How To Attract Women After Divorce

By Kimberly Seltzer

Dating after divorce can seem overwhelming. It may have been a decade or more since you’ve been “out there,” and you may feel confused or downright clueless about how to get your game back to attract new women into your world. Though you may feel nervous at first, you may find that it is even easier than before because you are now older, wiser and closer to knowing what you want. You just need a few tools to use to attract that perfect woman.

Overall, the secret to attracting anyone in your life is feeling good about yourself and projecting it outward. Here are answers to some commonly asked dating questions:

What should I wear on a date?

If a man is wearing something he feels good in, he is going to come across as a confident, successful alpha man, which is what women like. Wear clothes that are:

• Updated, stylish, comfortable and that fit your body well

• Those you wish you could wear every day

• Age and occasion appropriate

• Really express your personality

• Clean, well pressed and in good condition

• Colors that flatter your skin tone

• Polished, updated shoes

• Quality fabrics that don’t cling, pucker or pull

You may want to find a stylist or a savvy female friend to help guide you.

What about hygiene?

Grooming is extremely important, as women really pay attention to this. Your ex-wife might have forgiven the over-grown and unruly hairs but it is not so appealing to a new prospective mate. Make sure your facial hair is neatly groomed, your hair is styled, your nails are short and your skin looks nice. It helps if you smell nice too. Don’t pour the bottle of cologne on or you’ll suffocate her. Instead, you should smell fresh and clean with maybe a dab of tasteful cologne. Women like men who take care of themselves.

How should I approach women?

Most men feel uncomfortable when first approaching an attractive woman. This usually stems from being nervous about saying the wrong thing and fear of rejection. Get out of your head. Just be in the moment and talk with her. Don’t just talk about yourself. Ask questions about her life. One common mistake is trying too hard and being very serious when talking with women. It can almost feel more like an interview with memorized canned questions rather than an easy conversation. Be more playful and mix it up a bit to enjoy the new you and you’ll see how easy it is to create attraction. Most women love when you give them attention, especially if you say things in an authentic way. The truth of the matter is that your “dating muscle” is atrophied after not using it for a while, so you have to exercise it and get it back in action. One way to do this is to get comfortable approaching everyone when you are out and about. Approach at least three people (both men and women) a day during your daily routine. Give compliments to people you meet. Women love when you notice something about them. After doing several approaches a day, it will get a lot easier and feel more natural.

How can I build a new social circle?

It is true that you did a lot of “married” activities with your ex-wife as a couple. Often your friends change as you step into the single world. Not only do you do things solo, but different activities may interest you now. The most important thing is to find other single friends you can do things with. It will open up your world and create new possibilities for meeting women. Explore several avenues by getting involved in networking groups, single events, outdoor group gatherings, regular trips to the gym and more. If you are having a difficult time knowing what to get involved in, think about three skills or hobbies you have or want to learn more about and research groups that relate to them. Discover what makes you tick and you’ll build your social circle with other like-minded singles.

How can I overcome the divorce stigma?

Men often think they are painted with a scarlet letter once they are divorced. Actually, many women say that they prefer a divorced man because they like the fact that he has been in a long term relationship before and knows how to share with a partner. Marriage teaches you how to compromise, how to be more giving and how to understand women’s needs. Just because you are divorced doesn’t mean you have some sort of disease. Remember, over 50 percent of the population is in the same boat, so you are not alone. Instead, own who you are and enjoy your newfound freedom. This is your time to start over, enjoy yourself and have fun.

Although starting over can be intimidating and a little scary, it can actually be freeing and exciting as you embark upon a new adventure. This is your chance to explore the world and meet various women. By doing this, you’ll discover who you are separate from the woman you were with for many years and find out what you would like and need in a future relationship. Remember, the dating road is not a dead end; it’s an avenue to an exhilarating new journey.

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5 Signs of Dating Desperation

Clutch magazine’s Janelle Harris says that compulsive man seekers sacrifice a lot for the sake of having a warm body in their beds or a new beau by their sides. Here’s how she suggests you determine whether a fear of being single is getting in your way.

You’re always making excuses for him.

I’ve known women obviously getting beat down by their men on a regular basis and others who’ve been mollywhopped by rants and raves about their worthlessness. But they still find a reason to defend their man’s honor -- not only because they’re conditioned to put him on a pedestal, but because they’re so scared of him, they’d rather pardon the behavior than confront the obvious fact that he’s not worth the emotional and mental investment. Just to have a man.

You haven’t been single longer than a week in your whole adult life.

Some experts say it takes two years to bounce back fully from a previous relationship, maybe longer depending on the circumstances of the situation and the emotional condition of the folks doing the bouncing back ...

You reason, “Well, it’s better than being alone.”

He’s cheated, he’s lazy but breathing, and lays a pretty good piece of pipe, so you opt to make it work with him instead of running the risk of staying drenched in singleness like the rest of us in that 42 percent. But sweetie pie, I’ll take single over settling any time. I think we all should. Even J. Lo and Halle.

