The Dance

A man was gathering firewood in the forest when he saw a beautiful girl in a glade. She was slender as willow, as fresh as morning dew, her hair was long and fine, and she wore a white tunic but she wore nothing on her feet. And she was dancing.

The man stood transfixed, watching the dance. She seemed at first not to see him, dancing now a little closer to him, now a little further away. Eventually she looked up at the man and their eyes met for a moment, and she seemed to come a step closer to him as she danced. She looked again, and the man thought to see a smile on her face and he stepped toward her. But she danced further away and he stopped.

For a long while he waited, but she did not look back and so he started to walk toward her, but again she danced away, and the quicker he walked, the further she seemed from him, until he was running, and as he ran, she seemed to disappear, and search as he might, he could not find her again.

Back in the village the man told his story, and every man went to the glade to see the girl, to watch her dance, and they always fell in love with her. Always she seemed to smile and invite them, and always they chased her, and always she disappeared.

One day the hunter came to the forest, he was on the trail of a deer. As he stalked the deer he suddenly saw the girl dancing. He stopped and watched her for a moment, but the deer was getting further away, so he moved on, and he did not look back.

Some time later the hunter was again in the forest, this time he was on the trail of a boar. Again the girl appeared, dancing closer this time. Again he stopped and as he looked she looked at him with the hint of a smile. But the boar was getting away, so he nodded curtly and walked on.

As the hunter - running - closed on the boar, the beautiful girl appeared in front of him, even closer than before. Their eyes met, but he ran past her, and in the corner of his eye he seemed to see her stop dancing for a moment as he left.

Time passed. The hunter came to the forest to gather wood to make his arrows. The dancer appeared, further away than before, and this time he stopped to watch her. She danced toward him, step by step drawing closer, now looking at him, now looking away, now smiling at him, now indifferent. He walked swiftly toward her, and she seemed to wait for a moment, but then she danced a few steps away. He stopped, then turned and walked away.

The hunter came back to the forest every week. And every week he watched her dance for a moment, and every week when she danced toward him, he stepped toward her, and he seemed to get ever closer, but she danced away, and he left. He chased the deer and the boar, but he did not chase the dancer.

One day the hunter came to the forest and when the dancer looked at him, because it was good to be a man alive in the forest on a beautiful day and to see a beautiful girl dancing, he smiled a broad joyous smile. The girl's eyes became wide as a doe; she froze and looked down shyly. When she looked up he was still there, the smile gentler now. He nodded to the girl and left.

Several days later the hunter came again into the forest, but this time he was not alone. A huntress was by his side. The dancer appeared, her eyes widened, bewildered and confused. Her dance took a more frantic speed. But the hunter was not looking; he was looking at the huntress. The dancer followed them all the way to the edge of the forest, and never once did the hunter look back.

The hunter came back to the forest alone the next week, and the dancer seemed sad and anxious in her movements, so he looked at her and smiled, and this time she smiled back. He started to turn toward home, but the dancers eyes became wide again so he turned to look at her. She was dancing very close to him now, a step forward, a step to the side, a step forward. The hunter smiled gently again and again turned to leave. And now it seemed that it was he that was dancing, and that she was following his dance.

They danced like this for what seemed a long while. And now they were almost touching. The hunter held out his hand toward the girl, and she took his hand, and they continued to dance, hand in hand.

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Birthday Song Lyrics

Make Simple Decisions Quickly and Easily

A Don Juan makes simple decisions quickly and easily.

You never stutter, ponder over, or invest a good deal of mental energy in over-analyzing most of the relatively mundane decisions which must be made in romantic situations.

When you ask a girl out, you have a plan and make a specific recommendation. No, "What do you want to do? I don't know what do you want to do?" You lead. All she has to do is agree. If she doesn't agree with a particular proposal, then you lead her towards a different proposal.

A dinner date? You open the car door for her. You park in the first open spot you see. You approach the hostess requesting, "Table for two in the non-smoking area." Or if there's no hostess, you quickly survey the scene, pick out a table and head for it. (You may ask your date, "Is this table okay with you?" Nothing wrong with being polite.) You take the menu, peruse it briefly for a few minutes, then put it down and order. Once you're both finished eating, you pick the check up and pay it.

