5 Jersey Shore Dating Tips

By Stephanie Castillo

Last Thursday, we and 5.3 million others welcomed back our favorite fist-pumpers—only this time they’re GTL’ing on the shores of Miami. If the premiere was but a slice of the upcoming guido cake, we’re bound to love this season even more than the last. There’s just something about the abnormally tan cast that keeps winning us over time and time again.

Rolling Stone recently sat down with the cast in a tell-all, bare-all interview that got us thinking: Can we take away some of their seemingly outlandish charm and make it work for us? Below, our favorites quotes from the cast that underscore why we fell for “Italy’s finest,” jam-packed full of insight that just might score us a date or two.

1. Send out good vibes like The Situation.

“I had so much confidence because of all the steps that I had done and where I’d come from. Maybe some of the other people were unsure about what was going on, but when they’d go to me, I was like, whoooooosh, and that was it.”

The only thing Mike “The Situation” wears better than aviators and muscle tees is confidence. And you know what? It’s so sexy. Having confidence let’s the people around you know you’re secure with yourself and comfortable in your own skin. It helps to attract the right kind of people—no grenades. When you love yourself, the better the chance someone else will, too. How To Date With Confidence

2. Snooki doesn’t get heated, and neither should you.

“I really don’t care what people have to say about me. As long as they’re talking about me... that’s a good thing.”

This goes hand-in-hand with being confident. No matter where you go, you’re bound to run in to someone who doesn’t accept you for who you are. But who cares? The only opinion that matters is your own. When you’re focused on other people, you’re not focused on yourself, and guys don’t want to have to constantly build you up. Then again, if a close friend of yours has something to say, like, “Lay off the jello shots before you get arrested for disorderly conduct,” or other seemingly good advice, then perhaps you should listen. It doesn’t have to inhibit you, but it’s worth listening to if the words come from someone who cares about you. 5 Ways To Stop Being A Needy Girlfriend

3. Find a beat like DJ Pauly D and stick to it.

“For me, I take DJ-ing very seriously, and I don’t ever want to cheapen that brand. I will not do a club appearance, I will not do a wing-eating contest, I will not do anything but DJ.”

Nicely said, Pauly D. When you find something you’re passionate about, don’t let it go. Pursue it wholeheartedly, and in its true nature, because that passion represents a piece of yourself. We all want someone with interests and goals. We also want someone we can depend on, and sticking to your guns is a sure-fire way to communicate you’re dependable.

4. Dress like Jenni and make the boys say “woww.”

“I always had the look. I probably had the look more back then than now. I’d just destroy my clothes: rip them and re-sew them and add accessories, go to Hot Topic and buy all my jewelry and stuff.”

Fashion at the Jersey Shore played its role in catching our hearts, too. Style, in general, does that—especially when you dress in a way that allows others to get a feel for who you are. Taking something and making it your own is bold. But regardless of whether you buy it or make it, there’s one thing we know guys love: and that’s seeing a women who obviously has put some thought into her outfit. Of course they like a little cleavage and tighter fitting jeans, but nothing says sexy more than a woman who knows how to dress to impress.

5. Embrace your blowout (or what have you) like Vinny.

“They asked me at the first interview, ’So, are you proud to be guido?’ and I’m like, ’What’s your definition of guido?’ Are you thinking about spiky hair, big steroids, orange skin all year ’round? If that’s your definition of a guido, then I’m not one. But I’m like, ’If you’re looking for someone at the shore who’s 100 percent Italian, someone who has good family morals, someone who likes to party, then I’m your guido.”

Guido. Goth. Hipster. Prep. It doesn’t matter what you are, only that you’re proud to be it. Everyone has something to bring to the table, so don’t fear standing apart from the crowd. When you’re marching to the beat of your own drum, the right man will fall in line and march along with you.

8 Dating Mistakes Even Smart Women Make

Online Dating Grows

By Wailin Wong

Jay and Christina Lorance first met in an MSN chat room in May 1996, when the Internet, or even the idea of communicating electronically with a stranger, was an unfamiliar concept to many Americans.

