How to Make Her Feel Great When You're Around

In one of the most famous psychological experiments of all time, Russian Nobel-Prize winner Ivan Pavlov proved a phenomenon we know as "classical conditioning" or "association." Perhaps you have heard of the experiment.

Pavlov rigged dogs with a device that would collect saliva. When he fed the dogs, they salivated. This is a natural, reflexive response. It is not learned, it is pretty much instinctive.

Pavlov then added an extra step. He would feed the dogs and simultaneously ring a bell. The dogs, as before, would salivate upon being fed. After doing this for a period of time, Pavlov rang the bell without feeding the dogs. THE DOGS SALIVATED ANYWAY. The dogs had been "conditioned" to associate the bell ringing with the food, which then triggered the reflexive response (salivation).

So what does this have to do with being successful with women?

EVERYTHING!

Women are Pavlov's dogs. In fact, we all are Pavlov's dogs. We associate pretty much everything.

Have you ever caught a whiff of a perfume that reminded you of your ex, because she used to wear it? You associate that particular scent with your ex. For a long time, it's "Perfume + Amy", "Perfume + Amy", "Perfume + Amy" ... and then all the sudden it's just "Perfume" and your mind automatically adds the Amy because you now associate that perfume with her.

The same with songs on the radio, certain stretches of roads from your childhood, even a particular movie. I'm sure you can think of a million examples.

So, now that we understand how conditioning and association works, what next?

Well, understanding is only half of the battle. It's good to be familiar with the weapons in your arsenal, but they don't mean a thing unless you can use them.

So, now that we understand it, we must use it to sway things in our favor, to help us with women, and eventually use it to conquer the world. Well, okay, I'll handle that last part, and you worry about the women.

There are two major ways things can be associated: positively and negatively.

Positive associations are going to be our friends. They're going to be like the little voices in her head that will keep reminding her of you even when you aren't around. Since the best associations work on an emotional or reflexive level, this is what we must target. We want to associate ourselves with certain involuntary bodily responses.

When she sees you, what do you want her body to do?

We want her heart to race, her breathing to quicken. We want her cheeks to flush, her skin to tingle, her pupils to dilate. The physiological signs of EXCITEMENT. So how do we go about that?

We need to associate ourselves with exciting things. This is the main reason we recommend the so-called "action dates." You want to get the adrenaline flowing, her heart pounding. Hiking, biking, rock climbing, ice skating, laser tag, pool, bowling, miniature golf, etc. Things that involve activity.

Since you will be with her, she will associate this excitement with you. Then, when you remove one of the elements, the other associated element will be brought up in her mind. So the next time she sees you, she will subconsciously think "excitement" and she will become excited. And the next time she is excited, particularly if it's doing the same activity you did together, she will think of you. And this will only reinforce the association more.

The thing to keep in mind here is that we want her feeling good when she is around you. At all times. Do you remember that line from "The Lion King"? Hakuna Matata. "No worries."

When she is with you, she should be able to leave her problems at the door and just have fun. You are her tour guide to a fun destination outside of her everyday responsibilities. You want her to feel happy when she is with you. She will then associate you with happiness, and once you've accomplished that, you're golden.

Now, a few words about negative association. These are the things to avoid at all costs.

Have you ever eaten something, like, say, potato salad, and gotten food poisoning? If you're like me, after that, the mere thought of potato salad makes you feel ill. And it seems like no one can persuade you to eat potato salad anymore after that. You associate the food with the illness. It's a very negative association.

So, you can see why you don't want to have a girl associate you with anything negative.

It's not always possible to control these things, but we can reduce the risks.

If your girl hates her job, and it makes her totally miserable, it is NOT a good idea to go visit her at work. She's swirling with negative emotions, and those emotions are likely going to overpower any positive effects that seeing you will have, especially if you don't know each other very well.

Don't go out with her when you're sick. If you take her out and make her sick, you might as well be potato salad, buddy. And if you're in a bad mood, stay the hell away from her. You want her to associate you with positive energy, not negative pissed-at-the-world vibes.

The biggest factor that women care about in relationships is ***HOW YOU MAKE HER FEEL.***

For better or worse, positive or negative, the way you make her feel and the feelings that she associates with you is largely going to affect the outcome -- whether you succeed or fail will depend in no small part on what she thinks of when she thinks of you.

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Get a Girlfriend

Here's the No. 1 all-time most important tip that you will ever get.

Get a girlfriend!

