Should Women Lose Weight Before Dating?

In the 17 years I’ve written about dating and relationships, I’ve learned that the most incendiary topic a male journalist can tackle is anything having to do with a woman’s weight.

The issue came up again this week when Cynthia wrote, “I am, 56, divorced and haven’t been on a date in 10 years. I need to lose at least 55 pounds. Do you recommend I do that before I try to meet someone?”

Frankly, I’m a chicken when it comes to voicing my opinion on weight loss and single women because it always gets me in trouble; women are sensitive about their weight. So, I take the easy way out and seek the opinions of women. The weight loss advice pill is easier to swallow when it comes from women instead of me. Here are some of their opinions on Cynthia’s weight-to-date issue.

Jennifer, Irvine, said: “Prior to re-entering the dating world, Cynthia should lose the weight and do whatever else is needed to maximize her appearance. Is she flabby and in need of better muscle tone? Is she saggy and wrinkly and in need of a face lift? Is she gray and needs to color her hair? Are her clothes flattering and up-to-date or does she need a new wardrobe?

“A good appearance will help her put her best foot forward in the dating world. The No. 1 turnoff for men is an overweight woman. When I look at the senior women who have been unable to find a partner, I mainly see a collection of women who are overweight or physically unattractive for one reason or another.”

Can you imagine if those rather direct words had come from me? I’d be deep in the dog house with women who are weight- sensitive.

Jennifer continued, “Women can rant and rave all they like about the superficiality of appearance, but looks remain the first thing that men notice. To deny this is to fly in the face of reality. Men have been this way all their lives, and they remain that way well into old age. Going back into the dating world is a lot like going back into the job market. First impressions are often critically important.

“I suggest Cynthia get more active in local activities. She should get out of the house at least three nights or days a week. She should find a weight-loss program and join an exercise program. She should join clubs and groups that do things she likes to do. Becoming an active, involved person will make her more interesting to people of both sexes.”

Charli, Tustin, said: “I was 72 when I joined Weight Watchers last July and have lost 46 pounds, and I encourage Cynthia to get involved with this program as it is amazing! I am so much thinner; it makes such a difference in my every day outlook.

“I reached my goal weight in January. I look better, have so much more energy, went down six clothes sizes and am having fun shopping for a new wardrobe. I’m happy and even smile a lot more than before.

“I’m at a point where I will go out with my gal friends and even go out by myself, which has been a very big step for me. I’m enjoying life so much more. Every day, I’m thankful that I finally realized I needed to do something for me and that was to be healthy. I am now more confident about meeting men.”

Cheryl, Huntington Beach: “Her health and wellness is everything—perhaps a daily walking routine for starters.”

Karen, Sherman Oaks: “I once weighed 275 pounds, now weigh 107. I agree about the weight being a top priority, because of health issues...plus the fact that she will feel better about herself and look much younger.

“We all know about the dating roller coaster ride. Cynthia needs to be prepared, and realize that it is different today than 10 years ago.”

Merijoe, said: “I’m a 51-year-old nurse; I suggest Cynthia definitely take care of herself before thinking of someone else. If I don’t feel at my best, it shows. If the weight is no issue to her, then rock on.”

Sounds like most women feel Cynthia should wait to date until she loses weight. I agree, but just saying that will get me in trouble again.

Reader comment: Carl, 59, Dana Point: “Women usually don’t venture out alone; there are often up to four out together. They talk to each other, dance together and don’t give much in the way of inviting a man to their table. If you approach them, they usually reject you, having to appear in control and selective. If you are a guy out alone, you appear to be a loser to women and on the prowl.

“If you have a woman with you, you get the smiles and looks as if other women want to see if they can steal you away.

“When you take a lady out on a nice date, rarely will she offer to split the tab or pay the tip. It says a lot about the character of a woman if she at least offers.”

Read more: San Clemente Times - Should Women Lose Weight Before Dating

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Mobile Dating App SinglesAroundMe Launches Unique Tool for Singles

Location-based mobile dating app SinglesAroundMe (SAM) today announced the official launch of its first of a kind “Destination Search” tool that gives singles the opportunity to see where other singles are in real time at any location of their choice worldwide.

Company founder Chris Klotz said, “singles are finding the tool quite fascinating because they are empowered to see where other singles are gathering, allowing them to decide where the most happening spot is. Missed opportunities and visiting an empty bar are a thing of the past.”

