Dating Expert Shares Tips On Getting A Date

Lyons, a self-proclaimed former nerd who was voted “least likely to ever get a girlfriend” in high school, spent years honing his craft in England. He’s now become a popular dating coach across the U.K. and the U.S., turning cads into Casanovas. But a funny thing happened during his club-going, women-seducing days: He fell in love.

Now Lyons, 29, teaches his weekend-long courses with his wife, a stunning American beauty named Amanda. Just in time for Valentine’s weekend, the London-based dating coach shares these tips for singles looking for love.

How to approach a woman

• Increase your profile by walking by the object of your affection without stopping to chat. (This doesn’t mean walk by her and stare. Play it cool, kid.) The more she sees you, the more familiar you become.
• Make eye contact to trigger an invitation to approach the other person.
• Smile genuinely, lest you seem scary or sad. A fake smile, of course, is creepy.
• “Lock in” by positioning yourself in a place that feels comfortable. This isn’t cornering or blocking a woman by a wall, and it looks normal to others. The easiest way is to have your back against something. In this instance, its OK to be a wallflower.
• Don’t approach a seated woman, forcing her to look up and strain her neck to converse with you. Aim to keep your heads at the same level, by waiting until she stands or by grabbing a nearby seat.
• Touch a woman in a non-aggressive, but flirty way. The only safe place to touch a woman is her forearm and the contact should last no more than 1.5 seconds. Everywhere else on her body seems creepy, too intimate or plain weird.

Three ways to open a conversation

• Functional: A simple question requiring a justification for asking it. “Excuse me, do you know where I can find the Starbucks in this neighborhood? I’m supposed to meet a friend there, but I’m a bit lost.”
• Compliment: A flattering introduction with a reason for giving it. “I’m sorry to bother you. It’s just that I really like that jacket and it looks great on you. I just wanted to let you know.”
• Observational: A statement on an event, followed with a question. “Wow, did you see that guy just drive through that puddle and splash those people? Do you think he even noticed them?”

How to get a phone number

• The networking close: End a conversation by asking “What’s the best way to stay in touch?”
• The common interests approach: If you uncover common interests during the conversation, ask to swap numbers or e-mail addresses so you can communicate about an upcoming event.
• Direct request: “I really like you. What’s the best way to stay in contact?” But Lyons warns against being direct too soon. “Do not use this one first. I don’t care if you think there is attraction — don’t ask for her number right away.”
• If nothing else, use Facebook as a pressure-free way of keeping in contact.

Five things a woman should know

• It’s easier to meet a decent guy if you’re out with guy friends, Lyons says, because you are less likely to get hit on by a random dude trying to score with a group of girls. Rather, you’re more likely to be approached by men who are genuinely interested in you. If you’re worried a guy won’t approach you, separate yourself from your male friends to give the new guy a chance to say hello.
• Qualification is the key to conversation. Like in sales, the more you know about the other person, the easier it becomes to have a good conversation. Ask him about his life, his passions. and learn what makes him tick. (Work and family questions are trite and boring, Lyons warns.)
• Joke like one of the boys. This may be hard for proper Southern gals, but Lyons says guys like a girl who can match them in the humor department because it makes it easier to relate to the opposite sex.
• Guys are lazy; they want it “easy, but not sleazy,” Lyons says. Learn the difference between slightly sexy and blatantly sleazy. Lyons says a simple rule of thumb is to keep him guessing as to whether you want him.
• That said, know when to go for it. If you really like a guy and think he may like you, he probably does, Lyons says. Take initiative and say what you want. You’ll be surprised just how often this works in your favor.

New Husband, Wife Meet Through Internet Dating Site

This is a story with a happy ending, and like most stories with such endings, it comes from nontraditional beginnings.

Elmus Honeycutt found his new bride, Gladys Sue Balch, on ChristianMingle.com last summer, and they married Thursday afternoon in a small ceremony in Rainbow City.

It would be your typical, run-of-the-mill, 21st-century court-ship story of boy meets girl through an Internet dating site — except in this case, boy and girl are both 86, and they were married in Elmus’ retirement community at Regency Pointe.

“I’ve never even heard of anyone 86 years old getting married,” Elmus said, laughing at the unusual circumstances surrounding his courtship and wedding. “But she’s in good health, and mine, as far as I know, is perfect.”

“It just goes to show you’re never too old to try new things,” said Michael Porter, Sue’s 13-year-old great-nephew from Huntsville, who was a guest at the wedding.

Although Elmus and Sue said they don’t have any friends their age who have used the Internet for much of anything — especially dating — they don’t find their story all that remarkable.

