Stars Have Offered Up Their Best Dating Advice

Stars including Madonna, Demi Moore and Cameron Diaz have offered up their best dating advice for a new book designed to help men find girlfriends and keep them happy.

The relationship manual, titled That’s What SHE Said: Women Reveal What Men Really Need to Know, has been compiled by Punk’d producer T.J. Jefferson and features a foreword from the prank TV show’s star Ashton Kutcher.

Kutcher’s wife, Demi Moore, has contributed and doles out her own tips, urging men not to be selfish in bed or in matters of love.

Moore writes, “If you want to get our clothes off focus on what you’re giving, not on what you can get! You may be able to score once — but we can smell the stink of selfish desires a mile away and are not interested. Women are caretakers by nature, don’t take it for granted. The romance we are looking for comes from being appreciated.”

Madonna wants men to let their woman take charge — and advises them to dole out plenty of compliments.

She explains, “Women are here to smash man’s ego, plain and simple. Accept this and life will be better. Also women like it when men tell them they look nice. If you want more than that you will have to pay for it.”

The book also includes notes from Diaz, who admits she enjoys “losing herself in wonder of love, beauty and sexiness”, Lake Bell who urges men not to be too “pushy” and Soleil Moon Frye who claims “We like it dirty just like you...”

The book’s author Jefferson tells Fox News, “It’s a fun read, but you can find something in there that can really help your relationship and stop you from sleeping on the couch that night. You’ve got people like Madonna giving advice in the book, but then you’ve got housewives in the Midwest and teachers and nurses. It might be hard for someone to relate to what Madonna is saying, but most of us can relate to everyday people, people that aren’t famous and aren’t in the spotlight — they need to be heard as well.”

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9 Things Happy Couples Talk About

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, great minds talk about ideas; small minds talk about people. What do you and your significant other talk about? If you constantly hit the heavy stuff, you’re probably happier than if you spend time gossiping about your neighbors or coworkers.

A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather and discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 percent of their talking time in the shallow end.

Among the scores of substantive topics people discuss, we’ve come up with nine that we believe couples should relish during heart-to-hearts:

1. Embarrassing moments. If you can’t share the awkward, “American Pie”-worthy moments that occurred throughout high school with your partner, who can you tell them to? Don’t be afraid to broach the subject, if you haven’t already. We wouldn’t be surprised if their stories are more horrifying than yours.

2. Political viewpoints. How do you feel about the new healthcare bill? You don’t have to agree with each other, but you do need to keep an open mind. A good relationship allows both parties to discuss their own philosophies without taking the opposition personally.

3. Fears and insecurities. By fears, we don’t mean your phobia of earthworms. We’re talking about things that make you wake up with gray hairs. What worries you? What do you want to improve in yourself? What skeletons are in your closet? In being vulnerable, you risk judgment, but more importantly, you chance being understood.

4. Childhood. Ask your partner what he or she was like as a kid. Did she make friends easily? What kind of games did he like to play? Did he have trouble in school? Childhood memories make for fun conversations, but they can also lend insight into how your main squeeze became the person he or she is today.

5. Past relationships. This is a touchy one because no one wants to hear the person they’re with spouting sonnets about an ex. There is, of course, a difference between longing for (or being bitter over) the past and simply acknowledging what happened. With enough practice, seasoned, happy couples learn how to address why past relationships ended without inadvertently comparing their current partner to an old flame.

6. Family life. Knowing a person’s upbringing and relationship with his or her parents is paramount to understanding his current attitude toward family. If you’re even slightly contemplating a future with this person, it might help to ask how well they get along with their parents. Why does she resent her mother? Why is he closer to his sisters than to his brothers? How does she handle family gatherings?

7. Current events. Thanks to the overflow of information, it’s nearly impossible to stay up-to-date on everything going on around us. Here’s where teamwork comes into play: Ask your partner about his interests, be they economics or regional politics, and see if you can’t learn a thing or two. Who knows, maybe you’ll help him develop an interest in international affairs or science news.

8. TV and movies. Compared to politics and personal fears, entertainment might seem pretty shallow, but discussions about movies can fall into the “deep” category if you focus on character motivations and plots rather than on, say, the cute leading actors.

