they’re GTL’ing on the shores of Miami. If the premiere was but a slice of the upcoming guido cake, we’re bound to love this season even more than the last. There’s just something about the abnormally tan cast that keeps winning us over time and time again.

Rolling Stone recently sat down with the cast in a tell-all, bare-all interview that got us thinking: Can we take away some of their seemingly outlandish charm and make it work for us? Below, our favorites quotes from the cast that underscore why we fell for “Italy’s finest,” jam-packed full of insight that just might score us a date or two.

1. Send out good vibes like The Situation.

“I had so much confidence because of all the steps that I had done and where I’d come from. Maybe some of the other people were unsure about what was going on, but when they’d go to me, I was like, whoooooosh, and that was it.”

The only thing Mike “The Situation” wears better than aviators and muscle tees is confidence. And you know what? It’s so sexy. Having confidence let’s the people around you know you’re secure with yourself and comfortable in your own skin. It helps to attract the right kind of people—no grenades. When you love yourself, the better the chance someone else will, too. How To Date With Confidence

2. Snooki doesn’t get heated, and neither should you.

“I really don’t care what people have to say about me. As long as they’re talking about me... that’s a good thing.”

This goes hand-in-hand with being confident. No matter where you go, you’re bound to run in to someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are. But who cares? The only opinion that matters is your own. When you’re focused on other people, you’re not focused on yourself, and guys don’t want to have to constantly build you up. Then again, if a close friend of yours has something to say, like, “Lay off the jello shots before you get arrested for disorderly conduct,” or other seemingly good advice, then perhaps you should listen. It doesn’t have to inhibit you, but it’s worth listening to if the words come from someone who cares about you. 5 Ways To Stop Being A Needy Girlfriend

3. Find a beat like DJ Pauly D and stick to it.

“For me, I take DJ-ing very seriously, and I don’t ever want to cheapen that brand. I will not do a club appearance, I will not do a wing-eating contest, I will not do anything but DJ.”

Nicely said, Pauly D. When you find something you’re passionate about, don’t let it go. Pursue it wholeheartedly, and in its true nature, because that passion represents a piece of yourself. We all want someone with interests and goals. We also want someone we can depend on, and sticking to your guns is a sure-fire way to communicate you’re dependable.

4. Dress like Jenni and make the boys say “woww.”

“I always had the look. I probably had the look more back then than now. I’d just destroy my clothes: rip them and re-sew them and add accessories, go to Hot Topic and buy all my jewelry and stuff.”

Fashion at the Jersey Shore played its role in catching our hearts, too. Style, in general, does that—especially when you dress in a way that allows others to get a feel for who you are. Taking something and making it your own is bold. But regardless of whether you buy it or make it, there’s one thing we know guys love: and that’s seeing a women who obviously has put some thought into her outfit. Of course they like a little cleavage and tighter fitting jeans, but nothing says sexy more than a woman who knows how to dress to impress.

5. Embrace your blowout (or what have you) like Vinny.

“They asked me at the first interview, ’So, are you proud to be guido?’ and I’m like, ’What’s your definition of guido?’ Are you thinking about spiky hair, big steroids, orange skin all year ’round? If that’s your definition of a guido, then I’m not one. But I’m like, ’If you’re looking for someone at the shore who’s 100 percent Italian, someone who has good family morals, someone who likes to party, then I’m your guido.”

Guido. Goth. Hipster. Prep. It doesn’t matter what you are, only that you’re proud to be it. Everyone has something to bring to the table, so don’t fear standing apart from the crowd. When you’re marching to the beat of your own drum, the right man will fall in line and march along with you.

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make

Successful Relationships Require Hard Work

My nineteenth anniversary will be here in a week and a half.

So what’s so exceptional about that in Mormon Utah? Just this: I have a mail-order husband. He has a mail-order bride.

Nineteen years ago, there weren’t any dating sites online; in fact, there wasn’t any online to put them on.

So I bought a copy of the Mensa directory and went systematically through every male in the book, looking at the coded information for men within five years one way or the other of my age, widowed or divorced (because a man who is 40 and has never married has something wrong with him), shared my religion, shared at least three interests, and was in biorhythm sync with me at lest half the time.

I wound up with ten names.

I prepared letters to each of them and, despite my fourteen-year-old daughter’s “Mom, you’re not going to mail those letters. Mom, you’re not going to mail those letters. Mom, you’re not going to mail those letters,” I mailed them.

I got four responses: a gay man, a man who had been excommunicated for being caught in bed with his sister-in-law, a teacher who had been in the Peace Corps in Africa and wanted to go back to Africa and “Gee, you must make a lot of money writing mysteries.” The fourth was Tom.

I sat down in the living room laughing as I read the letter from Tom.

When my father asked what was so funny, I said, “Daddy, I think I’m going to marry this man.”

Ten years ago online dating services still weren’t available.