"What?" I hear you say. "But that's exactly why I'm getting these tips, because I can't get a girlfriend."

Really? Are you being completely honest with yourself? What about that chubby girl that used to smile at you a lot? Or that slightly nerdy girl that seemed interested in you? You know what I mean don't you?

You know that you have passed up girls that you aren't interested in because they don't meet some standard, because they are not the one you could consider falling in love with. Well, my friend, you are making a huge mistake.

If you are alone and the only girl that seems interested in you is a "2" and is 100 lbs. overweight, go out with her!

You don't have to marry her. You don't have to be long term. You don't have to even get intimate with her. But for goodness sake, take her out somewhere and have a good time together.

Why? Well, there are lots of reasons.

(i.) You will not be lonely and isolated. Even though you will feel less than content and satisfied, at some level in your subconscious you are having basic human needs for affection, attention, and company with the opposite sex met. You will, even without realizing it, be more relaxed and confident.

(ii.) You will prevent yourself from sliding down a black hole of alienation, social isolation, depression and loneliness. You will "have a life". This is good for you generally, and good for the vibe you will radiate at other women.

(iii.) She will introduce you into her social circle. You will meet potential friends, you will have a social life, you will feel even better about life, and you will meet more women in a social setting.

(iv.) You will be getting practice and experience just hanging out with and conversing with a woman/girl. You will be learning more and more about how to act around women. This will come more naturally.

(v.) You will be seen about with her. DON'T be embarrassed by this! Believe me, the 3-5's will notice and wonder what she's got that they haven't. There is nothing worse than being constantly seen about town moping about by yourself.

(vi.) Now, assuming you don't fall in love with her (don't laugh, it happens), you will be in a perfect position to start dating a 3-5 when she starts showing interest in you... and then that will lead to you being noticed by the 5-7s... and then you are pretty close to being noticed by the ones you really like, by which stage you will be ready to interact with them more naturally. Get it?

What stops you from doing this? Is it really because a less than beautiful girl repulses you? I doubt it. It is probably because you are a decent and good young man who doesn't want to lead on a girl that he isn't REALLY interested in.

You don't want to hurt her. You don't want to date her for a while and then dump her do you? You are scared of "using" her. You don't like hurting females, and that is a good thing and something you should be proud of.

So, how to get around this?

Well, the first thing is that you keep it casual and you don't promise any more than you are ready to give. Don't lead her on! Date her, enjoy each others company, but don't deceive her and don't use her.

If and when the time comes to move on, say this: "Look Julie/Debbie (whatever), I've had a good time with you over the last few weeks/months, but I just don't feel any romantic vibe happening between us and I think it's time to move on."

Don't tell her that you are not attracted to her, and don't tell her you want to be "just friends." If you tell her that you don't feel romance happening between you, then this is a language that females understand.

Get out there and get a girlfriend, any girlfriend! Do it now!

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How to Make a Great First Impression

I have come to realize that aside from having a solid foundation of confidence and charm, one has to make very sure to make an outstanding first impression. The first impression you make on a girl can have a major impact on the way she sees you from that point forward.

It seems that the first impression is like a "sample" of who you are. If your first impression (approach) is dull, predictable and boring. She will view you as such. If your approach is common, she will see you as just another guy wanting to get laid. If your approach is light-hearted, confident and funny, she will see you that way as well.

I know friends of mine who are very good-looking guys and are actually quite confident and fun to be around over all. But when they approach girls and establish that first impression, they often come across as being nervous and predictable. Something like:

"Oh, hi. Umm. I couldn't help but notice you from across the room. Do you think that I could have you number?"

They seem to think that once the girl gets to know them, and once they can get the girl on a date, that they can show these girls how confident and fun-loving they are. The sad part is, they never make it to the first date. Since the girls' initial impression of them was "dull, nervous, boring, predictable."

Obviously, we all know that first impressions are lasting ones, and are very, VERY important in the dating game. So it would make sense to actually rehearse and practice, and fabricate a great, no make that an iron-clad approach.

It's said that in business, making a killing doesn't have anything to do with the product you are selling, but how well you present (advertise) the product. You can have a great product (personality, body, etc), but if you can't advertise it properly, you're dead wherever you go.

After a first impression has been made, the imagination immediately begins to fabricate and build upon this initial impression. If it's a good first impression, a good image of you will be created in her mind.

Now, to the most important part. What constitutes the ideal approach?