9. The future. Talking about the future can be nerve-wracking. While we’re not saying you should pressure your partner into talking about plans for marriage and children, we do believe that you should know their dreams, goals, and aspirations. What is he working toward? What drives her to succeed? Where does he see himself in five years? Someone who desires growth and is not afraid of the unknown is surely dynamic enough to deserve you.

Deciding Factors In Speed Dating

(CNN) — Forget high-paying jobs, kindness or a sense of humor. When people go looking for love at big speed-dating events, they have so many choices that they narrow their criteria down to height and weight, a new study finds.

Previous studies found consumers to be overwhelmed if they faced too many choices at grocery stores. So two British scientists wondered if the human brain also became overwhelmed by too many potential partners in the dating marketplace.

University of Edinburgh psychological scientist Alison Lenton and University of Essex economist Marco Francesconi analyzed 84 speed-dating events. The results of their study are published in the journal Psychological Science.

The men and women at the events would meet with a series of potential dates for about three minutes each. And at the end of the evening, they would turn in their yes and no choices.

The preferences at all the events tended to be people who were taller, younger and well-educated. Women also rejected men who were too skinny, while men tended to reject overweight women.

But the study found that at smaller events with fewer decisions to be made, the choosers had time to consider a potential partner’s level of education, employment and whether they smoked -- all attributes that require some conversation.

But at events with 24 or more potential dates, choosers narrowed their decisions with parameters that could be determined in a quick glance: height and weight.

The scientists concluded that the dating environment can have a big effect on someone’s romantic future.

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Marriage-Minded Do Better Online Than At Bars

In the marketplace for romance, megapixels are now officially more effective than bar-side flirtations.

More than twice as many couples who married last year met through online dating services than at a club or social event, according to a new survey commissioned by Match.com.

The survey found that 17 percent of those who married in the past three years met online, making it the third-most-frequent method of introduction, behind meeting through a mutual acquaintance or at work or school.

“Online dating is by now a preferred way for singles to find dates,” says Joe Tracy, publisher of Online Dating Magazine. “I think the stigma that has been attached to online dating -- and there’s still some of that today -- has greatly decreased. Everybody knows someone who has done online dating, so people are less fearful to talk about it.”

The study, conducted by the research firm Chadwick Martin Bailey, shows how quickly online dating -- in existence for less than two decades -- has revolutionized the way people find and pursue potential mates.

“It does seem to have displaced all other forms of dating,” says Susan Frohlick, a cultural anthropologist at the University of Manitoba who has studied online dating. “I would say that it’s been in the last five years that it’s become hyper-mainstream.”

The survey also found that one out of five singles has dated someone they met through an online dating site and that one out of every five new relationships owes its origins to the Internet. It also claims that among recently married couples who met online, 30 percent initially made contact through Match.com. The site has about 3 million active users at any given time, according to the company.

Online dating statistics have always been hazy and are frequently contradictory. The Match.com-sponsored survey, for instance, found that 17 percent of couples who married in 2007 met through online dating sites, but a Harris Interactive poll sponsored by eHarmony found that only 9 percent of couples married that year were introduced through such services. (The Harris study claims that 2 percent of recently married American couples met through eHarmony.)

Regardless of discrepancies, the findings point to the increasingly prominent role the Web is playing in helping singles find someone with whom they want to walk down the aisle. Online Dating Magazine estimates that 120,000 U.S. couples who marry each year met online.

“It’s pretty seismic, if you think about it,” says Greg Blatt, chief executive of Dallas-based Match.com. “You’ve got this new thing out of nowhere that has really jumped in and taken on a significant piece of this basic human interaction, which is meeting people.”

Blatt attributes the industry’s growth to the rise of technology and changes in society that have made it more difficult to meet people through traditional methods. People marry later, work longer hours and live farther from family members who might introduce them to a neighbor’s handsome, eligible nephew. Laptops and modems stepped in to fill the void.

“This is just meeting,” Blatt says. “It’s no different meeting on Match than it is meeting at a party, or at a restaurant or on a subway. . . . Once you’ve met, it’s real life; you either fall for each other or you don’t. You either have a great romance or you don’t.

