Dating Doggy Style

By Kelley Whitis

I’ve always found the whole dating scenario to be a bit pretentious. We all put on our mask and present our best image on the proverbial first date. After a few more dates, calls, texts and maybe some intimacy, the person behind the mask emerges, and in the blink of any eye, the romance dies. This person suddenly is nowhere near the person we first met.

What if instead of pretending to be someone we’re not, we not only take these masks off, we throw them away, take a lesson from our trusty friend Fido and just date doggy style? Don’t get too excited here, I’m not talking bedroom positions.

At least not yet.

I’m writing this as I watch my two dogs run around and play in my friend’s backyard, making friends with all the neighborhood pups. It’s a Doggy Disneyland here, and they are eager to run around and make new friends, checking each other out, sniffing butts. If they like what they see and smell they’ll romp around the yard together -- running, jumping, snorting, yelping, nipping, slobber-swapping, rejoicing and cavorting. Just being who they truly are and having an honest, real connection with another animal.

So if that’s the whole point of dating and relationships -- to be yourself, find someone you want to romp around in a field with, have a connection to and just have fun -- here are five tips we can take from Fido:

1. The Butt Sniff Test

I’m not suggesting we go around sniffing butts here. Simply put, just be yourself. No pretending. No masks. No projected images. Just. Be. You. You’ll be amazed who comes into your life once you begin to show your authentic self.

2. Game Playing

Games are good. Dog games, not people games. The difference between dogs and humans is that dogs don’t let their ego rule their actions. We get caught up in the fear, the wondering and the jealousy and let our ego play out little games to get a desired action. Not good games to play. Dogs like to run, chase squirrels, catch balls and jump over hurdles. These are good games. Remember the difference and engage in good game playing only.

3. Bark What You Mean and Mean What You Bark

As humans, we often say things we think the other person wants to hear. This is probably one of the simplest tips, yet one of the easiest to stray from. Dogs will growl if they don’t like something, whine if they’re hurt and bark if they’re happy, hungry or need to go potty. They are very explicit and impeccable with their communication. Once we learn to do the same, we’ll find there is less confusion and miscommunication in all of our relationships.

4. Live in the Moment

Without realizing it, we can eagerly look towards the future, or we can let our past determine our present by staying stuck with old behaviors or mistakes. Dogs do neither. They live for right now. In the moment. Giving it everything they’ve got. Full-steam ahead. When we put our full attention on what is happening right at this very moment, we’ll find we have better relationships, we work better, rest easier and play harder.

5. Take the Leash Off

Dogs spend so much of their time being on leash -- acting the way we want them to act. Once off leash, the dog’s personality really comes to life. We see so many rules for dating -- do this, don’t do that, wait for this -- the bottom line is we are individuals and there is no generic rule book that will ever give us all the answers. So take your leash off. Stop acting like everyone says you are supposed to act, don’t expect to get desired results after reading dating how-to books and listen instead to your inner voice and see what resonates with you. When all else fails, refer to tip #1.

5 Mistakes Women Make When Dating after Divorce

By Terri Sloane

You just nibbled through an entire bar of dark chocolate. Your divorce papers are finally signed. You are 55, single and thinking about dating. The last time you had a first date, you wore jackets with shoulder pads and permed your hair. You are “out there” again, and the dating world has changed a lot since the eighties.

I’m divorced too and can empathize. Put down the chocolate; it really isn’t so bad out there. According to a recent article on Match.com, single boomers over fifty years old are enjoying the benefits of their new status. Seventy-five percent of women and 81 percent of men say that they are experiencing dating success. My advice is to get out there, but avoid these common mistakes I see women make after divorce.

Dating too soon after the divorce: I learned this lesson early. I only dated because my ex had a girlfriend, and it was my way to personally retaliate. Who did it hurt? Me! I was a dating disaster since I wasn’t truly ready. Starting to date again can be an overwhelming experience. My self-esteem was damaged and I felt stuck. I needed to work through my personal issues before I could be successful in dating. Fortunately, I had the help of a wonderful professional counselor who helped me move forward. Many women go straight to their girlfriends for advice on dating and relationships when a professional source is needed. An unbiased professional -- someone who sees issues objectively -- is a better choice. A coach will tell you the truth about your readiness to date. A well-meaning friend may not be so honest. My advice is, before you join the dating boomers, seek out professional help from a trained counselor or coach like myself. In this case, you need a coach more than you need to eat another chocolate bar with a girlfriend!

