Lyons, a self-proclaimed former nerd who was voted “least likely to ever get a girlfriend” in high school, spent years honing his craft in England. He’s now become a popular dating coach across the U.K. and the U.S., turning cads into Casanovas. But a funny thing happened during his club-going, women-seducing days: He fell in love.
Now Lyons, 29, teaches his weekend-long courses with his wife, a stunning American beauty named Amanda. Just in time for Valentine’s weekend, the London-based dating coach shares these tips for singles looking for love.
How to approach a woman
- Increase your profile by walking by the object of your affection without stopping to chat. (This doesn’t mean walk by her and stare. Play it cool, kid.) The more she sees you, the more familiar you become.
- Make eye contact to trigger an invitation to approach the other person.
- Smile genuinely, lest you seem scary or sad. A fake smile, of course, is creepy.
- “Lock in” by positioning yourself in a place that feels comfortable. This isn’t cornering or blocking a woman by a wall, and it looks normal to others. The easiest way is to have your back against something. In this instance, its OK to be a wallflower.
- Don’t approach a seated woman, forcing her to look up and strain her neck to converse with you. Aim to keep your heads at the same level, by waiting until she stands or by grabbing a nearby seat.
- Touch a woman in a non-aggressive, but flirty way. The only safe place to touch a woman is her forearm and the contact should last no more than 1.5 seconds. Everywhere else on her body seems creepy, too intimate or plain weird.
Three ways to open a conversation
- Functional: A simple question requiring a justification for asking it. “Excuse me, do you know where I can find the Starbucks in this neighborhood? I’m supposed to meet a friend there, but I’m a bit lost.”
- Compliment: A flattering introduction with a reason for giving it. “I’m sorry to bother you. It’s just that I really like that jacket and it looks great on you. I just wanted to let you know.”
- Observational: A statement on an event, followed with a question. “Wow, did you see that guy just drive through that puddle and splash those people? Do you think he even noticed them?”
How to get a phone number
- The networking close: End a conversation by asking “What’s the best way to stay in touch?”
- The common interests approach: If you uncover common interests during the conversation, ask to swap numbers or e-mail addresses so you can communicate about an upcoming event.
- Direct request: “I really like you. What’s the best way to stay in contact?” But Lyons warns against being direct too soon. “Do not use this one first. I don’t care if you think there is attraction — don’t ask for her number right away.”
- If nothing else, use Facebook as a pressure-free way of keeping in contact.
Five things a woman should know
- It’s easier to meet a decent guy if you’re out with guy friends, Lyons says, because you are less likely to get hit on by a random dude trying to score with a group of girls. Rather, you’re more likely to be approached by men who are genuinely interested in you. If you’re worried a guy won’t approach you, separate yourself from your male friends to give the new guy a chance to say hello.
- Qualification is the key to conversation. Like in sales, the more you know about the other person, the easier it becomes to have a good conversation. Ask him about his life, his passions. and learn what makes him tick. (Work and family questions are trite and boring, Lyons warns.)
- Joke like one of the boys. This may be hard for proper Southern gals, but Lyons says guys like a girl who can match them in the humor department because it makes it easier to relate to the opposite sex.
- Guys are lazy; they want it “easy, but not sleazy,” Lyons says. Learn the difference between slightly sexy and blatantly sleazy. Lyons says a simple rule of thumb is to keep him guessing as to whether you want him.
- That said, know when to go for it. If you really like a guy and think he may like you, he probably does, Lyons says. Take initiative and say what you want. You’ll be surprised just how often this works in your favor.
