Welcome to the Internet

By Ann Landi

When I first started dating again, in the mid-1990s, after the collapse of a 15-year marriage, the playing field was slightly different. The back pages of New York magazine were crammed with personals ads, which I sometimes studied furtively, even while wedded (didn’t everyone?), wondering sheepishly about greener pastures. But my first real experiences with the guys who took out classifieds were anything but a romp through sunny meadows. One fellow who claimed to look like Tom Brokaw (and he did) cried throughout dinner after describing his most recent breakup. Another who claimed to look like Harrison Ford (he did not) had a voice that carried to the far corners of the restaurant as he expounded on his sex life with his ex-wife (“One night was for her, one night was for me, and one was for the both of us.” Years later, I’m still wondering about that.)

After the date with the second, who at least drove me home in a nifty red Porsche, I called up my about-to-be ex-husband and vented my fury into his voice mail: “Of all the crappy things that happened during the course of our marriage, this is by far the worst. I can’t believe I have to go through this godawful hell of dating all over again.”

Nonetheless I did eventually settle into a four-year relationship with a nice-enough guy but by the time that ended, around the turn of the millennium, the ways in which romantic prospects could advertise their availability had gone through a sea change.

Online matchmaking sites were beginning to multiply with the ferocity of bunnies in the spring, and I entered this brave new world of dating with more dewy-eyed innocence than one should reasonably expect from a woman in her 40s. I signed on with Match.com, then and probably still the biggest meat market for hopeful singles, and posted a couple of fetching photos of myself as well as a write-up about all my fabulous qualities.

Within short order I was corresponding with a guy in Barbados who said he made frequent visits to New York. Winter was fast approaching. A long-distance romance with a man in the Caribbean sounded pretty appealing. He described himself, somewhat mysteriously, as a publisher of online business magazines. (I wasn’t smart enough yet to ask for links.) He looked buff and healthy in his photos, and he knew how to write in complete sentences, observing most if not all the rules of grammar, an endearing quality to a writer. We became quite chatty--all of it on email--about the future of publishing, print versus web.

I had tickets to see Tales of Hoffmann at the Met one Saturday afternoon in early December, and told Barbados Guy it was one of my favorite operas. He wanted to know what I planned to wear. It seemed a harmless enough request, and so I told him: high-heeled black boots, a dressy sweater and a long black skirt, a double-breasted wool coat with gold buttons. He didn’t ask for sleazy or intimate details like underwear. The production, with Ruth Anne Swenson and Bryn Terfel, was superlative. I walked home, happily humming “Elle a fuit, la torturella.” How cool it would be, I thought, if maybe Barbados Guy liked opera too. We could have drinks by his pool and crank up the volume on Fleming and Domingo.

I was delighted to find an email from him in my inbox when I returned home. Maybe he was reading my mind. “Forgive me,” he wrote. “But when I thought of you in your high-heeled boots and long black coat, I came all over my computer.”

My first thought was, Ew, gross. My second was, How could he do such a thing without frying his keyboard?

And there went all thoughts of a winter holiday in the Caribbean.

Such was my introduction to Internet dating, which has had its peaks and valleys ever since. I’ve learned a few things, had some dreadful encounters, and even enjoyed a couple of rewarding relationships via online matchmaking (though none, alas, has yet resulted in a second trip to the altar). Anyone venturing into the postmarital realm of midlife dating invariably winds up on the Web at some point, facing huge challenges. I hope my pratfalls and hard-won experience provide a few guidelines, or at least some amusing cautionary tales.

Online Dating växer

Get a Cloud Girlfriend

By Sara Yin

More details have come in about Cloud Girlfriend, a California-based startup with an incredulous premise: it will match you to your ideal girlfriend for an Internet-only relationship.

According to co-founder David Fuhriman (left), the site that launches on April 26 will not be like the one described in March.

For starters, the service will be free (“unlike your last date,” the slogan says.) So are additional cloud girlfriends.

“What we are creating blurs the lines between reality and imagination,” Fuhriman said in a statement. “We allow people to define their ideal self, find their perfect girlfriend or boyfriend and connect and interact as if that person existed. We will fulfill the 4 steps on the landing page, but not create any fake accounts.”

The four steps outlined at Cloud Girlfriend are: 1. Define your perfect girlfriend. Step 2: We bring her into existence. Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl.

Fuhriman said that besides being a “fun game for people to play” it will also teach people how to manage relationships.

“Like the saying goes, ’Practice makes perfect.’ The site can help people come together and practice managing a real relationship- and then take it into the real world.” (Un-ironic question: what world is this man living in?)

The founders behind Cloud Girlfriend are still talking to Facebook to make sure they comply with its terms and conditions, but the app has no intention of using fake Facebook profiles. Instead, a real woman will communicate with you through your cloud girlfriend’s profile. Users can choose from a library of photos to determine what his or her cloud girlfriend looks like.

So even though you know that your hot, witty, smart, rich new girlfriend on Facebook is faker than fake, your Facebook friends may not know the difference.

Sign up at Cloud Girlfriend for an invite to the launch.