Their online interaction led to four months of telephone calls and snail-mail letters, culminating in a face-to-face meeting in Colorado. Jay showed up with a ring. One year and four months later, they were married.

“We shocked a lot of people,” said Christina Lorance, 41. “I’m from New York and he’s from Oklahoma, so the first question everyone had was, ’How did you meet?’ ... When we said the Internet, their eyes would bug out. They didn’t even think it was true.”

Digital culture has changed drastically since the Lorances’ first virtual meeting. Online dating is now an accepted and commonplace way to meet someone, having largely shed its stigma as an option for only socially stunted nerds. Match.com, one of the leading Web sites, celebrated its 15th anniversary in April.

While advanced technology can’t guarantee in-person chemistry, that hasn’t stopped dozens of new offerings from touting their matchmaking algorithms or catering to a demographic niche.

Michelle Teplitz, a 29-year-old Connecticut native, was drawn to Jdate, a site geared toward Jewish singles, because she wanted to meet someone with similar values.

“It weeds out the people you wouldn’t want to talk to in a bar,” said Teplitz, who met her husband of three years on JDate. “You know when you’re on this site, (you’re meeting) people who, for the most part, are interested in meeting someone they want to spend their life with.”

Online dating has grown into big business. Match.com is part of IAC/Interactive Corp. and recently became the exclusive dating service on Yahoo, while eHarmony has acquired other Web properties related to weddings and parenting, including Weddingbee and JustMommies. Web-based dating also is taking on new forms, such as mobile applications and services within Facebook.

Another twist on the model was launched this year through WinkVid, the brainchild of Jordan Fulghum and Jake Lumetta. Their Chicago-based company offers online speed dating through webcams, with each date lasting four minutes.

“This stigma that’s been around for the last decade is really starting to be erased because people’s lives are moving online, and they’re seeing the real benefits of social networks and of these technologies that enable you to meet people,” Fulghum said.

A video chat may help bridge that difficult gap between online compatibility and in-person chemistry. Still, there’s no predicting how a romantic relationship will develop offline. Although some dating sites brag about their ability to match up life partners, other services acknowledge their limitations.

“I really think of our responsibility as ’no bad first dates,’ which seems like a low bar, but the reason is we can’t promise you a soul mate,” said Sam Yagan, co-founder of OKCupid. “That’s ridiculous. That’s chemistry and what happens when you see each other.”

The simplest reason for online dating’s emergence into the mainstream is that more Americans are digitally literate. The age-old practice of meeting and courting a romantic partner has moved online as consumers conduct more of their lives on the Web.

A 2006 study by the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project reported that nearly 7 million American adults have gone out with someone they met online. That number surely has gone up since, said Andrew Fiore, a doctoral candidate at the University of California at Berkeley who has studied online dating since 2003.

“As soon as you talk about 7 million people going on dates, they can’t possibly all be computer geeks,” Fiore said. “If you look at the demographics, people using online dating look a lot like people who are on the Internet in general.”

These typical users include Chicagoans Casey Zgutowicz, 32, and Micaela De Alba, 30, a recently engaged couple who met on eHarmony.

Online dating “is good in the sense you’re peeling back the onion,” Zgutowicz said. He said completing eHarmony’s intricate personality questionnaire was a “grueling process” but helpful, because “you know you have a similar foundation” before meeting in person.

Zgutowicz and De Alba, who are planning a June 2011 wedding in Mexico, said they no longer think their “how we met” story is novel.

“We’ve moved beyond it,” De Alba said.

Positive word of mouth also has helped boost the credibility of online dating sites. According to the 2006 Pew survey, 30 million adults reported knowing someone who’s been in a long-term relationship or married someone he or she met online.

“Once you have a friend who’s in a relationship that started online, you’re at a crossroads,” Yagan said. “Either your friend is weird and you’re friends with weirdos, or it’s not weird.”