“It’s not like computers are taking the place of romance,” he says. “It’s just another way to put yourself in a position to meet somebody that then gives you a chance for romance.”

Online Dating Tips For Busy Executives

Dating Younger Men Knocks Years Off Cougar’s Age

LONDON (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – Dating a younger guy can have age - reversing effects on an ol’ cougar.

According to a study by ToyBoy.com, having a younger man knocks a whopping four years off a woman’s age.

That’s because women who date cubs consider themselves much younger at heart than those who are married to older men.

Cougars with younger boyfriends have a tendency to enjoy more outdoor activities and 27 percent say they venture out to more bars and nightclubs.

Three in 10 even wear clothes that make them feel younger when they’re dating a younger guy and 25 percent get into hobbies that they otherwise would’ve never tried.

Research shows that the greater the age gap, the happier a woman is likely to be.

The cougar movement seems to be unstoppable, especially since the rise of the hit TV series Cougar Town and successful high-profile romances like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher.

Dating Study Says Singles With Options Go For Hotties

Scientists already know people’s brains can be overwhelmed by choice, say when shopping for electronics, detergent -- even chocolate. Too many options can lead to much confusion, often followed by indecision or snap judgments.

Psychologist Alison Lenton wanted to find out if the same psychological state of being overwhelmed happens when we’re choosing people -- like someone to date. Lenton, who studies experimental social psychology at the University of Edinburgh, and economist Marco Francesconi of the University of Essex, decided to study this by looking at speed dating.

Initially, the scientists supposed that choosing a potential partner might be different from picking out soap or chocolate, in part because people often think they know what they want in a mate. But they found -- just like the psychology of making purchases in a store -- the number of choices matters.

Lenton and Francesconi analyzed records from 84 different speed dating events held in bars and clubs across the United Kingdom. In all, the events included 1,868 women and 1,879 men. In speed dating, of course, choice abounds. That’s the point: lots of choices, lots of potential. During the events, these single adults had about three to five minutes to talk to each potential mate and decide whether they wanted to see them again.

Making Snap Judgments

Typically, participants meet anywhere between 15 and 35 people in a night. And the scientists found that when there were more people to choose from, it was more likely that men and women would make judgments about whether to see that person again based on appearance. At bigger speed dating events, with 24 or more potential matches, both male and female choosers were more likely to decide based on “attributes that could be judged quickly, such as their dates’ height, and whether they were underweight, normal weight or overweight,” says Lenton.

At smaller speed dating events, where participants choose between 15 and 23 partners, Lenton says, both men and women were more willing to make the effort to find out more about the person. And there was more focus on attributes they learned about through conversation, like occupation, level of education and whether the individual smoked cigarettes.

Lenton says the findings show the importance of the environment in which people meet. But speed dating isn’t the only place where judgments are made quickly, and often superficially. Lenton says the tendency to make choices based on appearance alone is exacerbated by online dating, where people can literally sift through thousands of photos and profiles.

Finding A Real Connection

People need to have real experiences with each other if they want to make any kind of real connection, says psychologist Sheena Iyengar, a professor at Columbia Business School who’s just written a book about choice called The Art of Choosing.

“We’re constantly moving jobs, working much longer hours, so we’re not having time to really develop friends. So what I’m suggesting here is that the moment in our life when we do have time to develop friends, which is mainly in college and at the early stages of our career, it’s really important to make those good friends and hang on to them.”

Maintaining friends, says Iyengar, can often lead to people making connections with others because they meet them through their old friends and relatives.

But for those who like speed dating, New York psychiatrist Philip Muskin says there can be significant meaning in just three minutes. He points out that pretty much everyone has, at one time or another, been at a party or meeting or even on a subway platform and seen someone. “Your eyes lock for an instant, and you want to talk to that person,” he says.

And typically, he says, that’s due to a variety of unconscious reasons. Perhaps the person is reminiscent of important people in our past, reminiscent of a parent, a sibling, a friend, or a former relationship. According to Muskin, such a moment of meeting may be so profound that it transforms into the beginning of a really true connection.

Dating Goes High-Tech