Women Like Dating Men Having Multiple Affairs

Here’s your license to flirt more. A startling new study from the University of Texas, Austin has found that women have a special liking for men having multiple flings with other women rather than having a homosexual affair.

At the same time, men are twice as likely to forgive female partners who cheat them for a lesbian partner rather than cheating them for another man.

According the study findings, published in the journal ’Personality and Individual Differences,’ men are okay with their female partner’s infidelity, unless and until it’s for another girl. However, women are less likely to forgive and forget their boyfriends who dump them for another guy.

The study provides a new insight into the psychological adaptation behind men and women’s desire for a sexual partner. While men desire a variety of partners, women long for a deep commitment in relationships.

“A robust jealousy mechanism is activated in men and women by different types of cues those that threaten paternity in men and those that threaten abandonment in women,” said Jaime Confer, lead author of the study and a doctoral candidate in evolutionary psychology.

Study particulars

In order to reach the study findings, Confer along with her father, Mark Cloud, a psychology professor at Lock Haven University in Pennsylvania, conducted a study.

For this purpose, they assessed 700 collegians and asked them to imagine if they were in a committed sexual and romantic relationship with someone for three months. The participants were then asked how they would react to their partner’s infidelity.

While some participants were told that their partners were unfaithful with another man, others were told that their partners cheated them for another woman. Likewise, some were told that their partner had one affair, others were told they had multiple affairs.

Study findings

Regardless of the number of partners or number of flings, it was found that men were 50 percent more likely to continue dating women involved in a homosexual relationship, and 22 percent more likely to date a woman who dumped him for another man.

Conversely, women showed a 28 percent likelihood of dating men who have had heterosexual relationships, and 21 percent likelihood of staying with men who had a homosexual affair.

Ms Confer added, “These findings are even more remarkable given that homosexuality attitude surveys show men have more negative attitudes toward homosexuality and to be less supportive of civil rights for same-sex couples than women.”

“However, this general trend of men showing lower tolerance for homosexuality than women is reversed in the one fitness-enhancing situationfemale homosexuality.”

Researchers explain that such a behavior might exist because men view women who are capable of catering to other woman’s needs as more sexually desirable.

“Such an affair may be seen as a sign of dissatisfaction with the current relationship and a prelude to possible abandonment.” Participants were also asked the outcomes of real-life infidelity experiences.

“Results mirrored those of the imagined infidelity scenarios with men significantly more likely than women to have ended their actual relationships following a partner’s heterosexual affair,” she concluded.

Octopus Sex mer sofistikert enn Arm-Wrestling

Online Dating Profile Tips

Are you dating to find a mate or a casual fling? Be clear in communicating your intentions up front (especially in profiles). And, in some cases, you could be broadcasting the wrong message inadvertently! Know why you’re choosing to find a date. I must thank the genius of Alison Armstrong for this nugget.
Don’t be afraid to tell the world what you know you cannot handle. Trust me, you’d only be turning off people you wouldn’t want to be with in the first place. This is what is so entirely counter-intiutive about dating - you put your best foot forward instead of your real foot. Don’t cause someone to fall in love with an illusion of you only to be... disillusioned, inevitably.
Even though it’s the truth, I’d recommend against sharing your income level in any capacity. Throwing numbers out there could only serve to attract someone who... is looking for your financial security. That would be an automatic #FAIL on most counts.
Be wary of “beautiful people” who aren’t terribly selective in who they’re seeking. Either it’s spam or it’s someone who has never bothered to think about what they want. If someone doesn’t know what makes them happy, they’ll fail in every single relationship (or have a rocky go of it, at least).
If you’re struggling with writing some kind of profile for an online dating site, think of your own top 10 quirks. For example, I might say: “When I was a kid, I couldn’t eat my bag of MnMs before they were first separated into color piles.” Yes, it’s true for me - but that also provides a potential date a starting point for a conversation/email. Posting trite sentiments like “I’m looking for an honest guy with a good sense of humor” is impossible to address.

12 choses que vous ne connaissez pas les femmes

Dating at Work?

It’s a common occurrence: co-workers who also date.

But are these relationships ill-advised? It depends on who you talk to.

Valley dating coach, Joann Cohen, has more than 20 years of prior experience in human relations and she says dating in the workplace is a double-edged sword - one that should be avoided when possible.

However, if you’re head over heels for someone in the workplace and you absolutely can’t imagine yourself not dating them, Cohen assures, “There’s hope,” and offers these tips:

Before dating a coworker

Check your employee handbook. Some companies have policies that prohibit dating relationships at work. Others allow peers to date, but forbid boss/subordinate relationships, so read the fine print. If they don’t specifically address interoffice dating, read your company’s sexual harassment policies. Don’t forget that there are written and unwritten expectations in every company. Do everything to ensure you’re handling yourself appropriately.

Remember: No is no. Before asking a coworker on a date, consider the chance that the answer may be no. If that’s the case, be polite, tell them to let you know if they change their mind and don’t continue to pursue the other person, which could be considered sexual harassment.