Sue’s husband and Elmus’ wife both died in the summer of 2008. Church friends encouraged Elmus to tap the resources on the Internet to find friendship and companionship. Sue’s late husband’s insurance company promoted dating Web sites to her through mailings.

“Well, I was on the hunt, and I guess he was, too,” Sue said. “I was lonesome.”

Elmus had tried one or two dating sites, but they connected him with a lot of women in other states. When he saw on Sue’s profile last summer that she was from Rainbow City, he sent her an e-mail.

“She e-mailed me back, and so we got acquainted,” he said.

It wasn’t a week before they had talked on the phone and set up their first date in the dining room at Regency Pointe. The courtship progressed, and Elmus said he wasn’t even considering remarriage when Sue proposed to him over the Thanksgiving holiday.

At first he turned her down, but two months later, he surprised her with a public announcement from the church pulpit where they were attending services together.

“She doesn’t mind telling people that she begged me to marry her,” Elmus said, laughing.

He grew solemn as he explained he was having a hard time getting over his first wife, and that was why he turned down Sue at first. But her persistence paid off. His face brightens when she walks into the room, and he can’t withhold a boyish laugh at her presence.

“I don’t think I would have married her if she hadn’t shown that love to me,” he said.

Sue is selling her Rainbow City home to move to Regency Pointe with her new husband. Elmus said he will be getting a larger apartment so they can have an office for Sue’s two computers and his one.

He confessed to having a file of about 25 women from across the country saved on one of his dating site profiles.

“I’m going to have to give them to Sue now,” he said, good-naturedly.

“I’ll let him destroy them,” she retorted, giggling.

Daters Without Borders

There are more than 8 million people in the city of New York. Most are either too young, too old, too married or too incarcerated to date. The remaining 17 have weird hobbies, creepy hygiene and bad manners.

Plus you’ve already slept with them.

Time to look beyond the boroughs. And no, we’re not talking New Jersey. More and more New Yorkers are searching for love on European dating sites, living out fairy-tale fantasies of international romance.

“French men really treat you like a lady,” says Lillian, a 42-year-old Manhattan copy editor who signed up for Meetic.com, Europe’s largest dating site. “They wine you, they dine you, they make you feel like you’re the only one on the planet.”

Lillian describes the men she’s met on US-based dating sites as “sleazy,” and the real-life dating scene in New York as “nonexistent.”

“I go out here — and nothin’,” she says.

But on Meetic, she Skypes with a Parisian man from the site for an hour each day. This month they missed connections — she flew to France for vacation the same day he flew to NYC for business — yet Lillian managed to line up two dates with another Frenchman Meetic member while in Paris.

“I was talking to guys in Italy, France and Sweden all at once,” she brags.

Susan, a 22-year-old grad student, also struggled with dating locally, so she widened her eHarmony parameters.

“What are the odds that that perfect person is within a 25-mile radius of your home?” she asks.

Turns out her future husband was living 3,400 miles away in a tiny village with the population of 60. eHarmony matched her with Peter, a 30-year-old Slovakian living in England. After months of Webcam chats, Susan hopped the pond for a face-to-face.

“I was really, really nervous on the plane,” she remembers. “I don’t do this sort of thing! But he was that special.”

Peter proposed a few months later in a romantic English garden. They married last June near a lake in Aurora, NY, and he’s since moved here.

Even “Real Housewives of New York City” reality star Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen met through Matchmaker.com while living on different continents.

“I had already dated most of the guys I knew and wanted to date in New York,” says Alex.

Simon, meanwhile, was based in Sydney and posted a profile on the Australian section of the site. On a lark, he changed his location to New York during a work trip to the city.

“I wasn’t looking to find a New York woman and move here,” he insists.

Still, international love prevailed and they tied the knot in 2000.

“Expect it when you least expect it,” they say. In unison.

Mark Brooks, editor of OnlinePersonalsWatch.com, says international romance is a growing trend, due to singles’ increasing pickiness about potential life partners.

“The longer the shopping list, the further afield you should cast your net,” he advises.

A single New Yorker four years ago, he flew to Prague for a European online dating conference where he met — and fell for — a Czech woman. They married last April and now live in Malta with two daughters.

It’s not just New Yorkers who are searching overseas for love. Sarah Shaw, 45, describes the dating scene in LA as “a nightmare,” so a French friend made her register with Meetic, where she stumbled upon Pierre Dubois, a handsome French painter. They fell into a whirlwind “fantasy” romance and were married soon after. Pierre moved to California and they now have identical twin girls.

Sarah credits European men with being more open and less threatened by female success than American men. Plus there’s that foreign accent.