Well, first off, we want a clear vision of what kind of man we want our Mrs. Perfect to see us as. Ideally, we would want her to know we were confident, smart, funny, and ambitious. Right?

And we can't rely on the first date to show her how confident and fun we are if we don't get that first date. Therefore, we have to take all these great qualities and package them into a neat "sample package," called the first impression. Which will start a chain reaction of great thoughts and feelings of attraction towards us.

I have spent an appreciable amount of time pondering this very thing. I have asked myself over and over how and what type of approach I was going to make when I see an attractive girl.

Here is what I have so far:

Let's say I'm at the gym for example. When I see a girl I am interested in I will do the following:

Step One

I will ensure that my posture is intact. Head high, shoulders slightly back and in proper alignment. I will walk with grace and confidence.

It's a fact that there are over 750,000 non-verbal signs we give off, which tell other people about who we are! Therefore, it becomes very, very important that she sees this. Don't overdo it and walk around like a machoman or anything, but make sure your movements and gestures are very calm, coordinated and sound.

Step Two

Mild eye contact. I will make some eye contact with "relaxed" eyes, not nervous, but calm, casual, brief eye contact (as I walk in her direction).

Step Three

In a calm and light-hearted voice, I will say the following: "Hi, I'm James. I haven't seen you around here before. You must be new to this gym (school, store, whatever)." When done in a calm and casual manner, this shows confidence.

Let her answer.

"I guess this means I'm going to have to invite you out for coffee. And if you don't drink coffee, too bad. You can watch me drink coffee, while I get to know you better. Deal?" This would show even more confidence and a sense of humor.

So far up to this point, she now sees you as being a funny, light-hearted, non-desperate and confident guy. Let's see, what else could we add to this.

After she says "Sure, why not," (which is very probable, since we haven't come on too strong and we have displayed some very attractive qualities) we could then proceed to ask for her phone number.

"Cool, what's you number? I've gotta run, but I'll drop you a line when I get some free time. Okay?"

This is very effective since you're not saying "I wonder if I could have your number" which seems insecure and desperate. You're putting her in a position where she would have a hard time telling you no.

It also makes you look "busy and not-so-available." It shows her that you have a life and that she IS NOT the priority. She's going to have to work her a$$ off for that! Furthermore, you're ending the convo which shows her who's in control.

Plus there's another hidden gem; you're also being unpredictable and mysterious since you haven't yet given her a time when you're going to call, or if you're going to call. This makes her wonder about you and your degree of interest in her.

So what's the sum total of this brief dialog. In a nutshell, it has portrayed you as being:

* Mysterious
* Fun and exiting
* Unpredictable
* In control
* Confident
* Charming
* Easy-going
* Calm and collected
* Assertive, initiative, and in demand

I'll lay out the approach again for easy reading. Essentially the goal is to come up with the perfect approach and make a great first impression. And to do this by saying as little as possible, but making what you say COUNT.

"Hi, I'm James. I haven't seen you around here before. You must be new to this gym (school, store, whatever)."

Let her answer.

"I guess this means I'm going to have to invite you out for coffee. And if you don't drink coffee, too bad. You can watch me drink coffee, while I get to know you better. Deal?" Smile. This would show even more confidence and a sense of humor.

Her: "Sure, why not."

You: "Cool, what's your number. I've gotta run, but I'll drop you a line when I get some free time. K?"

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How to Keep a Woman

Here is some advice on keeping a woman, courtesy of my friend Phil -- the best womanizer you or I will ever know!

He says you have to always hold something back, and always leave something up to her imagination to keep her curiosity alive. Most of us guys are pretty much the same, but women don't know that, and curiosity is one of your best weapons.

Another thing he said was that you have to make her miss you. Everyone here knows about scarcity and being unavailable, but in order for scarcity to be effective you have to be sure of one thing -- the time she does spend with you must be absolutely amazing, and without a doubt the best time she could have with anyone.

Now I'm not saying you have to take her to new places and show her new things. It does help, but it's not necessary. I can go to the mall with Phil and have the most awesome time ever. You need to be able to create an awesome, MEMORABLE experience with anyone, anywhere, especially when it really counts.

Also, she can NEVER be the first priority in your life. Always put her second to something, whether it be your family, career, friends, whatever. But leave a small piece of hope in her mind that she could become #1.

Plus, he says you have to make her put some work into hanging out with you in order for her to value you. Make her come and pick you up, make her spend some money on you, make her call and do you favors, etc. When she does things for you it will justify her own feelings for you and allow them to grow.