While dating a coworker

Communicate. Talk about each other’s expectations. Set ground rules. This will help determine how both of you should address and handle any problems or questions that may arise in the office regarding your relationship.

Be discreet. Even if you think you’re in love and want everyone to know it, don’t involve others. Agree to tell no one until you’re in an established, committed relationship.

Be professional. Avoid PDAs, flirtatious emails or calls, and even lunch at work. A good rule of thumb is to make sure you’re comfortable with having whatever you do on the front page of a newspaper.

Focus on work. Human resources and your supervisor will be watching to make sure your relationship is not affecting your work. So now is the best time to work hard and focus. You don’t want to give them a reason to let you go.

Points to remember

NEVER date someone who directly reports to you. It will make people question your judgment, and will cause others to accuse you of favoritism.

Office size matters. It is more appropriate, expected, and accepted for people to date in bigger offices, rather than smaller-sized offices.

People can be different on the job. Before you ask them out, talk to them more in-depth in a casual setting and get to know them. Make sure it’s someone you’d really like to go out with.

Be mature. If you reach a point of stability in your relationship, it’s okay to let people know. Talk to your supervisor first, however, to assure him/her that it won’t affect your job.

Don’t let work interfere with your relationship. Keep work and your private life as separate as possible. This eliminates possible clashing of the two, and leaves you with a healthy, functional relationship.

Nos conseils pour les hommes Looking for Love

Top 7 Reasons Why Dating Can Be A Challenge

By David Wygant

Dating is meant to be fun.

That is what you told yourself as you were ending the marriage and embarking on being single again.

So how do you deal with the challenges ahead?

Dating is a process a lot of us really can live without. It’s an emotional roller coaster that can drive you to drink four year-old bottles of Mike’s Hard Lemonade from the back of your refrigerator. There are so many ups and downs of dating.

Here is my top 7 list of the most frustrating dating ups and downs and how to feel better about them:

1. We made out in the parking lot and they never called again. Making out is fun! You needed it. They needed it. Don’t beat yourself up that you did it, just realize you did it. You needed some tonsil hockey and to cop a feel. Be okay with it. It was a great date. You were in the moment, and you experienced something that you wanted to do. Plus dating is all about having fun like we did back in College. So make out cop a feel and be like a teenager all over again!

2. I texted them the next morning to say “I had a great time last night,” and they never texted back. So what? You had a great time last night. So did they. They just woke up, and their post-date recap was different from yours. Yes, they probably had a good time but when they thought about it, the chemistry and the “it” factor wasn’t there. It’s not about you. At least you were honest. You lobbed in an honest text. So you did all you can do.

3. Stop the mental post-date recap abuse. You went out with somebody with whom you thought you had a connection, and it turns out you didn’t. So now you’re going to mentally torture yourself for the next four days trying to figure out what you said wrong. You’ll even torture all your friends asking them what you could have done differently to have a different outcome. There is nothing you can do differently after a date is over. It wasn’t the conversation about your drunken uncle that you now think made him think you’re a budding alcoholic. The post-date recap is a form of mental torture. You will never know what that other person is thinking unless they call you. If they don’t call, it really does mean that he or she is just not that into you (which is about the only good advice from that ridiculously stupid book).

4. Should I have said something different in my voice mail message? You left a voicemail message, and now you’re replaying it in your head a thousand times. “Was the way I said ’Last night was fun’ not with enough enthusiasm? Is that what is making the person not call me back?” When it comes down to voice mail messages, the shorter the message the better it is. From an old sales technique, I always prefer to say “Last night was fun. I have something really funny to share with you the next time we speak.” That’s it . . . it creates a little bit of intrigue, a little bit of mystery and no mental torture.

5. Who cares what they think? You left the above voice mail message without knowing if you’ll ever see them again, and they don’t call you back. You start to think “Now they know that I like them ... and they don’t like me.” So what? Is it better just not to do anything? Is it better to just sit there and hope and pray that they call? I always believe in being honest. If you’re the one who left the voice mail message and the other person doesn’t call back, again so what? You’ve got to do what feels right for you.

6. Stop giving your power away to one person. If a two hour date can cause you to give away all your power and confidence, then you need to learn to embrace yourself and love yourself even more. This is just one person you went out with that you knew for two hours. They don’t know what an amazing person you are. The only thing they know is the person they sat across from at the table. Whether they choose to hang with you again isn’t the issue. The issue is that one person does not determine your worthiness. This is just a person that you went out with, and they’re not calling you back. You’ve got toughen your skin. Rejection is what dating is all about. You just can’t take it personally. If I go out with someone and I had a great time, but they never want to see me again, I’m still a great person the next day.

7. In order to feel better about dating, you need to think abundance. Just because you think you like somebody and they don’t call you back, this is not the last person in the world you’re going to meet. In order to be a successful dater, you need to practice abundance. The power of abundance is training your mind that if it doesn’t work out with one person (or ten people), that there are plenty of other people out there that want to meet you and hang out with a fantastic person like yourself.

The next thing you need to do is repeat seven times “There really are plenty of fish in the sea.” You just need to be willing to put your pole out there every single day until you hook the one you’re supposed to be with.