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Cofounder Of New Dating Site Says The Key Is Social

Di Huang, the 24-year-old co-founded the dating website SoWink (www.sowink.com), which launched in December.

What is the difference between SoWink and other dating websites? With Match or eHarmony, they’re traditional dating sites, based on a matchmaking system. We’re trying to socialize the entire experience by having user engagement through our platform. We have a lot of social elements, unlike other dating sites, where the idea is to message back and forth. The first and foremost thing is we don’t do long profiles like you’d find elsewhere.

Who is SoWink intended for? We have a specific demographic: 18- to 35-year-olds, college graduates and young professionals. You have to do a Facebook verification or have a dot-edu email to verify. Primarily, it will be for people who are single, looking for someone to date. The site is not geared toward marriage; it’s for dating. It’s for people who are new to the area and are looking for friends and looking to meet new people.

Where is SoWink available? Right now, it’s limited by geolocations, focused to the San Francisco Bay Area extending to Davis and Santa Cruz. We’re expanding location to location instead of competing on a large scale immediately.

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Single And Dating In My 40s

By Ele Pawelski

Single and 40, I moved back to Toronto after a decade of working on human-rights projects in developing countries. I was ready to settle down and find a soulmate, preferably one who liked to travel and could locate Afghanistan on a map.

Dating in my 40s was not going to be like dating in my 20s. I was wiser, more confident and knew myself better. On the flip side, the unromantic conditions of my overseas life had caused severe loss of dating know-how.

“What’s dating again?” I quizzed friends.

Right, a leisurely activity where you chat with someone over a drink or a meal to discern whether an intimate long-term relationship is possible. Conversation should be relaxed and flow without awkward silences. If you find the person attractive, interesting and fun, you arrange to meet again. I could do this.

My reintroduction to dating in Toronto was set to happen at a hip downtown bar with a couple of friends. I donned a pair of jeans, a stylish top, some lipstick. Memories of university romances danced in my head as I practised flirting in the mirror while holding a glass of wine. This became known as Plan A.

OMG. Not only were all the patrons under 30, but the women were dressed in sexy outfits I would never wear. Predictably, no one noticed us except the bartender. While we were discussing our next move, music suddenly started blaring so loudly it killed the conversation. We bailed. Our trio of not-wanting-to-be-cougars raced back to my place and my stockpile of red wine. It was 10 p.m.

Plan B: Sign up for an evening of speed dating.

Three-minute conversations are incredibly short. Once you’ve found out each other’s professions and hobbies, likes and dislikes, it’s already time to move on. There’s barely enough time to jot down a name, let alone envision holding hands on a moonlit beach. At the end of the evening, the faces and conversations blurred together; not a single guy stood out as someone to see again.

Plan C: Meet a guy at a class or a sports league. Meeting men through mutual friends was no longer possible, as none knew any single and dateable guys. So I joined a beach volleyball group. Sundays that summer became a joyous mix of sand, sun and beer. And I met someone.

We dated for six weeks before I broke it off. To me, that seemed equivalent to six months in single-and-fortysomething years.

Encouraged by such a long relationship, I grew bolder. Conversations with other singles netted valuable information about meeting mates online. I was amazed at how quickly and openly they broached the topic of Internet dating: “Hi, so which sites are you on? How are they?”

Still, I was skeptical. Dating online screamed, “I am an old-fashioned dimwit that’s completely unable to meet and/or converse with potential mates.” But single friends eventually convinced me that online dating was the most straightforward way to find a partner once you’re out of school.

Plan D: Create a savvy Internet persona and nickname.

At first, I scoured each profile and crafted individualized messages. About eight dates in, I got my groove and began to send more messages with fewer words. I started dating up a storm, sometimes two a night back to back.

The guys were entertaining, the restaurants nice, the conversations fun, but disappointingly there were no real sparks. None turned out to be the optimistic, self-assured traveller I was looking for. My approach needed a change. Instead of a restaurant, perhaps an activity would give me more insight into his personality and possible shared interests.

So my next date unfolded at a photography shoot for a band. He took photos with a passion that was endearing. Photography, which we both enjoyed, was also a good focus for our conversation. Sharing the same sense of humour, we laughed and talked into the wee hours of the night. Parting, we set up a second date for the coming weekend.

On Saturday at my place, two coffees were steaming on the table as soft music played in the background. According to my research, the second date was when you delved into your potential partner’s past to suss out any family skeletons or Ponzi scheming. I wanted to be in comfortable surroundings in case of an unpleasant secret.

In this intimate setting, we each shared our biggest life challenge. His was an unfinalized divorce, mine a new career path but no actual job. Mulling it over, we concluded our baggage was manageable in the bigger scheme. After all, dating in your 40s is not a fairy tale. But was the chemistry from the first night still there?