From the input GPS matched location, users can search for other singles from 100 feet to 100 miles of the Destination Search location, and can customize the search results to meet their desires. Results are displayed on a geographical map, where users can then view pictures and profiles and send various types of winks and messages to begin flirting.

The Destination Search tool is used to compliment the main feature of the app called “SAM” search, which displays singles from 100 feet to 100 miles of your immediate location, worldwide. “Now singles can meet other singles serendipitously, when they are on the go” said Chris Klotz.

SinglesAroundMe is quickly gaining market-share in the red-hot location based dating space. The Blackberry version of SinglesAroundMe is planned for launch on Valentine’s Day making it the first location-based dating app on the Blackberry. This will allow smart phone users to communicate with other singles on different phones.

Dress for Dating Success

When a high-profile woman is captured wearing an off-the-wall outfit she’s certain to be the subject of heated debate.

The fashion world thrives on controversy, and most women are not slow in coming forward to voice their opinion on celebrities who dress to impress.

But since those they should surely be seeking to impress are men, it’s noticeable that the male viewpoint is often in short supply.

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So are men really clueless when it comes to fashion - or merely maintaining a diplomatic silence?

We asked a group of switched-on men to take a good look at the style world’s current darlings to find out whether they agreed with the verdicts handed down by the glossy magazines.

VICTORIA BECKHAM - POSH POLISH

Long haul flight? No tracksuits in sight for the fashion designer who seems to look her most chic after she’s just stepped off a plane.

MAG’S VIEW: “When Mrs Beckham tweeted: ’The airport’s my runway!’ boy, did she mean it. Keep up the good work, Victoria, those outfits are well and truly first class.” (Look)

MALE VIEW: Since we all know how much effort she takes to look just slightly glamorous, doesn’t it defeat the purpose somewhat? It’s a weirdly dedicated kind of posh-casual that’s mostly just very dull.

RIHANNA - EDGY STARLET

Her recent S&M confession in Rolling Stone magazine only adds to her controversial style: acres of skin, a dash of sex appeal and that trademark neon red hair.

MAG’S VIEW: “She’s up there with the uber-elite of the A-list in the fashion stakes, with designers falling over themselves to dress her and front row seats waiting for her at every top show.” (Grazia)

MALE VIEW: Rihanna has a style that’s half Disney princess, half sweaty dance hall, and it’s so eclectic that even when she takes a misstep it doesn’t really matter.

LILY ALLEN - VINTAGE VIXEN

Lily’s vintage shop venture has worked its nostalgic charm on her own wardrobe. From twenties to seventies, the singer really knows how to rock a retro silhouette.

MAG’S VIEW: “She’s not afraid to experiment. Lily’s eclectic style has gotten her as much attention as her music, and every designer clamouring to dress her.” (Elle)

MALE VIEW: Lily can wear pretty much anything she likes because she’s so cool and confident. Dresses, jumpsuits - actually, she could pretty much wear a bin bag and it wouldn’t matter. She makes the clothes work for her.

CHERYL COLE - WAG CONVERT

From footballer’s other half to Britain’s sweetheart, there’s no denying Cheryl has got the X Factor when it comes to red carpet dressing.

MAG’S VIEW: “Her wardrobe choices have become as successful as her singles. While filming for X Factor, she had fashion fans watching her every sartorial move.” (Vogue)

MALE VIEW: It’s refreshing to see a bit of simple sophistication - it often feels like there’s an arms/legs/boobs race between celebrities on the red carpet, when, frankly, there was never anything wrong with the old Hollywood kind of glamour.

KATE BOSWORTH - MINIMALIST MAGICIAN

The actress has that rare superhero quality with clothes, transforming something super-simple to a red carpet success story. A slick of eye-popping lippy is all the accessorising she needs.

MAG’S VIEW: “Kate has an amazing ability to take any trend and adapt it to her own style, rather than appearing like she’s wearing a ’look’.” (More)

MALE VIEW: Just goes to show that being over-the-top isn’t everything - all you need is one distinctive (yet classy) piece of clothing, and you can hang everything else around that.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER - HEEL MAVEN

The diminutive Sex And The City star raises her fashion profile by always being the first to get her toes into the towering new ’It’ heels.

MAG’S VIEW: “This lady doesn’t have a shoe cupboard - we reckon it’s more of a warehouse - but either way we’d kill for a rummage.” (Look)

MALE VIEW: Not a fan of her ’statement’ shoes - she always looks like she’d be more comfortable if she had hooves. And her style brings to mind a little girl playing dress-up in her mum’s clothes, which is bizarre but somehow apt.