Still, the stigma exists for some people. Holly Brunner, a 32-year-old pathology assistant in Washington, D.C., said she met a man via eHarmony who told his friends they met in the emergency room, where she was summoned to perform a biopsy on a liver tumor discovered after a motorcycle accident landed him in the hospital.

Aside from that odd hiccup, Brunner said she’s pleased with her eHarmony experience and is in a relationship with someone she met via the site in 2008.

“I can’t imagine any other way of dating,” she said.

Sometimes, the spark simply isn’t there. Samuel DiMatteo, 76, used Yahoo Personals for several years but is going to let his subscription lapse because he didn’t find “that click” with the handful of women he met.

“Probably, if I were younger, it would be better,” said DiMatteo, a River Grove resident who practices his computer skills at a cafe run by Evanston-based nonprofit Mather LifeWays. “When you’re 76, most (people) are set in their ways.”

On the other end of the age spectrum, members of the Web generation say they’re fluent in how to read cues from someone whose body language is hidden behind a computer screen.

“When I see how people type, I can immediately read their personalities: their grammar, lingo, the Net-speak they use,” said Iris Febres, 22, who met her boyfriend of more than one year on OKCupid.

Febres and her boyfriend live across the country from one another, so they use Skype to keep in touch.

This constant contact is crucial in a relationship, no matter how a couple meets. Just ask the Lorances, who have three sons and will celebrate their 13th wedding anniversary in December.

“Communication is what helped us get this far in life,” Christina Lorance said. “To this day, we could stay up all night on a Saturday, just me and him talking.”

Rules For Dating An Older Man

By Contessa Schexnayder, The Frisky

Yes, there will always be something slightly appealing about young, wide-eyed struggling artists and beer pong-loving frat boys with hearts of gold.

But sometimes you want someone a little more settled and refined — someone who prefers a suit to a backwards hat and The New York Times to Maxim.

Whether you have already snagged yourself a silver fox, or you are on the hunt for one, there are a couple of things you’ll need to take into consideration. Like all relationships, this could be long or short-term, but it is always nice to know how to act or behave when dealing with the majestic creature known as the older man.

Beware of pop culture references

Yes, you may be tempted to tell your older man the story of how when “Annie” came out, you were 5 and wore a red wig for an entire year. Only, when “Annie” came out, he was graduating from college. See the problem? Referencing movies, TV shows, and fads of yore only highlights your age difference.

So focus on things in the here and now, which you are both experiencing as adults.

Do not take on the role of the kid

He may be older, but this man is not your father — it is not his job to take care of you. He should not be a substitute for any male adult figure that you are lacking in your life. If you are craving or missing that bond, make a session with a therapist. There is a good chance that your older man might have kids already, so don’t be more needy than his 10-year-old.

The same goes for him — if he is trying to keep you in some creepy child-like state, ditch him. You’ve come so far as a woman, do you really want to be bossed and controlled like a toddler?

Make sure what he’s looking for lines up with what you want

Some older men date younger on occasion, when they meet a woman they find irresistible. Some do it all the time. If he’s 45 and only dates girls under 25, that should be a red flag if you want something long term. After all, why hang around if he is only going to turn you in for a newer model?

And conversely, what if he’s ready for kids now and you don’t see that happening until years down the road?

Find out what he wants from the beginning. Is he looking for wedding bells or arm candy? It never hurts to ask — that way you can make the decision to stick around.

Be yourself

Yes, this is a tired and cliche phrase, but it’s also true. It goes for all relationships, but especially with an older man. See, older fellows are far less prone to playing games than their younger counterparts. They usually know who they are and what they want. They want to see the same in you. Know that you are beautiful, smart and amazing. Stand up tall and be the woman that made him take a second glance.

Be yourself, just a slightly more mature version.

Hopefully, acting like you involves some sort of grown-up behavior. You shouldn’t expect him to do shots with you on a Wednesday until 2 a.m. — you have other friends on call for that. Here is where things get complicated. Some of the life experiences that you want, he has already had. Be understanding and considerate and he should do the same.