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

Butterflies in my stomach, I nodded ecstatically. It was a supreme Bridget Jones moment, and revealed that some aspects of dating remain the same at any age. This was a guy worth pursuing.

My final tally: an awkward bar night, a speed-dating adventure, a summer fling and 19 decent Internet dates to find one terrific soulmate. Not bad.

It was at times exhilarating, at times overwhelming, at times disheartening, but I wouldn’t change a thing. Opening up to new methods of dating, while remaining true to myself about the type of guy I wanted to meet, was part of the experience.

A year and a bit later we’re still together. Fingers crossed.

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Men Dating Help By A Professional Wing Woman

Men and dating is nothing new in the romance world. There are exceptions of single men dating who are afraid of going up to the woman they find attractive and telling her that he is interested.

No worries anymore, for there is a solution to be her man. To help single men in dating, one can hire a professional wing woman. The purpose of this professional is to reach out to the woman and speak on the man’s behalf. It will definitely work because women who relate to women are more amicable than men.

To help men dating, Susan Baxter launched a new dating site, called ‘Hire a Boston Wing Woman’, which will help single men get the woman of their dreams. Baxter said that,” When I started this, and when I had the concept, I thought this would all be working men in their 30s or maybe 40s.”

The site which already has about 15 to 20 members is doing pretty well so far in help to men dating. She further said that,” Come to find out I have a lot of guys in their mid-20s too, I would say, mid-30s and there’s a couple of stragglers in their 40s.”

If single men fancy a woman, they pay Baxter who provides a professional wing woman for 65 dollars by the hour and for two hours she will accompany the man to a lounge or a bar and slide to the attractive woman, making conversation with her and trying to hook her up with the interested single men. She introduced the professional wing woman in Boston first for she thought that they can use it since it is as very conservative city.

Results have proven successful, because Baxter’s professional wing woman have done good jobs in setting up the guys with the perfect single women.

But to everything there is rules and regulations that needs to be looked into. The rules for the professional wing woman and the client (single men) were that the wing woman needs to be sensitive to what the client is looking for and keep within the boundaries of what makes him comfortable, while the clients should remember that the wing woman is not a date and ‘Hire a Boston Wing Woman’ is not an escort service.

Divorce Marketplace Draws Recent Singles Who Want To Rejoin The Hunt

By Jennifer Latson

It’s a far cry from the towering cakes and cascading gowns on display at Houston’s bridal shows. At the Divorce Marketplace, the main attraction is meeting other recent singles.

On Sunday afternoon, in a carpeted conference room at the Crowne Plaza hotel near Sharpstown, a small group of divorcees navigated between booths advertising dating services, gym memberships, outing groups and even pet adoption.

Gena McClatchy’s phone buzzed as she toured the room with her friend, Michelle Kerbow, both from Cypress. It was a text message from another mutual friend.

“Have y’all met a man yet?” it read. The crowd was largely female, however.

McClatchy, who has been divorced for 10 years, just recently re-entered the dating pool.

“I felt like I needed to find my own way through life first,” she explained. “Now I’ve done that and I’m ready to find a partner.”

The crowd came in varying stages of recovery from the shock of splitting up.

John McGee, 45, was married for 22 years before his divorce became final in May. The father of three is still sorting through a jumble of feelings, and he knows he’s far from ready to date again.

“I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy,” he explained to a saleswoman at one of the booths, who commiserated. She’s recently divorced, too.

McGee stopped at the expo on his way home from church — mostly out of curiosity, he said. He found little of interest among the vendors offering microdermabrasion and scented candles. A chiropractor offered adjustments that he said would help alleviate some of the emotional effects — depression and anxiety, for example — that accompany the grief of separation. That seemed, to McGee, like an oversimplification of his distress.

“This is all kind of fresh, kind of new, and it’s painful,” he said.

The goal of the expo was to empower the newly single — maybe just not the QUITE-so-newly single, organizers said.

Patricia Navarro, a Richmond boutique owner who showcased glittering jewelry and brightly sequined belts, recognized that rhinestones can’t cure heartbreak. But they can help, she said.

“I have a lot of divorced clients,” she said. “When they try on my blingy stuff, they look pretty, they feel pretty; some of them even cry. They’ve got a new lease on life.”

A guidebook

Two sales representatives for a company called Slumber Parties — the adult novelty version of Tupperware parties — said that while they’ve set up booths at bridal shows before, this was their first divorce expo. But they thought their products could resonate with this market, too.

“These women need to take time to make themselves happy, as well,” said Sheila Rosario.

Other booths were more directly focused on the challenges facing the recently divorced.

Jayna Haney, who offered a guidebook on single parenting, said she urged the newly single to find the silver lining of leaving a marriage that wasn’t working.

“People who get divorced have a lot of conflicting emotions. They feel sad, isolated, frustrated. But they may also feel relieved, happy — that this a fresh start for them,” she said. “I think the Divorce Marketplace makes it less about what happened to you, and more about what you’re going to do with it.”

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