“You have to be willing to look under every rock,” she says. “In every country.”

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15 Signs You’re Meant to Be Together

Even when you’re crazy about someone, it can often be hard to know if he or she is “right” for you. How do you know you won’t feel differently in a year? 10 years? A lifetime? Deciding if you can commit to someone is a deeply personal determination, and everyone has different criteria. As in any verdict, you have to start by assessing the evidence.

With that in mind, YourTango has come up with 15 signs that you’re dating a soul mate. You don’t have to check off all of these points to be sure about someone — but if you can say yes to several, you’ve found a very special mate.

1. You tell him things you don’t tell anyone else. We don’t mean blurting something out when you’re emotionally unstable, but the desire to tell him intimate details about your life means you trust him — a major component of successful long-term love.

2. You let her see you in moments of weakness. It’s easy to be happy with someone when you’re feeling good about life. But what about when you’re not doing so well? Do you want to see her when you’ve been denied a raise, or your cat died, or you had a plain old bad day? She should be a comfort during tough times, not a burden.

3. You respect him. You don’t want to change the essence of who he is. There may be stuff that irritates you in everyday life — he insists on wearing his favorite holey T-shirt, he eats sugar cereal for dinner, he still watches Saturday morning cartoons — but you like him, plain and simple.

4. You want him to meet your parents. You feel proud of him and you want to show him off — as opposed to feeling like you have to make excuses for him.

5. You can imagine a future together. You don’t have to practice writing your first name with his last name, but do you periodically let your mind wander to picture a life together? Is it amazing?

6. You’re not afraid to disagree with him. You know that even if you fight, he’ll listen to you and won’t brush you off. He takes you seriously, even when he thinks you’re wrong.

7. You want to work out your major differences. If you do have crucial differences that will impact your future together — different opinions about religion, money, or something else — you want to work them out with him, and you believe you can come to a conclusion that will satisfy both of you.

8. You laugh together. Laughter is one of life’s simplest pleasures — you should definitely be able to crack each other up.

9. You’re incredibly, utterly, surprisingly attracted to her. Physical chemistry is an undeniably important ingredient in a healthy relationship. And if she’s not a classic beauty or your usual “type”? Even more reason to think she’s the one.

10. It’s OK to be quiet around her. You don’t feel like you have to fill the space between you with chatter or other interaction. Instead, you feel an easy comfort.

11. You feel like yourself around him. You don’t feel like you have to edit your thoughts; you’re not self-conscious or anxious.

12. You need him the right amount. You long for him — but not too much. Some neediness is good, but too much breeds discontent.

13. You don’t feel too jealous. You’re comfortable with him going out with his friends — even female friends. You let each other have your own lives and hobbies.

14. You feel like she makes you a better person. She makes you feel smart, funny, attractive, creative — like the best version of yourself. You feel like she brings out and complements the best parts of you.

15. She just gets you. Sometimes it’s that easy. You feel like she understands some essential part of you that you can’t explain or articulate. It’s a warm, comfortable feeling — and one you should have with the person you marry.

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Why November and December is a Bad Time to Try Online Dating

If you are thinking about joining a dating site and looking for love or companionship keep in mind that this time of year is the worst time of year to be joining a dating site.

The months of November and December can be a very lonely and depressing time for those who are single and living alone. The big family holidays combined with the on set of winter and the slowing down of our summer time activities only add to our feelings of loneliness. No one really wants to be alone over the holidays, and therefore a dating site may seem like a perfect solution.

The problem is these sites may actually do you more harm than good. While there are many success stories in the online dating world, there are far more people who find online dating a fast track to disappointment. Even people who eventually found wonderful relationships via the Internet, had their share of failures as well.

If you are already feeling lonely over the upcoming holidays being rejected will only compound those feelings.

The best way to combat the loneliness of the holidays is too get involved and don’t be alone. There are all sorts of things you can do that will allow you to share the holiday in great company but will also let your see how very lucky you are.

Serving dinner at a homeless shelter, or offering to visit people in a nursing home on Thanksgiving and Christmas will not only allow you to share the holiday with other people, but give you a sense of doing something worthwhile. The people you will share your day with will really be happy to have you with them and you might even make a few new friends.

If community services is really not something that you enjoy, then why not invite other single people you know who will also be alone for the holidays to share a meal or an afternoon with you. Chances are they will jump at the chance for company and you all just might end up having the time of your lives.

Then if after the new year you still want to consider joining a dating site go right ahead. You’ll be able to do so without feeling quite so alone and this will allow you to make wiser choices on who you might want to meet and date.

Being successful at online dating is as much about timing as it is about anything else.