CAREY MULLIGAN - PRIM ’N’ PROPER

Championed by US Vogue’s Anna Wintour, the British actress has adopted a demure style that sets off that cool elfin crop.

MAG’S VIEW: “With her pixie haircut and sophisticated schoolmarm style, Carey Mulligan has captured the fashion flock’s attention. See how she manages to flawlessly channel a mix of classic and sophisticated (think Audrey Hepburn) with offbeat (think Tilda Swinton).” (Vanity Fair)

MALE VIEW: There’s something about Carey that harks back to the teacher at a school disco. Not in a bad way - she would be the teacher all the boys would be sort of awkward and staring at their feet about - but a teacher nonetheless.

KATY PERRY - KITSCH QUEEN

With an impressive collection of wigs, wacky dresses and neon-bright accessories, the newlywed has made kooky her own brand of fashion. Often cartoonish, she’ll take a look to the limits of taste with rubber dresses and cheeky prints.

MAG’S VIEW: “Strip away the pink and blue extensions, comedy bras and other frills of her cartoonish persona and another side of pop star Katy Perry emerges: a sophisticated femme fatale.” (Harper’s Bazaar)

MALE VIEW: Katy’s never exactly been one for modesty, but she knows how to create a distinctive look and she sticks to it. If there was a dress made out of candyfloss, Katy Perry would be first in line to buy it.

Welcome to the Internet

By Ann Landi

When I first started dating again, in the mid-1990s, after the collapse of a 15-year marriage, the playing field was slightly different. The back pages of New York magazine were crammed with personals ads, which I sometimes studied furtively, even while wedded (didn’t everyone?), wondering sheepishly about greener pastures. But my first real experiences with the guys who took out classifieds were anything but a romp through sunny meadows. One fellow who claimed to look like Tom Brokaw (and he did) cried throughout dinner after describing his most recent breakup. Another who claimed to look like Harrison Ford (he did not) had a voice that carried to the far corners of the restaurant as he expounded on his sex life with his ex-wife (“One night was for her, one night was for me, and one was for the both of us.” Years later, I’m still wondering about that.)

After the date with the second, who at least drove me home in a nifty red Porsche, I called up my about-to-be ex-husband and vented my fury into his voice mail: “Of all the crappy things that happened during the course of our marriage, this is by far the worst. I can’t believe I have to go through this godawful hell of dating all over again.”

Nonetheless I did eventually settle into a four-year relationship with a nice-enough guy but by the time that ended, around the turn of the millennium, the ways in which romantic prospects could advertise their availability had gone through a sea change.

Online matchmaking sites were beginning to multiply with the ferocity of bunnies in the spring, and I entered this brave new world of dating with more dewy-eyed innocence than one should reasonably expect from a woman in her 40s. I signed on with Match.com, then and probably still the biggest meat market for hopeful singles, and posted a couple of fetching photos of myself as well as a write-up about all my fabulous qualities.

Within short order I was corresponding with a guy in Barbados who said he made frequent visits to New York. Winter was fast approaching. A long-distance romance with a man in the Caribbean sounded pretty appealing. He described himself, somewhat mysteriously, as a publisher of online business magazines. (I wasn’t smart enough yet to ask for links.) He looked buff and healthy in his photos, and he knew how to write in complete sentences, observing most if not all the rules of grammar, an endearing quality to a writer. We became quite chatty--all of it on email--about the future of publishing, print versus web.

I had tickets to see Tales of Hoffmann at the Met one Saturday afternoon in early December, and told Barbados Guy it was one of my favorite operas. He wanted to know what I planned to wear. It seemed a harmless enough request, and so I told him: high-heeled black boots, a dressy sweater and a long black skirt, a double-breasted wool coat with gold buttons. He didn’t ask for sleazy or intimate details like underwear. The production, with Ruth Anne Swenson and Bryn Terfel, was superlative. I walked home, happily humming “Elle a fuit, la torturella.” How cool it would be, I thought, if maybe Barbados Guy liked opera too. We could have drinks by his pool and crank up the volume on Fleming and Domingo.

I was delighted to find an email from him in my inbox when I returned home. Maybe he was reading my mind. “Forgive me,” he wrote. “But when I thought of you in your high-heeled boots and long black coat, I came all over my computer.”

My first thought was, Ew, gross. My second was, How could he do such a thing without frying his keyboard?

And there went all thoughts of a winter holiday in the Caribbean.