No matter what kind of date you go on, whether it's a dinner date in a restaurant, a party at a friend's house, or a day at the park, there are dozens of simple little decisions which must be made. As the man, it's your job to orchestrate the date, to take charge, to make things as easy and enjoyable as possible for the lady.

Everything should flow smoothly. In fact, she's somewhat judging you based upon how smoothly the date does "flow." If it flows, she'll conclude that the date's going well, that there's a certain chemistry between the two of you, and she will be much more likely to want to see you again.

If the date doesn't flow, i.e. lots of awkward pauses while you fret over these minor decisions, she'll begin to doubt that you are, in fact, the kind of man she's looking for. She'll begin to doubt the "chemistry."

In addition to increasing your initial dating success by increasing flow, you need to continue to make these simple little decisions - quickly and easily - even after you start seeing someone on a regular basis. Why? Because making these kinds of little decisions quickly and easily is an EASY WAY for you to garner respect.

Remember, RESPECT is one of the most important elements of a romantic relationship. If she doesn't respect you, she will never love you... or even lust after you. Garnering respect from the ladies is crucial to your romantic success.

There are lots of little ways for you to garner respect (the subject of a future article). One of the easiest is to handle these decision points with ease. It's also one of the ways that guys very frequently screw up... and they don't even realize it.

Imagine arriving at that same restaurant with your date.

You drive round and round looking for the best spot.

There's no hostess so you and her stand there and try to decide where you should sit. After a couple minutes, she picks a table and you two head for it.

The waiter comes over and asks what you'd like to drink. You think for a second, ask what they have, then after he runs down the list, you finally pick something.

When he comes back to take your order, you're still trying to decide what you want, still studying the menu. Your date's ready to order. You ask for more time.

When the check comes, you let it sit there for an eternity while trying to decide whether you should pay it, or she should pay half, or whatever.

And so it goes... on and on like this for the entire night. You faltering on simple little decisions... inhibiting flow and chemistry... and losing more and more respect in your date's eyes.

What to do? Where to park? What to order? These are all examples of "decision points" which occur quite frequently in romantic situations... and these decision points present you with the opportunity to garner respect from your lady... or to project weakness.

Of course, we're not talking about taking a dictatorial approach to relationships. If she wants to do something else, or sit someplace else, or pay for dinner... fine. These little things shouldn't really matter to you. After all, you've got your eye on the big picture -- having fun.

Remember... indecisiveness in a man is a highly undesirable trait, and will turn a woman off faster than a moldy pair of Scooby-Doo boxer shorts.

And when she doesn't kiss you goodnight, begins screening your calls, and never goes out with you on that second date... you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

The Kiss of Death

You've met the most incredible girl. You don't really know her, but you're pretty sure she's a Goddess, sent straight from Heaven, in jeans.

You exchanged glances in Chemistry, had a few brief conversations after class, and even bumped into her at the mall. (Talk about fate.)

You KNOW you want her. There's no doubt about it. The question now becomes, "Does she want you?"

She smiles at you... but is it a friendly or a flirtatious smile? You saw her leave with another guy after class... was he her boyfriend? She flirted with you last week, even touched your shoulder... then completely ignored you the other day. Does she like you?

How can you tell? You really need to know this before you begin the "pursuit" don't you?

Perhaps the most common question posed on the Don Juan Discussion Forum concerns "reading women" and trying to figure out whether they like you or not. The poster usually describes his situation, what he did, what she did, and then asks, "Does this mean she likes me?" Or, "Does this mean she doesn't like me?"

Definitely a popular question. Definitely a question in need of an answer.

Well, here's the quick answer to that question --> Obsessing about a particular girl, and whether or not she likes you, is THE KISS OF DEATH!

If you're worrying about whether a girl likes you or not, chances are she doesn't -- or rather, SHE WON'T. She won't because your "worry" and your obsession with what she thinks of you will actually push her away.