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7 “Money Personalities” To Avoid When Dating

Love and money can be a toxic mix. Whether you’re currently on the look out for your perfect match or you’ve already sealed the deal, beware of sneaky financial issues creeping in and wreaking havoc on your relationship.

Look for the tell-tale signs early on that your money personalities may not be the best match. Here are the fellas to avoid when it comes to love and money. (And for the guys: This goes both ways. In fact, I may have a touch of the Money Tracker syndrome myself.)

The Sucker

These men are sweet and generous and probably far better people than I’ll ever be, but there’s a fine line between being giving and being taken advantage of. We’re not talking about the guys who so heroically donate a portion of their salary to their favorite charity. We’re talking about men who money moochers flock to because they can sense his inability to say no.

Maybe it’s the sister who “needs” a designer jacket, or the buddy who buys that big-screen TV before he can actually afford it, or even the friends that simply assume that he’ll automatically foot the bill at dinner. You name it, he’ll open his wallet. This kind of man might bode well for you if you’re looking for someone to buy you bobbles, but his bank account will dry up in no time.

The Procrastinator

While these guys may be sensitive and carefree, they simply can’t hold onto their money. Balancing their checkbooks is never top of mind, but they’ll get to it... eventually. Procrastinators use their debit cards far too often — like it’s some kind of magical money card — only to have their mystical beliefs shattered when they discover they owe $75 in overdraft fees.

Don’t be surprised if these men come running to you to help them get out of deep water. These guys live paycheck to paycheck in a never-ending cycle. If you find yourself falling for the Procrastinator, save yourself some hassles — and dollars — by keeping your finances separate.

The Money Tracker

These men are momma’s boys and love money so much that they actually track every penny they spend in an Excel worksheet. In your time of need, they can be very understanding and may even lend you money to help out. But borrower beware! Even if you’re this guy’s significant other, the Money Tracker considers the amount borrowed a loan. While these men won’t hold it over your while you’re dating, the minute you dump them, they’ll make you pay them back before the break-up is final — with interest to boot.

And if you’re not borrowing cash, you better believe the Money Tracker is keeping tabs on every time you “go dutch.” He’s always a little too quick to remind you that he paid for lunch or that you owe him a coffee too.

The Gambler

This is the guy who’s determined to “win big” in life — without actually working hard toward any goals. Gamblers won’t spend money on you — or their bills, for that matter — but when it comes time to play a big hand at the casino or buy a keg for a party, the funds miraculously appear. He has an okay job, but doesn’t put in the extra time and effort to really make a successful career out of it. But it’s fine because he’ll “be the boss man someday!” If you’re cool with being the financially responsible one in the relationship, he’s all yours.

The One-Upper

These men are all about using their money to win your heart. They’ll spend big to make a big impression, but don’t be fooled. The One Upper isn’t opening his wallet out of the goodness of his heart; it’s all a game. He may buy you gifts for no reason or plan over-the-top date nights. And the longer you date, the more “impressive” he gets. But it’s the competition that drives him, not his adoration for you.

You’re a prize, just like the bobbles he buys you. Clues that you might be dating a One Upper might include receiving a Christmas gift one day late to ensure that his gift is the most memorable. Or after buying him a watch, he quickly runs out and buys you the most expensive Rolex he can find. If you play into his games, you’ll only experience anxiety because nothing you do will ever be good enough and will only encourage his one-upmanship.

The Delusional Debt Dude

He’s got a great car, a Master’s degree, a 42-inch HD flat-screen, a huge house — and an enormous amount of debt. Along with most of these seemingly great things comes a lot of students loans, high credit card bills and possibly the worst credit score on the planet. He’s the type that doesn’t want you to know that he’s struggling financially, so he’s making minimum payments on all of his debt so he can continue to live a great, albeit borrowed, lifestyle.

Tread lightly with the Delusional Debt Dude. The second you combine bank accounts with him, you’ll discover just how deep his debt goes and his low credit score can impact the ability to buy a home and start a fiscally sound new life together.

The Shallow Spender

These men use their big pockets to mask their shallow hearts. They may lavish you with gifts and fancy nights on the town, but deep down, they’re made of stone. They’ll keep the gifts coming in an effort to distract you from having any real emotional discussion and to keep you from discovering that they have nothing to offer but their wallet. The Shallow Spender is the perfect fit for the gold digger, but if you’re looking to experience real feelings, this guy will never deliver.

To avoid a surprise down the road that your dude is heading for financial disaster — bringing you with him — casually suggest you both try Quizzle.com one evening. You’ll each get a free credit report and free credit score, plus other personal finance tools that will quickly let you know if you’re a money match.