In the 17 years I’ve written about dating and relationships, I’ve learned that the most incendiary topic a male journalist can tackle is anything having to do with a woman’s weight.
The issue came up again this week when Cynthia wrote, “I am, 56, divorced and haven’t been on a date in 10 years. I need to lose at least 55 pounds. Do you recommend I do that before I try to meet someone?”
Frankly, I’m a chicken when it comes to voicing my opinion on weight loss and single women because it always gets me in trouble; women are sensitive about their weight. So, I take the easy way out and seek the opinions of women. The weight loss advice pill is easier to swallow when it comes from women instead of me. Here are some of their opinions on Cynthia’s weight-to-date issue.
Jennifer, Irvine, said: “Prior to re-entering the dating world, Cynthia should lose the weight and do whatever else is needed to maximize her appearance. Is she flabby and in need of better muscle tone? Is she saggy and wrinkly and in need of a face lift? Is she gray and needs to color her hair? Are her clothes flattering and up-to-date or does she need a new wardrobe?
“A good appearance will help her put her best foot forward in the dating world. The No. 1 turnoff for men is an overweight woman. When I look at the senior women who have been unable to find a partner, I mainly see a collection of women who are overweight or physically unattractive for one reason or another.”
Can you imagine if those rather direct words had come from me? I’d be deep in the dog house with women who are weight- sensitive.
Jennifer continued, “Women can rant and rave all they like about the superficiality of appearance, but looks remain the first thing that men notice. To deny this is to fly in the face of reality. Men have been this way all their lives, and they remain that way well into old age. Going back into the dating world is a lot like going back into the job market. First impressions are often critically important.
“I suggest Cynthia get more active in local activities. She should get out of the house at least three nights or days a week. She should find a weight-loss program and join an exercise program. She should join clubs and groups that do things she likes to do. Becoming an active, involved person will make her more interesting to people of both sexes.”
Charli, Tustin, said: “I was 72 when I joined Weight Watchers last July and have lost 46 pounds, and I encourage Cynthia to get involved with this program as it is amazing! I am so much thinner; it makes such a difference in my every day outlook.
“I reached my goal weight in January. I look better, have so much more energy, went down six clothes sizes and am having fun shopping for a new wardrobe. I’m happy and even smile a lot more than before.
“I’m at a point where I will go out with my gal friends and even go out by myself, which has been a very big step for me. I’m enjoying life so much more. Every day, I’m thankful that I finally realized I needed to do something for me and that was to be healthy. I am now more confident about meeting men.”
Cheryl, Huntington Beach: “Her health and wellness is everything—perhaps a daily walking routine for starters.”
Karen, Sherman Oaks: “I once weighed 275 pounds, now weigh 107. I agree about the weight being a top priority, because of health issues...plus the fact that she will feel better about herself and look much younger.
“We all know about the dating roller coaster ride. Cynthia needs to be prepared, and realize that it is different today than 10 years ago.”
Merijoe, said: “I’m a 51-year-old nurse; I suggest Cynthia definitely take care of herself before thinking of someone else. If I don’t feel at my best, it shows. If the weight is no issue to her, then rock on.”
Sounds like most women feel Cynthia should wait to date until she loses weight. I agree, but just saying that will get me in trouble again.
Reader comment: Carl, 59, Dana Point: “Women usually don’t venture out alone; there are often up to four out together. They talk to each other, dance together and don’t give much in the way of inviting a man to their table. If you approach them, they usually reject you, having to appear in control and selective. If you are a guy out alone, you appear to be a loser to women and on the prowl.
“If you have a woman with you, you get the smiles and looks as if other women want to see if they can steal you away.
“When you take a lady out on a nice date, rarely will she offer to split the tab or pay the tip. It says a lot about the character of a woman if she at least offers.”
Read more: San Clemente Times - Should Women Lose Weight Before Dating