This is excellent advice no matter what stage of the relationship you are in.

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Online Dating: Don't Wait for a Sign of Interest

There are many, many women out there who won't give you any encouragement, even if they want you.
So if you wait around for HER to give you a sign of interest, you may miss a lot of opportunities.

Most girls won't open kino, for example. You have to go ahead and touch them first... really start to warm them up before they counter with their own touching. If you get that early-on, consider yourself lucky and take full advantage.

Unless a girl is REALLY taken with you, she probably won't put forth any effort to further the relationship. She'll make opportunities but YOU have to capitalize on them.

This is a natural TEST. Women offer openings, but unless they are extremely attracted they do not actively pursue. This is the female nature -- receptiveness.

The chump who has no self-confidence will sit and wait for a sign of interest and, not receiving any, will hem and haw and wait aimlessly until his self-doubt overcomes him and he walks away.

Or she'll glance over at him, but she won't smile and instead just looks the other way. He'll read that as disinterest and go mope in the corner.

Or he'll be on a date with a girl and put his arm around her but she won't react at all... she won't snuggle closer, won't look at him, acts like it didn't even happen. And he'll assume she's not interested in him physically and back off. For more online dating tips and dating technique.

But the truth is he NEVER GOT REJECTED. He rejected HIMSELF because he took her lack of reaction as disinterest.

This is what Gunwitch and others mean when they say, "Make the ho say no."

Remember... girls can't give go-ahead signs to just any guy, because if they did, they'd have EVERY guy out there wanting to bang them. And often they feel uncomfortable giving those signs even to the guys they WANT, because even THAT can be seen as "slutty", and they don't want to appear too interested all at once.

You ever been at a party or in a nightclub/bar and seen a guy just walk right up to a girl you were trying to work up the nerve to talk to... and start talking to her, putting his arm around her, etc, and she seemed to be unfazed by it... and chuckled to yourself about how the guy was an ass and was just being obnoxious and couldn't get any? Dating guide and dating online.

Then later that night you find her warming up to him, seeking HIM out, smiling, giving out her number, etc... and you wondered how she could POSSIBLY be taken in by his lame "routine"?

She was into him from the BEGINNING. During the proverbial "7 seconds", she had already decided that this guy made the first cut. From then on it was simply a test of his persistence, to see if he felt confident that he was the real deal or if he would be overtaken by his insecurities in response to her indifference and take off.

Too many guys make that first cut, but the hot girl he's talking to offers little in the way of encouragement. This is the "mirror-test". With no positive feedback, a man receives no indication of his self-worth from the woman, so he has to derive it for himself.

If he looks at himself and sees one who isn't worthy of the woman in front of him, then he will reject himself. He will wait for a sign of interest or encouragement and, receiving none, he will give up on a woman that he could have easily seduced. If he truly BELIEVES that he has what it takes to seduce the girl, he will persist until outright rejected.

This is what's "hard" about approaching, about revealing interest, and about escalating. This is what most guys have so much trouble with... taking control of their OWN lives when encouragement is not offered to them.

Do NOT ask, "Is she interested in me?" Find out.

Do NOT wait for a sign of interest. Assume she is interested.

Do NOT wait for the right moment. MAKE it.

If a lack of encouragement forces you to quit at something as simple as picking up a girl... what is she supposed to think you're going to do when REAL problems come up, when you go through the hardship of raising kids and providing for their well-being?

Act like you've got a pair. Don't rely on other people to create your self-esteem for you.

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Never Talk About the Process

Never talk about the "process."

If you've been studying at SoSuave.com, you've learned a lot of techniques to help you in attracting women. Never tell a woman "what" you're doing or "why" you're doing it. You want her to think that you're "naturally charismatic."

For example:

- Don't tell a woman that she must like you since she's looking into your eyes.

- Don't tell her that you never call the next day because it'll make you look desperate.

- Don't tell her that you're a confident man, and that women like confident men.

- Don't ask her why she keeps touching you. Or ask her why she was touching that other guy.

- Don't tell her that women loved to be listened to and have their thoughts paraphrased back to them.

- Don't tell her that physiological arousal can increase attraction between two people.

- etc.

When you talk about the "process" it loses its magic. The woman will become self-conscious, and you will come across as "scheming" rather than charming.

If you feel you must talk about the "process", then do it on the Don Juan Discussion Forum with others just like you.

But never with girls you're interested in.