Let me clarify.

When you let yourself fall into the "obsession" trap, you begin to analyze everything your dream girl does, every word she says, every move she makes... and try to relate them all to you.

She smiled at you -- she didn't smile at you. She emailed you -- she didn't email you. She returned your call -- she didn't return your call. Confusion, frustration, and anxiety inevitably result.

This obsession with her behaviors and their meanings will paralyze you, confuse you, and suck every ounce of confidence you have from your body. You will become a Blithering Blob of Insecurity. And women, in general, are not attracted to Blithering Blobs of Insecurity.

So are you wrong to be confused by women? NO! Absolutely NO! Women ARE confusing. Always have been and always will be. That's just the way they are.

Especially when it comes to romance, women seem totally inconsistent in their behaviors. One minute you're convinced you're the man of her dreams, and the next she seems to be unaware of your existence. One minute she's flirting, and smiling, and rubbing up against you, and the next minute she's gone, left without even saying "bye." You SHOULD be frustrated and confused!

Now, no one knows exactly why women give off such mixed signals and deliberately, it seems, attempt to confuse us. Some suspect it's those magazines they read. Others think it has to do with the secret bathroom conferences they hold. Still others propose that their illogical behaviors are due to the wacky hormones they have surging throughout their bodies. The cause is relatively unimportant. You just have to accept it, and plot a strategy to deal with it.

So, given the inconsistencies of female romantic behavior, attempting to "read" women and figure out what they're thinking, is, at best, an incredibly frustrating experience. So don't do it. Don't even attempt it.

Just say NO to "reading" women!

Okay... well... if you don't really try to "read" women to determine whether they like you or not, then what do you do? What's your strategy? After all, they may be confusing, illogical, and somewhat annoying, but you still wanna get you one.

Simple: If you're attracted to a girl, then just ASSUME she's attracted to you too. And ACT ACCORDINGLY.

Assume that she likes you and would like to get to know you better. Assume that she's physically attracted to you. Assume that YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES to attract such a lady, no matter how incredible she seems.

Assume the positive... always the positive. Assuming the negative will kill any chances you might have with her. (Pessimists, my friend, are not chick magnets.)

Now there are many exciting benefits of adopting this attitude of assuming that women you like also like you... and treating them accordingly.

For one, if you refuse to obsess about all the little "signs" she's giving you, whether they be good signs or bad signs, you will feel more relaxed, calm, and confident. You won't be "up" one minute because she smiled at you, and "down" the next because she also smiled at some other guy.

Attempting to "read" her will only lead to confusion, frustration, and anxiety. And this will make you more tense when she's around, and thus, less likely to be the charming, charismatic Don Juan that you'd like to be.

And you also won't be wasting your time trying to figure out what she's thinking... trying to figure out what every little move mean... and where you stand. You'll be able to devote your "mental time" to something more useful and productive.

Secondly, if you just assume that she likes you, then you will actually increase the probability that she eventually WILL like you. This is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy, and is a well-documented phenomenon in psychological research.

Basically what this means is that if you have a "she likes me" attitude, then you'll project positive, optimistic behaviors and thoughts. She'll pick up on these and ... like you.

If, on the other hand, you have a "she doesn't like me" attitude, you'll project negative, pessimistic behaviors and thoughts. She'll, likewise, pick up on these and like you less.

And if you have a "does she like me" attitude, then you'll project tense, anxiety-ridden behaviors and thoughts that will decrease the probability of her liking you... or she may even find being around you to be an "uncomfortable" experience. (Isn't it easier to relax around people who are relaxed themselves?)

And third, the attitude of just assuming that she likes you, rather than worrying about whether she does or not, allows you to maintain control of the situation... and yourself.

If you are obsessing about the "signs" and allow the "signs" to control your behaviors, thoughts, and emotions, then you have basically given her complete control of the situation. And complete control over you.

If she's "good" to you, you're happy. If she's "bad" to you, you're sad. If she wants to encourage you, she can throw out a few positive signals. If she wants to discourage you, she can throw out a few negative signals. You're happiness is basically under her control... whether she knows it or not.