Being afraid to go solo: Solo is the way to go when you are looking to meet someone to date. Although we love being with our girlfriends, constantly traveling with a group of gal pals is a recipe for disaster. I know it takes time to feel comfortable traveling alone, so you need to practice. I suggest taking a class, going to a show, concert, movie or opera alone. Take yourself out for dinner and sit near the bar area. If you’re feeling confident, have dinner at the bar. If you spot someone of interest, catch his eye for a few seconds and smile. Perhaps he will come over and introduce himself. If he doesn’t, count it as practice. A woman alone is approachable, confident and mysterious. The more you practice going out alone, the easier it is. I tell clients, if you want to meet an interesting man, be an interesting woman. Remember, men are attracted to women who are independent and fun -- women who have interesting lives of their own.

Being someone other than your “genuine self” on a first date: Talking about work may feel safe, but it’s not a good first date conversation. If you had a bad day, stay home unless you can bring a positive, approachable attitude along. Before going out, I put on some upbeat or romantic music, dance by myself in my home and think happy thoughts. I leave my past in the past. If you don’t have time to go home prior, dress for work in something “dateable” like a wrap dress, a pencil skirt, or a fabulous sweater or satin blouse that makes you feel pretty. Focus on a positive mood, be aware of your posture and stand tall. Add your favorite perfume, freshen your makeup and hair and smile. Your smile is always your most important beauty accessory and a welcoming appearance enhancer.

Breaking plans to date: It’s a mistake to break plans with girlfriends or alter your schedule if dating conflicts occur. Men don’t change their schedules and you shouldn’t either. Do keep doing what you enjoy and incorporate new experiences into a broadening social scene. I attend movie classes alone and add new classes each year to my schedule, no matter what is going on in my life. Men are attracted to women who have a vibrant life and who take care of themselves outside and inside. They will only like you more. Always nurture your spirit and do things that give yourself pleasure.

Burning bridges if you don’t feel “sparks": Chemistry is elusive as you date. Be patient. Recently I went on a date and had a great evening, but there were no sparks. So what? I decided to accept a second date because we had fun together. Unfortunately, there is still no chemistry. My advice to my “dating self” was to make my date into my friend. The suggestion may offend some men, but take the opportunity to be good company. I know from experience that some men are happy with this idea. Men enjoy the companionship of a woman. There is no pressure; just friendship. Try it. You may be surprised with the results. What can start out as a friendship may even turn into romance. Sparks can disappear, but friendship is forever.

Remember, this is your time. Learn from the mistakes others have made and travel smoothly as you begin dating after divorce.

5 Signs of Dating Desperation

Clutch magazine’s Janelle Harris says that compulsive man seekers sacrifice a lot for the sake of having a warm body in their beds or a new beau by their sides. Here’s how she suggests you determine whether a fear of being single is getting in your way.

You’re always making excuses for him.

I’ve known women obviously getting beat down by their men on a regular basis and others who’ve been mollywhopped by rants and raves about their worthlessness. But they still find a reason to defend their man’s honor -- not only because they’re conditioned to put him on a pedestal, but because they’re so scared of him, they’d rather pardon the behavior than confront the obvious fact that he’s not worth the emotional and mental investment. Just to have a man.

You haven’t been single longer than a week in your whole adult life.

Some experts say it takes two years to bounce back fully from a previous relationship, maybe longer depending on the circumstances of the situation and the emotional condition of the folks doing the bouncing back ...

You reason, “Well, it’s better than being alone.”

He’s cheated, he’s lazy but breathing, and lays a pretty good piece of pipe, so you opt to make it work with him instead of running the risk of staying drenched in singleness like the rest of us in that 42 percent. But sweetie pie, I’ll take single over settling any time. I think we all should. Even J. Lo and Halle.