Getting To Know The Good Guys

The Ritual of the First Date

THERE are nearly four million single people in New York City. A number of them are not as original as they think.

New data from a Web site suggests that not only do many people plan similar dates, but like lemmings, they also collectively migrate from one theme to the next.

In March, scores of New Yorkers opted to have their first dates over tacos: fish tacos, dried cricket tacos, taco tours of Brooklyn, even post-surfing tacos at Rockaway Beach in Queens.

But by month’s end, tacos went out of vogue, and fondue became the fare of choice for first dates. In mid-April, singles relinquished their cheese forks and embraced bring-your-own-beer dates instead. A few weeks later, outings for lobster rolls were all the rage. By mid-May daters cooled on lobster rolls and were eating oysters.

“It was with taco dates that we first started noting that certain types of dates came in waves,” said Brian Schechter, a founder of HowAboutWe.com, a nascent dating Web site that began fostering love connections in the spring. Mr. Schechter created the site with his best friend since kindergarten, Aaron Schildkrout.

The entrepreneurs, both 31, are former charter-school teachers who practiced meditation in India and taught at meditation retreats in the United States. They did not set out to track the dating habits of New Yorkers, let alone suggest that there could be a collective dating unconscious. They simply wanted to create a new kind of dating site where members could demonstrate who they are, not with personal essays and awkward messages, but by proposing dates that begin with the words: “How about we. ...”

Yet since HowAboutWe logs thousands of dates from some 7,000 young New Yorkers — the average age on the site is 29 — it has opened a window onto dating in the city and turned Mr. Schildkrout and Mr. Schechter into accidental anthropologists.

At a reporter’s request, they sifted through thousands of dates to identify where singles rendezvous. It was hardly scientific, though their 10,000-date sample size was larger than the ones used in many sociological studies.

Tucked into a sunny booth in V Bar in the West Village, Mr. Schechter pushed aside a panini and flipped open a laptop, revealing a spreadsheet of dates proposed and accepted by the site’s members: “How about we attend a swing class and wine tasting?,” “How about we grab a beer and play a game of ping-pong at SPiN?,” “How about we check out Ninja New York, a Japanese restaurant with ninjas for waiters in the meatpacking district?”

“You can tell so much about somebody based on the date they propose,” Mr. Schildkrout said.

Both he and Mr. Schechter have profiles on HowAboutWe. Mr. Schechter’s page says he possesses obscure knowledge about chakras. His latest date proposal? “How about we learn how to read tarot cards (after buying a set somewhere in Manhattan) and practice at the 169 Bar?”

Scanning the site’s database, he observed, “There are trends and hot spots.”

Indeed, Coye Cheshire, an assistant professor at the School of Information at the University of California, Berkeley, said strangers have been shown to gravitate to the same things at the same time as preferences are diffused among groups through word of mouth or social networks. “It’s not surprising to see these trends ebbing and flowing,” he said.

Samuel D. Gosling, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, said that the cuisine trends could occur because members of the Web site value doing the latest thing — until it becomes widespread. (After all, they were early adopters of the site itself.)

“It might be that you only want to do it if 1 percent of other people are doing it,” he said. “You don’t want to miss the trend, but you don’t want to be behind the edge. That sort of decision strategy would result in that pattern.”

That New Yorkers on a dating site would be drawn to similar activities can be explained in part by a sociological principle known as homophily. “It’s the idea that similar people tend to value the same things as other people like them,” Professor Cheshire said.

He and colleagues at Berkeley have studied countless online dating profiles and observed that while people think their tastes are distinct, most everyone’s profile says they like fine dining, movies and long walks on the beach.

“What’s interesting about it is the way that we try to show that we’re special and unique is that we like to do things just like everybody else,” Professor Cheshire said with a chuckle.

Proposing a date can also be a form of social signaling. “You’re trying to signal that you’re somebody who’s at the cutting edge,” said Eli J. Finkel, an associate professor of psychology at Northwestern University.