Not the position that a "Don Juan" likes to be in.

However, if you just assume that she likes you and treat her accordingly, and refuse to be controlled by all the little signs especially the bad ones), you take charge of the situation. You have decided that you like her. And you have decided that she likes you... or will like you when she gets to know you better. And you act accordingly.

You exude confidence. You're relaxed. And you project that "aura" that every budding Don Juan searches for. (The poor girl won't stand a chance up against that aura.)

Okay, so you agree that obsessing about a particular girl and whether or not she likes you is not in your best interest. It will turn you into a Blithering Blob of Insecurity, decrease the probability that she will like you, and give her complete control over your happiness.

So what do you do when those thoughts start to take over your mind? I mean, after all, she is a Goddess, right?

Here's one simple little mental trick that might help you.

Whenever the obsessive "does she like me" thoughts start to take over your mind, even if they're the "good" ones, mentally grab them with your hands, throw them down on the floor, and step on them. Then remind yourself that obsessing about her is not in your best interest, that it will suck away your confidence, and actually decrease the probability that you'll eventually get her.

At this point you want to take a deep breath... smile... laugh... and think to yourself, "I should send that Allen guy a few bucks."

The Relationship Begins Before You Meet Her

Tomorrow you are going to wake up with a wonderful idea.

You will race out of bed, turn on your computer, and begin authoring an important document. It will be a detailed description of Mrs. Don Juan, the woman you will eventually marry, but have yet to meet.

Using your imagination, you will profile her age, physical characteristics, education and career goals. You will describe her personality, demeanor, interests, likes and dislikes. You will profile her life experiences and how she has dealt with adversity.

More importantly, you will describe her personal flaws. (Remember this isn't a fantasy girl, this your future wife.) You will detail flaws in her appearance, personality and character. You will also describe how at some point in her life, she recognized those flaws and how she has made positive efforts to minimize them.

Most importantly, you will put your own ego and desires aside and describe what Mrs. Don Juan requires and desires from you. This will be the toughest part of the document to write, but it will not be complete unless you do it. You will realistically describe everything that she wants from you with as much detail as when you described everything you wanted from her.

After completing the document, you will print out a small copy and keep it with you in your wallet. That way, Mrs. Don Juan will always be with you and a part of you.

You will then come to the realization that the two of you will never meet unless you improve yourself in order meet her requirements and desires as stated in the last portion of your document. You will develop a self-improvement regimen based on two proven reality factors:

1) Women need men with Confidence, Control, and Challenge.
2) Women want men with Looks, Money, and Power.

The first place you'll head off to is the gym. While working out, you'll experience instant improvements in your posture, thus enhancing your Confidence. The better-looking body will come in time.

After the first workout, you'll go to the men's section of the local store. You'll stock up on some hair and skin products. Perhaps buy some cologne. When you come back home you'll see that rising stack of bills on your table, so you pull out the old check book and resolve to take better care of your finances and organize your time. Phase One of your relationship with Mrs. Don Juan will have begun.

Months will pass and you'll start to see some results from your hard work. Your body will be more fit, you will have adopted a more clean and neat appearance and your financial improvements will have created a sizable amount of disposable income.

You will resolve to read more books thus enhancing your overall knowledge and vocabulary. You'll resolve to spend more time around people, thus learning social skills and how to exude charisma. You will no longer hesitate in asking a woman for her home phone number.

The increase in your level of self-confidence will have eliminated your fear of risk-taking. You'll enjoy the process of constantly growing and improving. No longer will you be doing it for Mrs. Don Juan. You'll be improving yourself, for yourself.

More months will pass and you will have eliminated the personal flaws in your own character and replaced them with better, more productive habits. You won't date as often as your buddies, but the few dates you do go on will always be with interested women, because you will have long since learned to show Control and Challenge by screening the losers out.

You will be at peace with yourself and be just an overall happier person, thus more popular. You will possess Power not just from your personal accomplishments, but also from the quality relationships you will have developed with close friends and family.