Kvinner tar ledelsen i Dating

Dating Without Fear

Four years ago, the guy I was seeing -- JJ, my best friend in the world -- committed suicide. Rather than deal with the loss, I did what I do best, and I immediately jumped into a new relationship. That relationship ended in disaster when I caught him cheating on me with not one but two women. Before I even got the chance to call him out on it, he “broke up” with me... by sending me an email and changing his relationship status on MySpace. I mean, really, aren’t we supposed to be adults?

After that, I went on a bit of a dating hiatus. Let’s be honest: If that’s what’s out there for me, who wants to even bother leaving the house? And so, I finally let myself come to terms with JJ’s death. By “come to terms” I mean that I adopted an oxycodone habit that I coupled with drinking my weight in alcohol. About five minutes before I was probably going to get fired from my job and OD on my kitchen floor, I picked myself up, threw myself into therapy and got it together. And, wouldn’t you know, a few months later, I met Army Boy.

When I found out that he was being deployed to Iraq a week later, this of course seemed like the perfect relationship to me. Makes sense, right? It was actually the anniversary of JJ’s death, and Army Boy brought me breakfast and spent the whole day with me. It’s still one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me, and he actually turned out to be an amazing person. A week later, he was in Texas preparing to go to war. He flew me out to Fort Bliss (seriously, that’s the name -- how cute is that?) to spend his last week in the States with him, and it was an incredible trip. I climbed a mountain, made a friend I believe I will have for a lifetime, ate at the greatest steakhouse ever (there are actually cows outside) and, oh yeah, got knocked up. I found out about a month after Army Boy left. We were picking out names and planning to move to Florida together when he got back from Iraq. And then I lost the baby. And it went from really, really good to Wes Craven nightmare. I never knew that someone who told you they loved you could cause so much hurt. I swore off men forever at that point.

“Forever” lasted about six months, which is when I met a very cute bouncer at a local bar who made me smile. So what if his ex was pregnant with their baby? (Are you catching on that I don’t have the best judgment when it comes to my love life?) This wasn’t going to be anything serious for me anyway, just a way to get back into the game. Until I then met a very sexy bartender who happened to work at the same bar as the bouncer. Tricky, but not impossible. I eventually chose the sexy little bartender, who, although he has a wonderful heart and it was well worth the sex (who knew I could still manage to do it in a car at 28 years old?), turned out to be a huge waste of my time. And the bouncer? He now has a very beautiful little baby girl, whom he sends me pictures of every now and then. And he is back with his baby’s mama. Obviously.

While I was still open to the whole dating experience, I had given up hope at this point that there was still the “nice guy” out there. And then I met Doc. He was handsome, funny, kind and... a doctor. Too good to be true, right? So, after playing coy for weeks, I finally agreed to go out with him, and it was pretty much an insta-relationship. I could tell him about all of the baggage from my past -- let’s face it, I come with plenty -- and he barely even flinched. He was just a great guy, and I really thought it would last forever. Until it didn’t.

See, the thing is, it really is all about timing with relationships. My family will waste no time reminding me that I’m in my 30s and not getting any younger. How I even manage to get out of bed in the morning is a mystery, right? Well, I never thought I wanted children until it almost happened, and then it became all I could think about. I swear, I think I’m a step away from lactating when I hear someone else’s baby cry. It’s sickening. But Doc is four years younger than me and not ready to take those steps yet. I can’t blame him, really. When I was his age, I was living in Fort Lauderdale, dancing on bars and hooking up with the drummer in the band. If someone had tried to get me to live with them and pop out babies, I would’ve joined WITSEC. And so, another one bit the dust.

At a time when I thought I would have already published a book, married the man of my dreams and traveled the world, my life couldn’t be further from that -- but things could be worse. I actually gave in to the world of online dating. After all, how much worse could it get? While it’s still early, I am now in a relationship with someone who has made me happier than I remember being in a very long time. Whether or not there is such a thing as fate or soul mates, I’m not sure I’ll ever know. But at the end of the day, I haven’t given up hope. Maybe that makes me fearless, maybe it makes me a fool. But it’s what gets me out of bed each morning. That and cinnamon dolce lattes.