But my favorite college student, out of all the students I taught, met a man from Australia on a science fiction website. They were married five months later. Heidi moved to Australia and so far, has lived happily ever after. I met her husband a few months ago, and I think she’s going to continue to live happily ever after.

Two years ago, online dating services were going great guns. A neighbor of ours, getting ready to move to Alaska and knowing the male-female ratio there, signed up for the dating service. He and his bride headed for Alaska two weeks after getting married and are still there.

What do I think of online dating services? I think good ones are great.

I often hear people say “I fell in love at first sight.” But they didn’t. What they fell into was lust. Good arranged marriages during Medieval and Renaissance times worked better than most marriages spawned in our modern age - online or offline.

A good dating service can do just what I did, only a lot faster because it can use the computer. It can match people for what they identify as important to them. It can screen out pairs that look surface compatible, but have underlying incompatibilities.

When Tom and I married, we were not yet in love with each other. But we knew that we had enough things in common that we could build a workable marriage. That is what we did, and we grow more in love with each other every day.

An online dating service can’t provide someone you can love at first sight, but it can provide someone with whom you have enough in common that you can build a workable marriage. You just have to do the work.

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Taking Back Love and Romance

There is a great tragedy I have observed.

What I notice about guys is that being in love makes them want to be more submissive and feminine. It’s not the being in love that hurts them — it is being submissive and feminine.

Now, with many of the guys at this site, they totally lose the ability to be in love, because they are trained on how bad oneitis is. (That is, obsessing over a particular girl who may or may not know you exist.) But they misdirect their energy, and instead of trying to kill submissiveness and femininity as a whole, they end up killing off their emotions. As a result, they find that they can’t be in love even when they want to be.

These guys associate falling in love with being a wuss and the disease known as oneitis. However, there’s a huge contrast between a healthy, reciprocal love and a one-sided blind obsession that degenerates you into a clingy chump.

You wanna know how you know that you have a good mindset?

What should happen is that being in love with a girl should make you want to be more masculine, be the leader, sweep her off her feet, and make sure she will never forget you.

I have found this happening to me with my girl, almost by accident. With my masculine nature taking over, I really have no need to remember excessive techniques. I can safely say that she is literally addicted to me.

Guys have a tendency to sort of become wusses when they are in love — losing masculinity. However, women seem to become more feminine and submissive as well, meaning women are more in tune with their feminine nature than guys are with their masculine nature. Why does this happen?

Well, first off, the lack of worthwhile father figures in society is to blame. Nobody is teaching boys how to be men, nobody is teaching them how to be in tune with their masculine nature. Mothers, try as they might, cannot do so adequately, because they don’t know how to teach masculine nature, because their nature is feminine. With more boys being taught how to love by their mothers, they pick up the feminine nature.

Girls, when they are very in love, still become more feminine (for the most part), obviously due to this mother nurture. Even with absence of mother figures, women love talking about feelings and guys, while guys don’t really do much talking about women aside from terse comments and bragging.

Now for many pickup artists and Don Juans, they focus too hard on techniques and less on mindset. They will act masculine and leaderly for a while, but when they get into a long-term relationship is where they run into problems. They think, “Sweet, I got her to like me/sex me. Now I can show my real self, and stop worrying about all that crap I learned. It’s too much work.”

Ay, there’s the rub. Being a man should not be work. Being a man should be fun, should be effortless. Why worry about it? You should be masculine by nature and love what you do.

But the problem is that some guys never ingrain love emotions and romance with the newfound masculine techniques, and the techniques don’t become mindset, they simply stay techniques. Love becomes the polar opposite of being a man, and they avoid it like the plague.

Or, they get into a long-term relationship, and they stop with the techniques, and instead start being their “true selves”.

What happens?

They take off the pants in the relationship, their girlfriend puts the pants on, and the guy gets dominated and dumped.

Women know that relationships have roles, they just won’t admit it. And if you start trying to fill their role, they will subconsciously start trying to fill your role. And since it is not in their nature to do so, it will have less of a chance of lasting, and you can kiss the relationship bye bye.

How do natural males do it?

The dominant, masculine leader is who their are. It’s not a front. It’s not a fallacy. It’s the real them. They are just being themselves. They can even be in love, and not get screwed over, cuz they are in touch with their nature as men, and love makes them want to be more masculine, and not more feminine.

This plays into romance too. Showering her with gifts, being her servant, whatever, is not real romance. It’s a farce that’s been sold to us in a brown bag with a bad label, and we bought it. Real romance is what sweeps her off her feet, takes her and shows you that world you can bring her into where she is being submissive and loving it.

The point here, folks, is that being this masculine lover who women associate with the prototypical “Latin Lover” and the romance novels they so love, is something that should not just be done in techniques. Ingrain it into your mindset, and you won’t have to work at it, and grow embittered.

Instead, you will simply have to just be yourself. You can be satisfied and happy as a clam. And she can be just as satisfied and in love with you, as you are with her.

Don’t cast off love and romance — take it back! Make it what it is supposed to be, and embrace it.