You will be a complete man. You will have satisfied all of Mrs. Don Juan's requirements and desires. Only then will she appear to you in the flesh.

You'll pull the document out of your wallet and be utterly amazed. She will be almost everything that you described in your profile of her long ago. Phase Two of your relationship with her will then begin.

When the two of you are married and on your honeymoon, Mrs. Don Juan will often refer to the moment she saw you for the first time as the moment when the relationship began for her. She'll say it was "love at first sight". She won't be lying when she says that. That will just be her perspective of things.

You, however, will know that you simply passed her physical attraction test when she met you for the first time. But for you, the relationship with her will have begun long before then. It will have begun when you resolved to become everything Mrs. Don Juan wants and needs out of a husband, with no respect to your own ego.

We as guys tend to often think that relationships begin only after we've banged her. Not true.

The relationship begins before you meet her.

World's tallest man gets married

How to Make Her Feel Great When You're Around

In one of the most famous psychological experiments of all time, Russian Nobel-Prize winner Ivan Pavlov proved a phenomenon we know as "classical conditioning" or "association." Perhaps you have heard of the experiment.

Pavlov rigged dogs with a device that would collect saliva. When he fed the dogs, they salivated. This is a natural, reflexive response. It is not learned, it is pretty much instinctive.

Pavlov then added an extra step. He would feed the dogs and simultaneously ring a bell. The dogs, as before, would salivate upon being fed. After doing this for a period of time, Pavlov rang the bell without feeding the dogs. THE DOGS SALIVATED ANYWAY. The dogs had been "conditioned" to associate the bell ringing with the food, which then triggered the reflexive response (salivation).

So what does this have to do with being successful with women?

EVERYTHING!

Women are Pavlov's dogs. In fact, we all are Pavlov's dogs. We associate pretty much everything.

Have you ever caught a whiff of a perfume that reminded you of your ex, because she used to wear it? You associate that particular scent with your ex. For a long time, it's "Perfume + Amy", "Perfume + Amy", "Perfume + Amy" ... and then all the sudden it's just "Perfume" and your mind automatically adds the Amy because you now associate that perfume with her.

The same with songs on the radio, certain stretches of roads from your childhood, even a particular movie. I'm sure you can think of a million examples.

So, now that we understand how conditioning and association works, what next?

Well, understanding is only half of the battle. It's good to be familiar with the weapons in your arsenal, but they don't mean a thing unless you can use them.

So, now that we understand it, we must use it to sway things in our favor, to help us with women, and eventually use it to conquer the world. Well, okay, I'll handle that last part, and you worry about the women.

There are two major ways things can be associated: positively and negatively.

Positive associations are going to be our friends. They're going to be like the little voices in her head that will keep reminding her of you even when you aren't around. Since the best associations work on an emotional or reflexive level, this is what we must target. We want to associate ourselves with certain involuntary bodily responses.

When she sees you, what do you want her body to do?

We want her heart to race, her breathing to quicken. We want her cheeks to flush, her skin to tingle, her pupils to dilate. The physiological signs of EXCITEMENT. So how do we go about that?

We need to associate ourselves with exciting things. This is the main reason we recommend the so-called "action dates." You want to get the adrenaline flowing, her heart pounding. Hiking, biking, rock climbing, ice skating, laser tag, pool, bowling, miniature golf, etc. Things that involve activity.

Since you will be with her, she will associate this excitement with you. Then, when you remove one of the elements, the other associated element will be brought up in her mind. So the next time she sees you, she will subconsciously think "excitement" and she will become excited. And the next time she is excited, particularly if it's doing the same activity you did together, she will think of you. And this will only reinforce the association more.

The thing to keep in mind here is that we want her feeling good when she is around you. At all times. Do you remember that line from "The Lion King"? Hakuna Matata. "No worries."

When she is with you, she should be able to leave her problems at the door and just have fun. You are her tour guide to a fun destination outside of her everyday responsibilities. You want her to feel happy when she is with you. She will then associate you with happiness, and once you've accomplished that, you're golden.

Now, a few words about negative association. These are the things to avoid at all costs.