By Kaylee Scottaline

How to Pick Up an Australian Man

By Krystin Arneson

One of the best parts of traveling by yourself is the people you meet. I met Nate at the hostel (poor college grad here) I was staying at in Granada, an old city in southern Spain with gorgeous Islamic-influenced architecture and flamenco dancing in the gypsy caves that surround the center. We started chatting on a tour of the city and then made plans the next day to get up early to go see the Alhambra, a Moorish palace complex that draws most of the tourists to the city. Nate found out I hadn’t yet had Granada tapas, and we were starving after a morning spent hiking in 104-degree heat, so he took me and two others from the hostel that had joined us on a tour of the city’s tapas offerings, food which happens to be free when you order a drink (of any sort).

Full disclaimer: Everything was totally platonic, so no juicy stories today. But Nate, like literally every single other Australian guy I met, was so much fun. And I always meet Australians—like, so many I actually looked up some numbers, which is really hard to do for a writer first thing in the morning. But seriously, it’s shocking: Last year, there were 7.8 million vacations taken out of Australia, and 32 percent of them were to places other than the South Pacific, China, New Zealand or the States. And because the third and fourth-highest group of travellers fall into the 25- to 34-year-old range, if you go abroad, it’s decently likely you’re going to meet one of these lovely men.

If you do (you lucky girl!) or if you’re on the scout for one, there are a few things you should be aware of:

- They are so, so, so, so, so nice. The guys are some of the friendliest I’ve ever met, and they’re incredibly social. Making plans with them is easy, even if you’ve only been chatting with them for a while — they’re always up for something!

- The way to an Australian man’s heart is through sports. I mean, not all of us wake up on Sunday mornings and watch a recap of the latest Cronulla Sharks rugby game, but bringing up the r-word will get any guy talking. Also, cheeky hint: They have a version of American football, aptly called Australian football, so that just opens up all sorts of conversational possibilities.

- It can be hard to tell if they’re into you or not. They’re kind of American in that way (in fact, in a lot of ways), so you’re not going to be able to tell as easily. On the flip side though, if you have a totally platonic relationship with one, it’s going to be really genuine and strong.

- Outback Steakhouse is not Australia. Most Australians watch Outback Steakhouse commercials with a deep and potent loathing.

- Drinks are terribly expensive in Australia (I’ve been told $19 is the going rate for a cocktail), so when in Europe or the States, those who do like a cold beer generally don’t mind taking advantage of the lower prices.

- That being said, don’t order him a Fosters.

- Also, don’t ask if he wants to head over to your vacation rental later for “shrimp on the barbie.”

- Nearby sidenote: Guys from New Zealand tend to be pretty outdoorsy. I mean, if I lived on a beautiful island covered in mountains and forests and beautiful rivers, I’d probably never be inside. So if camping and watersports and the occasional adrenaline rush are your thing, you’re in luck!

Why Dating Is Like Refrigerator Shopping

By Ariane Marder

Yes, it’s true. A real-life man (with 40 years of life under his belt, no less) said that dating is basically like going to Walmart and comparing refrigerators.

I should say off the bat that said guy is on my sh*t list. And once you hear the story, you’ll most likely agree that he deserves two thumbs down.

A friend of mine has been dating a guy for the last year-and-a-half. He seemed great and really into her. He even brought up marriage and told her he was ready to settle down. But recently, he’s been having the grown-up version of ants in his pants and second-guessing the relationship.

One night after he returned from his college reunion, he said to her, “I’ve been thinking. I never really thought I’d end up with someone who wasn’t Ivy League.” (Blogger’s note: EW!) Then he went on to commit metaphor-suicide: “I’m not the type of person to buy the first refrigerator I see. I shop around and compare before committing.”

Seriously, dude, no girl wants to be a compared to a household appliance—EVER! And if you have a Sub-Zero, why in the world would you want anything else?!