Catherine Bartolomeo, 22, a member of HowAboutWe who has suggested hunting for the best cup of coffee or going to Film Forum, likened date proposals to advertising.

“You try to portray your personality in a few short words,” she said. “ ‘Let’s go for drinks!’— that’s boring. You don’t want to be on a date with a brick.”

Mike Chang, 31, a technology consultant who has proposed “bar Olympics” dates in which Skee-Ball is a sport, said humor is crucial.

“If someone says something like ‘Let’s go walk the High Line and look for people with mullets,’ you think, ‘I’ll have a better chance of having fun with this person doing this activity than the person who just says ‘Let’s go walk the High Line.’ ”

Often, there are more men than women on dating sites. HowAboutWe has a 60-40 female-male split, and Mr. Schildkrout said he thought “the girls’ dates are a little more specific and creative.”

Alyssa Frazier, 26, who works in marketing and is a member of the site, agreed. “One guy wants to recreate ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,’ ” she said, “but I definitely think girls come up with the more creative things to do.” She proposes dates for things she would rather not do alone, like attending food and wine pairing classes and standing in line at Shake Shack.

After analyzing thousands of dates, Mr. Schildkrout and Mr. Schechter identified the most popular categories, including foodie, dance, games, make-believe and prankster dates.

“Make believe” dates include things like “How about we pretend to be a couple and take a tour of the French Culinary Institute as ‘prospective students?’ ” The “prankster” category includes gems like “How about we go to a free marriage counseling session with a priest knowing nothing other than each others names?” and “How about we go to a library or bookstore and leave notes inside books?”

Such proposals, Mr. Schechter said, serve as a mating call for quirky singles. “These are, ‘I’m a weird person and if you’re weird too, we could get along.’ ” (Site members said they happily attempt the unconventional dates. The most bizarre ideas, however, are understood as displays of drollness.)

There is the “artistic” date: attending a pottery class or collaborating on a sidewalk chalk drawing. And there is the “cool hunting” date, where the structure of the outing is “let’s go find the best margarita.”

Obviously dating trends also undulate around the seasons as well as major New York happenings, like concerts.

HowAboutWe members fill out profiles consisting of photographs and factoids under headings like “One thing my mother would want you to know about me,” but they primarily interact around the dates they propose.

The site is free, though to send unlimited messages to potential paramours there is a fee (the best deal is $48 for six months). Upon joining, you are asked to rate a series of date ideas, which helps the site’s algorithm determine your matches. Next, you are shown a list of members and their date suggestions. You can then send a member a message or conduct a search. For instance, you can search for women 25 to 35 who want to attend the Hester Street Fair. (There are three.)

And if glazing pottery or ascending the Empire State Building sounds as if you would spend an inordinate amount of time with someone you might never care to see again — it may be.

“I’ve had some disaster dates,” Ms. Bartolomeo confessed.

But she is undeterred. “You’re still doing something you want to do,” she said. “Even if it’s not someone you want to do it with.”

Mediocre Citas

Divorce Marketplace Draws Recent Singles Who Want To Rejoin The Hunt

By Jennifer Latson

It’s a far cry from the towering cakes and cascading gowns on display at Houston’s bridal shows. At the Divorce Marketplace, the main attraction is meeting other recent singles.

On Sunday afternoon, in a carpeted conference room at the Crowne Plaza hotel near Sharpstown, a small group of divorcees navigated between booths advertising dating services, gym memberships, outing groups and even pet adoption.

Gena McClatchy’s phone buzzed as she toured the room with her friend, Michelle Kerbow, both from Cypress. It was a text message from another mutual friend.

“Have y’all met a man yet?” it read. The crowd was largely female, however.

McClatchy, who has been divorced for 10 years, just recently re-entered the dating pool.

“I felt like I needed to find my own way through life first,” she explained. “Now I’ve done that and I’m ready to find a partner.”

The crowd came in varying stages of recovery from the shock of splitting up.