Have you ever eaten something, like, say, potato salad, and gotten food poisoning? If you're like me, after that, the mere thought of potato salad makes you feel ill. And it seems like no one can persuade you to eat potato salad anymore after that. You associate the food with the illness. It's a very negative association.

So, you can see why you don't want to have a girl associate you with anything negative.

It's not always possible to control these things, but we can reduce the risks.

If your girl hates her job, and it makes her totally miserable, it is NOT a good idea to go visit her at work. She's swirling with negative emotions, and those emotions are likely going to overpower any positive effects that seeing you will have, especially if you don't know each other very well.

Don't go out with her when you're sick. If you take her out and make her sick, you might as well be potato salad, buddy. And if you're in a bad mood, stay the hell away from her. You want her to associate you with positive energy, not negative pissed-at-the-world vibes.

The biggest factor that women care about in relationships is ***HOW YOU MAKE HER FEEL.***

For better or worse, positive or negative, the way you make her feel and the feelings that she associates with you is largely going to affect the outcome -- whether you succeed or fail will depend in no small part on what she thinks of when she thinks of you.

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Get a Girlfriend

Here's the No. 1 all-time most important tip that you will ever get.

Get a girlfriend!

"What?" I hear you say. "But that's exactly why I'm getting these tips, because I can't get a girlfriend."

Really? Are you being completely honest with yourself? What about that chubby girl that used to smile at you a lot? Or that slightly nerdy girl that seemed interested in you? You know what I mean don't you?

You know that you have passed up girls that you aren't interested in because they don't meet some standard, because they are not the one you could consider falling in love with. Well, my friend, you are making a huge mistake.

If you are alone and the only girl that seems interested in you is a "2" and is 100 lbs. overweight, go out with her!

You don't have to marry her. You don't have to be long term. You don't have to even get intimate with her. But for goodness sake, take her out somewhere and have a good time together.

Why? Well, there are lots of reasons.

(i.) You will not be lonely and isolated. Even though you will feel less than content and satisfied, at some level in your subconscious you are having basic human needs for affection, attention, and company with the opposite sex met. You will, even without realizing it, be more relaxed and confident.

(ii.) You will prevent yourself from sliding down a black hole of alienation, social isolation, depression and loneliness. You will "have a life". This is good for you generally, and good for the vibe you will radiate at other women.

(iii.) She will introduce you into her social circle. You will meet potential friends, you will have a social life, you will feel even better about life, and you will meet more women in a social setting.

(iv.) You will be getting practice and experience just hanging out with and conversing with a woman/girl. You will be learning more and more about how to act around women. This will come more naturally.

(v.) You will be seen about with her. DON'T be embarrassed by this! Believe me, the 3-5's will notice and wonder what she's got that they haven't. There is nothing worse than being constantly seen about town moping about by yourself.

(vi.) Now, assuming you don't fall in love with her (don't laugh, it happens), you will be in a perfect position to start dating a 3-5 when she starts showing interest in you... and then that will lead to you being noticed by the 5-7s... and then you are pretty close to being noticed by the ones you really like, by which stage you will be ready to interact with them more naturally. Get it?

What stops you from doing this? Is it really because a less than beautiful girl repulses you? I doubt it. It is probably because you are a decent and good young man who doesn't want to lead on a girl that he isn't REALLY interested in.

You don't want to hurt her. You don't want to date her for a while and then dump her do you? You are scared of "using" her. You don't like hurting females, and that is a good thing and something you should be proud of.

So, how to get around this?

Well, the first thing is that you keep it casual and you don't promise any more than you are ready to give. Don't lead her on! Date her, enjoy each others company, but don't deceive her and don't use her.

If and when the time comes to move on, say this: "Look Julie/Debbie (whatever), I've had a good time with you over the last few weeks/months, but I just don't feel any romantic vibe happening between us and I think it's time to move on."

Don't tell her that you are not attracted to her, and don't tell her you want to be "just friends." If you tell her that you don't feel romance happening between you, then this is a language that females understand.

Get out there and get a girlfriend, any girlfriend! Do it now!

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