Such was my introduction to Internet dating, which has had its peaks and valleys ever since. I’ve learned a few things, had some dreadful encounters, and even enjoyed a couple of rewarding relationships via online matchmaking (though none, alas, has yet resulted in a second trip to the altar). Anyone venturing into the postmarital realm of midlife dating invariably winds up on the Web at some point, facing huge challenges. I hope my pratfalls and hard-won experience provide a few guidelines, or at least some amusing cautionary tales.

Online Dating växer

Get a Cloud Girlfriend

By Sara Yin

More details have come in about Cloud Girlfriend, a California-based startup with an incredulous premise: it will match you to your ideal girlfriend for an Internet-only relationship.

According to co-founder David Fuhriman (left), the site that launches on April 26 will not be like the one described in March.

For starters, the service will be free (“unlike your last date,” the slogan says.) So are additional cloud girlfriends.

“What we are creating blurs the lines between reality and imagination,” Fuhriman said in a statement. “We allow people to define their ideal self, find their perfect girlfriend or boyfriend and connect and interact as if that person existed. We will fulfill the 4 steps on the landing page, but not create any fake accounts.”

The four steps outlined at Cloud Girlfriend are: 1. Define your perfect girlfriend. Step 2: We bring her into existence. Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl.

Fuhriman said that besides being a “fun game for people to play” it will also teach people how to manage relationships.

“Like the saying goes, ’Practice makes perfect.’ The site can help people come together and practice managing a real relationship- and then take it into the real world.” (Un-ironic question: what world is this man living in?)

The founders behind Cloud Girlfriend are still talking to Facebook to make sure they comply with its terms and conditions, but the app has no intention of using fake Facebook profiles. Instead, a real woman will communicate with you through your cloud girlfriend’s profile. Users can choose from a library of photos to determine what his or her cloud girlfriend looks like.

So even though you know that your hot, witty, smart, rich new girlfriend on Facebook is faker than fake, your Facebook friends may not know the difference.

Sign up at Cloud Girlfriend for an invite to the launch.

Women Like Dating Men Having Multiple Affairs

Here’s your license to flirt more. A startling new study from the University of Texas, Austin has found that women have a special liking for men having multiple flings with other women rather than having a homosexual affair.

At the same time, men are twice as likely to forgive female partners who cheat them for a lesbian partner rather than cheating them for another man.

According the study findings, published in the journal ’Personality and Individual Differences,’ men are okay with their female partner’s infidelity, unless and until it’s for another girl. However, women are less likely to forgive and forget their boyfriends who dump them for another guy.

The study provides a new insight into the psychological adaptation behind men and women’s desire for a sexual partner. While men desire a variety of partners, women long for a deep commitment in relationships.

“A robust jealousy mechanism is activated in men and women by different types of cues those that threaten paternity in men and those that threaten abandonment in women,” said Jaime Confer, lead author of the study and a doctoral candidate in evolutionary psychology.

Study particulars

In order to reach the study findings, Confer along with her father, Mark Cloud, a psychology professor at Lock Haven University in Pennsylvania, conducted a study.

For this purpose, they assessed 700 collegians and asked them to imagine if they were in a committed sexual and romantic relationship with someone for three months. The participants were then asked how they would react to their partner’s infidelity.

While some participants were told that their partners were unfaithful with another man, others were told that their partners cheated them for another woman. Likewise, some were told that their partner had one affair, others were told they had multiple affairs.

Study findings

Regardless of the number of partners or number of flings, it was found that men were 50 percent more likely to continue dating women involved in a homosexual relationship, and 22 percent more likely to date a woman who dumped him for another man.

Conversely, women showed a 28 percent likelihood of dating men who have had heterosexual relationships, and 21 percent likelihood of staying with men who had a homosexual affair.

Ms Confer added, “These findings are even more remarkable given that homosexuality attitude surveys show men have more negative attitudes toward homosexuality and to be less supportive of civil rights for same-sex couples than women.”

“However, this general trend of men showing lower tolerance for homosexuality than women is reversed in the one fitness-enhancing situationfemale homosexuality.”

Researchers explain that such a behavior might exist because men view women who are capable of catering to other woman’s needs as more sexually desirable.

“Such an affair may be seen as a sign of dissatisfaction with the current relationship and a prelude to possible abandonment.” Participants were also asked the outcomes of real-life infidelity experiences.

“Results mirrored those of the imagined infidelity scenarios with men significantly more likely than women to have ended their actual relationships following a partner’s heterosexual affair,” she concluded.

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