John McGee, 45, was married for 22 years before his divorce became final in May. The father of three is still sorting through a jumble of feelings, and he knows he’s far from ready to date again.

“I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy,” he explained to a saleswoman at one of the booths, who commiserated. She’s recently divorced, too.

McGee stopped at the expo on his way home from church — mostly out of curiosity, he said. He found little of interest among the vendors offering microdermabrasion and scented candles. A chiropractor offered adjustments that he said would help alleviate some of the emotional effects — depression and anxiety, for example — that accompany the grief of separation. That seemed, to McGee, like an oversimplification of his distress.

“This is all kind of fresh, kind of new, and it’s painful,” he said.

The goal of the expo was to empower the newly single — maybe just not the QUITE-so-newly single, organizers said.

Patricia Navarro, a Richmond boutique owner who showcased glittering jewelry and brightly sequined belts, recognized that rhinestones can’t cure heartbreak. But they can help, she said.

“I have a lot of divorced clients,” she said. “When they try on my blingy stuff, they look pretty, they feel pretty; some of them even cry. They’ve got a new lease on life.”

A guidebook

Two sales representatives for a company called Slumber Parties — the adult novelty version of Tupperware parties — said that while they’ve set up booths at bridal shows before, this was their first divorce expo. But they thought their products could resonate with this market, too.

“These women need to take time to make themselves happy, as well,” said Sheila Rosario.

Other booths were more directly focused on the challenges facing the recently divorced.

Jayna Haney, who offered a guidebook on single parenting, said she urged the newly single to find the silver lining of leaving a marriage that wasn’t working.

“People who get divorced have a lot of conflicting emotions. They feel sad, isolated, frustrated. But they may also feel relieved, happy — that this a fresh start for them,” she said. “I think the Divorce Marketplace makes it less about what happened to you, and more about what you’re going to do with it.”

Britney er gravid igjen

Dating Online Having a Virtual Relationship

Over the past 20 years the face of dating has gone through some noticeable changes. A lot has changed since the days of matchmaking and escorted evenings out. As more people flock online, there are companies ever more eager to jump on the dating bandwagon.

If you are joining a dating site, take the time to say something about yourself, your lifestyle, your interests and the type of person you’re hoping to meet. Men and women have moved their search for love to the internet simply because it is the most convenient in terms of time and money. In the world of online dating. be as safe as possible but above all, have fun!

The online dating sites are pretty simple to interact with. There are some online dating sites that do compatibility testing and personality profiling. A recent survey indicated that over 40 million singles have used or are currently using online dating services.

People can often contact you for free, but many online dating sites charge if you want to contact others although this depends on the site. Online dating can be a great confidence builder. It is possible to remain anonymous while you search for new partners or dates on the web.

Everyone wants to know if Internet Dating actually works. Easy access to the web has led to an explosion in the number of online dating services. Many of the better dating sites include some advanced personality matching. There are many opinions about the effectiveness of online dating.

Humor is a real ice-breaker. Try to be a fun person. A couple of years ago online dating still had a stigma attached to it. In the world of online dating. be as safe as possible but above all, have fun!

If you meet a few people online in your area, you can arrange a get together for you all rather than meeting on a one-to-one basis. Online dating is as safe, and in some ways safer than meeting people offline. Most sites have online dating sites have help should you have any questions or need assistance.

Take your time with the process. Don’t let anyone rush you. You are not committed to meeting anyone. The online Singles/Dating business is very popular and competitive. Dating agencies are not a new idea, they have been around a very long time. The internet has simply served as a new medium for bringing people together in a tried and tested way that agencies have used for years.

Some dating websites require a fee to enjoy certain benefits, such as the ability to post a picture or short video. Whether you have been dating for years, getting back in the game, or just starting out, you could always use a bit of dating advice. Now that dating on-line is an acceptable way to meet your match, women often are making the initial contact. There are many online dating sites that have very short sign-up processes and others that require you to answer lots of questions.

Incontri Patterns tra gli studenti universitari